Why dedication to studies is important- UC Essay prompt 2. Please critique my essay.

<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<pre><code> Everyone has the desire to be successful academically. It is the key to one's success in life. Coming from a family that highly values education, attaining an educational goal has influenced my the desire to be successful with my own studies that will be the foundation for my future. My parents finished college in the Philippines. After we migrated to America when I was six, my parents have indoctrinated in me the value of education in our Philippine culture.

I grew up loving school and excelling in my elementary days. At the age of ten, I made it to the eleventh place in the State Geography Bee beating older kids in the contest. However, like any teenager, I drifted away and became lax in high school. I did not pay attention to my schoolwork at all and focused more on socializing with peers. I took academics for granted. I was not failing but that did not impress my parents who had hopes for their only son. After separation from high school buddies, I realized that I had to change my values in life because disregarding education would not give me an opportunity to be successful in the real world. Enrolling at a community college gave me the chance of redemption. I had to put education as a top priority. It was a struggle on my first year. I had to re-learn how to study efficiently and schoolwork was a shock to me.I had difficulty adjusting to the demands of college life. I slowly realized that I had to work hard. Desiring to meet a goal that works well is working on it. My first year at the community college was a turning point because I had to overcome the feeling of discouragement and I had dedicate more time to my studies. Dedication to studies is important. I do not want be the same person I was in high school who cared less about education. Quitting is not acceptable so I had to press on with studying if I wanted to be actually committed to academics.

I am a much better student after that. My perseverance and dedication to studies helped me handle schoolwork better and become a more studious individual. With dedication and hard work now, I find my lecture materials easy to understand. Working hard in my academics has given me something to be proud of. By adhering to my parents' advice of dedication to studies, I am academically successful. I keep up the hard work because it is very rewarding especially at the end of the semester when I receive my final grades. I realize that attaining a very good GPA is reachable with perseverance. My peers are glad that I am a great example of how to study hard and do well in studies. I have sacrificed my social life by devoting more time to study my lessons. This is the chance for me to attain success that I will be proud of someday. I have matured academically. I know I am not the same teenager who was complacent with studies. I am now an adult, I can correct the academic mistakes I have committed and be the better student that I am now. I believe that achievement of a dream is attainable if one is dedicated and committed to his work. My dedication to academics has motivated me to attain my goal to succeed with my education
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<p>to be honest this essay is too much of a cliche, ypou discussing such a common topic. it has cliche written all over it, even your opening line is a cliche. sorry that im being so blunt but i would re do this</p>

<p>What subjects are not that overused in this essay?</p>

<p>i would talk more about phillipione culture and growing up a phillipine and how its diversity has inflienced you to see this in a new perspective</p>