This thread is a depressing reminder why I am often reluctant to tell people that my 9th grader attends boarding school. So much judgement from people who can’t seem to understand that going away was his choice, that he went through a rigorous application process to get there, and that we have chosen to make sacrifices to give him the gift of an amazing education.
@dramakid2 I hit the agree button 100 times, though only one agree shows up. We tried to let as few people as possible know our son was going to BS, because as we expected, the judgement spread like wildfire. Why is it cool for Harry to go to Hogwarts, but real BS is for bad kids whose parents don’t love them? ?
Folks…this student wants to go to boarding school. There is nothing wrong with the idea…and it might be right for her.
BUT…she has also already stated that finances are a consideration. She has done no research on specific schools. She has a wish list that may or may not materialize at BS.
She is looking for ways to convince her parents to let her go to boarding school…and someone suggested that boarding school parents might be able to give her some ideas. It’s less than helpful to say that you just wanted to keep it a secret.
How about answering the OP’s question?
As a parent who needed convincing, I suggest to the OP to delve a little deeper into each item on their list. DS asked to go to boarding school and my immediate reaction was h e double hockey sticks no. ( @skieurope is that ok?.. if not, delete it). But he provided a similar list with examples and specific scenarios…he proved to us he wanted it by make no the grades, prepping for the tests, sending emails to the schools, etc etc. He busted his behind to be the best BS candidate possible and to prove to us he was serious in his ambitions…and, well, the rest is history.
DH and I made a very selfless decision to allow him to pursue this avenue…we needed financial aid to allow him to go. Parents, siblings, friends and acquaintances told us we were horrible people for considering this…he had a perfectly good school at home (that is still up for discussion…).
A big thing about BS is being surrounded by like-minded kids. The OPs dad is right, there are some wealthy"idiots" (using his word, not one I’d choose) at BS…but there are just as many, if not more, low socioeconomic intelligent kids who are grateful for their education and working hard to be good students and good college candidates. They are on FA. DS is surrounded by many, many more goal-oriented/academic achievers than he was at home.
Getting out of a comfort zone is huge, and OP is right…BS will force that. It has transformed my kid, who has always been quietly confident, into someone that commands the room when necessary. There is an intangible x-factor that comes with kids who go to boarding school…and I wouldn’t put a price on it. I just know that every time I see my child, whether it be via Skype or in person, I know every sacrifice we’ve made is worth it.
Other posters are correct, if your parents can’t afford it, they can’t afford it…but that’s where FA comes into play. Can they afford it but don’t want to? Then, that’s where you need to show them all of the reasons BS is worth it.
As far as Ivy League schools…didn’t @Altras or @SevenDad or someone post recently that studies show the college you went to doesn’t dictate how successful you are? I know @preppedparent commented on that thread, too. OP…if you think BS is the road to Ivy League and that’s all you’re really wanting it for…turn back, now. Plenty of kids from BS get into Ivies, but others don’t even apply. And, yes, if you’re at the bottom if your class, it is highly unlikely you’d be considered if you did apply. But BS does provide with different exposures, more experienced college counseling (on the whole) and more networking than most other secondary schools.
Bottom line, OP…I’d say if you want to go to BS that much, then refine your list, become more eloquent in your arguments, but most importantly—back up your words with actions and actually prove to your parents you are serious about this pursuit. It worked for my son and now I’m 100% all in for supporting BS. Buuznkid1 has paved the way for Buuznkid2. And my h e double hockey sticks no has changed to h e double hockey sticks yeah!
Good luck to you…I hope the feedback has actually helped…much of it seemed unnecessarily biased and somewhat harsh.
it seems to me this student is asking permission to explore boarding schools. If they’re able to bring their parents around to considering the idea the parents should be able to set parameters, for instance setting a budget or a minimal level of academic rigor.
