<p>Just to add my 2-cents' worth--we didn't. Both kids went to CA for college. Interestingly enough, both H and I stayed pretty close to our respective homes for college (he went from NY to MA and I just went about 8 miles away). I think we kicked ourselves for not thinking outside NE.</p>
<p>Some parents here who were delighted their kids went to college very near by are not feeling that way now. Kids are dropping by sporadically, usually at an unexpected, inconvenient time, bringing along friends, and sticking around the house too much. Some are not bonding with the college as they are hanging around too much with other local kids. I think a couple of hours away is fine for me, though I doubt mine would fit either category.</p>
<p>We never put any restriction on distance, but all 3 of ours wanted to stay within driving distance. None wanted to deal with airline schedules.</p>
<p>cpt, That's what I see of the kids that went to our nearest State U - the kids come home most weekends and life doesn't seem that different then it was in HS except their close friends are away.</p>
<p>*To explain: the main reason we gave an arbitrary "300 miles or farther" rule was because our kid (as of fall senior year) was NOT independent-- and was likely to pick her college based on the city of residence of a much older BF rather than based on her own needs and the best fit. If she had actually been independent I would not have had a problem with her going to school closer to home, because it would have been picked for mature reasons. *</p>
<p>See that makes sense to me-
when there is a reason why distance is a weighted criteria- like the ^, I understand it.
I was reacting to the viewpoint of some on CC, who dismiss those who end up attending school within 500 miles as * afraid* to try new things and their parents can't let go.</p>
<p>My D did have a friend she met at Reed, who was from Seattle and drove back home almost every weekend to see a boyfriend. The next year, she even transferred to the UW in Seattle. However, she then transferred back and graduated from Reed.
So while there are of course many considerations when looking at schools, distance is just one of them. She might not have transferred if she had been farther, but depending on her romantic relationship, she might have even left school. Who's to say?
I am going to strongly suggest looking at residential schools rather than commuter schools for younger D however. For instance if she ends up at one of the Hawaiian schools, housing is hard to find, not only on campus but in the surrounding area. I want her to be able to experience life on campus, not be labled as a haole and feel like an outsider.</p>
<p>However- we may find that once we visit- there are other things that outweigh those disadvantages- like being in Hawaii! :D</p>
<p>My son has two friends who live minutes by car from the school he attends. In fact, one of them can actually walk home. Both families have opened their hearts and their homes to have my son over for some home cooked food. I really appreciate their hospitality, kindness, and thoughtfulness. The students who live nearby do go home a lot for hot showers, mom's cooking, etc. Even some who live a little further away are encouraged by their parents to go home every other weekend. My son does not understand why they would go home so often (he says they stretch it out to every third weekend).</p>
<p>SBmom--that makes a lot of sense. And it sounds from your posts as if she found the right college for her.</p>
<p>I think her in Jersey, with so many colleges nearby and so many states near by, it feels different.</p>
<p>I do notice that many of S's friends who went to state school come home every weekend; I think that's more a function of the school atmosphere than a problem with the kids. We made it clear to S that if he went to such a close school, he had to treat it as if it was farther away. We told him, basically, don't come home until fall break! (then we had a family tragedy that negated all that, and brought him home several times, but that's another story).</p>
<p>Anyway, your reasoning is definitely clear to me.</p>
<p>Imnsvho, going home on weekends squanders a significant amount of the college experience (and no, I don't mean drunken sex-crazed parties on Saturday night). One of my D's roommates went home virtually every weekend and I think she missed a lot that a great school has to offer. I suppose you could try to limit visits to once a month...but I'd be wary of "mission creep."</p>
<p>Thedad--that hasn't been a problem for us. Hey, going to school in NYC, why would you want to come home?</p>
<p>LadyLou--
It seems you have a great sense of what you're looking for, and it's fortunate that you'll be able to head over and see for yourself. I recently read an article about an Ivy league student's experiences at Oxford, and was suprised at the differences re: focus -- it sounded quite instense. Keep us posted :)</p>
<p>One of the things our son liked best about his school was the mix of students, from US and abroad, even though it's only a five-hour drive from home (NY to Boston). It's an exciting time for all of you -- good luck!</p>
<p>When my D started her college search, she thought she wanted to be in CA (we are in NJ). It didn't bother us because we travel a lot, therefore I know we would and could always pop in to see her for long weekends whenever we wanted to. But when it came to making the final decision for where to apply for ED, she chose a school 40 miles from home. She told me that she thought she would miss us too much. She was deferred, so now she has the opportunity to look at all the schools again. I am encouraging her to not rule the school in CA out because of the distance, but I think she is considering a school closer to home. We have no preference, but I would encourage her not to come home for weekends because I would want her to have the full college experience.</p>
<p>On a separate note. I don't know if you are aware a software called Skype (skype.com). It's a free software where you could do video call for free. We are connected with our family worldwide through it. The video camera is $50. If you have a fast internet connection, there is hardly any delay. I think there are other freewares, but this one works pretty well.</p>
