If the school or interviewer (who is a representative of the school) is offended because you are concerned about safety, do you really want your child attending that school? My son interviewed at two universities and there was glass in the doors so people could see what was going on inside the interview room.
Alumni interviewers are regular people, not professors or administrators, and they have probably not had any kind of awareness training aside from what questions to ask.
I would hesitate if my kid had an interview in a private home but I’m not sure how I would handle it. My D had an interview with a man in an empty office after business hours and it was totally fine. I waited in a Starbucks downstairs. My S had an interview in an off the beaten path community building. I waited in the parking lot and texted H that I have watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds bc that’s what it reminded me of. S has also done one in a public library. My H interviews for his alma mater and he interviews in his office after business hours and on weekends. He makes sure I’m available to be present in the reception area before he schedules so he is not alone with the student. If the student has a parent waiting in the parking lot we invite them in and I chat with them while H interviews the kid.
My daughter had an Ivy League alum interview (this was in 2012) who scheduled it for 9 pm at a local Starbucks on Valentines Day. He was late (the place was closing at 10). She also thought he behaved rudely - asked for the music to be lowered and didn’t make a purchase (she always bought a drink at interviews in coffee shops). I drove her and sat in the car outside.
This contrasted sharply with the alum interview she had for another school, where the interviewer offered to buy her a drink (this was in a panera). I had driven her that day also and when I picked her up the interviewer introduced herself and asked me if I had any questions for her.
I think your daughter should suggest a local coffee shop or library as being more convenient.
Thousands of older teenagers are navigating something akin to meeting an older male alone in a private residence. Probably not “on a daily basis,” but often enough. It’s a mistake to assume that your normal is everyone’s normal.
I made that mistake in the past the first time I saw one of these threads on CC. My first reaction was that the parents’ concern was pathological – a sort of paranoid helicopterism – and that a kid who was uncomfortable with this or who was not willing to stand up to her parents about it should justly be disqualified from applying to any university that cared about alumni interviews. That wasn’t a thoughtful reaction, but it was the reaction I had. I saw a bunch of people saying, “I don’t care that your way has worked well for generations, and created the kind of community we desperately want our children to join. Your way seems weird to us, and we demand you change it.” I had no sympathy for that.
I have softened my attitude a lot over the years, because I have learned that many people do worry deeply about this, because it’s a relatively easy problem to fix, and because I understand that to open institutions up to communities that have been excluded in the past, it’s necessary to make the institutions more user-friendly to those communities. But my initial emotional reaction lurks beneath the surface, and not very deep. beneath it, either When I read the more sanctimonious of these posts, it doesn’t take much for me to think, “If you don’t like the community of alumni of my college, and your life revolves around avoiding situations that could involve sexuality no matter how remote or trivial to the exclusion of all other principles, please feel free to withdraw your application.”
@JHS it doesn’t take much for me to think, “If you don’t like the community of alumni of my college, and your life revolves around avoiding situations that could involve sexuality no matter how remote or trivial to the exclusion of all other principles, please feel free to withdraw your application.” I think the college should be thinking about the alumni not just the students. What happens if a prospective students falsely accuses the alumni of improper behavior? While these scenarios may seem remote to you it really is for the protection of both the student and alumni. When my mom was on a school board, an administrator was falsely accused of sexual misconduct by a disgruntled student, before it could be cleared up it made a train wreck of this man’s life. I just don’t see why either side should take the risk.
To provide another perspective, as an alumna I may not interview in my home because, quite frankly, I neither know nor trust your student applicants. Merely filing an application will get you on the interview list. If your student is disappointed in the outcome, as 93 percent of our applicants will be, will they vandalize my home? Stalk me? It is quite hard to get alumni interviewers now because frankly, the alumni are busy and doing the university and applicants a favor. They almost all have jobs, kids, hobbies or spouses competing for their time; this is one more volunteer duty. Colleges try to balance making it as convenient as possible for alumni, with applicants’ concerns
@JHS I certainly can’t think of a time when my 17-year-old daughter has met an older man alone in a private residence, and I can’t imagine that’s a common occurrence for many teenage girls. I’m sorry you don’t fully understand why this could be problematic (and @sahmkc has an excellent point about it protecting both parties), but I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this scenario and it’s why so many colleges have changed their policies regarding this.