In my family, when we first discussed boarding school we (the parents) were reluctant. Kiddo gave us some good reasons to allow them to look and we came to a compromise-only local boarding, IOW, only places we could get to to attend a game or take them home for the weekend. It wouldn’t have made any sense for our child to get their heart set on a school across the country, so thoroughly researching specific schools and coming to us with a list would largely have been a waste of time.
@buuzn03’s advice is excellent.
So there are only 4 groups of parents and students: 1) both student and parents want student to go to BS 2) Both student and parents don’t want student to go to BS 3) Parents say yes, student says no, and 4) this case student says yes, and parents say no.
It usually comes down to mostly money followed by parents not wanting to send their child away before its necessary. Here’s my advice, “Bloom where you’re planted.” Do kids from BS get into ivies and other equally good colleges - yup, but it’s the kid not the school that gets them there. Do kids who don’t go to BS get into ivies and equally good colleges? yes again.
All you can do is make good on opportunities that come your way. I didn’t have any. I found my father’s moldy state college Calc and Physics books in the basement, and I borrowed them and studied them all by myself (no tutor) no help, all summer and got myself into an ivy. I went thru med school on an Army scholarship. Where there is a will there’s a way, but don’t give a BS too much credit. It’s the student that determines her own fate. Go Army. Beat Navy @ChoatieMom.
And let’s be real, the kids who get into a tippy top from BS tend to be those at the top of the heap. Not ordinary Joe and Jane. Other kids are steered toward colleges appropriate for them. That obviously includes many colleges well down the prestige list.
The list of reasons is idealized because OP is only focused on what he or she thinks the benefits are. If the real purpose is to enter a better educ envronment, there are private preps in the Baltimore area, far less expensive. And with fin aid. BS doesn’t guarantee friendships, success in ECs, grades, just for being residential. And whwat’s this talk about “exploring academic passions?” You still need the required courses. (Not sure OP even knows what courses may be offered.)
It doesn’t matter that OP thnks his parents have enough money. I doubt he really knows.
And we know zip about whether this is a pipe dream, nothing about OP’s grades and rigor, what he or she participates in, how mature or how distracted. What says he’s anywhere near the right candidate? After afew months in 9th grade, no results to discuss.
I think @buuzn03 has hit the nail on the head, but I also feel compelled to counter so much negativity! My daughter came up with a similar list. She came up with examples, many from first hand accounts, since we live in an area where this is not so strange a choice. Nontheless, when she asked if we could look at BS’s, I certainly didn’t take her seriously. We can’t afford it! Well, what do you know… there’s financial aid.
Your list is pretty good. You could condense, and I challenge you to come up with a con list too. Be objective.
But there is plenty to support your pro list. For our family:
- committed and engaged students = teachers better able to focus on the lesson and not just on trying to get everyone to pay attention/get off their phone/do the work/actually come to class/stop sleeping...etc etc etc
YES, YES, and YES. There is nothing more soul-destroying than languishing in class after class that move at a snail’s pace with no student interaction (because the teacher stopped trying years ago). There is nothing more invigorating than a friendly debate with a small group of diverse classmates who mostly respect you and want to hear your viewpoint.
- more flexibility in the curriculum. i can study what i’m passionate about.
Well… maybe. Do your research, and take a hard look at your chosen schools’ curriculum guides and graduation requirements. Our D is heavily into music, but some schools we considered would have been just as restrictive as the LPS.
- all extracurricular are contained AT school (no driving, etc)
For boarders, yes. But do they offer everything you want to do? Or think you want to do? Do they also offer things you think you’d NEVER want to do? Therein lies a different kind of diversity.
- a student like me who is passionate about multiple things (such as sports, music, mock trial, clubs, and more) doesn’t have to choose one interest because they have the ability to do more activities in a day.
Mostly true, but there’s a corollary. Some schools have SO MANY options, that the students still have to compromise. D’s school has well over 10 different music classes & EC’s PLUS music clubs. She’s doing twice as much music as she would have at the LPS, but there’s no way she can do it all. She also did not make the sports team she wanted - and next year she’ll have to choose between her new sport and the musical. So, more opportunities, certainly, but also more compromises!
