Worried about College

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello. I’m a high school senior and like my thread title indicates, I feel worried and scared about college. I figure that since adults in my life have been compassionate and helpful, thank God, so I think the parents on here will also be like that, right? :)</p>

<p>I hear from my friends who are into the “college scene” or who have relatives that have gone to college (parents, siblings, etc.) that college is the “best 4 years of your life.”</p>

<p>I’m not into the whole college scene, which, regardless of college, seems to be riddled with drugs, alcohol, sex, and parties. I don’t want to participate in that stuff during college for both personal and religious reasons, but this atmosphere seems so pervasive in college life.</p>

<p>I’m also pretty reticent. That doesn’t mean I’m anti-social, it’s just that I’m not the one to start conversation. I like listening more than I do speaking. I see speech as a form of expression and, most of the time, I don’t have a reason to express or say anything so I keep silent. I’m friendly when approached, however, and can carry conversations, but people say college is for out-going kids. I don’t feel like I’m one of them. I’m too passive for that, but I am definitely not unhelpful or show antipathy towards others.</p>

<p>College sports are important for many people, but I’m not one of them. Football, basketball, hockey, etc. don’t appeal to me at all and are, quite frankly, boring to me. I don’t know if I’ll find others who aren’t as interested in the college sports teams to communicate with or spend game days with outside of the stadium. Of course, I participate in a sport (archery), but that’s quite different from going to a football stadium or basketball court to watch a game.</p>

<p>I’m not looking forward to roommates. Like I said, I’m pretty reticent and not out-going. Moreover, I have a urological problem which is pretty embarrassing and that I don’t want others to know about at all. Also, as a Muslim, it will be difficult getting up early in the morning for prayer without disturbing my roommate and also he might find some of the things I do to be strange and foreign—and it’s quite possible he might be xenophobic. I’m not sure, but I always hear bad things about roommates. :(</p>

<p>I’m worried about leaving home. Others say that leaving home is amazing because you get total freedom and so on and so forth. I don’t care about that so-called “freedom.” I feel free enough right now and don’t think drugs and alcohol can substantiate my inner sense of self-autonomy. I care for my parents deeply and can’t imagine living without them. That isn’t to say I am completely dependent on them—I do my own and my father’s laundry, make my own breakfast, clean my own room, throw out the garbage, clean the dishes every day, etc. I have developed life skills and can function in society, but I think I’ll feel very nostalgic away from home. It’s as if moving away to college is cutting a piece of my flesh and blood from my body. I don’t know if I’m over-exaggerating things, but I’m scared to leave my parents.</p>

<p>If it helps, I applied to the University of Michigan, Michigan State University, and Case Western. All are close to home, but not in commuting distance. These are the most affordable and closest colleges that fit everything I would like to have in a college. I have already been accepted to Michigan State with some automatic scholarship and an honors college invitation.</p>

<p>Thank you for helping me. :)</p>

2

<p>Have you considered living at home and attending a community college for 2 years. There is no shame in that and your credits will transfer to a 4 year university to finish your degree. </p>

<p>If you decide to go away to college, join a Muslim Student group as soon as you arrive. I know that the Michigan schools have a large number of Muslims on campus. You will find a group of like minded friends who do not drink or “party.”</p>

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<p>Michigan State and Michigan are huge, huge schools. It will be easier to figure out a life for yourself and avoid parties and sports. Not everyone drinks and not every does drugs…really. </p>

<p>I don’t know that much about Case, but all the kids I DO know where really, really nice kids that weren’t party animals or sports fanatics so I suspect you’ve picked three really good colleges to apply to (for you.)</p>

<p>I agree to find a Muslin student group as soon as you arrive to find your first group of people to support you and as time goes on you will find more. Look into the living/learning communities and do some research on a living situation that fits you better. Singles are always a possibility and suite style with individual bedrooms also suit people who need their alone time. </p>

<p>It’s normal for some young people to get nervous about leaving home and everything that is familiar. Generally after a time it fades. You are close enough that you can get home often if things feel overwhelming at first. While you are waiting to hear from Michigan in the next couple weeks, take the time to go online and look at your local community college curriculum, you might find it interests you and there is zero harm in taking a year or two there…on the other hand you might look at the curriculum and decide it is worth “taking a chance” at living away from home next fall.</p>

