Observing my son at a TSAO school with an “exclusive” reputation (previously not a BS family, ever, and no pressure on him to apply) I find for the athletics to be FAR less intense and all the parents are friendly. I feel parents are just thrilled they got into “Andover” or a similar school. Athletics are a bonus vs a focus as a path to college attention competing in a public HS. Much less intense than high level club or public HS school events. On campus I find the students to be polite and curious…all was a good surprise.
Fit to me is about the academic burden and campus style. High demands and college environment or reasonable demands with a house vibe.
My younger son might be interested in boarding school but we know his academic fit would not be at the" top", and that is just fine. As people say, there is far more to BS than a Googled Top 10 list. CC success stories have made that clear to me, which will be a benefit to #2.