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With identity theft I understand how they were getting things but how did they come by all that cash?</p>
<p>This has nothing to do with life smart - it has to do with theft, pure and simple. Bail out? After a couple days, then get kids to cooperate and serve their time. Lawyers? Just for the plea bargain. After that, no way. Whether we want to admit it or not, there is a large segment of this generation that cares nothing for anyone other than themselves. And it is the parents’ fault - We tell them they are special, no matter what - give them positive reinforcement by praising their work, even if what they do is mediocre. We bail them out (not jail) of any trouble and teach them there are no repercussions, because it is always someone else’s fault. And don’t tell me this isn’t a prevailing attitude - I teach HS and see it every day! Even 60 Minutes did a segment on the “Me” generation that has been the recipient of the “worry about their self-esteem” decades so much so that their self esteem is so good that they can do anything, because they are “special and wonderful.” No parent wants to be faced with this, but we have to let our kids know that we won’t just come by and do whatever it takes to fix it all, so they don’t have any repercussions.</p>
<p>I’m not so quick to blame the parents for their children’s actions. </p>
<p>I am a frugal person, my son is not.</p>
<p>He didn’t learn to be a ‘spender’ from me. In fact, I think my frugality is a turn off to him. If he were to run up credit card debt, I would be upset, but I’d never take it personally.</p>
<p>Children don’t always learn from the good examples around them. </p>
<p>In the case of these 2 ‘kids’, I don’t see the point of bailing them out. Then you have to take them home. I think my son would rather be in jail than have to live with my wrath if he committed a crime like this. </p>
<p>In fact, time they spent in jail now could possible count towards their time served. No point in bringing them home for the holidays if all they deserve is coal in their stocking.</p>
<p>Drexel and Penn are 45K a year schools. These aren’t stupid lazy people. These are cunning thieves. </p>
<p>I have always told me son life is a series of choices. Not all will be good choices. Some you may get to make again, some are irreversible. This crime will affect the rest of their lives. No place better to start realizing that than sitting in jail until sentencing.</p>
<p>“how did they come by all that cash?”</p>
<p>There are many ways it could have happened, but two that come to mind are ATM cash advances on the credit cards and selling the expensive electronics they bought.</p>
<p>I would talk to my child. I would also insist on a twelve step program of a kind, maybe debtor’s anonymous. I think that twelve step programs address moral/character flaws more successfully than therapy, and I would want to see a moral recovery made.</p>
<p>I would still love him/her and want a relationship.</p>
<p>Yes, I would also provide the money for a lawyer, maybe with a legal agreement drawn up so that it would be paid back at some future date.</p>
<p>I don’t think jail teaches anyone anything, and I would hate to see that the fate of my child. If a competent lawyer could bring about a reasonable plea bargain I would be grateful to avoid the ordeal of trial.</p>
<p>So I would look for the most capable legal representation and make sure the condition of twelve step program was met.</p>
<p>Moral flaws are very difficult to correct, but I would still see myself as a parent and try my darndest, for myself, for my child, and for society at large. (And perhaps for any future grandchildren.)</p>
<p>I’d bail them out but then set up a ten-year program for repayment of the college education, since they learned only the skills but none of the attitudes. So I want back my investment in them.</p>
<p>I’d require all the clothing be donated immediately to charity unless it’s been confiscated for evidence, of course. Every bit of the electronics sold and the money donated, or I guess just donated if that’s the higher value. Basically, I’d strip them back to a suitcase of clothes and say, “Start again.”</p>
<p>In terms of moral response, while the rest of the society cranks away on legal response, I think a family needs to counter-recoil strongly to such a catastrophe. </p>
<p>It’s easy to talk about it, but this is the way my mind responds to reading the story. I’d not try to imitate the legal or police system, but do what ONLY families can do, which is weigh in on the moral level. We’re supposed to be the specialists in that area, teaching right from wrong at a core level. They need remediation. And if that caused them to leave home, I’d say good-bye to them. I really would. My love is NOT unlimited.</p>
<p>I have a nephew who served time in prison, and I forgive him because of some extenuating circumstances (adoptee, fetal alcohol syndrome, yada yada..) and the fact that he already served time. He was involved somehow in a robbery, too, but without benefit of college education. I find him more forgiveable.</p>
<p>I don’t think the parents would nesc know that they were living large- they are far away physically, so would only know what they are told; and if the guy had a “great” financial job, they may assume 6 figure salaries. I know a couple of kids who got IB jobs right out of school and started at 6 figures plus similar bonuses. So, how woul you know.</p>
<p>I would also think the bailing out could happen in the initial panic and flabbergastment. I do not know what I would do in this case besided be distraught that my kids were such scum. You never know until it happens how you would handle it!</p>
<p>To be perfectly honest ..Im just not sure what I would do in this situation. What I think I would do . and what I would actually do are probably not the same.</p>
<p>One thing that has always bothered me about identity theft is how lax credit card companies and lending agencies are in verifying and checking identities before extending credit. IMO, these companies are a BIG part of the problem and should somehow be held responsible too.</p>
<p>I’d let my kid rot in a jail cell, get abused and beaten by fellow inmates for as long as it took the penal system to give them justice. [note sarcasm]</p>
<p>sueinphilly: “I have always told me son life is a series of choices. Not all will be good choices. Some you may get to make again, some are irreversible.”</p>
<p>I like this, Sue - mind if I steal it?</p>
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<p>Agree. Things are much different when you are actually living them.</p>
<p>However, I will say that when my younger brother was in college, he was arrested for a DUI. He called me from jail, asking me to bail him out. I was out of school and working then. I told him it was too late at night, as I had to be up early for work and I would get to it when it was convenient. As he didn’t want to call our parents, he sat in jail for 24hrs.</p>
<p>I have no idea what I would do but my first thoughts were similar to NYMomof2-- I suspect this was not the first indication that these young adults were on the wrong path. None of my kids show signs of greed-- and all the grown ones have spent many, many hours helping others. There are some wonderful young people out there, but there are a LOT who are self-absorbed and shallow. The best time to help any of them was probably years ago, <em>before</em> they hurt so many people. At that time, I would have offered counseling and NOT paid for fancy schools. If I thought my kids were heartless, I would want them close to home where I could help. Some things are much more important than an Ivy sheepskin.</p>
<p>I know a man whose son was having lots of trouble about 3 years back (drinking at teen parties, taking the car out without a license). I suggested counseling and the dad told me it was too expensive. Dad now spends his days trying to keep track of his now-drug-abusing son. He has spent way more than the counseling $ on lawyers.</p>
<p>I’ve been following this story and it seems like the young woman had issues before this; she had apparently been prosecuted for stealing from a department store fairly recently and there are all sorts of classmates/dormmates saying that she had taken things from them. There seems to be less info re: the boyfriend. He was apparently #1 in his HS class, an athlete in HS and college etc. It doesn’t seem like he was a troublemaker until he met her, though how could she have influenced him THAT much??</p>
<p>What bothers me the most is the young woman’s ripping off, and then threatening, the hairdresser. There was a video report on the abcnews site. The hairdresser spent 7 hours working on her hair (extensions - aren’t those individually attached hairs, somehow?), the bill was over $2k, and the woman paid with a bad check or credit card and then sent a threatening text message after the hairdresser called about the bill.</p>
<p>The woman is extremely beautiful, but she clearly has a black heart.</p>