Worried I didn't choose the right colleges!

Parents Forum
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<p>With help from U.S. News, you generous parents, school websites and mailings, and my parents (taking me on visits), I picked out and applied to a group of schools using certain creteria 1) I only applied to schools with strong biology/pre-pharm programs and the option of taking Japanese (through I did make the exception in the case of one 6 year Pharm.D. program, which I felt was too good of an opprotunity to pass up), 2) I didn't apply to any schools in the South, 3) I didn't apply to any schools with under 3000 students, 4) I only applied to schools where I felt I could persue martial arts (i.e., within striking distance of a decent-sized town), and 4) I only applied to schools where I felt I had a decent chance at acceptance/merit aid, i.e., at all schools more scores were above the 75 percentile (the exception to this last note is the above mentioned 6 year Pharm.D. program, which I consider a reach).</p>

<p>My list of schools (Purdue, UIUC, Case Western, DePaul, UMontana, and URhode Island) is wildly different than any of my friends,mos t of whom are applying to Ivies, Rice, Vandy, etc., in-state schools (UT, A&M), and/or smallish LACs, and I'm beginning to wonder if I went about it wrong.</p>

<p>After walking around the campus of University of Puget Sound, I knew I didn't want a small school because it just felt too...clastrophobic, I guess. However, as time passes, I'm becoming worried tht I (and my grades ;) ) might drown if I go to a larger school. Recently, I've been seriously considering adding a last minute app to small LAC (Juniata) that even offers a psuedo-5 year Pharm.D. program; I've actually even filled out almost all of the app. despite my previous misgivings about the size and even though it doesn't offer Japanese. </p>

<p>I'm also, as weird as it sounds, kind of regreting not applying to harder schools, not so much because I want to but because people accept me to. I'm happy with the acceptances I've gotten so far (and my parents are happy with some of the merit aid :) ), but it seems like people's reponses when I tell them where I'm applying is a mixture of "Oh, really?" and "The hell? Why aren't you going HYPS?" Even among the LAC cult of CC, it seems most of these schools are unknowns, and it would be nice for someone to say congrats and really mean it. I picked these schools because I wanted an undergrad. education I would like and that my parents could resonably afford (My dad went into sticker shock when I quoted to him the price of an Ivy, top 25, etc.). But maybe I should have shot for the stars?? I dunno.</p>

<p>Anyhow, thank you for your time in listening to my rambling and any advice (esp. regarding Juniata and small schools v. large ones) would be much appreciated.</p>

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<p>Wolfpiper, I think your process was thoughtful and your choice of schools was well-chosen for you, at least on the surface: were you my offspring, I would want to know that your commitment to both martial arts and Japanese was sufficient to endure through the stress & time loads of college...I'm not saying that I doubt you but simply that I don't know you. These criteria are similar to my D's non-negotiable criterion of access to high-level ballet, which is certainly an off-the-beaten-path kind of thing compared to most applicants.</p>

<p>The one of your criteria I might have really pushed you on is the 3,000 student lower limit for population...UPS may not be not have been typical, it may have been a bad day, etc. I would have suggested at least looking at schools down to about 1600...below that, I agree, it can get claustrophobic.</p>

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<p>wolfpiper - I think it is normal to worry at this late date that your list is "flawed." I think we see posts from both parents and students with this worry at this time. Some of us who went through the process in previous years recall that feeling in this time of "waiting." </p>

<p>I think you should separate your concerns into two parts: (1) "what other people say:" your list was very thoughtful and very specific and personal to your wants and needs - as it should be. The reactions you get from others can, in fact, be very shoot-from-the-hip, very shallow and very prestige-mongering. Notice that their responses have nothing to do with <em>you</em> and everything to do with the standards HYPS litany. This may be the beginning of many times in life when you will have to "consider the source" and rise above their responses. (2) genuine re-thinking on your part about your criteria: if you are now thinking that a place like Juniata might appeal - even though it fails to meet certain of your original criteria, and instead fills another idea you have about what you may want - I think you should go for it. Complete and submit that application - you will then have several more months to continue to think about your preferences and can make a final decision when all acceptances and financial packages are laid out before you.</p>

