Worst. Rejection. Letter. Ever

Colleges and Universities A-Z Barnard College
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<p>I am writing this for my daughter, who loved Barnard, and had very much hoped to attend. Who, like so many other applicants, had put heart and soul into those agonizing application essays required by this fine school. (Query: Why does Barnard pretend that it’s a “Common App.” School when it requires no fewer than four very unique, institutionally-specific essays, separate from the Common Application Essay?)</p>

<p>Barnard’s rejection letter was, in its own way, a mercy. The letter helped to ease the pain of rejection. Cauterized the wound, in a sense, by making the cut quick and clean. The casual thoughtlessness of the rejection letter left no possibility whatsoever (for DD) of any fond, backward glances and sentimental “what-ifs,” I can tell you that!</p>

<p>Worst. Rejection. Letter. Ever.</p>

<p>Ever.</p>

<p>I have read my share of rejection letters over the years. My own. Those addressed to two other children. I am a high-school teacher, so my students sometimes drag in letters as they seek some sympathy. Nevertheless, Barnard’s terse, 129-word response (to the five-essay application they required) wins the prize, hands down, for : WORST.</p>

<p>The first paragraph says that the Committee on Application completed its review of candidates. The Committee carefully considered my daughter’s application, “giving particular attention to [her] academic and personal achievements.” They are “unable to offer [her] a place in the Class of 2016.” The paragraph does, almost grudgingly, use the word “unfortunately.”</p>

<p>The second paragraph says: “This year, the College received a record number of applications. Such a large number of well-qualified applicants for the limited number of places in the first year class made admission extremely selective.” (end of paragraph)</p>

<p>The third paragraph is the REAL kicker. (The “kicker in the teeth-er.”) It begins with “Please understand that all admissions decisions are final and we cannot accept requests for re-consideration or appeals.” It continues: “We appreciate your interest in Barnard College and I regret that we cannot offer you a place in the class. I wish you much success in your academic pursuits.”</p>

<p>This rather insensitive letter pretty much reads as: “We got your application. We read it. We don’t want you. We are much too selective for you, anyway. And, now, please go away and don’t bother us any more. No, really: no more.” (Good luck, Loser.)</p>

<p>Makes you kind of forget all about Millie the Dancing Bear and all the fol-de-rol about women bonding together. Honestly, as I said, I’ve read many rejection letters, and have never reacted as I do to this one. Take it as sour grapes if you will, but understand that I have never, ever before held a rejection against any school. (Well, not for more than a day and a half, anyway.)</p>

<p>Worst. Rejection. Letter. Ever.</p>

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<p>It didn’t sound that bad to me…maybe a bit more concise than some others, but not anywhere near as bad as you made it out to be. A rejection letter is just that, a letter stating the college’s decision to reject an applicant. It isn’t the school’s job to write a flowery, 2 page, apologetic letter assuring the applicant that he/she will have a great future.</p>

<p>As someone who received a rejection and a waitlist letter this week, I can tell you that after we find out that it’s not an acceptance, we have little interest in reading about how exceptional the other applicants were. </p>

<p>Tell me I got rejected, thank me for my interest, end letter.</p>

3

<p>saman 42:</p>

<p>I agree with you to a point. If they had left off the last paragraph, DD would have accepted the letter as merely “businesslike.” (Although even that seems inconsistent with what Barnard tries to project as the sisterhood-style, welcoming spirit of the college. But never mind.) It was the third paragraph that seemed almost condescending. A pre-emptive strike against any girl who would be so (presumptuous? bold? “FEARLESS” ???) as to send in additional materials.</p>

<p>My daughter had not the slightest intention of sending in any additional materials. She is willing to take “no” for an answer. She has other options, and has always known (and been told) “better than” to fall in love with only one school (although Barnard was her top choice, and probably would have been ED, if not for financial aid considerations). And, yes, I am sure that Barnard may be rather annoyed by the receipt of additional materials from the many assertive, strong, “fearless” girls who take some initiative and make an appeal even in the face of rejection. But did Barnard have to pre-emptively hold out its hand, palm forward, with such a dismissive “STOP” motion? And in such a manner as to evoke, from at least one recipient, a small, hurt mutter of “Who asked ya, anyway?” It felt, to DD, almost as if a boyfriend had broken up with her, and then added: “And, now, much as I know you’ll want to, please don’t be calling me up and asking to get back together. I just get too many of those calls from ex-girlfriends…”</p>

