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<p>That’s sad.</p>
<p>Can someone explain to me why calling a woman a “slut” is horrible, but calling a man “rapey” is not?</p>
<p>RE posts 85 and 89 (not aware of any fraternities girls are supposed to avoid), Wesleyan’s own administration issued a memo warning students to stay away from Beta house, a fraternity kicked off campus for bad behavior:</p>
<p>“Last March, an e-mail sent by Whaley and Dean of Students Rick Culliton to all students and parents advised students to refrain from visiting Beta because of frequent hospitalizations due to the overconsumption of alcohol. Last November, Beta was again plunged into controversy after a student reported that she was raped at the fraternity on Oct. 31. The University sent out another e-mail warning students to avoid Beta. A non-student has since been arrested and charged with first degree sexual assault.”</p>
<p><a href=“The Wesleyan Argus | University Issues Ultimatum to Beta”>http://wesleyanargus.com/2011/02/15/university-issues-ultimatum-to-beta/</a></p>
<p>Also re the word “rapey”, here it is in the headline of a Jezebel article:</p>
<p><a href=“The Story Behind American University's Rapey, Violent 'Secret' Frat”>http://jezebel.com/the-story-behind-american-universitys-rapey-violent-se-1566309032</a></p>
<p>"It didn’t take long before super secret-but-not-actually-at-all-secret fraternity EI had a bad reputation. And I don’t mean “cool;” I mean like “destructive, predatory, and rapey.” One AU student who was a freshman in 2002 recalls that even then the frat was a haven for party creeps. A current AU sophomore told me that within the first couple weeks of her freshman year, she’d been warned against attending EI parties, older students had warned her that girls get drugged and raped there. A young woman in her freshman year at American told me a similar story, that she was told upon her arrival on campus that EI parties are bad news for girls who don’t want to get drugged and raped. Another AU student said she was told not to dip into EI parties’ free-flowing supply of “jungle juice,” because, rumor had it, the brothers lace it with roofies. Another avoids the frat entirely, terrified that if she ever stepped foot in their off campus house, she’d be assaulted. "</p>
<p>I can pretty much guarantee that somewhere out there, fraternity (and perhaps non) guys are referring to certain sororities as “slutty”. It’d probably take about 30 seconds of perusing Total Frat Move to find the first reference.</p>
<p>*Can someone explain to me why calling a woman a “slut” is horrible, but calling a man “rapey” is not? *</p>
<p>I would be willing to make a stab at explaining what I see as the difference, if you would answer my previous question. It is an interesting question and perhaps worthy of deconstructing both slurs.</p>
<p>alh, you don’t have to explain it if you don’t want.</p>
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<p>Yes, I think that was one of the points the author of the OP article was making. That he quit his fraternity because he didn’t like women being “slut-shamed” by his brothers.</p>
<p>Do you think women in sororities who call men “rapey” should quit their sororities?</p>
<p>To me, calling a fraternity (not a man, by the way) “rapey” means that it has a reputation for sexual aggressiveness, and in particular for hosting parties at which members use alcohol and pressure to get girls into bed. It means “sexually dangerous.” I think that’s kind of different from calling an individual a “slut.” Of course, it may be that some fraternities with a reputation for “rapeyness” aren’t like that at all, but are actually filled with virtuous choirboys. Maybe.</p>
<p>Calling a man “rapey” implies he is likely to commit an egregious and dangerous felony.</p>
<p>Calling a woman a “slut” implies she is likely to have sex with different guys indiscriminately.</p>
<p>Which one do you think is better/worse?</p>
<p>“no means yes, yes means anal” = rape talk to me. I guess I could say, “These boys are talking rape. These boys are joking about rape.” Either they are joking or they are serious. The behavior is a fact. How we describe it is an interpretation, right? What is their point here? Are they trying to make the college women laugh or to intimidate them? I have no idea what the answer was. If I call that behavior rapey, I mean it contributes to the overall notion that rape is acceptable in society. Or at least something to joke about. Or that making fun of feminists who get agitated about rape is appropriate.</p>
<p>Joking about rape is one of the definitions of rape culture. (sorry, no way around bringing that up if I write this post) and naming this behavior for what it is is important. Rapey is one way to name rape culture. It describes behavior that is part of rape culture.</p>
