<p>
[QUOTE]
That's the way most marriages seem to be here. I'll most likely be going to grad school down here somewhere as well, so unless I meet a nice foreign boy who doesn't want babies sometime after grad school when I go abroad, my prospects are a little slim. You can understand why I might be a little skeptical. I'm not entirely opposed to marriage, but I just think it's a slim chance of actually happening. I have certain rules and standards (no babies, must be willing to travel the globe, etc) that make it a little hard.
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<p>Did you say foreign? Doesn't want babies? Willing to travel? I think you know where I'm going with this. And I have brown eyes and curly/wavy black hair...yeah dreams do come true.</p>
<p>AUlostchick:
you're still too young to be deciding these things. although you are about to graduate college i am pretty sure that you are too young to really understand relationships. you have not had extensive relationship experience. how can i tell? you referenced a college relationship as being a serious relationship. these relationships are only a step above those you have in high school. (According to Dr. Drew Pinsky of Loveline.)</p>
<p>in addition, you're view of a relationship/mariage has been distorted by your family's drama. it seems as though you have not been able to define your own definition of a relationship or understand what marriage is supposed to be like so i would argue that you are still not mature enough to really know whether or not you want to be married.</p>
<p>
[quote]
That's the way most marriages seem to be here. I'll most likely be going to grad school down here somewhere as well, so unless I meet a nice foreign boy who doesn't want babies sometime after grad school when I go abroad, my prospects are a little slim. You can understand why I might be a little skeptical. I'm not entirely opposed to marriage, but I just think it's a slim chance of actually happening. I have certain rules and standards (no babies, must be willing to travel the globe, etc) that make it a little hard.
[/quote]
well most people get married to start a family, so not wanting babies will pretty much eliminate your chances of ever getting married. just wondering, why are you so anti-having kids? you're here on CC... obviously somebody had you.</p>
<p>Like you said, it isn't necessary to our survival. But what kind of world would we live in if we had everything the body wanted and nothing the soul needed. It's the emotional bond you feel when your with that special person. Friends couldn't take the place of my girlfriend.</p>
<p>Marriage is simply a ceremony. You pledge your life to your partner. It just makes things "official". </p>
<p>If no one dated, then no one would marry. If no one married, then nobody would feel the *need to take care of their kids (assuming they had any), and the kids would be left to die. If there were no kids, then there would be no future. No future = no humans. </p>
<ul>
<li>need = the person's want to take care of the baby. Your parents spent more time on you and your siblings then your friends, haven't they? Theres no bond between parent and random kid you meet, is there?</li>
</ul>
<p>humans have engaged in monogamous or semi-monogamous pairings for much longer than civilization has existed, so there's likely a genetic inclination involved</p>
<p>When you get right down to it, there's no real necessity to do much other than eat, sleep, breathe, and find some method of economic support nowadays. Just as one can dispense with marriage, dating, and monogamy, one can dispense with friendship, hobbies, music, TV, vacations, fine dining, familial relationships, and any other pleasurable thing under the sun.</p>
<p>I'm a feminist. I also like monogamous, long-term relationships. Everything we do, of course, is largely informed by our cultural background, but I don't think my romantic predilections are a result of brainwashing any more than someone else's preference for, say, friends with benefits. There are antecedents in our culture for both monogamy and for promiscuity. Beyond even that, we clearly have some kind of evolutionary impulse towards romantic bonding. Every culture I can name has some kind of tradition regarding sex and love, though those customs might differ markedly from Western ones. So if you want to arrange casual sexual relations instead of long term relationships, you should be aware that you're hardly blazing a new star any more than the housewife next door is. You are still just as much a product of your basic urges and your culture.</p>
<p>Relationships are meant to teach you about yourself and your partner/s, to support you emotionally, and, in the end, to just plain make you happy. If monogamy doesn't make you happy, do what you want. But that doesn't mean that casual sex is necessarily any more compatible with a feminist or progressive ideology than marriage is.</p>
<p>Newjack88, considering most people where I live usually end up getting married to one of the people they had a relationship with in college (or even high school in some cases), I don't think that makes them childish or less able to understand relationships. How old are you to tell me that I'm too young? Also, there are people in my family with happy marriages in case you thought my whole family was a bunch of divorced losers. My cousin (who is 32 and got married right after HS) has been happily married for 13 years and has two children. Good for her since that's what she wants, but her life seems really boring to me. If I ever got married, it would be because I seriously wanted to spend and share my life with this one person, not to procreate. </p>
<p>My (main) reason for not wanting kids: me and babies don't get along. They leak and they smell and they're loud. They need too much. I can't even take care of a dog because they're so needy, how am I supposed to take care of a baby? (This is why I like cats.) Pregnancy also seriously skeeves me out; I'm utterly disgusted and disturbed by the thought of myself being pregnant. This is not to say that I don't think people should have children or that I hate children. Obviously, we should continue our species, but that's not for me to do. Leave it to someone who'd actually do a good job of it. And I don't hate children, I actually get along pretty well with kids about ages 4-7, but that doesn't mean I should have them because they don't just pop out age 4 (this is why I said earlier that if I ever did decide I wanted children one day I would adopt).