<p>Your opinion may differ. First two paragraphs: Businesslike, although not very sensitive to girls who have really put themselves out there and waited three months or more for a decision. The third paragraph: Well, Barnard, so sorry about the problems you must have, what with all these starry-eyed girls pestering you with appeals. Vaguely insulting to one’s pride for you to imply that I was planning to beg you, anyway, but, well, never mind…</p>

<p>As I said, your opinion may differ.</p>

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<p>That is how most rejection letters are. As a pro on rejection letters, 98% of them say exactly what yours said. I think it may have pinched a nerve because Barnard was a top school for your D, but honestly, all rejections are like that.</p>

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<p>Mango: No. All rejection letters simply are NOT like that. I have read many, many in my time. Some very kind; some mediocre; some so-so. The rejection, of course, always hurts. But this one (the letter itself) is NOT “typical.” It is simply not. I do speak (sadly) from a wealth of experience. Maybe the difference is that I usually read letters from either LACs or the HYPSMs-type schools. Perhaps the larger/state schools do send out more businesslike letters, and I just haven’t seen them.</p>

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<p>It honestly is not that big of a deal. Many even warn the candidate against trying to contact the admissions office to seek an explanation. There are only so many ways that they can write “Too many applicants, not enough space.” </p>

<p>It does hurt but to put it bluntly, once you are no longer a priority AKA admitted student, they do not care.</p>

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<p>Wash U sent a 2 sentence rejection letter. Now that one was really bad.</p>

<p>I am not familiar with LACs but I got rejections from USC, Hopkins, Northwestern, Cornell, etc, basically all the big schools, and pretty much all if them implied that their class was very competitive this year blah blah. USC even posted stats- that the mid GPA was a 3,8 and SATs in the 97th percentile, insinuating that you were under qualified and were beaten by smarter people.</p>

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<p>I do not agree. I have read many rejection letters as well, both in my personal life and in a professional capacity. Many are worse. Far worse. Williams and Mary questioned my daughter’s judgement in applying. Vassar was sure we understood that there were many more qualified than she.</p>

<p>I really don’t see anything in this letter to give offense. </p>

<p>And many do state that reviews are not possible. And if that is the case, why not just go ahead and make that clear?</p>

<p>I am sorry your daughter feels hurt, but since your evaluation of Barnard is now so low, I am sure she has a better option available to her.</p>

<p>By the way, Brown’s rejection letter was the absolute nicest. It read sometime to the effect of “our loss is another institution’s gain.” This was even more pronounced in my son’s wait list letter. However, it felt a bit disingenuous, because the result was the same: you can’t come.</p>

<p>However, you are certainly entitled to feel as you do, and I wouldn’t discredit your feelings even though I don’t respond in the same manner.</p>

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<p>I guess Barnard might have eased the pain a bit by saying there was a certain amount of luck involved in who got in an who didn’t, which is true, but what would the point be? They worked long and hard and did their best, and they don’t intend to reopen the process for anyone. I’ve seen people on CC talk about appealing decisions, so it’s reasonable to assume Barnard has had to deal with the issue and just wanted to make sure everyone knew it was time to move on. The same letter went to everyone. Only 17% of those not admitted in ED got acceptance letters. Of course, it’s hard not to take it personally, and there are a couple of schools I don’t have a good feeling about after rejections, but I think OP is trying to find something in the letter to explain the hurt, when it is mainly just inherent in the situation.</p>

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<p>Here’s my interpretation of the pieces you quoted:</p>

<p>“We spent much effort and time on the applications. There were so many more well-qualified applicants than we’ve ever had before. Thus, admissions is far more competitive this year than it’s been in years past. Please understand that we won’t be able to discuss decisions. Thank you for being interested. We are sorry. We hope you have a great college experience no matter where you go.”</p>

<p>That’s my personal reading. It will differ from yours and many others. I’m extremely sorry that Barnard disappointed you and your daughter. I personally don’t, however, feel that what you’ve quoted is indicative of irritation or thoughtlessness or annoyance. I have the sense that they are trying to explain the situation as tactfully as possible. For you, perhaps, it didn’t go down that way. People read things differently. It doesn’t mean one reading is wrong or right. It also doesn’t mean that there was ill-intent behind the text. </p>

<p>I am a Barnard student, and I’ve had nothing but great interactions with the admissions people. They are some of the friendliest people I’ve ever met. On behalf of them and everyone else at Barnard, I’d like to ask you to please not hold whatever you feel against the school. Barnard is made up of wonderful women and men. We are not out to be rude or insensitive to anyone. It’s not fair to judge all the individuals that make up the collective, because of a letter that can be read in more than one way.</p>

