<p>Sometimes parents will get involved in an activity because of their kid, but continue helping other kids after their own kid has aged out. I admire that–I’ve seen it in Scouting leaders, volunteer coaches for school teams, and others. But for most of us, our intense interest wanes after our own kids’ involvement. I will say, though, that I still enjoy watching the World Cup, even though D doesn’t play soccer any more, because I learned enough about the game.</p>
<p>Y’all will really think I’m crazy – I’ve only missed one HS football game in eight years, and my kids never played on the field or in the band. I just love football. And they have graduated and moved on, but I have not.</p>
<p>^ No, that is not crazy; you just love football. Crazy is attending every game and not liking the sport.</p>
<p>I would think we also assess craziness by considering the potential for results and actual results achieved from parent behavior. Frankly, if I were to religiously research the competition and give detailed strategy advice to my runner and she were the slowest in the conference, that would be crazy. While I would still try to help and encourage my child, there is not a big need for that level of coaching if the kid is slower than a tortoise. Doesn’t that encapsulate some sports craziness people think of? You know, the Little League dad who acts like his son’s MLB draft depends on his pitching in second grade! (Not the same as caring if the son does well, but rather attaching excessive importance to it). Similarly, when we see a smart and motivated student who’s a good kid and who is trying hard, and yet the parents are constantly nagging and berating the child for not doing well enough, we’d think that was an involvement not proportional to the need. But if we were to see a slacker whose parents failed to nag or berate a little, then we might think that was just as crazy. </p>
<p>I think to those of us who don’t get sports (and I don’t - though it is cool to see the Marathon winners today), the actual potential for results has nothing to do with it - it’s about taking sports really seriously that we don’t get, regardless of whether said kid is good or not-good.</p>
<p>I get that. I can’t see myself getting enthusiastic about my D being into something like beauty pageants or pledging the right sorority, for instance. Just not my thing. But as the daughter of a high-school football coach, sports are in my DNA…even though the athletic gene clearly skipped a generation in my case. </p>
<p>But even if it’s not my cup of tea, I would at least “get” that people cared about getting in the right sorority. Sororities are about finding your people and potential job connections, blah blah blah. So it’s funny to me that people wouldn’t “get” that some people care about sports. Sports build community, blah blah blah. I don’t have to like something to get it. :)</p>
<p>One of my kids is serious about music and he surpassed my own ability to give him guidance and coaching by the time he was in middle school. He’s a better musician than I was, although I was a serious musician in high school and I learn more from him than he learns from me when it comes to music. I’m kind of surprised that kids who are D1 quality athletes still have anything to learn from a mom or dad who might have been an athlete twenty or thirty years ago. I presume some things change? Don’t any of you guys who have kids who are actually better than you? I know that for me there are limits to how much guidance I can give. (Writing checks on the other hand – I can still do that.)</p>
<p>I also don’t recall my own parents being particularly good coaches when it came to things like: the best way to learn a hard foreign language (like Arabic or Chinese); choosing my classes in college; or a lot of those other types of decisions.</p>
<p>I feel like the most useful advice we have to give our kids right now seems to revolve around career coaching – how to deal with a demanding boss for a summer job; how many times you might actually need to call the hiring manager to make sure the paperwork gets completed; whether or not you should put in a good word for your flaky friend so that she gets a job where you work and what might happen if that didn’t work out so well, etc.</p>
<p>@druce1992 </p>
<p>Thanks for clarifying.</p>
<p>Your data point represented 1% of the population and from that you drew a conclusion about “all these TigerMoms”.</p>
<p>Funny!</p>
<p>TheGFG
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<p>I agree we are responsible, to a certain extent, for getting our slackers educated and out into the world. However, some people are just not type As. They are happy not being type As. At a certain point do we just let them be? Is it our responsibility to nag or berate children who prefer not to live up the their potential? And if so, at what point should we quit the nagging? 18? 21? 30? never?</p>
<p>My kids are better than everything than I am. (if you don’t believe me, just ask them.). But nonetheless I have seen and heard them perform in athletics and music enough to identify when they are doing well and when they are not and can sometimes ask questions that help them distill what they are doing when things are going well so they can replicate or improve upon it the next time. </p>
<p>I can’t play soccer at all. But I’m an expert in my daughter, so I could tell a lot about what she was doing on the field. I was more intense about it when she was playing travel soccer, much less so when she moved “down” to rec.</p>
<p>@fluffy2017 yea, i was making a bigger extrapolation of my greater experience from that on case lol. But yea, alot of soft suburb kids tho. </p>
<p>^ This. The kind of coaching I do is specific to what I know well about my own child. Her real coach obviously plans her training, but simply does not have time to always give personal feedback or pre-race advice or pep talks.</p>
<p>My kids have both been passionate about activities I know little to nothing about. I have learned, but don’t know nearly as much as they do. We joke that it is for the best. I am able to be encouraging without being over the top because I just don’t know enough.</p>
<p>My athlete: I can follow his sport in general, but can’t keep up with the details. I watch his diet and his hydration, both are important, and we have a running joke of me whispering to him to have a swig of Gatorade and then nodding sagely. This little drama is to balance out the advice given to kids by parents who do know what is going on. </p>
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<p>That’s it exactly for me. I definitely do not have the expertise to provide coaching advice for my kids once they reached high school. (Although I did teach my son the difference between a block and a tackle when he was 7—one of the advantages of growing up a coach’s daughter.) But I can do things like notice when D’s pointe shoes look like they need to be replaced because her ankles are turning in or observe that S’s shoulder might be injured more seriously than we thought because he keeps pulling to the right when he blocks. </p>
<p>My child who is the athlete is adopted, so whether it is in my genes or not doesn’t matter. It’s what she wants so I support her. I don’t have to push her or make her work out or practice, because it is what she loves to do. The area where I do have to nudge (and by nudge I mean threaten and stand over her with a stick) and make her do it is English. She’d be very happy at a college that dropped the English department in favor of a turf field.</p>
<p>I like English and find it valuable, but I can’t sit and clap politely and say ‘good job’ on her English papers because she’s needs to improve because her wish of the disappearing English department is not going to happen. She works on it, memorizes vocab words, practices, rewrites. Gee, I think some of those skills were learned in sports, practicing the same thing over and over, working on it to get better. And I don’t say ‘good job’ or ‘nice try’ when it’s not a good job. I get out my red pen and go to work on her paper. </p>
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<p>I think that’s another interesting point for conversation. </p>
<p>H and I have very different styles when it comes to support vs. critique as motivation for our kids. (I’m more Harry Connick, Jr., and he’s more J-Lo. If you watch American Idol, you know what I mean.)</p>
<p>^^ I feel bad for any not-so-great singer who decides to keep going and forgo other opportunities and paths because J-Lo was being nice instead of telling them the truth.</p>
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<p>I thought I recognized you in all those shots of the Dillon Panthers … yelling and screaming at Coach Taylor. Fwiw, I heard that watching a full season of HS football under the bright lights of Texas adds two years to your life. :)</p>
<p>PS I miss Texas HS football. But tonight I will settle for watching Yu dominate those darn As. </p>