(As for me, I appreciate not having to clean house before doing interviews or having to worry about my rambunctious dogs. In many ways, it’s easier to conduct interviews outside the house.)
@sahmkc 's argument invites and nurtures really insidious misogyny. If older men view every young woman as a potential false accuser, that’s a huge barrier to women forming the professional relationships they need to thrive, and a huge barrier to the men actually listening to them and regarding them as valuable colleagues.
Do we have ANY stories out here on CC where inappropriate advances were made during an interview in a private home? This feels like trying to exert control because it is hard to do so in situations where harassment does often take place (profs offices, labs, workplaces, etc).
@JHS , not when it’s a stranger. Women are perfectly able to form professional relationships with colleagues and other men, but this is a teenage girl who’s being asked to meet alone in a private place with an older man she knows nothing about. And professional relationships, in the form of alumni-applicant interviews, can’t be forged in coffee shops? Why on earth not?
I’m also very curious about the scenario you suggested because I can’t imagine my husband and I being okay with this. Under what circumstances would an older man be meeting in private with a teenage girl? I’ve been a volunteer for everything from church youth groups to Girl Scouts, and I can tell you, this is not allowed.
“Thousands of older teenagers are navigating something akin to meeting an older male alone in a private residence. Probably not “on a daily basis,” but often enough.”
@intparent, if there were inappropriate advances, or perhaps suggestive comments, do you really think a teenage girl is going to have the guts to report it or even tell anybody about it given the power imbalance? Which is why a public place is the safe choice.
In a professional context it would be very rare for an older man to meet with a younger woman in his residence. I would think it is going to far if a woman refuses to meet with a colleague or boss in an office in her place of employment (unless there is some history of past behavior that gives her a clear and compelling reason to be concerned). But that is not the scenario in question here.
To me this is no different than other standard safety precautions people take like locking your doors. Does the fact that I lock my doors create a huge barrier to me forming relationships with my neighbors because the act of locking my doors makes them think I believe they might try to steal my stuff?
As an aside: I actually recall all of our corporate internal doors being replaced sometime in the 90s with doors with windows specifically to help mitigate the situation of someone either engaging in inappropriate behavior or falsely accusing someone of engaging in inappropriate behavior.
Sanctimonious - “making a show of being morally superior to other people”
What on earth has been said in this thread that would fit that description? We are parents with opinions on whether a minor or a very young adult should be alone with a complete stranger in a private residence.
“and your life revolves around avoiding situations that could involve sexuality no matter how remote or trivial to the exclusion of all other principles”
Considering that:
-One out of four females will be sexually assaulted during her lifetime in the U.S.,
-Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault,
-Women ages 18-24 who are college students are 3 times more likely than women in general to experience sexual violence. Females of the same age who are not enrolled in college are 4 times more likely.
I don’t think the concerns are remote or trivial.
“If you don’t like the community of alumni of my college…please feel free to withdraw your application”. That’s absurd. The issue doesn’t have anything to do with “not liking” the school community or alumni - it’s about insuring the level of comfort for applicants during interviews (and not putting them in unsafe environments). In most cases, 99.9% of the school community and alumni are complete strangers to the applicant - they don’t even know them - how can they “not like” them?
@JHS I think you are taking that way out of context. First this is not a professional relationship of two equals, but an interview with a person in a much younger (possibly a minor) and subordinate position. There is a huge difference in professional adults forming professional relationships and meeting one time with a stranger who you know nothing about. If you want to develop professional relationship with people usually you have met them a time or two and then the first step is meeting for lunch or coffee in a public place.
I’m going to guess that there is not a college in America whose alumni population does not include convicted felons, drug dealers, sex offenders, etc.
Graduating from Harvard didn’t give the Unabomber a superior moral code. There is an excellent piece out by Mark Oppenheimer about “Suzi at Yale” describing what was likely a sexual assault on a young teenager in 1960 and how it was swept under the rug to protect the rapists (yale undergrads at the time).
Again, I’m willing to bet that this college specifically asks its alums to interview in a public place or to use Skype when that’s not feasible. And the only way for alums who have been doing this for a long time to get in line and follow the procedure is if someone alerts them to the fact that they are uncomfortable meeting them at home.
