Why I Quit My College Fraternity

<p>And I have to agree with Torveaux that women can be sexually predatory towards men. </p>

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But did they use organized teamwork and strategies in order to do so? This is what I find most troubling–it’s not just that some fraternities harbor sexually aggressive guys, it’s that at some of them this appears to be part of the ethos of the organization, and parties are designed with this in mind.</p>

<p>Hunt,
The urban dictionary definition of rapey refers only to individuals. <a href=“Urban Dictionary: Rapey”>Urban Dictionary: Rapey;

<p>So what?</p>

<p>Plus, on urban dictionary, you can’t just read the first definition. It’s a crowd-sourced dictionary.</p>

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<p>I understand that you think this is a “problem,” apparently because it is so concentrated or orchestrated?</p>

<p>My understanding of college is that men and women meeting at parties to have physical relationships is probably the secondary goal of being there for most students, whether they admit it or not. So again, I’m not finding the goal to be offensive on its face. Rape is extremely offensive, yes. Sexual relationships, no.</p>

<p>Hunt,</p>

<p>The “so what” is because you wrote this: "Note: I have never heard an individual person described as “rapey.”</p>

<p>Now you’ve heard it, or at least read it.</p>

<p>Again, so what? We’re talking about referring to fraternities as “rapey.” As has been pointed out to you repeatedly, college women are well aware what this means, and it means something bad. Trying to divert the point with a complaint (on behalf of whom, I’m not clear) about the use of this term doesn’t alter the fact that at many, if not most campuses with Greek systems, people know which fraternity to avoid for this very reason.</p>

<p>Ok, well the OP was about fraternity men calling women “slutty,” and apparently this is a problem. I didn’t raise the idea of “rapey,” but I’m exploring why calling men “rapey” is not a problem. Or do you think calling women “slutty,” or sororities “slutty” is not a problem?</p>

<p>Personally, I don’t have much of a problem with either term if it’s accurately descriptive. But, the distinction seems to be that rapey is predatory while slutty is a lifestyle choice. The woman in question in the OP’s post apparently had a shockingly high hook-up number but people shouldn’t be judging her for that. The whole thing is just nuts. Keep your hook-up number private would be my advice along with avoiding rapey people, places, and frats.</p>

<p>When a fraternity is labeled rapey, it is so that girls can avoid the bad neighborhood, the dangerous neighborhood, on campus. Slutty and rapey are really, really different. But, if you feel your sons need to be “warned” about the dangers of slutty girls? Oh…kay.</p>

<p>Slutty and rapey are not the same. That said, I don’t know any girls around here who even care about the word slut. It’s kind of just a joke term.</p>

<p>I think it’s perfectly OK to call a fraternity “rapey” as part of a warning based on an earned reputation for sexual aggression, even if no actual rapes have been proven. It’s a pejorative term, but it does not mean that rapes have been proven. As pointed out, on college campuses, people know what this means.</p>

<p>I do not think it’s OK to call a woman or a sorority “slutty,” because I don’t see it as anything other than an insult. Indeed, I find it troubling that anybody would think that these terms are somehow parallel.</p>

<p>To put a finer point on this, “rapey” means “dangerous.” “Slutty” means “promiscuous.” These are not parallel.</p>

<p>To put an even finer point on it, “rapey” is like “sketchy.” “Slutty” is like “trampy.”</p>

<p>Yeah. But I don’t think young women accept that term anymore. I mean, I don’t think there’s any power to that term. Also, they call boys AND girls sluts these days. It’s not really a “thing.” It’s a jokey thing girls say to each other. They don’t take it seriously, because they don’t think it’s a problem if they want to have sex with more than one partner in their life. Kind of like how a virgin used to be attractive as a wife, and now, a virgin is a choice, sure, but not considered particularly better or worse.</p>

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<p>I agree with this. I can’t recall anyone keeping count of that when I was in college, I guess that’s a thing?</p>

<p>And I also 100% would like my D to know which frats (or LLCs or whatever) to avoid for rapey reasons. I’d not want my S to join a rapey frat or other org either.</p>

<p>Bay, I have to agree with you on this one. Urban Dictionary makes few mistakes. Look at this entry </p>

<p><a href=“Urban Dictionary: Xiggi”>Urban Dictionary: Xiggi;

<p>I can’t rival with Hunt’s Prestigiosity Index, but I got UD. :)</p>

<p>Xiggi, even I can’t argue with that.</p>

<p>Humm, perhaps I should add a footnote about this being totally facetious. :)</p>

<p>I don’t think you understand what slut-shaming is. The fact that she’s against slut shaming means that she’s okay with girls sleeping around.</p>

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<p>I don’t use the term slutty, but yes, I do think parents need to warn their sons about promiscuous women. I know you don’t have sons, so maybe you are unaware that many girls/women are sexually aggressive towards young men, and young men are also vulnerable and can get confused about that. There is serious, serious risk to men having sex, obviously unprotected, with women indiscriminately. While a woman always has a “choice” about the consequences of unprotected sex (pregnancy), a man never does. Further, underage women on college campuses are a potential problem for men from a statutory rape perspective, which is why I wish parents would keep their underage daughters away.</p>

<p>xiggi,
You have serious cred!</p>

<p>I’m confused. I thought the elite schools you cared about made sure that people with “dubious moral character” weren’t admitted, so that only us state-school proles had to deal with them. </p>