<p>From my perspective, most of your schools are NOT unknowns. Those in the know recognize - just for example - the strong reputation of UIUC, the excellent reputation of Case Western as well as its tendency to offer good merit aid. I use those two just as examples. You should be proud of the process you used to select the schools and the high calibre of the schools on your list.</p>

<p>Shooting for the stars? I don't want to discourage you. But try to shut out the "cocktail party conversation voices", those who only recognize HYPS, when you decide whether to apply to any of those schools. If it is important to you, apply. If it is important to "them" and their less thoughtful approach to college admissions, realize that you know something they don't know.</p>

<p>Following some of your posts over the months, I see a very thoughtful and mature person. This post is another demonstration of your maturity and thoughtfulness. What you're feeling is natural, so give youself a little time to decide what "course corrections" - if any - you should make to your list.</p>

<p>Respectfully,
jmmom</p>

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<p>wolfpiper, I agree with the previous poster: what "others" think or expect of you should be irrelevant to your choice of colleges. I think you took a sensible approach but agree that you could have considered some smaller schools in the orignal mix. </p>

<p>You should also view the entire application process as a learning process, and you will be adapting your criteria as well as your evaluation of specific schools right up to May 1 when you have to make your final decisions. That is perfectly normal, as your goals and the quality of the schools become clearer over time. In the end, though, you are never going to be 100% certain about your choice, and that, too, is quite typical.</p>

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<p>I think it bothered my son for a little while that no one recognized the school he was going to (Denison). But, I can tell you he got over that fast when he got there and loved it! </p>

<p>Don't second guess yourself. You'll be fine. Now is a good time to learn to trust yourself and have confidence in the direction that you have set (especially because it is clear you did your homework). </p>

<p>People will forever be trying to make you go the same direction as them -- forget about them.</p>

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<p>My son has a friend who was a top student in HS, but who has career aspirations such that he had a very, very specific list of colleges to which he could apply that would meet his criterion. He elected to add to his list one very well known university at which he could kluge together something resembling the program he wanted- simply so that he knows he 'could have' attended a university of that 'prestige' if he had wanted to. Is this something you feel would be important to you later on? Would this meet your needs (not those of others)? </p>

<p>By the way, he was accepted to the 'prestige' option, elected the other where the program was superior, got great merit aid and is working very hard in an incredibly rigorous program that is just what he wants. He has no regrets, of course.</p>

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<p>Wolfpiper, just accustom yourself to the blank stares when you tell people where you're applying because your list doesn't include UT and A&M. Yes, you have the stats to be applying anywhere, but as you've said many times on this board you have very specific needs/wants in a college. Congratulations - you've probably got the most thought-out set of criteria I've ever seen. Unfortunately, it takes time to get this across to people who casually ask you, "So where are you going to college?" - more time than casual conversation can generally allow. Accept that many won't understand; just be happy that your list meets YOUR needs, not the expectations of "others".</p>

<p>And congratulations on your acceptances - I don't think I've seen you post about them here. You've got some great possibilities and hard decisions ahead!</p>

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<p>Wolf, If it helps, my daughter also went through some soul searching and worrying about whether she had the right schools on her list. Some of it was because no one had ever heard of any of the schools on her list --- and some of it was because so many lunchtime discussions with her friends seemed to revolve around the same set of prestigious schools (in particular the U of California schools) that she'd never even considered. In her case, many of her friends were also horrified that she was only applying to schools smaller than their high school, even though she'd thought long and hard about the size of her "ideal college." Finally, this fall she also realized that there was an additional criteria, a specific program, that she simply couldn't compromise on. So, her list changed - she dropped two very good schools that she loved in many ways, and thought about adding a few others.</p>