<p>Our restriction was a simple one...either within a 3 hour drive of home, or within a one hour drive of a relative or VERY close family friend. Just in case of an emergency, we wanted someone somewhat nearby to help out...or to be able to get there ourselves. DS is 2hr and 10 minutes from home. DD is 3000 miles from home but only a 20 minute ride from a very good friend, and within an hour of DH's "across the country" cousins. It is a bit pricey to fly DD home for the "short" vacations, so she stays with the friends or relatives out there. But as noted above, communication isn't a problem even with the time change. We actually encouraged our kids to look afar for colleges...it's a great time to experience a different part of the country within a slightly protected environment. Both are in urban areas...we live in a rural area. It's absolutely terrific for them both.</p>
<p>This has been a very productive forum! Thank you for the comments!</p>
<p>A friend of mine was told by his dad that he had to go out of state if he wanted college paid for... Presumably, that got him a bit outside his comfort zone.</p>
<p>For me it wasn't the distance that was the issue, but rather, that I wanted DD to experience a different part of the country and not have college just be an extension of high school. I felt that would broaden her horizons more. She is now applying to school in Switzerland.</p>
<p>My parents have one main rule: stay in the USA. (At least for the majority of undergrad. A study abroad is negotiable). I can completely understand this and though I hope to do a study abroad, I don't particularly want to go to school full time overseas. My dad also says that he would like to keep me in the same time zone, but I am looking at a school in Seattle (I live in Connecticut) and he says that we'll visit it and if it really is a good fit, he won't stop me. There's only one other thing, and that's more of an unspoken rule rather than an expressed one. My dad's ex-wife lives in South Carolina and for some reason (I never quite got the full story) he really (and I mean really) doesn't like her. Since my sister (half sister actually) currently lives down there with her mom, he is afraid that if I go to school near there I will end up visiting my sister and consequently have contact with his ex-wife, whom I have only met once. He's freaking out that I'm evevn considering possibly looking at East Carolina University which is in North Carolina, about six hours from where my sister lives. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. My parents may "strongly encourage" me to reconsider a school because of it's location, but if it's really where I want to go, they wouldn't force me not to.</p>
<p>My parents pretty much forbid me from going to school in any area of the country where they personally wouldn't want to live. At least, that's all that I can make of their reasoning.</p>
<p>I grew up in NJ and I never had any intention of actually spending the rest of my life there once I was an adult. I figured, if I am going to go away for college I might as well really go away, check out other areas of the country, help me decide where I really want to live. I don't particularly like the south, and I don't like the idea of living really far away from the ocean, for some reason. That left my options as the northeast and the west coast. I'm shy and I also thought that if I went to a school close to home, I would end up using the proximity as a sort of crutch, always going home and not really being forced to make new friends because I could visit the old ones. I don't get homesick, so that would not have been an issue.</p>
<p>My parents kept trying to make me go to either a college really close to home or a college in the south (they kept saying, well this would be a nice place for us to retire, wouldn't it?). They complained incessantly about high-priced northeastern colleges and did I really want to trek through the snow, and they outright forbid me from considering anything in California, land of evil gay liberals. I ended up at a school close to home. I used the location as a crutch and went home all the time, hung out with old friends because I never made new ones, and I absolutely hate it here. I seriously think I'd move to California out of spite after graduation if it weren't too expensive to afford.</p>
<p>My parents set no restrictions. If they really want to see me, we've all got macs, so we'll iChat AV it up.</p>
<p>My mom refused to send me west of unless it was to Stanford, Cal, or UCLA. I wasn't interested in LACs like Pomona and HMC, so no problem with that. She just felt that there was no reason to leave the east coast with so many great colleges withing 8 hours driving. (lots of great ones withing an hour from home too). However, she was cool with UChicago, WashU, and the Big 10 (merit opportunities to colleges she thinks are very good). I ended up on the East Coast anyway at my top choice, so win win I guess.</p>
<p>Parents really shouldn't be the ones to make the decision as to how far away the student can go. It's one of the most important decisions in picking a college, and is a very important one for budding independent adults to make on their own. Parents maybe should help their child outline the pros and cons of going far away, but you really have to let the kid decide, either way. No matter whether they choose to live at home and commute, or take a five hour plane ride plus an hour to and from each airport, it really should be their decision. Of course, if the student really does want to go far away, and the parents are of "limited financial resources" (obviously, we're all of "limited" financial resources, but you know what I mean) then the parent should point out to their student that they will pretty much never be able to come home during the semester, and sometimes even are forced to stay at college over winter break. Price of two round-trip airplane tickets is usually included in a financial aid package, but most students probably would need more than this if possible. And yes, it's true that once you have to go to the airport, the airport is the same distance, but do keep in mind that the farther you are travelling, the more the airplane tickets will cost. But really, it needs to be the kid's decision. It can cause a lot of problems if the student is prohibited from choosing at least the geographic area to go to college. (Sometimes, though, parents do know their kids better than the kids know themselves, which is why if parents and kids disagree, parents should have a LONG-but not coercive- chat with their son or daughter.)</p>