I am a 24 year old who battles with anxiety and OCD and when these things spike I can fall into a depression. I am currently studying abroad in Canterbury, England and it has been much more overwhelming than I have expected. I thought I could handle my mental illnesses abroad, but I am not sure I can. I have been here a week and it seems these issues have only been getting worse. I am trying not to have panic attacks while walking outside, but it is taking a lot out of me. I know it has only been a week, but I just don’t know how I can do this for several more months. I am still not clear if I stay here until April or June. Depends if my class has a final or not. I just didn’t think it would be this difficult. I think the age difference isn’t helping. I am going out with people about 3 to 4 years younger than me and it just feels so forced. I fake laughs and pretend I am interested in the things they are. I am searching for people who I can feel some connection with, but I only really had one good night. I am latching on to some people because I have no one else, but I am unable to speak to them about my worries and struggles, which makes it difficult for me to feel any kind of connection. I have so many people supporting me and cheering me on, but I am really trying, but my tenseness seems to be getting worse. Guess I just don’t want to feel like a failure coming home or even thinking about coming home. I thought I was stronger than this.
Do you see a counselor when you are at school? If so, is there a way to set up a phone session? If not, can you talk to whomever is running your program there about counseling services?
No, I haven’t. I have a therapist back home that I see when needed. As I said before my mental illnesses have never been severe. It is starting to get a little out of my control currently being in this study abroad program. I am currently filling out papers for their wellbeing services. They have a group meeting tomorrow, so I am hoping that helps. At this point, I really do want to come home. I just feel so isolated here even when I am out with others. I never knew you could be so lonely even with others. I saw a castle, a cathedral, and explored the little town here and I am still so unhappy. I am trying to tell my brain this is exciting and fun, but I still feel very unhappy. I am doing my best and everyone has told me it gets better, but for me it seems to be working the opposite way. I never had a “honeymoon” stage. I really want to be happy here and I am trying.
- Being lonely and scared isn't irrational when you are in a completely unfamiliar place with no one you know and feel comfortable with. I don't mean to belittle your problems -- you know they are serious, you know you need to get some professional help. I'm just commenting on what seems to be your expectation that you should be having a "honeymoon stage." Right now, you "should" probably be feeling some version of what you are feeling: a little disoriented, a little lonely, a little homesick. But without the panic, OCD, and depression.
- Please get some help. The internet is good for lots of things, but not so much for that. (Except for maybe Skyping with your therapist back home!)
As I said up above I am reaching out to the services offered here. I have always reached out for my mental health, but I posted to see if any others have had gone through the same thing and can offer some helpful advice. The internet has been helpful because knowing you aren’t alone cane help. I most definitely had expectations for this trip. I agree, but now i dropped those all and honestly just want to be okay. It doesn’t need to be a perfect or lovely trip, but one that I am not suffering through immensely.
Do you think that your symptoms are caused in part by the fact that you are only getting 8.5 hours of daylight? T
Don’t think so, where I am from back home it is much darker. In fact right about now it’s very gloomy most days, so I don’t imagine that’s the reason since I have dealt with much worse weather.
The fact that you are reaching out for services is a great first step- keep going in that direction. I think study abroad semesters can start out like this for many people and just get better once you get to know people and start to feel more comfortable. Give it a little time; it’s all new and you obviously wanted this opportunity. Get the medical help you need and keep posting so we know how you are.
If you have only been there a week, I wonder if adjusting to the time change is playing a role. You may feel better after some nights of quality sleep.
Thank you. I am reaching out to honestly everyone because I never had such severe anxiety before and it’s quite scary. I have a routine already. I go to sleep around 10is and wake up at 7ish in the morning. I was lucky where my sleeping schedule wasn’t messed up, but this could be because of my slight depression. I could sleep for a long time here, which isn’t the norm for me. It’s morning and I immediately wake up with anxiety. At night I give myself a pep talk and then in the morning it feels like my progress goes back down because I wake up so incredibly tense. Sorry if I am going on and on about my issues. I hate talking about this to strangers, but I was hoping this would help. I always worry people mistake my anxiety/depression/OCD (so much fun lol) as me being “dramatic”. Anyone who knows me knows I have always pushed forth and I have always been high functioning with my mental illnesses, so this is all taking me back. I am not use to being so low because I have never been like this. I go out everyday here, so I am just waiting for that to help some, but it just feels like I am failing at something everyone else seems to be easing into.