My town had a case of a HS teacher (female and married) having sex with a young teenager in her class. That has helped people understand that the power dynamic has little to do with gender and sex and a lot to do with power and pathology.
But again- what college in 2017 wants to make its applicants feel like they are living in the 1950’s?
Would you think it appropriate for somebody to suggest you meet at their residence for a job interview? Consider this the same thing. I am a grown woman and would feel uncomfortable meeting anybody (male or female) in their home for an interview of any kind. It would just be awkward (not that I would jump immediately to the assumption that they were going to sexually assault me). This is not supposed to be a social interaction, this is a professional interview.
I understand your concerns but I do know that until recently my alma mater actually suggested holding interviews in a private home or office as it would be more private and easier to hold a conversation. In recent years that has changed and they now do not want interviews held in the home. I doubt that the interviewer realizes that you might be uncomfortable. Most important - is your daughter uncomfortable? If so - then she should ask to have it moved. The interview will be nerve-wracking enough without this extra concern. If she is not worried, then I would suggest you drive her and wait outside to give yourself some comfort.
I thought the whole point of last year’s election was that lots of people want to feel like they are living in the 1950s!
Look, I said a bunch of times above that I recognize that the world has changed, and it’s now preferred to have interviews in public places, and there are good reasons for that. Public places have their downsides, too, and Skype is really second-rate. Glass-wall conference rooms are probably perfect, provided you have one at your disposal, and it’s convenient for the applicant to get there. I’m not arguing for the inherent superiority of in-home interviews; that’s silly. I am arguing that the objections to in-home interviews are not necessarily well founded, and what I was really trying to do was to caution people not to offend alumni who offered in-home interviews.
I think alumni interviews are essentially networking opportunities. The applicant is trying to recruit a community member – who has volunteered for this – to provide a little help (a little being all the help they can usually provide).
The college is trying to get the applicant to see him- or herself as an alumnus/a of that college, and also to make applicants feel attended to.
I know of one case where a former partner of mine met a young woman as an alumni interviewer for his college. Notwithstanding a whole bunch of cultural differences, they really clicked, and he moved heaven and earth to get her admitted to the college (but she went elsewhere anyway). They are both connector sorts of people, and they stayed in touch. He mentored her through college and law school, and hired her for her first job out of law school. She moved on from that job after a few years, and is now general counsel of a very successful company. Her mentor retired years ago. They still keep in touch, and she is very grateful to him.
The story of your former partner just doesn’t jive. An interview for college admissions should be strictly a formal interaction with the interviewer giving an objective assessment of the applicant. End of story. For him to go all out for the applicant and even keeping in touch with her throughout her career, based on a 15 to 30 minute interview just doesn’t sound right. Almost sounds like he/she was infatuated with her, even despite the student matriculating at a different college. I would be very worried if that kind of a situation occurred with my child. Of course the advantage may be the networking the interviewer is providing for the student, but it seems he has overstep his boundaries, again based on that one time short interaction.
College interview for a “child” who’s only 17 is very stressing in itself, no matter where is it being held. However, for a young girl, it would also be very intimidating to be alone with an older male inside his house, making a stressful, nervous situation even more nerve racking.
I’m not saying that anything will happen, since obviously unless the guy is a total psycho, he will realize any inappropriate action he does will get him in deep trouble. However, you never know these days who are the “psychos”. But more importantly, I think providing the student with a very comfortable environment to interact with the interviewer, without any unnecessary stress is the main issue in this matter. A public place, where it would make the student feel very informal would be the ideal scenario.
I have met a handful of kids who were stars. They weren’t in my field, but if they had been, I can imagine wanting to help them. Most of my kids’ interviews were close to 45 minutes - I think the interviewers got a pretty good sense of who they were - they often had at least a resume to look at as well, a few had a transcript. I once was in a room of a library where a young woman was being interviewed - I heard every single word and it struck me as a terrible place for an interview.
MIT, Stanford, and the Ivy League schools have a joint agreement for how alumni interviews should be conducted, and these guidelines include conducting the interview in a neutral location - so neither the interviewee’s nor the interviewer’s home. This has been the case for a while, and I suspect that there is something similar in place for other schools. Personally, I would be careful with such an interview because it is an indication that the interviewer is not familiar with the guidelines and might not be taking interviewing seriously.