<p>He is a high-achieving, somewhat competitive kid. We live in a college town with an outstanding high school. He works very hard in school, has a 3.7 UW GPA, and 32 ACT. He has been President of his sophomore, junior and senior class. He has served for the last 3 years on the District Attorney Task Force on Internet Safety, President of BBYO for the last 2 years, NHS, part-time job after school for two years, plus more ECs. He's taken the hardest classes offered at his school. The kid is working his butt off in AP Calc and AP Physics.</p>
<p>I just can't figure out why he isn't more concerned about getting his applications finished. He wrote a mediocre (IMO) essay for a VIP app to UVM and was accepted into the Honors program there, although that is his safety school. He is also applying to Syracuse/Newhouse, UPenn, WashU, USC, Michigan, Brandeis and BU.</p>
<p>He agrees that he needs to write a better essay for the common app, and there are some supplemental essays that are still unwritten, but he walks around like he doesn't have a care in the world. He doesn't understand why I'm concerned and keeps telling me not to worry. </p>
<p>So...is this just a well-adjusted, <over> confident kid, or is he in denial and heading for a big disappointment come April? He has worked so hard in high school. From the beginning I have been very supportive of the whole college process but determined to let him take control of it. Now I'm beginning to think I haven't pushed him hard enough...</over></p>
<p>I think that this is very common. Filling out these essays is a completely different kind of experience for these kids, and an emotional one, at that. The kids are being asked to put themselves on the line, not just do work. He will not be the first high-achieving kid to get his apps in at the stroke of midnight on the due date…</p>
<p>The college process can be very scary and overwhelming for these kids. There might be some denial involved, as you say. But then for you to jump to the unnecessary conclusion that he will be in for a big disappointment, is really not fair. If he is a good student, then he will not be disappointed. My suggestion, as a mom who has been there and done that, is to leave him alone. He has some time, and, anyway, he has already been accepted to the Honors Program at a very fine school. Relax, chill out, and bite your tongue if you can. He knows what he has to do. It is his process, and maybe he is fine with going to UVM. Nothing at all wrong with leaving it at that. The more you push, the more he might react by pushing back. Fighting with him is not going to result in his saying, “Oh, yeah, you are right, I will get right on it.” No way, no how. Try to enjoy the holidays, and let him be.</p>
<p>There’s a lot of people in the same boat as you.</p>
<p>I had to help a nephew with an essay for his EA school. He was dragging his feet, and my sister was pulling out her hair. I helped him organize his thoughts and put together an interesting essay. I was relieved when my sister called last week to tell me he was accepted. lol</p>
<p>So, perhaps that what your son needs…someone to just sit with him for a bit to organize his thoughts, help him add some interesting touches, etc.</p>
<p>Let it go. One more statement is all you are allowed. You may tell him that you understand he wants to own the process. That there is also nothing you can do for him after the deadline passes. Therefore, it is up to him now and if he wants any help you are there if he asks. Then, as hard as it is, no matter what the outcome may be, do not say another word. He has a place to go. Maybe he secretly wants that one and it is not really his safety. But let him make the decision. He obviously is capable of getting things done when he wants to do them.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of asking him about his essay topic, getting his general concept, and then engaging him in a dialogue on the topic. This task seems daunting, and that’s fertile ground for writer’s block. But getting off square one with a few ideas and directions generally helps a writer to build his own momentum.</p>
<p>I have always written my essays at the very last moment – after thinking very hard about them from the time that I learned about the opportunity. Whatever the opportunity, I have to think about it for a long time and use all of the time available before writing or else I don’t feel that I’ve done my best. This even includes an opportunity that I applied for last week. </p>
<p>I got into 3 Ivy League schools for undergrad, and all of the other undergrad schools that I applied to. I got into two great grad schools, and I got two national fellowships (including one about 15 years ago) as well as a top internship that I applied to while in college. </p>
<p>I never showed anyone my essays nor did I tell anyone what I was writing about. I felt that I could be honest if I wrote to the admissions committee without being concerned about what family/friends thought about them.</p>
<p>So…my advice is to chill, and let the chips fall where they may. Given the competitiveness of top schools, your S’s odds are very low (as is the case for virtually everyone except top donors’ kids) of getting into the very top ones – regardless of what his essays are like. Since he has the stats to be applying to such schools, he’s still likely to land in a school that is an excellent one – if he wants to go to an even better school than he has been accepted to.</p>
<p>For all you know, however, he may be perfectly happy with his safety school My older S was happy with his, which he got accepted to by Oct. of his senior year. With me standing over his back, he applied elsewhere, and got into two top 25 schools, but still ended up happily going to his tier 2 safety.</p>
<p>My younger S didn’t get around to applying to any colleges senior year in h.s. He sat at the computer for hours allegedly filling out his app, but never finished any. After working as an Americorps Volunteer (his decision, and he did the app immediately on his own), he applied to completely different colleges than he originally had planned to, and is now a junior Dean’s List student at his first choice – one he hadn’t even considered as a high school senior.</p>
<p>@ the OP, whatever you do, do not push him. He sounds like he is not a Type A kid whereas you may be. Obviously, UVM thought his essay was good enough to have accepted him along with the rest of his credentials.</p>