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<p>I understand that rejection from any college can be a painful experience. No one wants to see a skinny envelope that says, essentially, “no”. </p>

<p>I have to say, though, my kids’ absolute worst “rejections” came from top choice colleges that accepted them, and then twisted knives into their guts by denying even a semblance of the need-based financial aid they would need. (A practice labeled “admit-deny”). I guess that lets the college shed the responsibility of telling the applicant no, and passes that right onto the shoulders of the parent. Does wonders for the parent-child relationship.</p>

<p>Speaking of that – back in the day when I had to deal with that issue, I thought it was my job as a mom to help my kids through that process. Part of that involved being a cheerleader for my kids, and part involved being a cheerleader for the financially-manageable colleges that did accept them. So I am a little bit concerned that the “worst rejection letter ever” post is coming from a parent, not a kid. I mean… it gives me the sense of a parent being overly invested in the process. Especially when you cite to the specific language, which seem rather typical for a rejection letter – you have had to twist the words yourself to make them sound worse. Obviously Barnard has had a problem in past years with calls, letters & complaints from students and parents wanting to “appeal” admission letters – so they are proactive about informing applicants that there is no appal or reconsideration process. </p>

<p>I am also a little puzzled by the anger over the supplemental essays. I was delighted with every college application that required a series of short answers or encouraged a creative main essay. First, it was fun to read what my daughter wrote – those short answers tended to bring out more interesting nuggets of information than the common app essay. Second, perhaps because my daughter’s test scores weren’t reflective of her true talents, I know that those extras were her key to admissions – it meant the schools were interested in learning something more about her, as a person – and not just looking at the “stats”. </p>

<p>My final comment is that if, indeed, your daughter is half as upset over this as you are – then New York city would NOT be a good place for her to attend school. Because the people there are definitely NOT “nice”. No one really takes the time to say excuse me or I’m sorry or worry about whose feelings they are hurting as they rush about their business. A certain level of brusqueness - which people from most parts of the world other than NY may interpret as rudeness - simply is the norm, and something Barnard students face every time they go past the security desk leading into their dorm. So if your daughter is in tears over this letter, then you can take it as a sign that there would be many more tears in the future if she had somehow been admitted to a school in a city that is anything but warm and fuzzy. </p>

<p>I do hope that you simply wanted to vent your own parental frustration, perhaps because you personally would have liked to see your daughter at Barnard - or perhaps because, like many, you misjudged the degree of selectivity of Barnard. (I think sometimes, high-stat kids look at Barnard a “safety” for schools that even more selective – obviously not the case). I hope you planned well and that your daughter has other excellent options for college. </p>

<p>And no, it isn’t the “worst rejection letter ever.” Wait until your kid is out of school and looking for employment. Nine out of ten employers don’t even bother to tell the applicant they have rejected her-- they just never call back after the interview.</p>

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<p>I remember back in December Columbia’s rejection letter said: we’re not mailing out rejections, so print it out if you want it.</p>

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<p>^but I got into all the other ivies minus Princeton, as well as into Stanford, so screw them lol</p>

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<p>It seems typical to me. What do you consider a good rejection letter? I believe there is a section on this board where kids have posted their worst rejections letters. Look and see how your D’s compares with them.</p>

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<p>Among the twenty-four letters of rejection I received from medical schools there was one standout, Bowman-Gray. It was so beautifully written, I showed it to my father. I said,’’ Look at this. It’s almost a privilege to be rejected by this school.’ I wish now that I had held onto it to use as a model when I had to start writing rejection letters.</p>

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<p>…doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. Rejection letters are just there to tell you didn’t get in, and they all say the same thing in the end. Honestly, this society is really soft…it’s a rejection letter, no one really cares what’s in it. </p>

<p>I got 2 rejection letters this year. I didn’t even read them, just looked for the admitted or denied part, because that is what they are for. I don’t really care what the rest says</p>

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<p>Just as a point of interest, someone on this board asked about any process to appeal admissions decisions. Two days ago, I think. </p>

<p>I agree with others that, though certainly painful to read, the particular letter does not seem in any way heartless or unfeeling. I am sorry your daughter (and you ) were disappointed with this result, but hope as others have said that she has some other great options to consider.</p>

