<p>Sending S2, the baby, off next month and I'm honestly not sure. I have ideas in mind already for what will happen if he doesn't perform and loses his scholarship or worse, gets dismissed academically. But I have high hopes that he will continue to grow and mature as he has throughout high school and he has enrolled at a school that I believe is a very good fit for him. He isn't being forced to go to college...we went through his options with him and would have been perfectly happy and supportive of any of his choices. Attending this particular school is 100% his choice, finances were not part of the equation, and he knows what he needs to do when he gets there. He is very excited to go and looking forward to Orientation next week.</p>
<p>I'm hoping that you will share stories with positive outcomes about the kids you weren't quite sure would make it when you sent them off to school. I'm particularly interested in stories of kids who were very social and would have performed a lot better academically in high school if they put forth more effort...I'm not sure I ever received a report card for the kid that didn't say he was missing homework except maybe in classes he really liked. But I'm really talking about all aspects of making it in college. What were you worried about your child being able to handle and how did they surprise you? </p>
<p>My D2 was always missing work in HS. She finds college much easier than HS because though the material is conceptually harder, she takes fewer classes, class time is used much more efficiently and they don’t waste so much time with nonsense. She finds plenty of time to do her work and to socialize and sleep. She came pretty close to running the table with A’s freshman year and is much happier. </p>
<p>My S2 was social and athletic. He also tended to not do as well in classes unless he was interested in the material. For instance, no problem acing AP Physics because he liked the material, always did his assignments. But some of the other classes, forget about it. He frustrated us (and more than a couple teachers who saw his scores on testing and knew he was capable of doing better). He was the exact opposite of his older brother who was social and athletic also but also took school very seriously. I honestly feared S2 would flounder in college. I pictured him ending up on academic probation . I was very apprehensive . I had nothing to worry about. He did very well once he got to college and started studying things he was interested in. He was a classic late bloomer.</p>
<p>My DS sank. He tried, failed, suffered a nervous breakdown, returned home after his freshman year with a passel of failed or uncompleted classes, zero self-confidence and maximum anxiety. Yes, it was heartbreaking, but not altogether a shocking surprise. Fast forward to today - 2 years later! - and he’s slowly regaining his footing, seeing a therapist (it took a few before we found the right fit) taking his meds (ditto) and taking part-time classes at the nearby State U. If he’s ready, he may go to school full-time next fall. Totally his call, it has to be his decision. He still lives at home, and doesn’t have a job, but has rebuilt his social skills enough to land a girlfriend. (God bless girlfriends!) </p>
<p>In other words, when they fail and fall, you help them get up. It’s what we parents do. Here’s hoping you don’t have to have this experience - but I assume your very post indicates you have some concerns. Don’t worry. You’re strong enough, and you love him enough, to help him if he needs it. </p>
<p>Ours sank, and then swam. Don’t be afraid to override your heart’s wishes (it will all turn out okay somehow) with common sense (time to come home and regroup). Getting in to college isn’t what matters – it’s getting out. Make sure you have access to his grades, obviously. Encourage a light classload and a long timeline. Ours graduated after a long lonely uphill battle against ADHD that had been undiagnosed until the organizational structure provided by life at home and high school were not there. Wasn’t until he was nearly a senior that we realized how bad things were, and I blame myself for not listening to my own internal alarm . </p>
<p>I have never been so proud of someone, ever. It’s easy to quit. It’s hard to make your own road and timeline, and be successful on your own terms, but it can happen! Good luck!</p>
<p>My oldest graduated college a few years ago. In high school he was “smart” and social, politically astute and extremely laid back but…he, too, did well in classes that he liked and was a chronic 91 percenter (you need a 92 per cent to get an A on your transcript in every class) plus he barely scraped through math. He went off to college and i did what many parents did…I held my breath from September to December. He did fine. Pretty much a repeat of HS. A and Bs in the classes he liked everything he signed up for and a C in the one math class his major required to which he reminded me “Cs get degrees.” Kids aren’t all that different in high school, some do alittle better and some do not quite as well, but if they are ready for college - can get them self up, are self motivating and able to get along with other people, changes are they will be in that 50% that actually graduate nationally. </p>
<p>Our gifted son was still 16 (fall birthday) when he started at flagship U in the Honors program. He had gone through middle and HS with the same peer group so I knew he was in synch with the entering freshmen. However- his extra loud alarm- heard by us down the hall- failed to wake him in HS so I worried about that. He did fine. He also became a slacker his senior year of HS (after having dissed them previously)- boredom- but performed well in Honors courses. He did not improve his neatness at all, however.</p>
<p>My vote- swim. Your son chose this school and that counts for a lot. He even got a scholarship and is excited. </p>
<p>Most students do succeed, despite the anecdotes you’ll see here. Keep positive.</p>
<p>Our kid had a somewhat rocky freshman year. He took two courses that sucked up a lot of time freshman year. One he really enjoyed and got an A- in first term, a B+ the second. The second (Arabic) was really, really hard for him and he was happy to get a C+ His grades improved every year after that and after spending his junior year in Jordan he was even able to get an A in Arabic. He was on the Dean’s List senior year. As far as I could tell he kept most of the bad habits from high school (finishing papers the night before they were due for example.)</p>
<p>In high school D1 was the social diva. In college, she’s done well and has impressed us with how she’s managed her classes in a tough nursing program. Even so, we still hold our breath that she’ll get through college. </p>