Talk to your stateside therapist and your parents as well as pursuing help where you are before deciding to quit and go home. Your anxiety may still be heightened by the initial culture shock of being suddenly overseas. If this is the case, it should calm down to your typical levels with a little time to adjust. Don’t give each up this special experience too soon. Working through your pain (with help) may end up being strengthening for your life overall in the long run.
I am trying to keep that in mind. A part of me is screaming to leave now, but I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t try all avenues to make me feel better first. I am very stubborn, so my family and friends are more worried that I would stay here even if I never adjust because I would feel like a failure if I don’t stay here. I am trying to adjust and also to tell myself my health is more important than anything. I am trying to tell myself it might go away. Everyone I have spoken to said they are started to adjust around this time, so I need to remember that might not be the case for me. Everything is individual. I need to remember everything I do at home and my strength that I have at home and somehow bring that here.
1- it is not “failure” to show up in a new place and to have trouble adjusting to the new reality. That’s called “life”, not failure. Some people are unusually resilient but most people are not and there is a period of discomfort for most of us.
2- Everyone- even the resilient- hear the voices in their head screaming to go home. New job, first day of a new assignment, moving to a new neighborhood- our lives are filled with transitions and part of being an adult is to recognize your stressors and to learn coping strategies.
3- Get yourself into counseling ASAP. Even if it’s just someone to touch base with every few days. Don’t try and tough this out by yourself.
4-Are you taking your meds?
Big hug. This is an ambitious transition you are going through and you wouldn’t be human if there weren’t some bumps in the road.
Thank you for the reply! I do have medication and I do have someone to touch base with. I went to my first international group and it was good! I feel more hopeful and also my roommates talked to me today, which helps make me a little more at ease in my own house. I know I am not a failure and logically I understand everything everyone has said, but for me my anxiety can truly make me doubt myself especially if it is spiked. But today was better, so that’s a win there! 
Update: I can’t see anyone at my university until 5 weeks!! Ugh!
My older daughter was very unhappy in the beginning when she studied abroad. She didn’t have any mental issues, but she was still anxious and unhappy. She cried almost everyday because she missed home. I asked her what would make her feel better. She said she would like to be able to watch some American movies and TV shows. At her school, she wasn’t able to get very good internet service. I signed her for a stick to get good internet service. For some reason, just a little bit of home comfort got her over the hump. Of course, she also tried to find her ways at her new environment. She ended up having the best time of her life. She made some lifelong friends.
OP - I told my daughter’s story to let you know that it is quite normal to feel anxious in any new environment, but in your case it is probably magnified. Maybe you could try to find some small ways to make you happy, just like my daughter with watching American movies. Have you thought about doing some meditation in the morning when you feel anxious. I do and it calms me down. What about going for a run or quick walk in the morning?
You are not a failure. Most people do feel anxious and sometimes scared at a new place, especially when they are by themselves. Once you get more used to your environment you will feel more comfortable. Reach out to your therapist if the feeling becomes too intense. You can do skype with you therapist without incurring international call charges.
I also recommend video sessions with your counselor. But Skype is not secure - you’ll need to ask for the name of the secure service - I can’t recall it off the top of my head.
It is interesting you say Skype is not secure. We use skype for business.
I have been out every single day since I have been here. I walk, I go eat alone, I go eat with the two girls I talk to time to time, I journal, I go to classes (granted it is hard to focus), I do watch American television, and I keep contact with my home. I don’t Skype or facetime, I know if I did it would enhance my feelings, so I can’t do that. I am just kind of getting to a point of being numb to the situation and just trying to “fake it” the best I can. Everyone says it goes away and I have done everything everyone has suggested and it isn’t clicking here. I still feel so alone and isolated. I know it is still early, but 3 to 6 months of this seems pointless. Everyone made it out to seem once I do everything they suggested I would feel better and it really hasn’t. I can’t see a professional here until five weeks, so I not sure what else to do. Mornings are the worst for me. I get up and get ready with anxiety the whole morning.
Do you have a therapist outside the university at home you can talk to. Many students have successfully used Skype for this sort of thing. I had a horrible summer in grad school where I went on a school sponsored study abroad and just did not connect with anyone else on the trip. I ended up sitting by myself on all the bus rides. It was pretty awful, but I did survive, mostly because it was a relatively short program.
I just wanted to reassure you many students feel alone and scared when they do something new and are thrown in with a new group of people. It takes time. And I agree with others, some people have a honeymoon period, some don’t.