<p>Good luck and best wishes.</p>

4

<p>Is it possible to find a roommate with similar religious values through admitted student locations or by reaching out to the Muslim Student Union beforehand? If you are not required to live on campus it may be beneficial for you to live with other observant Muslims or even rent a room with a Muslim family.</p>

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<p>College was definitely NOT the best four years of my life. I learned a lot, am grateful for it, but the best four years of my life are now. </p>

<p>Still, I think everyone has fears when moving away for the first time - and every one has different ones. It sounds to me like you have a really good head on your shoulders, and it probably is time to spread your wings. (And I doubt your parents would have it any other way.)</p>

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<p>Fwiw, I go to MSU. While I drink a little (I might have been buzzed twice in college, never drunk), I don’t “party”, I don’t do drugs, and just generally I’m a homebody. I still have a GREAT social life here and a great academic experience (I’m a graduating senior). </p>

<p>I really don’t think your religion will be an issue no matter where you go, but as you probably know, U of M Dearborn has a very large Muslim population which might appeal to you. </p>

<p>I do think college is a time to strike out on your own, but everyone has a different pace. Which school is closest? Could you maybe try living on for a semester (MSU and U of M require it depending on how close you live) and then if you still aren’t adjusting well transfer to a closer college? If you’re not up for that, I would try commuting for one year and then maybe moving closer to school if you’re comfortable with it. </p>

<p>Good luck and I think you’ll be fine where you go :).</p>

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<p>Thank you all for your prompt and helpful responses! :)</p>

<p>megpmom,
I plan on joining an MSA and maybe do some volunteering and tutoring later on (I loved that in high school), but I’m not sure if I’ll break out of my mold and be active in groups on campus. I suppose, though, that it will help.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t feel ashamed going to a CC and transferring my credits, but I think a college will provide me with more opportunities for the future, especially in some careers or majors I’m thinking about. In Texas, CCs may be very good but the one nearby CC has an educational environment that I wouldn’t like staying in (I take Calc 3 at the CC right now). </p>

<p>momofthreeboys,
Thank you for telling me I chose the right schools. Like you said, Michigan and MSU’s size would give me a greater chance of finding like-minded students. Case Western, I know, doesn’t have an environment like that but I’ve heard Greek life is very big over there. </p>

<p>At MSU, I would be on an honors floor in Lyman Briggs/Holmes hall. At Michigan, if I get accepted, I would join the Michigan Research Community. They both are smaller and I think they would help me acclimate to the situation. But still, home is home and I don’t know if those residential colleges/living communities will help foster friendships for me.</p>

<p>The CC’s curriculum wouldn’t provide much for me. I’ve already looked at its courses before when I signed up to take Calc 3.</p>

<p>MizzBee,
Is that possible? That would solve the Muslim roommate problem, but still I would feel embarrassed staying with a roommate and him noticing me with some issues because of my urological abnormality. I will check at all three colleges once I get admissions decisions.</p>

<p>mini,
Thank you for the compliment. I really appreciate it. </p>

<p>romanigypsyeyes,
U of M is about 2 hours away while MSU is 1.25 hours away by car. Neither is that close to home if I would want to commute. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible to get away from that “traditional college scene” and still have a wonderful social life. </p>

<p>U of M-Dearborn has a larger Muslim community, but it’s just as far as U of M away from home and I think U of M or MSU would provide me better opportunities for research and in my coursework. Right now, I’m possibly thinking about graduate school, medical school, or maybe industry work requiring an applied mathematics degree, but I’ll have greater consideration in my post-graduation plans later in probably my sophomore year. </p>

<p>Congratulations on graduating from a great university! :)</p>

<p>To the parents, have any of your children exhibited fears or worries of college and how did they mollify them? Thanks.</p>

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<p>“College is the best 4 years of my life” is often said because it is a time when people are finding who they are without parental controls and learning to live on their own. It is a time to try some new experiences with others who are doing the same thing. Not every experience is great, but you will learn from it nonetheless. Some experiences will belong to other people but you learn from those also. Keep your eyes and heart open. </p>

