hello everyone! this may sound like an odd request, but stick with me! i’m trying to convince my parents to let me go to boarding school and i would like your advice. my parents are opposed for a few reasons: financial strain, less diversity than the public school i currently attend, and too much of a focus on facilities rather than on education. they also believe that i can stick it out until things become more challenging at my current school, and that, “there are plenty of idiots at boarding school too. they’re just wealthy idiots.” (actual quote from my dad!) anyway, i’ve compiled a list of reasons why boarding school would be a good option for me, and i want your opinion, as parents, as to whether or not, if you were in my parents shoes, you would be convinced that my intentions were sincere and my proposal legitimate.
reasons:
(pros of BS)
committed and engaged students = teachers better able to focus on the lesson and not just on trying to get everyone to pay attention/get off their phone/do the work/actually come to class/stop sleeping…etc etc etc
more flexibility in the curriculum. i can study what i’m passionate about.
all extracurricular are contained AT school (no driving, etc)
a student like me who is passionate about multiple things (such as sports, music, mock trial, clubs, and more) doesn’t have to choose one interest because they have the ability to do more activities in a day.
smaller class sizes = more one-on-one time with the teacher = stronger bonds and a better grasp of the content. currently, i can’t say that there’s not a single teacher i am close with or would be comfortable asking for help from
large community of intelligent and driven people, which is very motivating and stimulating.
exposure to many new cultures and ideas.
moving away from home will push me out of my comfort zone and and force me to grow as an individual, as a friend, and as a student.
even if i don’t get in, applying is great practice for college.
good networking.
cool new opportunities, such as more clubs, sports, and unique courses.
24/7 learning environment.
amazing academic role models!
thanks so much if you read all of this! i ‘d love to hear your opinion.
btw, i’m in 9th grade and am unhappy with my current school (public school in baltimore city), if that helps to inform your decision.
I have to say as a parent, that your list does seem quite idealized. I think that many of the things that you want could be found at home! Surely there are some other schooling options in your city? That said…you are clearly resourceful, creative and good at communicating. I wonder if it would be more effective for you to list out the problems you are having at your current school and then brainstorm with your parents, ways to overcome them, rather than picking a very expensive and drastic choice as boarding school. Good luck.
That’s a very generic list of things and you seem to be referring to some general idea of a boarding school. Do you have a particular boarding school in mind that you can demonstrate manages to fit that (I agree seemingly rather idealized) list? Some of the things don’t make sense to me, like being able to do more extracurriculars in a day. I don’t see why that would differ. Another seeming contradiction is you mentioned lack of diversity at a boarding school then list exposure to “many new cultures”.
As or perhaps more importantly, how much financial strain will boarding school put on your family? Do you actually know enough about their financial situation? Could it potentially jeopardize what is available for college funding?
The financial strain alone would be a good enough reason for a no to a boarding school. I agree with @TSO104. You should talk about the issues you have at your current school with your parents and find ways to resolve them.
If this will put financial strain on your family, I would say…no. The rest of your list does not trump financial issues.
Is there any way you can make lemonade out of lemons? Surely there are some positive things in your current school, and community. You are less than 1/2 way through your first year of high school…give it a fair try.
What boarding school are you talking about with “flexibility” that allows you to study whatever you want? None of the boarding schools around here…except Simons Rock…have that feature. They have very strong curriculum that they expect their students to follow.
The grass seems greener, and maybe it is. But then again…maybe it isn’t.
I agree with the other posters who point out that finances trump everything else.
I also agree that focusing on the solutions to the problems that you are having in school would be a good starting point. Many of the “pros” on your list can be found in public schools too.
Not all parents are ready to let their 13 and 14 year olds go away to school. While I allowed my kids to go to camp in the summer, that was enough away time for me. Even if I could have afforded it, no, they weren’t going. Driving to lessons and events if part of what we signed on for as parents. We may complain, but we actually like the screechy orchestra concerts and sporting events in the rain.
One Saturday I was skiing with my kids and met a friend of my sister’s. He was talking to his daughter at a boarding school on the east coast and she had classes on Sat mornings so she was just out of class and going to study. I just didn’t understand why his 14 year old was away in school and not skiing with us (his other kids were with us). I dreamed of boarding school when I was in 9th grade, but never considered it from my parents standpoint. I just thought it was a way to get away from my 5 siblings.
If you don’t like your school in Baltimore, look for a different one. There are hundreds of them, some with special interests (engineering, music, art), both public and private.
If your parents say no they can’t afford it where would the money come from?
As a parent I would believe that your heart was in the right spot but I would understand that you have an idealistic view. Unfortunately your list sounds like you have several preconceived notions that don’t sound realistic to me. I would worry that boarding school can’t live up to your expectations and you will be disappointed.
Is it an issue of your current school not being “good enough”? If so, are there any public magnets that would hit at least a few of the points on your list?
If finances are an issue, maybe find another public school if you have school choice.
First reactions will be to say your list is idealized. However, a relative who was headed to a city public school received financial aid and modest funding from his grandmother to go to boarding school, and it changed the direction of his life. He ended up at a top college and in a career that more than makes up for the cost of that boarding school.
That may seem like a crass reason to attend, in the context of your idealism, and I really was not supportive of my relative sending her son away at the time. But the impact on his life turned out to be huge.
So it really depends on the realities of the school you attend and those that might be available to you without cost versus the benefits of boarding school and your parents’ ability to pay (and many have financial aid).