<p>She got as far as preparing a few extra applications to other schools, including a few reachier schools. Then, a strange thing happened. She got accepted to one of her top choice schools, a school that she feels "fits" her well --- notice, it fits HER well, not her FRIENDS well, not her PARENTS well, just HER. She thought about what she had been looking for all along, and decided that, yes, she still wanted those same things in a school, and that this particular school was what she wanted.</p>

<p>Now that she's wearing the sweatshirt, and has the decal on her car, she's sure she didn't miss out by adding some last minute schools to her list. Does anyone she know recognize the name on her sweatshirt? Nope, not yet. But, she's happy and excited about her choice. I'm sure she'll have some momentary doubts and pangs as her friends start receiving acceptances from "name" schools, but those will likely pass as well if she keeps her original goals/desires in mind from time to time.</p>

<p>So, the questions you have to ask yourself are:</p>

<p>(1) Has my criteria for what I want in a school changed?
(2) If not, do I feel that all of the schools I've applied to still fit that criteria pretty well? If my criteria has changed, what exactly is lacking? Is that likely to be found elsewhere?
(3) A year from now, will I really care what my high school friends are saying about me? Will they even be saying ANYTHING about me?
(4) Are there a few schools I will always wonder about not applying to?
If so, why?
(5) What is the best and worst that can happen if I do apply to a few selected additional schools? What is the best and worst that can happen if I don't? Can I live with the consequences?</p>

<p>Good luck! I am sure you will find the right answer for YOU, just as my daughter has.</p>

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<p>Wolfpiper, go ahead and apply to Juniata... under the "what can it hurt" philosophy? The worst thing applying will give you is one more choice that you may turn down in May.... the worst result of not-applying is that you won't have the choice.</p>

<p>But when it come time to making your choices... stick to your guns and remember that YOU are the one who will be spending 4 year at the college of your choice, not your friend or parents. The part of you that is worried that you might be overwhelmed at a large college is just your nerves... don't worry about it. That rarely is a problem beyond the first few weeks, because all big colleges are essentially collections of smaller units, such as residences, clubs, and academic departments. You may never meet or even see students who are moving in different circles than you -- for example, when I attended college I hardly knew any engineering students -- they weren't taking the classes in philosophy and Shakespeare that I enrolled in. You will find at a big college that you will soon settle in to your own familiar territory -- for example, the smaller cohort of student and faculty in the Japanese department. </p>

<p>If you have any doubts about a small college being constraining, I'd advise a larger school -- my son was absolutely sure he wanted a very small LAC and ended up being a dropout/transfer, largely because I think he outgrew his school. I think the small LAC was absolutely perfect for the 18 year old he was when he graduated high school - he had a great time his first year, but there were inklings of dissatisfaction in year #2, and when he quit work he got a job with a very large organization that entailed a lot of travel around the country living and working in different cities, and working with large groups of people -- where he thrived. So I think the problem with a smaller college is that it may not give you what you need as you grow. A larger university may seem overwhelming at first, but once you've been there a few month and know all the ropes it will start to seem pretty comfortable. </p>

<p>But again -- there is no reason why you shouldn't at least keep the door open to another choice. My son hopes to return to another small college as a transfer -- he still feels that the LAC experience can't be beat in term of his own education, he just wasn't able to stick it out for 4 continuous years. </p>

<p>And finally -- you need to get over the idea that you need to choose the "right" colleges. You need to choose "a" college that is a good fit for you -- there are many. If college A is a good fit, and colleges B, C, & D are also good fits, but each offer a somewhat different environment and opportunities -- then choosing a college is as complicated as ordering dinner at a Chinese restaurant -- many, many good choices. The choice you make will inevitably affect the direction of the rest of your life, but there are probably no wrong choices among those that fit whatever criteria you set. Just different ones.</p>

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<p>What a great post from Caroyln. As is often the case. Congrats to your D, Carolyn.</p>

