The yearly wave of posters wondering why they or their children were rejected or waitlisted, coming at a time when my kids are thinking about which colleges they will apply to, has made me think about why my children were once upon a time rejected from/waitlisted at all the schools to which they applied in hopes of using that insight in the college application process. I think one major problem was that it was difficult for them and for us, when they were 13-year-olds coming from a nondescript middle school, to show that they were special enough among all the other snowflakes to warrant a school’s investment in their education. We are not great at saying we’re great. Now my children are juniors at a far-from-nondescript school. They have done well academically and in all else. There is no doubt that they will go to good colleges. But - for those of you who have been through this - how do they make themselves look special enough among all the other snowflakes? And how do kids who don’t know how to brag learn how to do it? Do they have to? I could post something like this on the larger forum, but I wanted to hear from my peeps in this forum, especially with regard to how the college app process compares with the BS app process.
It’s a very similar process to elite BS admissions. Elite colleges are putting together communities of snowflakes. You may be outstanding in whatever you’re doing, but the college has to need and want one of you. Recruited athletes are still a big thing. Good luck twinsmama. Write really good essays and to quote a Harvard ADCOM “Be interesting.”
Here’s a question that I will face in 4 years but hope it helps @twinsmama too. We came from a place where BS is unheard of and had no help from anyone who knew about the process/competition/need for fit. I’m sure all of the established BSs have college counseling departments whose purpose is to help BS students matriculate to desirable colleges. Does this (or not) give kids like mine a better preparation for college applications to distinguish themselves than we had when just my poor DS and I were trying to do it? I’m not feeling so eloquent today, so if you get where I’m going with this, please chime in…
What do the BS college counselors recommend?
@buuzn03 Where BS supposedly helps in the elite college admissions part is with the BS profile which describes the rigor of the academics and in the college counselor letter whereby the CC knows the student and can write in detail about the student’s strengths (and weaknesses) unlike public school college counselor who might have tons of students they are responsible for and doesn’t know the student well enough to write more than a generic letter.
Quality of college counseling is a hit or miss. There’s a wide range across schools and within. BS parents are a sophisticated bunch, so your regular knowledgeable CCs won’t cut it, which is why many parents don’t feel their CC extremely helpful. I think the “trick” is you and your student should lead the way, communicate proactively with the CC (politely sometimes diplomatically), and try to get the most out of him/her and the process. Good luck!
A lot of the BSs do try to recruit ranking ADCOMS from elite LACS and ivies to head their college counseling. That way, they try to get the inside scoop as to what elites are looking for as well as to continue to develop their relationships between the BS and the college which in today’s climate may or may not help.
I think everything is fine with the college counseling. Maybe the question is a little more general: in this society where it seems that those who toot their own horns the loudest are rewarded for it and those who minimize their talents and accomplishments are often believed, how do the more modest types fare in college admissions? There are so many students in both the prep school forum and the college forum who are happy to say that everything they do is extraordinary. Some seem to be rewarded for that attitude, even rewarded for exaggerating their accomplishments. Is it necessary? Is it important for the students who don’t brag to learn how to do so? It is a useful skill (for job interviews, etc.) that I wish I were better at. But maybe the advantage at BS is that the recommenders know the students so well that the horns will be tooted for them…
It’s really hard to know what any school is looking for but as you note, you’ve been through this once already!. At this point, your kids aren’t going to do anything differently/change who they are, so it really is about how they present themselves. A few things stuck with me that various ADs (and friends who have worked in admissions at selective schools) have said.
One is that after applicants have cleared a certain hurdle that indicates that they can do the work, they are assembling a class of PEOPLE. Really, really, really think through those essays to make sure that they convey what you want them to. For many kids who are good academic writers, getting their voice to come through is very difficult, but this is SO important. Essays that show not only who they are but that they know that person – what makes them tick, what the warts are – can really help. Lots of kids who are applying to top schools are trying to be who they think the school wants them to be. A kid who shows a real sense of self may not be the norm! A friend who has worked for several colleges said it’s amazing how many essays are pretty much some version of the same. Someone who comes across as thoughtful and authentic can really stand out. I don’t think kids have to brag. There are plenty of places on the app to show what they’ve achieved and to have recommenders talk about how wonderful they are. Humility and vulnerability (as well as humor) can be quite appealing.
Things like being a varsity athlete may help give a picture of who you are/what you like to do, but only being nationally (or internationally) ranked in something really excites admissions. If you’re going to talk about this, emphasize what it’s done for you personally(and not in a cliché way), not your achievement itself.
Colleges like BS kids (including day students) because they know that they’ve already worked out a lot of the independence challenges. Your kids will likely get recommendations that not only address who they are in the classroom, but who they are as people. This helps! (see above.) Their teachers know them from the dorms, the athletic fields, the classroom, etc. Also, to that end, make sure – along the lines of authenticity – that your whole application hangs together. You don’t want to talk about your leadership qualities if everyone is going to describe you as the quiet person who makes huge contributions that almost go unnoticed. in that case, you want to talk about how it matters to you to contribute but that for xyz reason, you’re less comfortable seizing the reins.
The whole application will NOT get a lot of time, so make sure that each and every part contributes to the picture of who you are as a whole. If you CC is writing about the rigor of your program and your teachers are writing about how you have not only been a superstar in class but that you have worked compassionately in the tutoring center, and your grades are strong, use your essay to talk about something other than academic passion.
