<p>The ordinary accent in Quebec? One college summer, I worked in Lake Placid and never did understand the French the cook and his wife spoke to each other- after studying it for 6 years and having spent a month in France. In Montreal, a few years ago,I finally found someone who didn’t have English skills- in a doughnut shop, as we were leaving town. If you don’t have regular conversation practice, just go with what you can get from this trip. Soak up he differences you can find.</p>
<p>That college summer, I also had an issue with my mother, for not contacting her for about a week. We didn’t have email back then- I had to use a pay phone somewhere. The deal is, just shoot her an email once a day. “Hi, Mom, one my way to class. Love you. Will call tomorrow.” </p>
<p>OP, believe us, we all go through this “adjustment” the first time we (or now, our kids) are out for an extended period. Parents want to hear, we want that link. This one is easy.</p>
<p>Take this as an opportunity to try new things. Maybe go out one time with everyone and see what it is like.
Also you are immersed…you will learn more as time goes on. Imagine all of the exchange students who go to a different country. Hang in there!</p>
<p>Our son’s immersion program strongly suggested that kids not talk to their parents at all for a few weeks and then to keep contracts short. They all had to sign a language pledge and most people really kept to it. (Luckily the language pledge did allow minimal contacts with parents since we don’t speak any Arabic.) My son said the language pledge was great when people tried to practice their English on him. One of the first things they taught them to say, was that they had made a promise not to speak English while they were in Jordan.</p>
<p>Do you have siblings or a family friend who understands where both you and your mom are coming from? She sounds unreasonable the way you describe her, but we don’t know her side of the story – as gouf said, if you were emailing her a lot a few days ago because you were freaking out and then you never got back in touch to say “doing better now, sorry I freaked out on you,” she may feel like you take her support for granted but don’t think about how she might have been worrying about you when she didn’t hear from you.</p>
<p>College is a time of separation from your parents. If you and your mom have always had a close relationship with lots of daily contact, it’s healthy for that to change. But you have to be the one to make that change happen, and it won’t be easy, especially since modern social media makes it harder to put those boundaries in place. </p>
<p>However, I will say that if she really was crying and screaming at you because you contacted other people and not her, then unless she was genuinely afraid for your emotional well-being, she’s being really inappropriate.</p>
<p>So glad to hear that you’re feeling more comfortable in Montreal. I don’t think there is any norm about contact with parents in general - just a norm for your relationship. For example I have two sisters in law - one is a stay at home mom and the other a physician. My MIL gets grumpy if she does hear from the first SIL for a week since they usually talk several times a week, but doesn’t get grumpy about the second SIL until she hasn’t heard from her for a month, because that’s their norm. As a college student, esp one who is on a special study trip, your norm is understandably changing, which is normal, but can be difficult as your mom is worried about and missing you. I would explain to your mom that you’re doing better and let her know that you will be in contact by email, but can’t do more right now because of the technical difficulties etc. If you call and she starts yelling, I would have something prepared that you can say such as “I love you mom, but it sounds like you’re upset and I really need to study now, so let’s talk tomorrow”. I like the suggestions I’ve read about calling parents while walking to class, since that keeps you in contact, but is necessarily limited. I do something similar in calling my mom a couple of times a week when I am picking my kids from school. We live several time zones apart, so it’s easier to have short contacts and then call for longer on a weekend. Good luck - sounds like you’re a very thoughtful person who will figure out the best approach with your mom.</p>
<p>You will get through this and you will not regret it. My daughter placed into a high level French class when she started college last year, then panicked because she thought the material was over her head. Her advisor convinced her to stay and to take it for a letter grade, even though she had the option of taking it pass/fail. (The class was all writing, and she’d never written a full-length French paper in her life.)</p>
<p>Her first grade was average for the class, which she found encouraging, since they were all sophomores and juniors. She stuck with it (had to study a lot harder than she’d expected just to master the vocabulary), and wound up with one of 2 As in the class. You never know what you can do until you’re under fire.</p>
<p>Hang in there, harvestmoon! There was an opinion piece about language acquisition in the New York Times on the weekend. The author remarked on the tremendous visual recognition abilities that people have. He suggested that when you are trying to learn vocabulary in a foreign language, you should go straight from the word to the image of it, with no intermediate translation into the English word. For example, when learning “gato,” don’t try to learn “gato = cat,” instead try to learn “gato = image from one of your favorite cat picture/video sites on the internet.” [I realize that you would already have the French for cat solidly in mind, so the specifics are not helpful, but the strategy works for other words, too.] The author of the opinion piece claimed that this worked really well for him. I realize that you are in Montreal for a very short time, but if the professor from your home university thinks you are doing all right, just relax! I know this is easier said than done.</p>
<p>OP, I’m assuming that like most kids you carry a smartphone with a camera. Emailing your mom a quick photo off something fun in the city every day or two might be good enough as “proof of life” and something she’d enjoy without the need for a long conversation while you’re busy practicing your French and eating poutine. Heck, I still do that for my mom when I get business travel to interesting spots, and I’m some old guy (and she’s closing in on eighty). </p>
<p>Class is actually going a lot better now. My comprehension is improving though I’m still struggling with my speech, and as far as the grammar goes, we’re on a new unit in which I’m doing very well. I may not be able to always communicate my thoughts, but I’m happy to know that I understand what’s going on.</p>