<p>You’ll find your group but you may find it through your religion or club–absolutely not everyone parties and drinks etc but don’t start off judgmental of those that do–they are testing limits also. That doesn’t mean you need to join them.
You don’t have to be out-going–simple friendliness will take you a very long way. And you may find at some point that starting conversation and learning about someone is fun.
Sports may never be your thing–I think archery is a great sport BTW. But the social activities of big schools that have to with sports may draw you in. You haven’t been exposed to it yet to know for sure.
Roommates? I loved having roommates but most of mine were friends I already knew. The plus of roommates is that their friends can become your friends pretty quickly and add to a social circle you wouldn’t have had otherwise.</p>

<p>It’s hard leaving home when you are so close to those you love…maybe a new mindset would help. Your family will still be there when and if you need them. They WANT you to go out and succeed and have some life adventures of your own. The people you meet and bring into your life and experiences add not only to your life but their’s also.</p>

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<p>Thank you gouf. I’m certainly not judgmental of others. Like you said, I would rather just not join and avoid them (outside of the classroom). Thank you for adding your own perspective.</p>

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<p>What major are you looking in to? I was worried about leaving home and didn’t want to because I had essentially become my dad’s care taker in 7th grade and we’re very close, which was hard but made it really, really hard to leave. Joining a residential college at MSU made the transition much, much easier. </p>

<p>Just a thought :). Good luck. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision and if you don’t, transferring is always an option!</p>

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<p>Everyone reacts differently to leaving home. Neither my wife nor I ever got homesick, but D1, a Freshman, really misses the close friendships she had and wants new ones to deveop very quickly. If you get involved in a lot of stuff, you probably won’t have time to be homesick.</p>

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<p>It’s possible to get a single for medical reasons. With a doctor’s note you might be able to.</p>

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<p>I agree with OHMom - it is worth looking into getting a single due to your medical problem. If that doesn’t work, you can look into “substance-free” dorms - this will help you avoid living with party-going students.
Case Western has a Muslim Student Association [Home</a> | CWRU Muslim Student Association](<a href=“http://filer.case.edu/org/msa/]Home”>http://filer.case.edu/org/msa/) - they have a Facebook page, mailing list and a contact email. So you have a good way of getting more info about the community there.
We visited Case when my son was looking at schools and we really liked it. One thing about science/engineering schools is that you get a larger percentage of kids that are not out-going and are more accepting of different personality types.</p>

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<p>I highly recommend AGAINST sub-free dorms. At many places, students get in there because their parents made them and they often have the worst partiers. Just a caution :)</p>

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<p>I disagree with romanigypsyeyes re sub-free. S lived in a sub-free dorm for 4 years at his school because partying wasn’t his favorite form of socializing. It’s possible that one or two students were there because their parent ‘made them’ (he didn’t know anyone in that category, but he didn’t ask either). But the overwhelming majority were there for reasons like his. In fact, there was so much demand for sub-free housing that it actually was expanded into other dorms. That doesn’t mean people who live in sub-free dorms never party, by the way - some do - but they value the ability to leave it behind them and return to a clean, quiet dorm.</p>

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<p>AnaSynapse, I admire your honestly and suspect you are mature for an 18 year old. Quite honestly I think your concerns are valid ones. Freshman year in college can involve a lot of partying, and yes dorm living is frequently easier for social and outgoing students, who are at the same stage of development as their peers. My recommendation is to express your preferences to the housing office, and I would include your necessity for morning prayer. Perhaps they can accommodate by matching you with someone who might have similar preferences. Certainly another Muslim student would be a good start.</p>

<p>Another thought is off campus housing which can provide a substantial buffer from all the hullabaloo that transpires on college campuses. Head problems off by being proactive. Freshman dorms are not for everyone, and I think you may fall into that category.</p>

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<p>I have a son who has a similar personality to yours, and for him, a large university would have been challenging. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t apply to a smaller college/university. Michigan State is known for being a party school. Michigan has a lot of partying as well, but isn’t known for that. Case Western is much smaller and probably a lot different than the other two just because of the kind of school it is. </p>

<p>All that being said, I would think that there are always students who don’t like to party and are on the quieter side. I agree with the people who told you to become a member of smaller groups that can support you and that you can bond with. That will keep you from becoming an “outcast” when everybody on the hall is partying because you’ll always have someone to call and hang out with. Plus, at college, there are always alcohol-free events going on over the weekend - plays, concerts, movies, etc. </p>