PS there are people happily married who don't want children; check out childfreebychoice.com.</p>
<p>AUlostchick:
start listening to Loveline and you'll quickly understand what I'm talking about. also, don't take this the wrong way, but are you from the South or something? most of the things you've talked about (people getting married after high school and it sort of working out i.e. your cousin, guys expecting girls to stay at home and not have a career, etc.) are really common in the South but not in that many other places.</p>
<p>EDIT:
lol, that website (childfreebychoice.com) is the biggest pity party i have ever seen. half the celebs on there aren't even married, are gay, or are a-holes; so it's not really by "choice" in many of those cases. that said, i do think that there are some people out there who get married who don't want kids, but i wonder how long these marriages last though...?</p>
<p>Because Loveline is such a great source about relationships? People only ever call in if they have problems, not if they don't.
And yes I'm from the South. I'm very against the culture down here that says all of those things, that's what I've been saying.</p>
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[quote]
Because Loveline is such a great source about relationships? People only ever call in if they have problems, not if they don't.
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i don't think you really know what Loveline is... do you know who Dr. Drew Pinsky is? on top of that statistics show that young marriages have the highest failure rates. (this is part of the reason why the divorce in the US appears to be so high.)</p>
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[quote]
And yes I'm from the South. I'm very against the culture down here that says all of those things, that's what I've been saying.
[/quote]
that makes sense now. that's why you are going from one extreme to the other; similar to how kids from really conservative households become extremely liberal to "rebel." (sometimes consciously, sometimes subconsciously.)</p>
<p>"Marriage is something that I see as tying someone down to one place...I want to travel around the world for most of my life and I don't really see that happening if I have to settle down and get married and do a domestic sort of thing...If I did get married, it would have to be with someone who could live anywhere and pick up at a moment's notice to go somewhere."</p>
<p>There are lots of people who share your priorities.</p>
<p>"I've just never been one of those girls who wanted to get married and have babies and had the names picked out in seventh grade and dreamed about Prince Charming."</p>
<p>Many married mothers can make the same claim!</p>
<p>Central Perky and jack4640, how old are you?</p>
<p>I don't think that age or school has anything to do with "real relationships". My mom married when she was 17 and was happily married for 25 years before my father's death. People find love at all ages and I don't think that you are right in judging the relationship based on where someone is in life. </p>
<p>You're right about younger realtionships sometimes not working out, but that isn't always because of when they got married, it is because of WHY they got married. I have seldom seen a marriage work when it happened because of a pregnancy. If both people are mature and understand what they are getting into, it can work out.</p>
<p>I also don't want to get married or have kids (I would maybe adopt a kid). It's not for me. Nobody should be looked down upon because they get married or don't get married.</p>
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[quote]
I also don't want to get married or have kids (I would maybe adopt a kid). It's not for me. Nobody should be looked down upon because they get married or don't get married.