An earlier reply said somehting about you can’t do MORE in a day, but you really can. You can do a sport AND music AND an art class AND a club or two. The days are jam-packed and they are LONG. But you also need to ask some pretty pointed questions during interviews - does THIS SCHOOL let you do x and y in the same semester? Once we were well into the admissions process, we realized that D’s #1 school (at that point) probably would not be able to accomodate two high priority interests at the same time. She could do both, but one would be Fall, and the other Spring.
- smaller class sizes = more one-on-one time with the teacher = stronger bonds and a better grasp of the content. currently, i can’t say that there’s not a single teacher i am close with or would be comfortable asking for help from
I recommend you visit your teachers once in a while. Just ask for input on a comment written on a paper, or go over a math problem you spent more time than usual on. For some kids, visiting the teacher is a natural inclination - others, not so much. Keep in mind most BS’s use a lot of discussion based learning - you don’t really get to hear much from the teacher. They pose a question, and the students have the floor for as long as they like. And while teachers are also coaches and dorm staff, everyone is so very busy that you may have limited opportunities to connect with them outside of class UNLESS that teacher is also your coach, your dorm head, your advisor…
The smaller classes WILL give you a better grasp of the content and a wider view of associated ideas. But are you sure the classes are really smaller? Our LPS has pretty small classes - around 18-20 is the max, and D had one class last year with 13. At BS, one of her classes is 18 students… not so different than the LPS.
The real difference is the format. The classes are small BECAUSE they’re discussion based or Harkness.
- large community of intelligent and driven people, which is very motivating and stimulating.
Yes. And a few rich idiots. So, not very different from your #1.
Or a small community of intelligent and driven people. Either way, the admissions process helps you find YOUR people.
- exposure to many new cultures and ideas.
YES. And this is where a BS will outshine any local private or magnet school. The cultural differences prompt discussions that really open minds and introduce truly novel concepts.
- moving away from home will push me out of my comfort zone and and force me to grow as an individual, as a friend, and as a student.
Yes, but you could also stretch your comfort zone at home. And I’m not sure how much you’ll grow as a friend… you may grow a larger friend base spanning multiple interests and hobbies, but I’m not sure that will improve your kindness or empathy.
But yes, BS is an incredible growth opportunity with intangible soft skill development opportunities.
- even if i don’t get in, applying is great practice for college.
Well, it’s a bit like getting your toes wet. College applications are truly brutal.
The application is a great way to spend time evaluating who you are, how you got there, who you want to be, and the paths you could take to get there. It’s also a good way to develop resilience. Waitlists and rejections are painful on multiple levels.
- good networking.
Yes, certainly. It’s one of the top (good) reasons to go to BS. But you may also have unrecognized networking potential at home. Go spend some time with those teachers!
- cool new opportunities, such as more clubs, sports, and unique courses.
New opportunities is not quite the same as “more”. BS’s do have both. BUT be aware that you may not be able to try that new sport if the school is competitive in it - some schools even cut from the 3rds teams. And all those cool electives are hard to take, if the graduation requirements fill up your 4 years to the brim. From that perspective, there may be real value in exhausting an LPS curriculum so you can enroll in the local community college for a few classes.
- 24/7 learning environment.
Exhilerating and exhausing. There’s a pro and a con for you!
- amazing academic role models!
Yes, this is true of both faculty and classmates. There’s another linked benefit - the growth that comes from classmates you wish to emulate. Case in point - my D had a good friend at her LPS who was an academic match. They were often in the same classes or had the same teacher and they naturally pushed each other to do their best work - in a very benign and friendly way! Neither was trying to one-up the other - they just liked working together and encouraging each other.
At BS, D has droves of friends like this - people whose work she admires, people who inspire her to do her best work, and people who spark innovation and creativity. It’s pretty incredible to see how being surrounded by such influences is so positive.