I don’t think your list is so idealized, actually. These ARE the reasons many families choose BS. They can schedule the days so that nobody has to decide between being in orchestra and playing a sport. Clubs can meet after dinner. They can assemble a more diverse community than the local geography offers. With that said, how would you envision taking advantage of that? Your parents will care most about that!
I do think you need to address the cost piece though. While most offer financial aid to many students, they also expect the family to pick up some part of the tab as well if they can. Your family needs to be on board with that. If that really is impossible, you can apply for 100% financial aid. It definitely makes the odds tougher.
I agree with @gardenstategal as I mentally said check for each item on the OP’s list. Most if not all of those options are available at boarding school if you choose to avail yourself of them. Depending on your family’s circumstance and your stats, athletics, etc. you could be a candidate for significant aid, but that would be at the most competitive schools admission wise.
First, if attending boarding school would eat up the college fund it’s not worth it. If your parents’ concern is that paying full freight would be a strain you can apply for financial aid. If you can work out the question of cost…
Can you get them to go on a couple of tours with you? It sounds like your parents have been influenced some of the stereotypes about boarding schools, in particular that everyone’s white and rich. Your parents might be surprised by the diversity at some prep schools.
I agree with @gardenstategal about your list. I think you might have gotten a more positive reaction on the private school forum. #s 1, 4, and 5 were particularly compelling for us. I have one child who attended boarding school and another who’s a day student at another, as well as a kid who graduated from a local day school. One of the advantages of a BS is that teachers fill multiple roles, so for instance, my daughter’s college counselor is also a math teacher and a coach. My daughter traveled on a trip with him two year’s ago. His wife, the Assistant Head, teaches one of her current classes. In other words, he really knows her and she feels she can speak honestly and openly with him.
You should also consider the negatives of boarding school:
You can never get away from school. Hate your roommate or the school's food? Too bad. Like to fall asleep with the light on? Too bad. My kid who boarded ended up thinking being a day student at a BS was the best of both worlds. I know that's not an option for many students.
Connections in your home community tend to fade. One of my kids has been successful in keeping friends at home, the other two not so much.
You are likely to encounter some extreme wealth. That doesn't bother everyone, but if it would bug you to be asked "where you're going" on spring break (assuming everyone has $ to go to Paris or the Bahamas) be aware that teens are not always sensitive to the fact that not everyone has what they do.
Many students do experience homesickness. It can be tough on everyone to send a kid far from home. I missed my BS kid like crazy!
It can put a financial strain on the family. You should have an honest conversation with your parents about this. Many families, even those without a lot of $$ are willing to stretch for BS but it's a decision each family needs to make based on their particular financial situation and the impact paying for BS would have on college options.
I don’t know how you know 3 months into high school that your school won’t be challenging in later grades, but if that’s the case there are less expensive ways to find academic challenges than boarding school. Does your high school offer AP courses? Can you register for dual enrollment classes in high school? If not, can you take a summer courses at your local community college?
Are you having problems with other kids? That’s a separate problem. What kind of behavior are you finding “idiotic”? If you’re being bullied, that needs to be addressed.
My D’s public school also does things like have clubs meet after dinner in the evening. This is not something that only happens at boarding school, and as has been pointed out many things on that list are available at public schools. And OP is still contradictory on some factors.
In any case it’s still unclear if this is some idealized list of a mythical boarding school, or if s/he is using the marketing materials of some actual existing school to argue all this. The latter would be a much more useful starting point, as would consideration of fees and funding, including any costs that might not be obvious from just fees (flights, uniforms, cost of textbooks etc).
Here’s one reason to NEVER ever want to go to boarding school – In the old days, colleges would send their admission decisions by snail mail to applicants’ home address. Therefore, kids at boarding school would need to find out from their parents and kids learned about their decisions at different times, etc. Now, with the internet, the following is the reality for a boarder at a top BS – Top tier colleges are focused more than ever on increasing the attendance rates for first generation kids and those who are economically disadvantaged. Long gone are the days when colleges like Georgetown, Princeton, etc., took 20 or 30 kids from Choate or St. Paul’s. Now you have colleges and universities taking 2-3 applicants from these top boarding schools. And then to add to all the fun, 30-40 kids if not more from each BS are applying to the same top schools. Only to all log on to the admissions portals at the appointed time, while crammed in residential halls altogether, to find out their results. Kids are screaming with excitement. Kids are sobbing and sad. And where are the parents? At home, wondering what’s happening. Sounds like pure hell for the students and parents (and BS) alike.
Without knowing the OP’s school it’s hard for us to judge this. Perhaps this is just a weak school. Some schools don’t offer the challenge a top student might want. For instance in some school districts anyone who wants to can sign up for AP courses. The practical result is that the course ends up being AP lite, with the teacher teaching to the weakest students.
Unless you’re advising the family to move to a different school district it’s a moot point, isn’t it?
Doesn’t look like they’re doing too badly.
College matriculations from prep schools are skewed by recruited athletes, legacies and development admits but top prep schools are still successful in helping kids apply to top colleges. That said, I’ve never thought improving one’s chances of getting into a certain tier of school was a good reason to apply to BS. Of course the OP didn’t mention college chances so that’s not really material.
The application process is a little more fraught at BS because everyone knows everyone else’s business. You roommate sees what brochures you have on your desk and who’s going off for a recruiting weekend. It can be a bit stressful.
