<p>Readingnow, you wrote exactly what I was planning to. I’d have expected there to be a thread on it in the W&M forum, but didn’t see one.</p>
<p>This was years ago. They probably have a way nicer letter now.</p>
<p>I have a feeling that if you could manage to dig up the old letter, you would see a discrepancy between your current memory, based on your subjective response at the time, compared to the actual words used. </p>
<p>I mean – the OP was upset about these words from Barnard:
“Please understand that all admissions decisions are final and we cannot accept requests for re-consideration or appeals.”</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be surprised if 7 years down the line, she and her daughter “remember” those words as, “Don’t bother to call, we’ve made up our mind and we don’t want you here.”</p>
<p>I mean, that’s the emotional impact that caused mother & daughter to feel so upset in the first place, so that is probably the idea that will resonate most in their memories. </p>
<p>Interestingly enough, I remember the Brown rejection letter to my daughter as being quite nasty, and you seem to remember a Brown rejection letter as being rather nice. I am thinking that perhaps my daughter and I were put off by a message that seemed terse or impersonal … but I really don’t remember beyond that, and I am not even sure now whether we are remembering a printed letter or an online message. </p>
<p>It’s easy to read sentiments into the words of a letter that aren’t there – certainly that happens all the times with personal communications, it’s even more likely to happen with a form letter coming from strangers.</p>
<p>I’d also note that the William & Mary threads on CC go back to December 2004. There are no complaints about the tone of the rejection letter back in spring of 2005 – so I think notakid’s observation makes some sense. I’m sure they sent an inartfully worded letter – just not quite so sure it is as disdainful as you remember it to be.</p>
<p>No. No one was really interested in the school. There was no emotional hurt. I was only interested in it as a teacher of writing. There were other schools whose rejection stung, but they were not oddities of writing. This was. You don’t need to believe me, but I have an excellent memory for how things are worded. That’s why I passed my PhD qualifying exam with high honors, a rare designation.</p>
<p>I’m not a Ph.D. I earned a JD instead. I learned that hearsay was inadmissible, for good reason. </p>
<p>I couldn’t even begin to count the times in my legal career that a witness or client insisted that a document had particular wording … and then when I see the document it says nothing of the sort. That’s simply a product of normal fallibility of human memory – so no big deal – but its why lawyers and judges insist on working from actual documents, and not on second-hand reports of what the document said.</p>
<p>Unless we have the actual verbiage from the actual letter, it’s a she-said/they-said. I agree the actual message couldn’t possibly be that harsh, and until we have proof otherwise, the school is innocent util proven guilty in my book.</p>
<p>No worries. I don’t think it’s about any school; just a lone letter writer. I don’t think these letters reflect on the school at all.</p>
<p>Calmom’s point about going back to original sources is well taken. Otherwise, one could end up with an interpretation as overblown as the one below, which inflates my original post rather wildly. She somehow has decided (and writes that) my daughter is:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I am not sure where in the original source (my first post) she found the implied and prolonged effort of “mulling over” or the supposed “managing” to find. I recommend she revisit the original source, as her “emotional memory” of the posting has led her to make a comment that is rather condescending and HIGHLY inaccurate: the verb phrases used suggest that my daughter’s explicit goal is to use extended periods of time (“mull over”) to discover that which will allow her to to enjoy a certain victimhood, especially an unjustified victimhood (“manages to find a way…”)</p>
<p>Again: the phrasing does matter.</p>
<p>And, by the way: The final paragraph of the Barnard rejection letter is/was not a “gratuitous” line. It is one-third of the rejection letter. If it IS gratuitous, that begs the question of why the admissions office is giving so little thought to the letter it is sending out to literally thousands of girls who have/had, at least as of late March, warm and positive feelings for Barnard.</p>
<p>In this case, the original post is available for all to see, with a direct quote of the sentence in question.</p>
<p>To my eyes the sentence is completely straightforward and innocuous. I could not have possibly imagined why anyone would take offense at it, but for the 464-word hyperbolic rant characterizing it thrice over as the “worst. rejection. letter. ever.”</p>
<p>So that’s where I draw the inference that there was some mulling or ruminating going on.</p>
<p>But then, again, as noted — I was trained as a lawyer. I suppose the proper thing would be to simply do what the courts do – the colleges could leave off the “regrets” part and simply write letters saying, “After due consideration of all materials submitted, your application for admission is DENIED.”</p>
<p>If they all did that, it would save on ink and no one could debate about the intent of the language.</p>
<p>@calmom this is a bit late, but in reference to your reply to me, yes, they do. or at least the vast majority of my friends’ parents have bought them something or given them something as a consolation gift for being rejected from somewhere. it’s not a practice i agree with nor do i plan on doing so with my own kids in the future, however it does happen quite frequently, in families of all income levels. however i was referring more to the practice of parents hovering and constantly asking if a child is okay for days on end, and other such things, merely because of a rejection. the gift thing was just a more concrete example, i suppose.</p>
<p>also @ the OP- in all of my rejections and in many prestigious/large schools’ websites, there are specific parts where they state plainly that appeals cannot be considered and all decisions are final. examples that spring to mind include Stanford, the Ivies, JHU, etc. they’re not being malicious they’re just trying to preempt the flurry of appeals that they know will be sent, after years of the same thing happening over and over again.</p>
My bf got rejected by a medical school and it read “we have gone over your application and would like to inform you that you did not meet our standards and would like to recommend you to not apply here again”. So if anything this is the worst one I’ve ever seen
^^ Wow! I bet that med school does not teach any classes in bedside manner!
I must say that Americans are thin-skinned. Try applying to a British university. If you aren’t accepted, you hear from the application processor (not the university itself) and the email reads, “we regret to inform you that the above university has considered your application. We regret to inform you that your application has been unsuccessful. Should you have applied to other universities…”
Barnard’s letter is nice in that it saves unsuccessful applicants the angst of thinking that they might be able to appeal a negative decision. Better to draw a line under things.
In Japan, you usually go to the college you applied to and look at the posting. The application numbers of those who are admitted get posted on the big board on the notification day. Some people jump with joy, some people crumble with dissapointment and cry… It is dramatic.
If you cannot go to the college, you arrange a telegram or a postcard. Those who are admitted receive the line “The cherry blossom is blossoming.” Those who get rejected receive the line “The cherry blossom petals are falling” Isn’t that so poetic?
Well, those were the days. Maybe it’s just simple e-mail notification these days.
I’m sure it hurts. I don’t think the letter is that bad. It’s a good solid rejection.
Our worst was an acceptance letter–accepted to the school, but not to the major. It was like dangling a giant ice cream cone in front of my son and then telling him he wasn’t allowed to taste it. And then we pursued, as in, “well, can he transfer into this major after proving himself?” And after 3 painful emails with a rude and unclear admissions officer, the answer was no. It felt like, “we don’t want you, but we have some open spots in this other department we need to fill, so you can have one of those if you pay us $$$$$$$$$$. And you’ll be able to watch everyone else have ice cream! But none for you!” That’s how it felt.
Later on he got into a higher ranked (for the major) school. So there!!
Keep your chin up.
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