why is "dating" still the norm?

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Science and statistics aren't always correct for everyone. That data is made from people's experiences. We are sharing our experiences. There is no rule saying that studies must back us up.

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<p>Well, you really should have hard evidence in hand if you're trying to make a point other than providing anecdotal evidence that happens to contradict a statistical trend (which doesn't prove anything except that your personal experiences happen to be different from the statistically likely ones). </p>

<p>A girl I worked with didn't wear a seatbelt because some guy she knew crashed his car and couldn't get out because of the seatbelt, so he burned to death. Never mind that statistically you're far more likely to survive a given wreck wearing your seatbelt; she weighed a single trivial experience as being more significant than a mountain of hard evidence, because it happened to her personally. We are very naturally biased towards thinking our personal experiences represent the world as a whole, and it is a thing that we should all try to correct for.</p>

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I don't see why this is such a big deal. Some people want to get married, others don't. Some people want kids, some people don't.

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yea this is why i hate these sorts of threads. it seems as though we are no longer debating the same thing... :P.</p>

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AUlostchick, you said exactly what I wanted to say, however, I have seen many marriages work out so that is absolutely no factor in my decision. It sure is funny how newjack asks your age and says you're too young, but then when he is asked his age, it doesn't matter.

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my age is irrelevant though because i'm not saying that my life experience has led me to favor or disfavor marriage. i am not saying that "all the people i know who got married at a young..." because i know that i hardly know anyone who has gotten married at a young age. on top of that, even the ones i do know of who got married young still have not been together long enough (15+ years) for me to say that their marriage is good or bad. i have merely been referencing statistics, Dr. Drew, etc. for my arguments about why it's a bad idea to get married young and why it's a bad idea for young people to be so sure about things they know little about.</p>

<p>the reason why i asked how old you guys were was because you guys have been talking as if you know it all or as if you yourself was at the age where you are supposed to be considering marriage/having kids/settling down. had you guys said you were 25 or 30 then it would make more sense for you to be acting like you've got things figured but you guys aren't. you're still basically kids who are becoming young adults like the rest of us. but whatever... like others have said, you'll probably reconsider.</p>

<p>EDIT:

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A girl I worked with didn't wear a seatbelt because some guy she knew crashed his car and couldn't get out because of the seatbelt, so he burned to death. Never mind that statistically you're far more likely to survive a given wreck wearing your seatbelt; she weighed a single trivial experience as being more significant than a mountain of hard evidence, because it happened to her personally. We are very naturally biased towards thinking our personal experiences represent the world as a whole, and it is a thing that we should all try to correct for.

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well said jack4640.</p>

<p>AUlostchick, if most of the guys you've met in the South aren't the type of guys you could see yourself with then why don't you go up to the North where you may find guys that may suit you?</p>

<p>Well, I can't just leave right now, I'm in the middle of my undergrad degree of course. I'm planning on moving out of the south when I finish, I said that earlier (I want to live abroad). But most people everywhere want children, moving outside the south doesn't decrease that.</p>

<p>Even if I am not looking for a marriage, it feels damn good to know there's a girl living on the other side of campus I can always talk to and hang out with on slow days and weekends. One who has the same interests as me, the same quirks, and likes me and only me.</p>

<p>Boo hoo if this is the 21st century and women and men should be free to share their love. Dating will never go away because <em>it just feels right.</em></p>

<p>I smell a feminist!!!(op)</p>

<p>Yeah, why have a wholesome, monogamous relationship when you can take drugs, drink, have casual sex, and no obligation to others?!?!?! right!!! Right!!!</p>

<h2>If you never get emotionally intimate with people, you'll never get hurt!</h2>

<p>On a non sarcastic note, dating is common, not outdated, and ultimately leads to marriage, which psychological, scientific, and religious studies have shown, that committed relationships have many benefits over no commitment, casual sex relationships.</p>

<p>I honestly think that such a hate for marriage and commitment is a deep sign of intimacy problems and severe worldview problems.</p>

<p>^ someone's a little closed-minded :D</p>

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Yeah, why have a wholesome, monogamous relationship when you can take drugs, drink, have casual sex, and no obligation to others?!?!?! right!!! Right!!!