<p>Slut shaming is another way rape culture is recognized. We denigrate women for their sexuality. Slut always has a negative connotation except when the word is reclaimed in some way. That does happen.</p>
<p>If “rapey” is used to make fun of rape, I think it is unacceptable.</p>
<p>If “rapey” is used to name behavior, I’m not so sure. I think Lucy might be correct we could find better words to describe this.</p>
<p>So when people describe fraternity men as “rapey” are they joking or are they serious? Are they saying, “those guys will rape you if you go there,” or are they saying “we don’t really mean they will rape you, but they will try to get you to have sex with them?”</p>
<p>I think they call a frat “rapey” if they see it as a dangerous place to hang out and use that term to warn other women about it. “Slutty” really only serves to put down the women in the sorority, it doesn’t warn other fraternity brothers of a danger there, rather the opposite, some might say.</p>
<p>One thing I have noticed on these threads is that, almost always when rape is brought up, the discussion almost immediately changes focus away from rape, and usually to a discussion of how men are potentially negatively impacted by whatever particular point is under discussion. Of course, this may just be my misinterpretation. </p>
<p>If you read the news, and believe a fraction of what you read, it is hard to debate rapes happen in fraternity houses. Rather than discuss that, we are talking about whether “rapey” is a slur equal to “slut” - Does that make sense to anyone else?</p>
<p>Rapey means creepy. Slutty means more likely to agree to sex. I don’t know which is worse and they may both be accurate in some cases.</p>
<p>So “rapey” doesn’t really mean a girl will be raped if she goes there. It means creepy? Or it means dangerous? Dangerous in what way? Is it only used against fraternity houses where rapes have actually occurred? If not, then how is usage of the term reflective of its meaning?</p>
<p>I don’t see a reason to ever refer to a woman as a slut. I don’t even know why we need to comment on her sexuality at all.</p>
<p>I have never heard an individual man referred to as rapey. </p>
<p>Bay - what words should we use to warn women about men we believe are capable of rape? Do you think such warnings are appropriate in some circumstances? If so, what language should we use?</p>
<p>Let’s talk about how men may be damaged by language. Because this is an on-going problem.</p>
<p>Let’s not talk about women being raped, in fraternity houses or anywhere else. That isn’t something we want to think about.</p>
<p>ETA: I have never heard anyone IRL use rapey as a jokey comment about guys just wanting to get some.</p>
<p>since most bad behavior is caused by members of football teams, we should probably get rid of college football first, then fraternities next, then sororities after that and then co-ed dorms. Women’s dorms should be surrounded by barbed wire fences – which makes the right kind of statement about privacy and integrity and protection I feel – and then, in addition, it might help matters if all temptation were completely removed from any remaining males on campus by mandating that women should only go outside in burqas and naqibs with only eyeslits showing. Any man who disrespects a woman shall be judged guilty without trial and shall immediately be subject to whipping.</p>
<p>Why wring your hands over the misconduct of faterneties and engage in attempts to ban or remedy the misconduct. Just go straight to the endgame like the Taliban have done.</p>
<p><a href=“Urban Dictionary: Rapey”>Urban Dictionary: Rapey;
<p>I think both “slut” and “rapey” are terrible terms, and are always used to denigrate both sexes.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, I have never had the experience of knowing about “rapey” fraternity houses, so they only exist for me in stories I hear from others. I have never had the occasion to describe any fraternity as dangerous, or creepy, or sexually aggressive, but I guess I would used those particular terms, and definitely not “rapey.”</p>
<p>If this isn’t a “rapey” fraternity, then I don’t know what is: <a href=“How One College Handled a Sexual Assault Complaint - The New York Times”>The New York Times - Breaking News, US News, World News and Videos;
<p>I think the Deke behavior was definitely creepy and sexually aggressive. I have to consider whether it was dangerous. Potentially so? yes… if it creates a culture where some believe the chants.</p>
<p>ETA: the Taliban is certainly an interesting comparison here. Maybe someone else wants to address how that doesn’t really hold together logically. Maybe not.</p>
<p>If the discussion is inevitably going to be how men are potentially disadvantaged when women are no longer silenced, I lose interest these days. I would guess most of our kids find this sort of discussion unbelievable. That is really all that matters to me.</p>