<p>My S visited a college and we loved it. It was our number one choice. He chose to attend another. It's working out and it's a high caliber school. Just wondering what if...?</p>
<p>My D visited Princeton, loved it, as did I, she scratched it off her list after a second vist. We visited Yale, we loved, loved, loved it. She chose to apply to Penn ED. She visited there about 4 times and fell in love. We loved it too but not as the number 1 choice above all others.</p>
<p>Still, just wondering what if...?</p>
<p>I was looking at the list of colleges the kids were choosing from today as if it mattered.</p>
<p>Do any other parents think about what if their child chose another school? </p>
<p>Is that normal? It's not like I'm the one going there.</p>
<p>Yeah, I have thought about it. My S had some schools that he could have attended that are MUCH different than the one he is at presently. Some maybe more prestigious. But I can’t imagine him being happier or more successful anywhere than where he is now.</p>
<p>No, I haven’t thought that with my 2 oldest kids. Once they made their choice, I didn’t give much thought to the schools they did not choose. They have both been very happy where they landed, so there was no need to second guess them. The youngest one, maybe I will think about it, but she hasn’t heard back from several she applied to at this point, so we don’t yet know what her choices will be.</p>
<p>I was happy not to have to choose among their good choices. I’m a little sad that I don’t have an excuse to visit Chicago, but I very much enjoyed my excuse to go visit Jordan. Both my kids turned down a higher ranked school for one that they thought suited them better, and as far as I can tell they made the correct choices for them.</p>
<p>'If you can’t be with the one you love…love the one you’re with" I think this may apply to the schools for parents and sometimes for the kids, too</p>
<p>Once my kids have chosen I embrace their school… It is their life and they’ve made good choices. We cut schools I wouldn’t be happy with for them (usually due to low academics) before application time.</p>
<p>There is so much going on that requires our attention, we don’t have any time to invest in “what ifs.” The way OP describes it, it sounds pretty normal though. At some point, after walking though a door, you’ve got to deal with what is in that room and not spent too much time thinking about what might be behind the doors you didn’t choose.</p>
<p>In Bethesda, Chicago’s north suburbs, or La Jolla, there must be psychiatrists with medications dedicated to this special problem. Someone should name it and get it into the DSM-5.</p>
<p>I would think it comes down to how its working out. I would not have chosen the school my D picked but now in her 3rd year she has thrived and loved it. Once I knew it was right for her I never gave it another thought. However, if after year one she was unsure, talking transfer, etc. then sure the thoughts of how the grass would have greener elsewhere would have been there.</p>
<p>What if what? What if they went to an equally stellar school and met equally stellar students and had an equally stellar time? Its a bit like counting the angels dancing on
the head of a pin.</p>
<p>I think I wonder what if they had different friends, met different people, took different classes, lived in a different environment, etc., how that would influence and shape their attitudes. However, the most important thing is how they are where they are.</p>
<p>The other thing is that I invested what feels like years to guiding them through the process of getting into college. It’s probably more withdrawal on my part after so much research and study. It’s probably the only reason I still visit this site. I learned so much, I think I can help a few people as people helped me.</p>
<p>My son was accepted to an ivy but did not go as he fell in love with an LAC. His classmate was WL at the same ivy, cleared the WL and we joked that the kid got the spot that my son vacated. Kid died of swine flu, one of the few college casualties of that wave. …Yeah…sometimes you just don’t to go there.</p>
<p>I’ve only had this thought in passing. Our D definitely made the right choice for her. Her college has offered her fantastic opportunities. She has blossomed and matured. Even though we put a great deal of effort into choosing the “right” college, I think that most of our kids will end up being happy and successful wherever they choose to go.</p>
<p>OP, I think that eastcoastcrazy is right-you can make yourself nuts over the “what ifs” in life-college or otherwise. What we choose to do over the years is what makes us the people we become. Whenever I am tempted to start on the what-ifs, I remember a conversation I had with Antwone Fisher.</p>
<p>For those that don’t know who he is, he wrote an autobiography that became a movie starring Denzel Washington-look it up. He grew up in the worst possible circumstances-mother murdered his father, horrible child abuse in foster care, etc. He told me that he wouldn’t change a thing about his life because if he hadn’t had the childhood he had, he wouldn’t have come into the amazing good fortune that he did, met some of the people he met, and so on. And he wasn’t the only person to have such circumstances to feel this way-that <em>I’ve</em> met, anyway.</p>
<p>So yes, if your D or S went to a different school, they would have different friends, maybe a different major, a different job upon graduation-but then they wouldn’t be who they will become.</p>
<p>In answer to your original question, no–I don’t think it’s normal to rehash decisions that have worked out well, at least so far. Your son seems happy at school X (which you don’t name). Your daughter has visited her first choice FOUR TIMES and applied early. If that is not a vote of confidence, I don’t know what is. The fact that you name the schools on her list and not your son’s makes me think you might be hung up on passing up the chance for HYP prestige or bragging rights.</p>
<p>In my experience, the only people who struggle with the “what if” regarding college decisions are the ones whose kids are miserable and chose their schools for the wrong reasons (following a GF/BF, caring more about status than fit, wanting to study something that their school does not offer).</p>