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<p>Eponymousse, I am a writer and have received over 500 rejection letters! There are a couple that I will always remember because they made me feel worse than all the others. Sometimes rejections are worded in a way that is cordial and respectful of the writer and her work, sometimes they are completely non-emotional. The two that stand out in my mind were snide and unfriendly. I agree with you that the third paragraph could have been worded differently. I had the same impression as you, that admissions was slicing just a little bit deeper into an open wound. This isn’t the only rejection my daughter has gotten, but it is the only one that left me feeling like, “Oh, really … .” Just because a few young women might be inclined to call admissions to debate their decision doesn’t mean that the other 3,800-or-so rejected deserved what felt to me like a preemptive reprimand. </p>

<p>Anyway, your feelings are your feelings and they are not invalid. </p>

<p>I’m sure both of our daughters will go on to do amazing things.</p>

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<p>I agree with Eponymousse & BettiMTmom. My daughter was also rejected from Barnard, and my husband and I were a bit taken aback by the letter. (We’ve read our share of them: undergraduate… medical school… law school… ) (The graduate school ones DO tend to be very brusque, as one responder put it. But the undergrad letters usually take the time to be a little more considerate of these 17- and 18-year-olds.)</p>

<p>Oberlin’s letter, for instance, said something to the effect of “we just don’t have the space to admit all of the very qualified applicants whose applications we receive, and so we regret that…” Another school’s was especially nice, and more or less said, “Every year we must turn down students who go out and make us sorry we couldn’t admit them.” One of my daughter’s friends received a letter in which, pro forma or not, the Dean of Admissions mentions his(?) her(?) “disappointment” at not being able to admit candidates who are interesting and qualified, but, then says well, a decision has to be made. yes, okay, the end result is the same-- but, YES, the FORM, the WORDS, the STYLE… DOES (do) matter.</p>

<p>Here’s another point: Before the application was sent, didn’t all of our daughters receive–what??–maybe half a dozen or more colorful postcards, brochures, letters, etc, all with bright, smiley faces, and cheery messages about Community and Life at Barnard? And splashed with messages such as “Picture Yourself Here!” and “You’ll Fit Right In!” Then there was that essay Barnard asked for, all about being “Unafraid.” My own daughter wrote about how she IS NOT “unafraid,” but is getting there (gave an example), and would very much LIKE to be “unafraid.” Then, even AFTER our daughters applied, didn’t they all receive yet a few more colorful brochures? (Surely it wasn’t just my own daughter who received one or two of these, post-application?)</p>

<p>So, there’s all this cheerful encouragement, and lots of talk about strength, and bonding, and feminism, and courage. Then the rejection letter comes, and that third paragraph kind of erases it all, and leaves the impression of : “Never mind. Forget all that. You aren’t part of our group. Please don’t bother us again.” In fact, I think that BettiMT’s word completely sums it up: That paragraph read as if it were a REPRIMAND ! My daughter felt scolded (preemptively) for being presumptuous enough to want to join this cheerful-brochure place she had been so strongly encouraged to join. (And she was being told “no way!” by the very people who had asked her to write the essay on feminism and being “unafraid.”)</p>

<p>The rejection letter could have been worded much better. The boyfriend/break-up analogy is an excellent one. Just break up with me. Don’t “slice just a little bit deeper” (credit BettiMTmom for that phrase) by insinuating that you know very well that I’ll be pursuing you, that I won’t accept the break-up, and that you just won’t have it, and plan to turn your phone off. It’s kind of demeaning and insulting. Just my opinion. It IS a lousy third paragraph! </p>

<p>YMMV.</p>

1 Like
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<p>Since a group of you feel that the rejection letter was gratuitously pain inflicting, I think it’s quite okay to call admissions and tell them that. Of course, it serves them more than it serves you, but you may also be serving next year’s crop of 17 and 18-year-olds from similar hurt.</p>

<p>You may also experience the sense of closure that taking action often brings.</p>

<p>I did just that with Vassar; I wish I had with William and Mary because theirs was the most egregious we received.</p>

<p>I also called Brown and let them know how much we appreciated their letter.</p>

<p>In most cases the kudoes or boos are due just one writer, and perhaps Barnard’s writer is not the most sensitive person.</p>

<p>I know it’s not much consolation, but I have come to believe that most of the places my kids were rejected were places they they would not have been happy, for a variety of reasons. I hope that is the case in most instances with Barnard as well. Sometimes it takes a while for this to be apparent.</p>

<p>And I’m sorry if my remarks “cut a little deeper” as well.</p>