Maybe it’s perfectly safe. Yes. But this is a 17 year old, not us. I also have been in situations that could have gone awry but didn’t. And a couple of young, very creepy experiences that I did extricate myself from. That didn’t stop me from concerns for my girls, until I saw how they could squarely face different situations.
Slightly off track, but this Weinstein-plus mess is something we waited a long time to make big news. We do need to let our girls develop that little voice in their ear and learn how to assess it. We shouldn’t, imo, diminish it. That’s really my point here.
What we also need is to encourage our daughters to speak up. I do think one of the differences of opinion on this thread is about the power differential. The interviewer has almost no power. It is almost a courtesy for the college & student that these happen at all. How many interviewers routinely complain out here that the great candidates they see are still rejected? A student who has a legit sounding complaint about the behavior of an interviewer can complain, the interviewer will likely be dropped from the interview list, and the student’s admission odds wouldn’t be affected.
I agree it is a different (and much stickier) situation when there is a power difference. One of my Ds complained about a prof in college once – but only anonymously due to risk to her grades in courses in her major. I was super proud of her willlingness to do even that, and told her so.
Here is another option – email the interviewer and say a parent will be driving you, and ask if there is somewhere they can wait at the house during the interview.
As previously noted, this has come up before. The first time it did, I was in the camp of those thinking that an alumnus would be justifiably offended by the suggestion that there needed to be a chaperone for an interview with a high school senior that had been scheduled by the college. I also thought that I, personally, would think that the student who asked to move the interview to a public place wasn’t ready to go off alone to college (or more charitably, that the parents weren’t ready).
A few years have passed, and I think my reaction would be different now, if only because interviews in public places have become the overwhelming norm. Most interviewers should know that. So I think I’d have more patience for somebody who felt it was “weird” to go to an interviewer’s home.
But I continue to think that this is a really odd evaluation of risks–as noted by others, I’ve never heard of a single anecdote of improper behavior of a sexual kind by interviewers (and there have been plenty of stories of other weird behaviors by interviewers). This is not a secret meeting–it’s typically scheduled through the college. So, in my view, the actual risk here is microscopic. I think it’s too bad that people seem to feel it so intensely. But I don’t think I’d hold it against the interviewee as I might have in the past.
What’s next? Require a team of two interviewers to make sure that nobody says anything improper, even in a public place?
I don’t think we will see interviews in 10 years. The additional information gained is minor and doesn’t really warrant the paperwork and effort by the college or its alumni base.
I fail to see how having a parent drive a student to an interview could cast such a negative light on a student. Surely the applicant’s level of maturity will be clear after a half hour of discussion one on one. I have interviewed many teens for all levels Boy Scout ranks for many years, and I have no trouble discerning how dependent they are upon their parents for help.
This is a total aside, I read a quick on-line article yesterday about how the real estate profession is dangerous because agents are often alone during open houses, or meet clients who are not previously vetted, and several agents have been attacked recently.
I think that this overall conversation has been excellent, and is a good jumping off point for all of us to have discussions with our children about weighing situations for risk and thinking in advance on how to get out of a bad or awkward situation, even if the person doing the interviewing does hold the key to something that we want. I’m sure we’ve all had conversations in the past (remember the “stranger danger” days?), but as they get older the issues become more nuanced. Time to update the conversation.
Did someone say a parent shouldn’t drive the kid to the interview? I think that is fine, and even preferable. The parent shouldn’t expect to sit in on the discussion, though.
I disagree, because I think the college think the ALUMNI like to do it. It isn’t really as much for the student, honestly. (Sort of like dog training is for the owner more than it is for the dog). Colleges want to keep their alumni engaged, hopefully to get more donations from them.
@intparent Post #122 indicated that they would hold it against a student if they had a chaperone for an interview, but they feel that way less so now. They did not say that they feel completely different, though, so the sense that a student is immature is still there for that interviewer if a student has a parent around.
No one is sticking up for parents being in on the interview.
A chaperone is someone sitting in on the actual talking portion of the interview, not providing transportation and hanging around out of hearing distance during the discussion. That is a chauffer. And that is what I’m suggesting.
I interviewed for college in 1982. It was at an alumni’s house. I remember being so incredibly nervous.
