Why I Quit My College Fraternity

<p>^^One of the things I really love about this board is that it gives me the opportunity to brag anonymously about my kids. I do my best to avoid the bragging IRL</p>

<p>adding: Just in case it wasn’t clear, I count my DIL as one of my kids. She calls me mom. I am pretty happy to have a daughter. As if you couldn’t tell… ; )</p>

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<p>Huh? What does this statement in post #155 have to do with protecting your son?</p>

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<p>Unless your son is the type to get someone drunk to have sex with him/her when s/he would not consent while sober, would the fact that some people consider that behavior unacceptable really be a concern for him?</p>

<p>Sorry, ucb, I cannot decipher what you are asking me. </p>

<p>Okay, I think my answer is that the second quoted passage has nothing to do with the first one. They were the products of different lines of discussion. </p>

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I give my kids many more warnings about the dangers of driving under the influence of alcohol than I do about the dangers of meteor strikes.</p>

<p>Let me just note also here that you’re also making a false comparison. There are many, many men who take advantage of naïve women without raping them. That’s a whole different issue from rape. Both young men and young women need to be taught about sex and relationships–this is different from warning people about the risk of becoming a victim of crime.</p>

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<p>No, I was not making a false comparison, because I have never been talking about rape. For some reason some people on this thread turned it into a rape thread, even though they specifically stated that calling men “rapey” doesn’t mean the men are rapists. Apparently, being “rapey” is not a crime, but it is important to some people to call men that pejorative anyway. And if you ask why young men shouldn’t also be warned about creepy, sexually aggressive young women, it becomes an insult, idiotic, and an affront to a woman’s existence in her life overwhelmed by “rape culture.” </p>

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<p>Example 1 of rape culture. Bay thinks other parents should protect his S by refusing to let their Ds go to college at an early age. Seriously?</p>

<p>BTW, the age of consent in California is, or at least a couple of years ago was, 18. In NY it’s 17. </p>

<p>Bay has identified (herself?) as a woman and a mom in past threads.</p>

<p>fwiw - I frequently don’t believe Bay is actually making serious arguments, just trying to point out the absurdity of the views of others by drawing what Bay believes to be valid parallels. jmho</p>

<p>adding: otoh, I do think Bay offers an always interesting worldview to these discussions. And the POV is pretty consistent. I always wonder how much may be “for real” - one of the many fascinating aspects of anonymous forums, I guess.</p>

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<p>My statement was prompted by a discussion on another thread in which parents were defending their decisions to let their high school daughters party and spend the night at local colleges.</p>

<p>And yes, I am serious. </p>

<p>I can see good reasons why parents would not send their daughters on those visits, but for me, the reasons wouldn’t include protecting adult males who might choose to sleep with them.</p>

<p>Hanna,
Maybe when you have a son who is young, sweet and trusting, you will feel much differently.</p>

<p>Bay, your posts seem to come from an impulse to defend somebody, but I’m just not sure who it is.</p>

<p>Hunt,</p>

<p>Really? I feel like I’ve been almost viciously attacked on this thread, and I’m the one opposed to calling women sluts and men rapey! Maybe I’m imagining it, but I don’t think so. I’ve been called idiotic, compared to a homophobe, and numerous other things. I don’t get it. </p>

<p>It just seems odd to stand up for sexually aggressive frat guys, and insist that slutty girls should get the same treatment. That’s what I don’t get.</p>

<p>Insist that slutty girls get what same treatment?</p>

<p>If I had a child, there’s no doubt I’d want to change the contours of the world to protect my child from his/her own bad choices. That’s human nature. I’d probably want my child on a campus with no alcohol, 25 MPH speed limits, every student pre-screened for STIs, etc. But that doesn’t mean the world really ought to change in those ways.</p>

<p>If I recall correctly, you objected to the term “rapey” when applied to the sort of fraternities that girls are warned about (although you never heard of such a thing), and wondered whether it was equally OK to call girls slutty–and then you went on to say that boys should be warned about promiscuous girls who might lure them into sex. I guess you’ve heard of that. But even though numerous other posters have noted that there are “rapey” frats, and that people are warned about them, that doesn’t seem to make an impact on your position. And you haven’t identified where you or your kids attended college, so it’s hard to say whether it’s some outlier school that just doesn’t have these problems (although I’d like to hear about the school with an active Greek system that doesn’t have at least one fraternity with a bad reputation), or whether you are just out of the loop.</p>

<p>I don’t expect it to, Hanna. I expressed it as “wish,” and that is what is was. I do warn my son about sexually aggressive young women. I hope no one calls me a name for admitting that.</p>

<p>I hope nobody accuses me of “slander” for warning my daughter about rapey frats.</p>

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<p>Why should the fact that some people insist that some fraternities are “creepy,” or “sexually aggressive,” or “dangerous” in an undefined way (their definitions of “rapey”), make me change my mind that these fraternities shouldn’t be called “rapey?”</p>