If you want to convince your parents, start with financial aid opportunities - most schools advertize the % that get aid and the total aid given right on their front pages. The average will tell one story. Keep in mind that some people do get a little bit, and others get a whole lot of aid, and the average doesn’t tell you that!
But, except for the 24/7 aspect, it’s not only the residential programs that offer this ^.
At D2’s day prep. she could do sports and then play rehearsal after. She was in 3 music groups plus lessons and youth orchestra, plus had a small job and volunteered in several places. Took 3 languages (ended up with two) and an experimental history class. And whatever else. And plenty of time for friends. And family.
Granted, we facilitated a lot of that. There are other ways besides BS. This was about OP’s wishes and I don’t think we know enough about him/her, to guess whether BS is what he needs. And the parents are balking at the expense.
^^a lot of you on the East coast forget that there are places that do not have an education system like yours. New England and the Atlantic states are very unique to have a multitude of private day schools and very good public school systems. I’m not sure where OP is, but that is absolutely not the norm in the rest of the country. We definitely have nothing even close to what is available to families up in that neck of the woods. So, although there may be other ways than BS, for some they are not at all equivocal.
I agree that OP should explore all options that they do have, but if they are in a situation like ours…BS really is the only option short of us trying to move our entire livelihood to a state with a 9 month winter.
The OP attends a magnet high school in Baltimore, and is in 9th grade now.
This isn’t a thread judging parents who choose BS. It’s about OP.
@thumper1 thanks…I must’ve missed that.
@lookingforward you are right, it is about the OP but it is also about the numerous other people in OPs position looking for threads that can help them in their situation.
So I’m just pointing out that not everyone has the options…we truly don’t know everyone’s situations, so keeping scenarios as broad as possible can help more people, now and in the future. That is what CC is for…
I continue to tell OP to look at their options, and delve deeper into why they think BS is the option for them—-it is not for everyone and it may not be the best for OP. Baltimore may have everything OP needs/wants, but who am I to say if it does for sure. I do know that some posters here forget that what they may have available to them because of their location, is not what many of us have…and I just wanted to point that out.
Wow, I’d suggest the OP take some time and review things with his/her parents. First, would they be willing to explore the options? That includes visiting schools, taking time to figure out what’s important to him/her. Seeing if they are eligible for financial aid and all the rest. The OP’s parents might not be open to the idea of their son or daughter living apart from them at an early age. Or it might be financial or any number of factors.
OP, I would disregard much of the negativity re: BS in general in this thread. When we explored them, our student was coming from a very highly ranked school district with much to offer. We looked because it was due diligence for a kid who likes school and wanted to see what ALL the options were. For my kiddo, the BS offered far more options than the local public. And the local public turned out to be much better academically than I had thought. There are intangible things, like the school spirit and there are tangible things like smaller classes and access to teachers at BS.
You can in fact do more in a day at boarding school because even for a day student the day starts early and ends late. Things are ALL on campus. Plus there are other things which many students cannot find at the local public school even if it is well funded.
Some are knocking the direct pipeline which used to exist from top BS’s into Harvard, Yale etc. Yes, that’s mainly gone. But are you going to find teachers that guide you to specialized programs when you are in 9th grade at the public school. I know what the answer is. Paying the money doesn’t get you a spot in a top college. But it does give you the resources to learn how to learn well. And that is something which gives back forever. And some mentioned only 2-3 going to top schools from BS’s. That may be true of some BS. but many send a far greater % to top schools than a local public.
OP, you should find your way by doing the research. Don’t listen to naysayers on either side. It turned out that my reluctant student is very happy at a top BS. For the first time, there are other kids who want to learn, no distractions in the classroom and top teachers. Sports are mandatory and also a great way to meet others.
If you posted some BS questions in the BS forum you would get responses from parents who have sent their kids to BS. Many have sent multiple kids and they are very honest about things.