<p>And in regards to the drama with my mother, she gave me a quite a surprise recently: she told me she went to the doctor and was put on light depression pills. She has been very depressed ever since my dad died and has been acting out a lot, so I’m happy she finally got some help. We’d discussed it before and she was always in denial, but I guess my being gone finally motivated her to do so? </p>
<p>In any case, I hope that she benefits from it and that it doesn’t make her even worse or even more emotional.</p>
<p>As far as your mom goes, just say something placating to her and don’t let it bother you. She kind of sounds like a drama queen. Don’t let it get to you, just keep on keeping on. You have enough stress right now, she doesn’t need to be thinking of herself and burdening you with guilt.</p>
<p>I hope you have more fun, soon. This will be one of the memories of your life, and I hope it is a great one. Drink more wine, visit more museums. Do happy things and get the stress out of your mind. </p>
<p>I wrote this without seeing your last post. So that makes sense. But I hope you don’t let her problems bother you, during this amazing time. That is great she has seen a doctor. Though you can worry about her later, right now, have fun! Before you know it, you’ll be gone, and wishing you were back in France.</p>
<p>Good to hear things are looking better in Montreal and at home! </p>
<p>It sounds like your professor did place you at the correct level after all. The lower one would not have challenged or stretched you. </p>
<p>Hopefully your mother is coming out of her grieving period - I remember your other posts. It has been a long and trying period for you. Don’t worry about the medication’s particular effects right now. The important thing is she recognized a problem AND did something about it. That’s huge</p>
<p>Glad to hear about everything in post #49! In terms of speaking French, have you read David Sedaris’s essay about learning French in France? I think it’s called “Me talk pretty some day.” My impression was that the students, including Sedaris, started out somewhere around “disastrous” in French, and progressed to merely “bad.” It’s pretty funny. </p>
<p>People who have become fluent speakers of second and further languages can probably give you better advice than I can, but it might be worthwhile to let down your guard a little, in terms of speaking. Being relaxed will almost certainly help.</p>
<p>The Sedaris essay is hysterical. Anyone who has studied French (or really any foreign language) should read it. </p>
<p>As for your Mom, when my son was in Jordan I told him I’d be happy just to see pictures on Facebook every week. His father felt more of a need to talk so we Skyped once a week. At any rate I love the idea of sending your Mom a photo every day.</p>
<p>Glad to know you are feeling more confident about the class.</p>
<p>I remember when my husband came home from the lab after our first week in Germany saying how frustrating it was because he couldn’t even tell where words ended people spoke so fast. (He’d been assured everyone in the lab spoke English. It was true that everyone could speak excellent English, but all casual conversations were in German. He was very glad he’d studied some German before we went there.)</p>
<p>About your mom: it doesn’t sound quite right to me either. Maybe the medication will help. Could you send her a short, like one line, email at the same time every day? Would that placate her? If she were more tech savvy you could be sending her other short easy messages and pics. </p>
<p>Degree of contact is one of those growing up and growing away issues. When my kids have been abroad I have been happy with a “landed” or “arrived” message, and then maybe an occasional picture or one line update. We can talk when we are reunited. But I am 1) old enough to remember when long distance was expensive and still kind of have that idea and 2) see going away as practice for being on your own. My husband has different expectations. He loves the contact potential that comes with technology and wants more frequent updates. </p>
<p>I add that at your stage in life you may have different contacts with different people. One son is in frequent contact with the GF, more so than with me. But I understand that is normal. And they talk about different things. Can your mom see that? That you may post fb pics for your college friends, but probably aren’t emailing them? </p>
<p>D1 was away for 9 months, in a country I worried about. Those one-liners were wonderful.
Also, send her a postcard every few days, since she doesn’t have FB. From Canada, should get to her in a jiffy, she gets the visual and you have space for a note. She can hold it, then stick the card on the refrig and look at it every day. Oh, the tricks we learned.</p>
<p>Today is my last day, and all went well!!! Grades aren’t final yet, but I’m fairly sure I passed the course with around an 80%, which I think is equal to a B+ here. I can’t believe I actually pulled it off!!</p>
<p>As for the non-academic stuff, I learned so much about myself and about what I can handle in life. Most importantly, I realized that I CAN function without my mother and that I can actually take care of myself. In fact, I’m actually having a hard time with the fact that I have to go home because I love my new life. There’s no one yelling at me, no one guilt-tripping me, no one breathing down my neck – I can do what I want and what’s best for me. I know that sounds entirely selfish, but I don’t care because it’s so empowering!</p>
<p>Also, I am seriously considering studying abroad for real next year in France for a full semester. After making it through this experience, I KNOW that I can do it. I just need to adjust and master my initial anxieties. I actually became really good friends with my German roommate, and since she’s been traveling the world for years now, she thinks I should do it and even assured me that we could meet up if I’m ever in Europe!</p>
<p>So, though the beginning was rough, I had an incredible time, learned a ton of French, made some good friends, and made some ever-lasting memories. I can’t wait to travel again!!</p>
<p>Congratulations
I’m so glad to hear you made it and learned everything you could - not just linguistically but about yourself and what you can do. do you live on campus ? If so arrest your autonomy and don’t go home every week end. Definitely start thinking about your next study abroad semester. finally pat yourself on the back - you made it! ‘Bravo !’ :)</p>
I can’t wait to travel again!!</p>