Why so sad, son?

Student Lounge College Life
21

<p>I can relate to the OP.</p>

<p>I never had close friends freshman year of college, just “friends of convenience” and that’s not too much fun, especially since you’re just trying to force things to happen.</p>

<p>Luckily sophomore year I met two of my closest friends at the beginning and it’s been great for 3 semesters so far. I still don’t realize how the close bond formed; I actually didn’t think much of either guy when we first met b/c we were sorta reserved and polite and all that.</p>

<p>Now, second semester junior year I am abroad in another country. This is a pretty lonely experience sometimes, since I have cool friends here but not like close friends. Especially since my “closest” friends here are not American, so it’s hard to relate completely sometimes. The culture of even the Americans here is different as well; everyone’s scrambling to be Mr. Cool and Ms. Popular, since pretty much everyone came here alone without friends and is building from scratch. The one American I connected with down here has a boyfriend, which is probably the only reason she’s not trying to be the world’s biggest sorostitute/ frat d-bag like many people here.</p>

<p>Also, I come from a pretty small university back home. I like how I always knew and saw people everywhere - but at the same time, I wondered about the advantages of big schools - more activities, more anonymity sometimes.</p>

<p>Now abroad I AM at a mammoth university of like 50k students. And I can say, that for me, it blows hard. Not only is everything mired in red tape and official forms, but the university and the students are like a faceless void; a completely impersonal, soulless entity that even alienates you, its student, from it.</p>

<p>Everything is impersonal and not only have I not made friends in class (I talk to people but there’s the expectation that you won’t be friends - how could you this person might commute an hour away or live across town) nor have I even made friends in various clubs and organizations I have joined. We may hang out everytime class/ club meets, but never outside. I have several friends here but they are ALL from the student housing I live in, and we don’t all even attend the same university. I can’t even begin to fathom how some commuter students make any friends at all, and I can only speculate that life must really blow at mammoth-sized universities.</p>

<p>Yeah… and that’s my story.</p>

22

<p>To the above poster:</p>

<p>I currently go to a huge university. I understand many of the points you made about how people expect not to be friends with people you meet in a classroom, but that’s because making friends takes effort. You can’t expect it to be like high school where you see the same people everywhere. You only get one class or one meeting to actually meet some people. If you like them initially you must continue the relationship outside the classroom. This may sound strange but it’s true. You have to ask them to hang out later or ask them to eat lunch together. </p>

<p>It’s almost impossible to feel like someone is your friend when you haven’t spent a sufficient amount of time with them - even if you have the same interests. Unfortunately, many people don’t set up plans with other people for many reasons (lazy, awkward, embarrassed, scared, etc). If you want to make “true” friends, you have to make an effort to spend time together. It’s hard work but that’s life.</p>

23

<p>Weed helps</p>

24

<p>Eh, colboy - I have enough friends here, it’s just like I said - we all met from living in the same housing. The general anonymity at the school is annoying - like we’re all people on a public train or something.</p>

25

<p>I’m miserable, i don’t know anyone and i attend a fairly large university. I’ve been in my first semester (two months in) and its blegh… But i’ve talked to a few friends to cheer me up and they all say the same thing. you must put yourself out there, you have to make an effort. I think someone posted two posts above me that you only get to see some students once (in a class) if you are commuting (like me), so it’s up to you to approach them and ask them if they want to do something. A coffee, maybe smoke a couple of bowls, ask if there are any parties coming up this weekend, etc. The point is that nothing’s gonna change until YOU do something, anyways, i’m having a really tough time right now, but i know that the only person that can make things better is me…</p>