<p>I'm a junior in college and am trying to gather funding for my study abroad trip. Would some one be willing to give me criticism on these essays?</p>
<p>PM it to me.</p>
<p>Since I’m a new member it won’t let me send PMs. I’ll go ahead and just post them here if that is okay.</p>
<p>Essay on a hardship
A famous musician Florence Welch once said “I’m completely in love with the world but also terrified of it.” I think this sums up my overwhelming feelings of this world but I strive to make it a place I’m not scared of and others can feel the vast amount of love there is here. I believe you learn from all hardships and things we are terrified of and although it’s something that no one wishes upon one’s self I would not rid my life of mine. It has shaped me into the person I am and made me see the world in a positive light.
I was 18 months old when my dad became depressed. His job as a computer engineer stressed him. My parents married in college and had three children to support by the time they were in their early thirties only adding to the weight of stress on his shoulders. When it became too much for him to handle and he thought he had no other choice he took his own life. Suicide leaves so many questions for family members: Was it you? Did you do something wrong? Is this what he really wanted? He was an incredible man and I still adore him even though it would be easier to resent him for what he did to our family. Although, it hurts not to grow up with the loving male figure in your life that supports you and cheers you on at all your volleyball games, interrogates your prom date, and walks you down the aisle at your wedding. I chose to take this experience and love the world as much as I could! I often think is the way I’m living something he would be proud of? When something so tragic happens I think one must adopt a positive outlook, it can be crumbling if you don’t.
Ever since his death, I have tried to be the person for everyone I come in contact with that is a light and knows I am here and I care about them regardless of what their life has handed them. It started with trying to help a broken mother and be her source of joy in a time of much despair. I since have adopted that with everyone, because you never know what current situation someone is in. I want no one in this world to feel like their only option is to take their life. So here I am in college loving the people around me breaking down my walls and getting out of the country. I want to live for not only myself but also for my dad.
Freshman year of college I decided I wanted to put my outlook in action, I interned at Dallas Children’s Advocacy Center to help with the Advocacy Center’s Crimes Against Children Conference. I have a servant heart and nothing makes me happier than seeing the joy on the children’s faces when they have overcome abuse and are healing and graduating from therapy. I don’t want them to adopt a negative outlook because of their circumstances. I am a realist and I know there is harm in this world, but I think all we need is a little understanding evil stems from something more past experiences and acting out in the wrong way. Maybe being a listener for some one who has done something harmful, can prevent them from doing it again.
I can’t wait to be Argentina and learn even more about another culture it enhances my ability to help this world and I couldn’t be more excited! So yes maybe hardships are something most like to avoid, but I’m not afraid to face adversity I know I won’t be given anything I can’t handle. I have used this experience and taken from it that I want to pursue a job I am passionate about and can use to help others. A quote I live by is by Howard Thurman “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Do a job you love and do it with intention whether it be marketing or a social worker position. Here I am pursuing my passion of helping others while also getting to experience travel and obtain a different kind of knowledge abroad that I believe will only enhance my quality of life and outreach to others. I want to take all that I can from this and absorb every minute in Argentina. </p>
<p>Essay on Good Character
What constitutes having good character? Well typically the definition is a person that possesses some combination of characteristics that are valued in society. An example would be, a person that possesses integrity, loyalty and courage. While all these characteristics are vital to having good character I think there is one all encompassing quality one must have and is often overlooked. A person of good character loves others and is honest, loyal, and courageous because of their love and compassion for all. They see that people deserve the utmost respect and want to be a source of light in their life not only when they think they can gain from someone but always. They have a need to understand, meet, and learn more about other cultures because of their desire to love humanity.
When I picture someone of good character I see them going out trying to better this world and make it an enjoyable place for others to live in. They want to meet all whom are willing to converse with them and lend a helping hand if needed. Having a kind heart and thoughts and also the follow through. They possess a quiet intelligence that is not too
My grandmother was an exemplary person and is someone I consider to be blessed to have known and learned from her good character. She was a beautiful person and someone who was gifted with an upbeat personality and had an adventurous spirit all qualities I love about the beauty of people. She was one who inspired you to go after your dreams and lead by example. She made friends with everyone she came in contact with and took her hardships she encountered in her life and learned from them she did not dwell and was not afraid to admit her shortcomings. She was a person of grace and had a quirky side that made everyone adore her.
She inspired me to do an internship where I was able to help others at Dallas Children’s Advocacy Center, all along the way when I was stressed about all of the planning that needed to be done with the internship as well as school work she was my encourager. She made me want the best for these children they needed my best self and needed someone to love them and lookout for them. My grandmother made me strive to show these children that happy endings can come after tragedy. In the process I too was building character.
I hope to be half the person she was. To have good character is something we all must strive for, but for those who are gifted with the admirable qualities they must show others how to develop their experiences and build character from them. That way all are able to see the goodness that we can do for the world. </p>
<p>Why I am Studying Abroad Motivational Statement
I have always been an explorer at heart, for my spring breaks rather than going for the typical college beach scene. I planned trips to big cities in the US to see what was out there. See all the great places there is to learn from. Which is why I pursued and International Studies degree. Having never been outside of the US, I am thrilled to get the change to do my obligatory 10 week study abroad in Argentina. I cannot wait to witness first hand the spanish culture and enhance my spanish speaking abilities. </p>
<p>I am hoping to obtain a job at a non-profit company once I graduate whose mission is working with foreign issues in particular relating to children and using my spanish regularly. While I am in Argentina I am going to try and volunteer with an organization that works with children. I am hoping to gain a unique experience from doing so and can bring the knowledge I obtain to my future career here in the states.</p>
<p>Once I graduate I am open to going back abroad for a bit and experiencing a new area of the world to me. I am hoping to use this as a stepping stone to build confidence to go abroad after I graduate.</p>
<p>Often, one of the best places to start is your college’s study abroad office. Your study abroad advisor may be able to look over your essay and offer constructive comments. Also, look into making an appointment with the writing lab through your college’s English department.</p>
<p>whoa… i cant believe that my essay on how fish populations exponentially grow in a tank infront of a street korean seafood store was at least better than this</p>
<p>Your essays all need significant work. You have run-on sentences, punctuation errors and other mechanical issues in addition to a general lack of depth in content. I agree with the suggestion to begin with your study abroad department. I am a study abroad advisor, and I routinely go through 3 or 4 drafts of essays with students. </p>
<p>Are you Pell grant eligible? If so, google the Gilman Scholarship. Applications for Summer 2013 and Fall 2013 scholarships are due in early March, so you’d have plenty of time to apply for that as well. I</p>