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<p>WP
I've folowed your posts for a long time. You have always been thoughtful and honest with yourself. If you feel like you'd like to add a school or 2, then go for it. Some doubts are genuine, some just "wedding jitters". By that I mean most people are anxious right before the W ceremony, but others have nagging doubts from time of engagement.
Sometimes people can overthink. With colleges, happiness so often depends on how you connect with a prof or 2, if you like dormmates, if you find a S/o.
My S looked for colleges with strong CS emphasis, and by the end of the Dec-April months, he wanted a more diverse math/sci school. Location and size made no diff to him. If he had eliminated far away school, or very small ones, he wouldn't be where he is and where he is happy. My thought is go for best pharm programs, and worry less about size and location.</p>

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<p>Wolfpiper-</p>

<p>You obviously put more thought into your choices than 90% of students applying to college these days. Chasing after prestigious names is no more of a sound strategy than being a rock-star groupie.</p>

<p>I think we can call your situation "appliers-remorse". Don't sweat it. You've done a good job.</p>

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<p>wolfpiper, I agree that you have put in the time but I agree with calmom. What can it hurt? You've done most of the app to Juniata. There are plenty of great schools out there that don't close the doors (and windows) 1/1. Take a deep breath. </p>

<p>D has been doing the same. She has finished the apps to two of her top five choices, and while doing so threw in without much angst , fanfare , or conversation two uber-reaches with relatively easy (but still well done) common app supplements. These are schools where the tiny chance of acceptance to the college is matched neatly with a near certain inability to afford it. Why'd she do it? Maybe it was insurance that IF she changed her mind about what was important she had the possibility of acting on that change. Maybe it was so she had some name schools to toss around between now and April. Maybe she thought she was on a roll, I really don't know.</p>

<p>After you (quickly) investigate the reason for your remorse (and ponder all the sage advice above) you may come up with nothing but "I don't like that door closing". If so, what can it hurt to throw in another one from column A and one from column B? Apps are expensive but so is car insurance.</p>

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<p>Scott, I'm stealing "appliers remorse." Good one.</p>

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<p>If you think this anxiety is bad, just wait until you mail the deposit check and there's no turning back. When I dropped my reply and deposit check in the mail, I instantly wanted to claw it back out of the mailbox (one of the ones at the post office, not on your driveway). I drove home so nervous. It wasn't because I didn't love my school (it was my first choice/dream school), but it was just that a moment ago, I had half a dozen choices, and now I was locked in for four years. You are probably experiencing something akin to this. My advice is to go back and look at the viewbooks, website, etc that attracted you in the first place. I would also advise you to make any changes while you still have time, just in case.</p>

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<p>You just have to realize how ignorant many people are when it comes to the topic of good colleges & universities...you know more about them than of those people do, so you shouldn't confine yourself to their criticisms/judgements.
Oh and don't go to UMontana :-D</p>

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<p>Bing,
Just remember that no one is "locked in for four years." If the school doesn't work out, even if it's a dream school on paper, there's always the option to transfer. Keep in mind that over 30% of college students DO transfer to a different school. There's ALWAYS an escape hatch if you've made the wrong decision.</p>

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<p>wolf:</p>

<p>it is applier's remorse, indeed. You applied to great schools, where hopefully, they'll be asking for wire transfer details to send you money.</p>

<p>Don't fret about not feeling 'right' on a small campus (<2,000 students). My son visited many schools, and EVERY time we drove up to a small campus, he said: "I'm not getting out of the car." While he could never verbalize why, after three such visits, I got the hint. But, since time is short, complete Juanita's app, and buy yourself some more time to check it out. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>Thanks for all the kind words and advice...It really helped. It was also quite nice to get my worries "down on paper," so to speak. I've decided to apply to Juniata (either I get accepted or I don't....either I like it or I don't. Might as well try.) and see where everything falls come May 1. I guess part of it is that the writer in me can write myself a happy life anywhere (and wrote those Why X College essays for me) and the pesisimmist in me can pick out all the flaws. I guess the writer choose the options, the pesisimist wondered about the options, and they'll both help make the decision. Sorry if that's a lame analogy, but that's me in a nut shell.</p>

<p>It's nice to see there are other people who found small schools clastrophobic, too.</p>

<p>Really, thanks again.</p>