[/quote]
You haven't even entered college and you're declaring this. As I said to AULC, your views may change (may not, but likely will).</p>
<p>And I still don't buy this young and in love garbage. I don't think you even know what love is at that age.</p>
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[quote]
@ newjack88-
1978, but I know people with great marriages at young ages that have happened recently.</p>
<p>I asked the wrong jack, How old are you?
[/quote]
it's irrelevant to ask us how old we are because we are not claiming to have enough life experience to tell you that your view of marriage is immature. we have not been using our life experiences, or anecdotes, to support our arguments like you, AUlostchick, and ruca have been.</p>
<p>we have been referencing science, statistics, and other things that are objective, to argue our points.</p>
<p>You say it's irrelevant to ask your ages yet you ask us of our ages as if being young somehow makes us unqualified and too immature to decide our own lives. So yes, how old are you to tell someone that they are "too young to know what love really is" or whatever else bull you're saying. </p>
<p>I'm a responsible adult who manages my money well and pays for everything myself through working/scholarships/pell grant, plans everything myself without input from my mother, and does fine with it, so don't tell me that I don't understand how the world works. I'm not "rebelling" from my upbringing. I'm just saying what I want to do, which is affecting no one but myself. Why do you even care if I don't want to get married or have kids? It doesn't affect your life at all. </p>
<p>Why is it always that someone is "too young" to decide that they don't want children but not too young to decide they do? If a 19 year old was on here saying, "yes, I want to get married and have babies as soon as I graduate" you wouldn't say anything to them. I'm being responsible in acknowledging that I would probably not be a very good parent as I am rather impatient, enjoy my sleep way too much, don't like dirty things, and couldn't handle taking care of another person for 18+ years. I'm also being realistic when I say that I probably won't get married because I feel it ties one down too much, it's hard for me to get along with people for extended periods of time in small spaces, and most marriages I've seen didn't work so why should mine. Why is being realistic and responsible a bad thing?</p>
<p>okay, as an independent feminist woman, I still would like to get married to the right person. It's a special sort of relationship and a supportive bond that can be very rewarding. I do get discouraged by the fact that the divorce rate is higher than the marriage rate. scary.</p>
<p>AUlostchick, you said exactly what I wanted to say, however, I have seen many marriages work out so that is absolutely no factor in my decision. It sure is funny how newjack asks your age and says you're too young, but then when he is asked his age, it doesn't matter.</p>
<p>Science and statistics aren't always correct for everyone. That data is made from people's experiences. We are sharing our experiences. There is no rule saying that studies must back us up. Not everything you are saying is scientific data. Does the data about young people also show factors for their divorce/life (have they had a baby soon after being married, were they married because of a pregnancy, did one person cheat, why were they divorced?).</p>
<p>My view on marriage is not immature, so don't even start that. You don't know anything about me to make that assumption.</p>
<p>I don't see why this is such a big deal. Some people want to get married, others don't. Some people want kids, some people don't.</p>
<p>at the op: Because sometimes you actually really enjoy someone's company, and want to be around them all the time? Sometimes you fall in love? I get so very much more out of my relationship than just a mutual physical outlet that I can't help but chuckle at the naivety of your post.</p>
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[quote]
can anyone expain the BENEFITS of a relationship that consists of anything more than a mutual physical outlet, i.e. friends with benefits? honestly i don't see any.
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<p>There are plenty of benifts, depending on the person. Some people find romantic realtionships enjoyable and emotionally fufilling (regardless of whether or not they are having sex, and regardless of whether or not they plan to marry, either that partner or ever). Some people don't like sex unless it is in the context of a trusting, monogmous realtionship. Some people find FWB realtionships unfufilling, or think that they are more trouble than they are worth (because people can get hurt). Some people don't like casual sex. Etc, Etc.</p>
<p>Of course, for some people, dating is not the right choice, and, in fact, many people I know (esp. in college) go for casual hookups, FWB, open realtionships, etc. instead of monogmous realtionships. But the point is, it's a personal thing. It doesn't have to do with statistics or survival, it has to do with what makes you happiest.</p>