If you are applying to a smaller school and there are supplemental essays, if you can contribute to the school in several ways (you’re the lax goalie who sings acapella), emphasize how you’ll do both to link different threads of the community. This matters to smaller schools (less to bigger ones) who really don’t want to be clique-ish and need kids who can fill more than one bucket. Just like BS! You’re probably already that person at BS; you have cred here! Know your audience.
I remember that I had asked our CC about interviews (before DS did them) and she totally brushed me off saying “All the kids here talk to adults all the time.” She was right. Your kids have been well prepared, and I suspect that the CCs at your school can help them articulate who they are. FWIW, DS was asked to write 3 different essays over the summer before senior year. He talked a lot with his CC about them as well as how they synched with his stats, ECs, etc, and then he wrote another that really was just completely, totally him. Your kids will need to figure out what story they want to tell, and for some, a good process is to commit several of those to paper and see what is really emerging…
But this part is really key given that they are good students, have been at a school with good academics and strong community, etc.
@gardenstategal, Thanks, that was very helpful. I’m sure my kids will always seem authentically themselves. If that is what the process requires, I guess I can stop worrying. 
But I mistrust this culture in which it seems that everyone is expected to be both a “brand” and a salesman for that brand and where many young people have taken that expectation to heart.
I am not sure how much it will help for the applicant to brag about themselves. They obviously need to wrote thoughtful essays and showcase/highlight what they are passionate about and what they can bring to the prospective school community, just like what they did for their BS application. However, despite all the myths surrounding college admission, it is more objective and hard data driven than many choose to believe. For non-hooked applicants in particular, transcripts, test scores, awards, EC achievements, leadership experience… things that can be presented, tracked and verified get one into the ball park. And the subjective or soft factors, such as recommendations and LUCK are only fine tuning. As much as the outcomes can be unpredictable, an effective CC of prep school should have a pretty good idea where (what level or group of colleges) their advicees would end up before the results are out. Otherwise they haven’t done their job well.
“Bragging” isn’t the right word. On the Common App, You get to list up to 10 EC’s in the order of importance to you and any leadership position held and any awards for that EC. Conventional wisdom says only fill up 7. Then you can list up to 5 Honors. So you really need to think carefully about what your top honors are and how do they show your interests. Usually students pick their strongest, because they want to try to separate themselves from the pack. This isn’t necessarily bragging. Hope this helps.
In addition to all the advice and guidance from the school CC, we also found the insight and wisdom in Peter Van Buskirk’s blog on BestCollegeFit.com to be tremendously helpful.
There are a lot more colleges than boarding schools. Do your homework to see what schools will be good for your child(ren). Consider finances too - check NPC (net price calculator) for each school. And if you want merit look at that too. Here is a list of automatic merit schools - http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com.
Look at a few - rural vs urban, small vs large, single sex (more all women’s colleges than all men’s), etc.
Look at acceptance rates. If it is a lottery school (single digit acceptance rate) know it is hard for everyone to get in. For Ivy’s early often has higher acceptance rates - something to consider.
Learn the difference between EA, SCEA and ED and RD.
Test during Junior year so you have numbers in hand when looking at college sites.
Also: Your kids are in better shape than many because they went through the BS admissions process and already know first hand that life doesn’t end when you are rejected from your dream school… and that you can thrive at more than one place!
Thanks, all. I’m probably working too hard to find something to worry about!
Partially as a result of being a bright, good student and partially as a result of attending the school your kid attends, they will get into good colleges. Getting into the highly acclaimed, lottery type colleges and universities is the challenge if desired, even for BS kids if unhooked.
I agree with others that focusing on having a unique essay can really help one stand out, one that isn’t boring or insightful. Don’t attempt humor if you can’t pull it off. I really strong essay can make a candidate stand out. Easier said than done. A lot of 17,18 year olds aren’t good at writing about themselves, let alone in about 650 words or less. It can be a real challenge to make it memorable. My kids had mixed results with it. One did well and was able to articulate a point of view that was unique to the child. One struggled and delivered essays that were nicely and structurally strong but were not the type that would have left a lasting impression.
During the last few months, I came to personally believe a few things that I have heard but ignored before;
- Chance of elite college admission isn't high enough to warrant focusing high school academics and/or EC for.
- Chance of representing oneself significantly better among the elite college applicant pool is slim. BS College Counselors are qualified enough.
- Focusing on own interest and passion, perhaps with a little less academic rigor, during the high school years will make a happy and confident applicant which will be likely shown on application profile and essay.
- Happy and confident students will eventually achieve much more, including good admission essay writing skills, during the long 4 years.
Therefore, in these days of course selection for the next year, I am focusing on reassuring daughter that she can take whatever courses that she is interested or otherwise likes to take, and she still has a very good chance for a very good college, if not a highly selective one, which isn’t even necessary anyway for employment in her desired field.
+1 for @SculptorDad
If your goal is a “good” college, know that up to 85% of graduates from the best BS (such as SPS) will end up in one of the top 50 universities, top 30 LACs or foreign school equivalent. You need to mess up bad to not have a good result. In schools with less impressive matriculation records, to make to a good college is much more reachable than to a very selective one.
Edit: And I’m not saying the 15% that end up in other places necessarily “messed up”. There are colleges with a particular attractive major or specialty to certain students simply don’t rank high on US News but it doesn’t mean they are not good colleges.