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<p>Is the first one suppose to be more desirable? Cuz it isn't to me.</p>

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I honestly think that such a hate for marriage and commitment is a deep sign of intimacy problems and severe worldview problems.

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agreed and that's pretty much what Dr. Drew would say to this whole thread. it's normal and actually kind of good that some of the girls in this thread (who are all still VERY young) don't want to have kids, since having a kid while they're young could potentially ruin their lives. but, to have decided that marriage/dating/monogamous relationship aren't for them since they can take drugs, drink, and have casual sex is totally different and is raises some of the red flags that BIGTWIX mentioned.</p>

<p>EDIT:
AUlostchick given your background/experiences i think it was a bit unfair of me to give you such a hard time about your views. so i apologize for that.</p>

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agreed and that's pretty much what Dr. Drew would say to this whole thread. it's normal and actually kind of good that some of the girls in this thread (who are all still VERY young) don't want to have kids, since having a kid while they're young could potentially ruin their lives. but, to have decided that marriage/dating/monogamous relationship aren't for them since they can take drugs, drink, and have casual sex is totally different and is raises some of the red flags that BIGTWIX mentioned.

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<p>Why is it a bad thing? Because society tells us were supposed to want those things even though we've experienced the alternative and wildly enjoy it?</p>

<p>I mean, personally I'd rather have a loving monogamous relationship that includes lots of partying, drinking and drugs... your mileage may vary. ;)</p>

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Yeah, why have a wholesome, monogamous relationship when you can take drugs, drink, have casual sex, and no obligation to others?!?!?! right!!! Right!!!

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<p>second option sounds pretty attractive to me</p>

<p>nah, im not close minded.</p>

<p>Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it seems that many of you have reasons for your oppositions and whanot. But the tone I got from the OPs original post did seemed very fitting for a feminist (though doesnt necessarily make the OP 1).</p>

<p>AUlostchick's reasons seemed pretty well backed, and many of you all have varying opinions about the whole matter, and that's fine.</p>

<p>to the poster above^^^
hey man, to each his own. There' pros and cons about both options.</p>

<p>I think a choice mostly comes down to intimacy vs. fun, and which one people value more, as well as other personal values.</p>

<p>Intimacy and fun aren't mutually exclusive. You can have intimacy with more than one person.</p>

<p>true, but intimacy with one person and intimacy with more than one person is different.</p>

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Intimacy and fun aren't mutually exclusive. You can have intimacy with more than one person.

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BIGTWIX is right though, to each his own. i know a lot of people who would have a lot more fun being with just one person rather than many. being intimate with a lot of people is different, since it's "being intimate with a lot of people." i don't buy that people can be truly intimate with a lot of people--depending on your defintion of intimate--since people can hardly remove love-like emotions from relationships based on casual sex. (of course unless they are a sex addict/a victim of some sort of abuse.)</p>

<p>Being monogamous doesn't exclude drinking, doing drugs and partying, as 1of42 said. And just because I said I didn't want to get married doesn't mean I DO want to have casual sex all the time or do any of those other things. </p>

<p>thank you, newjack.</p>

<p>all i'm saying is, put the people who only do serious relationships in one room, and put the people who get high and and screw in another, and it's pretty much guaranteed that the drugged up promiscuous people are more fun to hang out with</p>

<p>not guaranteed at all^^^</p>

<p>I know plenty of people in monogamous relationships who love to party and drink or do drugs or both (this is the case for most of my friends who are in relationships). </p>

<p>And I know some slutactular people who are no fun to hang around at all (case in point: a girl my ex went out with for a while, all she did when she came to parties was just sit there. she never danced, or anything. but I know for a fact that she slept with two guys in one day. therefore, promiscuous people are not always fun and awesome.)</p>