<p>Mine would have done better academically in HS if he had put forth more effort, but it wasn’t because he was overly social. He rarely left the house, interacting with his friends in online gaming. He chose his school and major and did better in college grade-wise than HS. He found a group of friends, which had been one of my concerns. He dragged his feet getting the required co-op jobs, and I worried. He did surprise us by studying abroad one summer, which was very out of character. He has finished his classes and still needs his co-op time, but has found a job that will give him the co-op he needs and keep him on permanently. Now I am worried about him moving to a city where he knows no one, and how he will do working in his first real job. So far he has risen to each occasion and succeeded, but still I worry. </p>
<p>Two of mine finished, one ended up leaving (she did manage to have a clean transcript though). I can only tell you that no matter what happens, things tend to work out. Difficulties along the way are clarifying and in retrospect it is easy to see “there are no disasters, only opportunities”, even if it wasn’t so clear at the time!</p>
<p>Mine worked to get an A (93 at our school) in every class in HS, but made sure it was barely an A. He was most proud of himself when his report card showed 93,93,94,93 because it meant he did the least amount of work possible and graduated as a B+/A- student. I was certainly concerned about his work ethic in college. In worked out fine. He did the same and ended up a B/B+ student. I’ll have to say, his stubborness with the most minimal work possible has kind of paid off as he used the same persistence to land the dream job after college. </p>
<p>I’m holding my breath for S2. He’s another social, athletic type who has never taken school seriously. He did have a wake-up call senior year when he had to take after-school classes in order to graduate on time. I think college might suit him better, though because there’s not as much “busy work” and that’s what seemed to jack him up the most. </p>
<p>Thank you all for sharing! You have been truly helpful! S2 has surprised me before so I guess I will keep hoping for the best…it definitely helps hearing how many kids do get to where they need to be no matter how long it takes or how bumpy the road. </p>
<p>D1 skated by in HS. Very social and involved with a lot of ECs. Not a bad student but did not perform near her potential - 2100 SAT and A’s in classes she liked and B’s and C’s in classes she did not care about, and her report card would be littered with comments about missing assignments. She really wanted to go away to college, so we sent her to Alabama where she knew she would have to come home and find a CSU to enroll in if she lost her scholarship (3.0 gpa to maintain it). She has done very well and is now a rising senior with a >3.6 gpa and looking into grad schools. She is still heavily involved in some ECs, but she learned to work for a good grade even if she did not like a class. It helps that most of her classes are now ones that she wants to take!</p>
<p>The only thing I would suggest is to tell him he doesn’t have to hide it if he is having difficulties in school…that he should take advantage of Prof office hours, Writing Centers, Tutors and or study groups. Tell him to think of “future him”…if he was failing at the end of the semester, what would he have wished he had done?</p>
<p>I am sorry since my D. does not fit what you are looking for except that she has always been very very involved in absolutely everything imaginable and she also is very outgoing with ots of friends who are so different people that many of them are not even friends with each other. She seemed to have accumulated friends since age 3, she seem never loosing them. Anyway, D. continue to be extremely involved in UG to the point that she was told blankly that they do not know how she is taking car of so much (no single summer class either).<br>
Where D. does not fit your requested profile is that she has always worked extremely hard. Non- A grade was never acceptable for her. Not every subject was easy, but if it was hard than she would just work harder. We never pushed her. The push from my side has been a request to leave her books and papers behind and stop doing homework. However, she never was allowed to go to bed past 10om and her sport practice was about 3 hours every single night. After working so hard in HS, she still said that she had to greatly adjust her working habits upwards at college. She said that those who did not recognize the need for adjustment simply got derailed from their initial goal. This part is applicable to everybody, hard-working HS’ers, those who “skated” thru.<br>
Boys sometime lack maturiry, although I cannot say it about my S. He actually imporved his grades in college. He finally was doing primarily what he liked, and he really appreciated an opportunity. One thing could have helped. He did not get into program right away, he was put on a waiting list. Once he was accepted, I could tell a huge difference in his attitude.<br>
For reference, D. graduated #1 in her private HS class, she also graduated as a top pre-med in her UG class and currently a 4th year Med. Student. She has been very very busy person in her entire life starting at 5 y o.
My S. went to selective Graphic Design program where not many classes could be called “general education”, very very few. I believe that this fact has also made him a successful student at college. He did not have many classes that were outside of his interest. He was not the one who would work hard on something that he did not like.
Best wishes. No matter where your boy stand now, one thing is a must, adjusting upwards. </p>
<p>MiamiDAP - I get the impression that OP is not exactly looking for a roadmap on how to get into medical school or graduate #1 in a pre-med class, but worried that S could sabotage academic standing by failing to complete and submit work on time, especially since he has a history of not submitting all his homework.</p>
<p>OP - I would make sure that your S reviews all requirements for each class he takes and chooses a schedule with great care. Go over each syllabus with him and make sure he understands how the class is managed. Consequences for late work can vary by class, instructor, and department. At the college level, they can sometimes be very harsh. It will be important for him to learn to prioritize assignments if he cannot complete everything on time.</p>
<p>It might also be important to choose classes and schedules with care. D ran into some serious time management and health problems when she took on too much and became overwhelmed. A need to socialize or participate in sports needs to be accounted for when setting up a realistic schedule.</p>