This was a women’s college so I interviewed with a woman, which should have put me at ease. But her house was so nice and the furniture was so nice and the décor was just so perfect. Not a speck of dust in sight. She gave me tea and cookies and I felt so large and clumsy and didn’t want to sit down too hard for fear of breaking the delicate chair, didn’t know what to do with my hands. I took a cookie and a napkin and crumbled the cookie into fragments, hid them in the napkin, couldn’t drink the tea for trembling hands.
I’m still surprised I got in.
Even though there was never a suggestion of potential sexual impropriety in my mind, I think that the private home still made me more nervous than I would have been if I were meeting her in a public location.
My kid is much more comfortable with strangers and interviews than I will ever be - theater helps a great deal with that. But I think he’d still be intimidated by a fancy gracious home, and I’d be more confident of a good interview if he met interviewers in a professional or public location.
As a total aside, on behalf of interviewers, may I suggest that parents do undertake some practice on these conversational skills or teach basic etiquette to their applicants? I was surprised by some of the things some applicants did, and basic interviewing skills seem to be seriously declining, perhaps as students are less likely to have been employed or speaking to adults, (or perhaps due to smartphones or some other cause). My recent interviews were always in public, and I’ve had applicants texting, checking their phones, etc. during interviews. Come prepared to discuss yourself and what you enjoy studying and why and the whole experience will be better for both sides.
If I was that worried I would walk my daughter to the door and meet the interviewer to ask when I should pick up my daughter. Hard for me to believe anyone would try to molest my daughter knowing I would be picking her up in an hour.
I will never forget my father prepping me for my first interview - he focused on how I shook hands, made eye contact and to say “yes” instead of “yea”. My daughter recently had her first interview and my dad has passed away but I channeled him as I schooled her in the same things.
I think @ninakatarina brings up a good point. In our training, we were told to avoid interviewing in our workplace, even though I would think any concerns about safety wouldn’t be as strong.
When I was in a senior in high school, I had a college interview for a scholarship. The interview was at a hotel…in the interviewer’s hotel room. The guy was probably 30 years older than me. I apparently did well enough at the interview to earn the scholarship, but because of the interview being IN the guy’s hotel room, I was creeped out and a nervous wreck the entire time.
If your DD is uncomfortable with doing the interview in the interviewer’s home, then she should absolutely propose an alternative venue.
This is basically the same as a job interview. So think about it. Would you EVER recommend to 1 of your kids or to a friend or even an acquaintance that you go to a job interview at somebody’s house? Probably not.
Would YOU ever go to a job interview at somebody’s house? Probably not.
Who CARES if that’s what they’ve always done?
Who CARES if the interviewer MIGHT get offended at the request to switch interview locations?
These days, there’s a Starbucks or some other coffee shop practically on every corner. I’m sure that you could find SOME other location that’s just a stone’s throw away from the interviewer’s home.
If your DD does decide to ask for a venue change, SHE should be the one to request it. Not you, the parent. If a phone call to the college is warranted to inquire about what their policies are re: interview locations, then your DD should be the one to call, not you. Of course, you could definitely look up the info on the college website, assuming that they have it posted.
In my opinion, this topic has nothing to do with politics. It’s related to professionalism. Your DD should begin how she wants to proceed. Determine what your personal boundaries are first and then proceed that way.
However, first-generation-to-college students may be at a disadvantage here. Students in upper middle class college graduate parent families may be accustomed to upper middle class college graduate behavioral norms in daily life, so relatively little training, practice, or acting is needed to fit in well with an alumni interviewer of similar background. But first-generation-to-college students may have to make a conscious effort to act that way during a college interview.
She won’t be the first to request a change.
And renember, a Skype or phone interview are possibilities. For legit reasons, kids can’t always get to whatever place.
Frankly, maybe he’s just a nice guy with a comfortable home. But she does have options.
It is not a job interview. Job interviews are generally conducted at the potential place of employment by personnel who are paid to do so, as part of their job duties, and who are evaluating the applicants. In contrast,these are information interviews conducted by volunteers as a courtesy to the applicant. They are almost always optional. Perhaps the manners would improve if applicants remembered that.
I don’t know about your experiences, ucbalumbus, but it is never the first-gen or disadvantaged kids who are rude, in my interviews. They have always been models of decorum. Other applicants who feel entitled to admission are more problematic.
And that is what I’m suggesting.