<p>You will find your way, no matter where you go. It’s a scary proposition for many kids - leaving home and being on your own. You’re not alone. Just know that you’re ready, even if you don’t feel like you are. Make connections with others that share your interests early on, and you’ll be o.k. And if you find out that a large university isn’t the right place for you, you can always transfer later on.</p>

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<p>romani,
I am thinking about majoring in Mathematics, Biochemistry, and/or Arabic. I’m pretty determined to go with the Math major and I might just supplement my education with some chemistry and Arabic courses, or I might go for a double major of Math and Arabic if possible. I will be at Lyman Briggs if I decide to attend MSU.</p>

<p>I realize the majors I’m in will usually not have the party-minded kids, though (because of the tough course-load).</p>

<p>Kenneth,
I’ll look into being active on campus to get my mind off of home. I’ll also keep contact with my parents to help fill the void, I guess.</p>

<p>OHMom,
I will speak with colleges about my medical problem and with the MSAs of the universities I would like to attend once all my colleges have replied back. Thank you for the idea. :)</p>

<p>BeanTownGirl,
Like romani said, I think sub-free dorms will have more kids coming from an environment where the parents may attempt to get them away from alcohol and drugs but the child may not be as willing to let go of the opportunity to partake in these activities. So I don’t think going into a sub-free dorm might be the best for me since I am the one who personally doesn’t want to affiliate with these activities while on campus. </p>

<p>At Michigan, I will apply to be in the Michigan Research Community for housing if I get in (hopefully :)) and at Michigan State, I will be at Lyman Briggs. I don’t know much about housing at Case Western, but I’ll contact the college once I will receive an admissions decision (hopefully it’s an acceptance!) :)</p>

<p>M’s Mom,
If that is true, I might apply for sub-free housing at Case Western. I don’t really care if people party–it’s just that I don’t want to be in a dorm where there’s a partying going on outside of it which will disturb me or where there is a high prevalence of alcohol or drugs nearby. </p>

<p>HarvestMoon1,
Thank you for your compliment. I don’t know too much about off-campus housing. Isn’t it for juniors and seniors in college? And isn’t it usually more expensive than on-campus housing? </p>

<p>megan12,
I don’t feel a small university would provide everything that I would want in a college. Arabic programs are scarce at smaller universities, and I’m very inclined to take applied mathematics courses dealing with biological or physical systems. Moreover, I visited the nearby small school (Kalamazoo College, if you know about it), and I didn’t like it all. Finally, larger schools and research universities will have a larger Muslim presence on-campus that I would like and also have more out-of-class opportunities that I would like to pursue (for example, Case, MSU, and UMich have archery that I would like to continue in college, but K College doesn’t).</p>

<p>Thank you all for your help! :)</p>

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<p>OP, you don’t have to wait for your acceptances come in to start reaching out to the Muslim communities on each of the campuses you are interested in–you can begin now, by contacting the MSA at each school and arranging to meet up with members when you visit each campus.</p>

<p>Explore what each MSA offers, and imagine yourself getting involved in the various things that sound fun or interesting to you. Initiate some relationships with students who are there already, and involved–and visit with these people when you visit campus. If membership rosters are available, go through them and see if you recognize any names, perhaps some students might be children of your parents’ friends.</p>

<p>Doing these things will give you a sense of something to look forward to, not just the feeling that you are leaving all that you know and are comfortable with.</p>

<p>But please–when you do go to college, make some serious efforts to expand your comfort zone. Make friends with students outside the Muslim community. Join some clubs or organizations that are open to everyone.</p>

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<p>Not sure about these schools in particular, but in some schools the vast majority of the partying occurs in frat houses, not the freshman dorms.
You can ask for more feedback on specific questions such as substance-free housing on the forums for each college, most colleges have one here on CC.
[Alphabetic</a> List of Colleges - College Confidential](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/alphabetic-list-colleges/]Alphabetic”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/alphabetic-list-colleges/)
I don’t necessarily agree with the person who said you should avoid sub-free dorms. I believe many kids there are trying to do *exactly *what you are trying to do and there are many kids from faith-based backgrounds as well. You can get kicked out of those dorms for not living by the sub-free rules.</p>

<p>Teach your parents how to use Skype! That way you can see each other as well as talk to each other frequently.</p>