Why do parents force their children to do things they don't want to do.

Parents Forum
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<p>So I got into a reputable state school that I'm not in love with I still like quite a bit. I also got into an even more reputable state school, but recieved defferred admission until Spring 09. My parents say I must transfer into that other school JUST because of its reputation. So if I like the other school, I'm screwed and will be forced to leave it or else they will not be contributing a penny to my college education. Why would I want to go to a school that doesn't even want me there in the first place?!</p>

<p>Sorry this is more of a vent. College is so stressful. I'm really sick of fighting about it with them all the time. And hearing that I should have tried harder in high school so I could have gotten into the better school for the fall.</p>

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<p>Parents often try to force their kids to do things they don't want to do, because they think that those are the right things, best things for them. Kids often are not as wise or knowledgeable about these things and often make emotion based decisions. When it comes to colleges, it also comes down to what they want to pay for.</p>

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<p>My parents are the same way. Honestly, sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong. Alot of parents are prestige-based, and frankly, I hate it too. Try to find a compromise :P</p>

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<p>My guess is your parents have been gnashing their teeth for the last 3-4 years. You're probably a bright, capable young person who, for whatever reason, wasn't motivated to do your best in high school. Not the first kid with that profile.</p>

<p>But that kind of scenario is tough on parents. Maybe they wondered if you're were ever going to snap out of it. Maybe they worried there's a really serious cause (drugs, depression) behind the less-than-stellar grades. Maybe they fret about what the future holds for a kid who doesn't seem able to raise the bar. </p>

<p>What's really behind the college decision for them is that your parents are ambitious for you. They know a higher profile school will provide you with more opportunities. The degree is more appreciated by employers and grad schools. Certain departments are stronger. Etc.</p>

<p>So how about both sides - you on one and your parents on the other - take a big breath right now and stop talking about college choices for now? Enjoy the end of your senior year, the graduation celebrations, and all that good stuff. Ask your parents if there can be a moratorium on the subject for the next 4-6 weeks. Sounds to me like all three of you could use a cooling off period.</p>

<p>Then try to have a fresh discussion. One suggestion from your side might be if you have a certain GPA next fall, would your parents consider letting you stay put? If you show them something they didn't see in high school, maybe they'll relax a little.</p>

<p>Another suggestion from their side might be to ask you to visit the other college next fall - after you've started your freshman year - and give State University B a look through more experienced eyes. </p>

<p>The decision to transfer next spring doesn't need to be made right now. In six months, things might look different to you or to them. Both sides should keep an open mind about what the fall might bring.</p>

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<p>You mean like do their homework, eat a balanced diet, take needed medicine even when it tastes foul, tie their shoes, get a good education, and get enough sleep? Because children, being young and inexperienced, often take a very short-sighted view of the world and thus end up doing things that are not in their own best interest. </p>

<p>Your parents aren't perfect, but they are trying their best.</p>

6

<p>Why even start at the first one and then transfer? Why not just wait and start at the second school in the spring? (unless you prefer the first one, in which case you are looking at a different problem) As coureur said, it was NOT a rejection.</p>

7

<p>There was a time when I, as a parent, groused about the choices my kids made of where they wanted to attend. But they were 18 when they graduated, had been accepted to all these different schools (so were doing something right!), and all of the schools had something wonderful to offer a student who was willing to take the bull by the horns. Turns out that the place that is best is the place where they are happiest. I am so glad that I didn't force them into another choice. </p>

<p>Where will YOU be happiest? Decide that, then present the case to your parents. My guess is that if they are like most parents, they will be ECSTATIC if you go off to college, embrace all it has to offer, do great things, love life, and visit them at breaks in a happy, enthusiastic, and appreciative mood. What parent wouldn't want that?</p>

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<p>I'm assuming these two schools cost same as they are both state schools. If this is so then it appears to come down to "reputation" as far as your parents are concerned. Can't fault them for wanting you to go to the best school(in their opinion) but basically that should be your call. You say you got into a school "your not in love with" well this would give me good reason to want you to keep open the idea of transferring. However, if you go to the first school do great, find a good fit and want to stay that should be your choice if cost is same. At some point parents have to let go of the need to control and realize this is your life. As many have said a good education can be had at any school by students who are motivated and vested in their choices and decisions. If parents force their choices on their children or should we say young adults, then it very well may backfire on them if you are not happy and flunk out. If that happens they won't have to pay tuition but it would be a high price to pay for getting their way. Hopefully you can keep all options open and see where you are and how you feel after your first semester.</p>