Would someone PLEASE edit my UC personal statement??!! I really need some critiques.

<p>I rewrote my personal statement and I think it is way better now. However, I really need someone to read and edit my essay. Please give me some good feeback/critiques for my essay! Explain what I need to do to improve my personal statement. Check for spelling, grammar, and structure. Tell me if you want to edit my essay and I'll PM it you! Also, I will be happy to do an essay exchange or if you just want me to edit your essay. Thanks!</p>

<p>sure I'd be happy to
pm me</p>

<p>I'd be happy to read it... if you’re worried about people stealing your essay feel free to email me at my school account... but i would prefer a pm</p>

<p><a href="mailto:sxkamboj@ucdavis.edu">sxkamboj@ucdavis.edu</a></p>