Will he sink or swim?

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In HS, my academic performance was inconsistent. If a class did not interest me, I usually did not spend a significant amount of time studying and sometimes did not do assignments. When I did do assignments in a class that did not interest me, I’d sometimes do them in an unexpected way that irritated my teachers. For example, once in an honors high school English class, our teacher asked us to read and report about a book of our choosing, with no guidelines or requirements on the book selection. I chose a children’s book intended for elementary school kids or younger and gave an in depth analysis of the children’s book in an oral and written report. I didn’t do well in that English class or many others. I went to college at Stanford, which is full of talented students who had superior high school performance. Some of my teachers had expressed concern about how things would go in college. My parents had also expressed concerns. My father said that he expected me to do extremely poorly and/or fail out. My mother had higher expectations, but believed I would have to work harder than other kids, like she had to while in college. </p>

<p>While in college, I felt academically challenged for the first time in my life. Classes were not slow and boring, like in HS. Instead I needed to work and spend time on assignments to keep up. There were far better student role models than in HS… students I could have advanced academic discussions with and could easily understand my ideas and thought processes. This challenge led to increased interest in and better grades than I achieved in highschool. I also found that I worked better in the more independent structure, having more flexibility in choosing classes that I thought would interest me. With minimal pressure from parents or teachers, there was also no resistance to that pressure. Instead I had internalized my reasons for performing in college. I was also more active in terms of participating in school activities. For the first time in my life, I joined school sports teams – crew and cycling. For the first time, I also joined non-academic school organizations and clubs. By all measures, it was a far better experience than HS. I ended up entering 2 grad programs at Stanford before completing my undergrad and completing the first BS+MS (both in EE) in slightly under 4 years. One of my grad application LORs mentioned being the student with the highest final grade in a large CS class and being one of the best students he had seen in years, with innovative solutions to a final project game strategy programming competition that I had won.</p>

<p>Parent of under achiever/late bloomer here, with positive experience in college. My older son has always had a voracious intellectual appetite – for what interested him. Nothing else. Teachers loved and hated him because he made them crazy, the kid who looked out the window but would surprise everyone with a really interesting insight. Or couldn’t be bothered to turn in work (or go to class) in mandatory courses. Awful organization skills in high school, and a summer evaluation between high school and college showed he does have ADHD. Meds, plus the opportunity to take classes he chose, made a big difference. He has been a B+ to A student, and he learned more about his learning preferences. He doesn’t really like small classes or discussion sections (guess that is why he didn’t leap at the LACs we visited). He has two majors that he loves, and he works harder than he ever has in his life. Having the flexibility to more or less study what he finds interesting is huge. And the relief from the drudgery, the mindless assignments which were all graded in high school. He is happiest in classes that have exams and projects, not lots of little graded reading responses etc. So we spend time together, researching his course options to balance requirements, course structure, and his interests. </p>

<p>Trust your instincts, and work out ways to keep in touch, and keep tabs on how things are going. Hang in there, it is tough!</p>

<p>Do NOT go over any of his college syllabi (post #19) et al with him. You can look at his proposed schedule and ask him if he feels it seems good. A class usually can be dropped if he feels overloaded. By the time he enters college he should be independent and use college advisors instead of you for schedules.</p>

<p>All the studies show that getting out of college with a degree primarily depends on personality, habits, character (you can call it many things) much more than intelligence. Organization, problem solving skills, persistence, inter-personal skills, study habits, focus, etc. I had one who got crushed so bad first semester we thought about pulling the plug at Christmas. Kid returned to school, figured it out, and dealt with it with some (but not a lot) of help from parents. Has been on the dean’s list since and will graduate on time. A success.</p>

<p>Other kid flamed out second semester. We pulled the plug and kept the tuition money in the bank. Kid has spent a few years working, thinking, taking CC classes. One step forward, two steps back. Finally going back to school full time this fall. TBD how it will go. Ultimately, the kid drives his own bus. But ultimately you get to choose whether you are willing to continue to support the college gig. </p>

<p>FYI, only 50% of kids who start college ever eventually get a degree. The path is often winding and long. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>I kind of agree with wis on that, although I can see that staying more involved might be right in some situations. I got involved with my kid’s teachers and guidance counseior when he was in high school but that ended when he went to college. He knew he could come to us for guidance but the schedule really was between him and the advisor. I really worried about him going off to college but figured it was more up to him at that point. I sent him off with love but told him we did not intend to pay good money to send him off to college to screw off. He seemed to get the message and we had him take some loans every year to help pay for things as he paid nothing upfront for tuition or room and board. I have been very grateful that he has done so well as I did worry about him in high school. He was always a nice guy and very bright but just wasn’t doing as well as he could have. Some kids just need more time, especially boys it seems and sometimes the younger kids in a family. We were lucky in that he has not had any learning issues or mental health issues that could have gotten in the way. As others have indicated, that can be a different set of struggles. Good luck. I’ll bet your son will do just fine once he gets to college.</p>