<p>Like Northstarmom, to this day I haven’t seen my DS’s essays, nor do I know what he wrote about. When I viewed the Parents Forum on CC and saw kids hitting the submit button, I cringed and urged my son, he told me not to worry he had it under control. I was never happier than on 10/31/09 (with his ea due 11/1) when he asked for the CC # to pay the application fee.</p>
<p>Continue to be supportive, any insightful things you find, send him links and STAY out of his way. If he is driven enough HE will make it happen.</p>
<p>End results in our household. DS was accepted SCEA.</p>
<p>Good luck and do not lose hope, he will do fine.</p>
<p>Given the timing it is probably too late, but perhaps you could suggest that he have a teacher or counselor read his “mediocre” essay and give some feedback.</p>
<p>I really didn’t like my S’s first version of his common app essay, but after he discussed it with one of his prior-year English teachers, he got some really good feedback about what parts of the essay just weren’t working and which parts were, and he improved the essay dramatically.</p>
<p>He may be working it out in his head, consciously or sub-consciously, even though it isn’t on paper yet. Samuel Johnson was famous for being able to write out his essays in minutes; he had the things worked out in his head already and just wrote them down. Many of the best works are created that way.</p>
<p>The best advice I feel I can give is: He got into his safety, so leave the rest up to him. If he doesn’t get in anywhere else due to poor essays or some other reason, well, that’s what safeties are for. Congratulations, he’s going to college! :)</p>
<p>Agree w/manitori. He’s in at one school, and that’s all he needs. Quit nagging and let him know the rest is up to him. My ds had two schools on his list that he hadn’t applied to and I told him it was fine with me if he didn’t apply to them (already had four acceptances in hand). Naturally, that spurred him into action. ;)</p>
<p>We heard a lot of “I got this” from our D. I didn’t care for her Common App essay but I was not applying to college. She pushed every app until the last possible second. Fortunately, she did not encounter any server issues. She had great choices and is unbelievably happy at her school. Your son will be happy too just let him handle this in his own way. Even if is driving you crazy.</p>
<p>Mine dragged their feet, also, but the school pushed and pushed to get all the seniors done with their apps so I didn’t have to do any nagging. I would just remind him of the due dates for the applications. By the way, for Michigan, because of the rolling decision and the early decision period, he’s quite late in the game.</p>
<p>momofthree makes a good point about timing. Maybe have one more talk with him to make sure he understands that at some schools getting an app in earlier increases his chances. Make it very low key. Let him know you’re perfectly happy with him attending UVM and so you’re leaving it in his hands.</p>
<p>When writer’s block (or procrastinator’s tackle) is a problem, I advise my kids to break down the task. With the essays, it may work to have him just sit and concentrate on one element at a time. Have him start by pouring out ideas for different essays into the computer: concepts, synopses, phrases and other bits of inspiration. These should not be edited in any way. </p>
<p>After he has done this for a couple of sessions, he can go back over his ideas and pick the two or three with the most potential for an application essay. These need to be task-specific compositions that shows him as an individual with an appreciation of learning. Flesh out the ideas for the two essays and compare them. The last step is to shape the essay into the form required by the application. If the writing is done by this point, the editing will go quickly.</p>
<p>I think the problem is the timeframe. These kids can crank out an essay on a surprise topic in a few minutes on the ACT and SAT, but give them a few weeks and we’re surprised they’re in no hurry. My son has 7 applications worth of essays to write (most by 1/1), with 8 apps already out the door. I’ve decided I’m going to give him deadlines for each leading up to the end of the year. We’ll see how that works.</p>
<p>Maybe it would help us parents, when we get in the OPs position, to sit down and write an essay for college, as if we were applying to get into one. An essay that we really liked and were proud of, that we thought was really good. It would be a useful experience I think. </p>
<p>I think after doing that…or trying to do that…we would have such a better understanding of where our kids are at. We would have a much better sense of just how difficult it can be to get motivated to write a good essay (however “irrational” it may seem to be procrastinating), and how hard it can be to write something that seems worthy. Most of has have not had an occasion to have to write something like this for a very long time, so maybe we forget what our kids are experiencing. </p>
<p>Maybe your son is like my oldest. She is either on or off with writing. “On” is a phase she doesn’t seem to have control over but a time when the pot has boiled and she can really write (often at an inopportune time). When she writes in “on” mode, it just flows and it is inspired and amazing (and soooo much better than anything she could have attempted to force herself to write earlier, before she was ready).</p>
<p>One of the main reason that I encouraged my kids to apply to colleges they liked Early Action was that we got to do the whole panic about the essays thing in October not December. There are still more essays to write for my current senior, but I’m actually feeling good about it. First, because he’s already into one great college and second, because he seems to have a good handle on how to approach it. One thing that worked for him is to encourage him to write down even the bad essays, and ideas that didn’t seem to work. One essay that didn’t work at all for his main Common App. essay turned out to work much better as a “tell us about one of your ECs” essay. He found a slightly different approach, it was shorter and tighter. </p>
<p>For my older son he really, really hated the kind of reflective writing required. (He’s a computer scientist.) He ended up writing a program that combined snippets of sample essays on the web and used that for his opening. Then wrote his essay about what computer programming meant to him - with the subtext being that he would much rather have a computer write his essay. It wasn’t a great essay, but it was pretty good for a computer programmer. Some people must have been amused as he got into some very good schools. I actually set up a nagging schedule with him. :)</p>