Would you restrict your child from going to a school because of distance from home?

<p>We live east of the Mississippi and I strongly encouraged my kids to stay on this side of it, and within a day's drive. Esp. for S2, who had a keyboard and electric guitar he wanted to bring with him, a plane ride would have been really impractical.</p>

<p>His friend chose to go to school in CA but they had relatives out there. That would make a difference.</p>

<p>Wehave always told our 4 D's that if we can afford the room and board then we would like them ot experience that aspect of college. Choosing a college in our house is not just about academics but also about the stage of personal growth and devolpment that our child is at. Be it at a smaller college or a larger college, we look at the growth that is necessary for our child in their next stage of develpoment and independence. For one of ours that will be at a mediium size university with at metropolitan area nearby and for another at this point it looks like a smaller university that is off the beaten path so to speak.</p>

<p>I understand about fear of flying because my kids' father was deathly afraid of flying for many years -- but I think it's one thing to heed one's owns fears, another to impose the fears on one's kids. As I said, there may be other excellent reasons to want kids to stay close to home, with cost being a big factor -- I just don't think the safety issue makes much sense. Kathiep -- your description of the 16-hour, straight through, all night long drive is exactly the sort of thing I would fear -- driver fatigue is just as bad as drunk driving -- see: <a href="http://www.rsa.ie/NEWS/News/Driver_Fatigue.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.rsa.ie/NEWS/News/Driver_Fatigue.html&lt;/a> -- yet somehow I don't seem able to convince my kids of that. </p>

<p>I'm not trying to scare anyone here -- it's scary enough when our kids are traveling, no matter what mode of transport they are using. I just would hope that parents who put geographical limits on their kids stick to reason.</p>

<p>I sure know it's not really smart to drive 16 hours staight and of course that's usually after taking finals and packing up all day. The road trips that my daughter has taken in college have caused me much angst but she's an adult. I've told her how I feel, sent her articles about drivers fatigue but after almost four years and many trips to and fro, they still do it. It never crossed my radar screen when she was looking at colleges over 6 hours away (Elon was #2) that driving through the night would be a possibility - parents beware!</p>

<p>Alright, well I go to school 6.5 hours from my hometown, and I have to say i have mixed opinions about it. I don't really mind the distance so much, but the problem is coming home. My school is in a very rural area, and the nearest airport that has a direct flight to my hometown is an hour away, and those plane tickets are not inexpensive ($330). So when I go home for breaks, I usually end up getting a ride from someone in my hometown because I dont have a car, but if I ever had to get home for a family emergency I think it would be a pain because I would have to get someone to drive me an hour to the airport(because there is no public transportation), and then an hour back. </p>

<p>So, in retrospect I wish I had realized when I decidewd to come to school here how inconvivnent it would be to come home. The other school I almost attened was the same distance from home, but it was on Long Island, which has public transportation to the NYC airports and its a much cheaper flight.</p>

<p>Think all this depends on kids knowing what's really best for them. Other than one semester spent abroad, our niece made the 8-hour-plus round trip drive home just about every weekend possible. I don't think she ever really got over her homesickness, like a lot of kids manage to do the first year. Perhaps a school closer (or farther) would have been a better choice.</p>

<p>I live near Seattle, and sometimes it feels to me that everyone I've ever met is going to UW, about fifteen minutes away from my HS. I want to "expand my horizons" a little bit and actually get away, but I keep running into roadblocks. My parents continue to "strongly encourage" going to UW, because it really is a great school and they love how close it is. They are sort of clingy, I have to say. </p>

<p>I fantasize about going to the east coast, but they get all upset when I mention it and say that I would rarely ever see them. So I feel all bad about it. Plus, my mom is afraid of flying, and she hates the idea that any visiting would require a plane. </p>

<p>I think the east has the major advantage for this, because there are just so many schools packed together. Over in the Pacific Northwest, we've got a bunch of state schools and few very small private ones that really don't fit me too well. The only school I consider is UW, and that means I'm either fifteen minutes from home or a very long plane ride away. Tough choice.</p>

<p>TheMom reminds me of the cautionary tale of one of my sisters-in-law: she told her children that the could go to any college within a 250-mile radius. They all did. However, now none live in the home town (or anywhere close) and only one lives within that radius...barely. One actually has lived in Bahrain after previously having lived in South Africa and the Virgin Islands; for the moment, she's in Virginia, which feels close by comparison.</p>

<p>whirlybird:
What about a compromise of a school in Oregon or California where you could be further away, not with the entire HS, and it'd still be possible to drive to (or maybe train??) for the visits? I know I drove from about Sacramento to Seattle in one fairly reasonable day once.</p>

<p>We didn't restrict my son, now a sophomore, but he chose a school that is about 2 hours away. Although he generally only comes home for vacations, the easy roundtrip drive is a pleasure. DH and I don't have to take off from work, and we can leave after dinner on a Sunday night to take him back. Based on our experience with our son, we limited our daughter, now a senior in HS to 4 hours (one way). We also have another d, a junior in hs, so will have 3 in college for one year. She will have the 4 hour restriction also. I guess everyone has to take their family dynamics into consideration. We live in the NE where there are a lot of colleges to choose from.</p>

<p>My eldest D did a 180 last year when she voluntarily choose our flagship state U over her other choices. She had previously told everyone that "I am never going to stay in Florida". Well, the 300 miles to UF from South Florida is considerably further away than my husband and I's college days commute (Boston...from the New York/NJ area). I hold my breath for the 4 1/2 hours that she is on the Florida Turnpike when she is driving to and from school....and I nearly fainted when she got home once in 3 1/2 hours (do the math)!<br>
Her sister is a hs junior with a chronic medical condition. We are definitely encouraging her to look at schools within a 3 hour or so drive. There is a real possibility that I will, at some point in her college career, be required to go get her and bring her home (due to her illness). If she chooses a college that is further, we will all have to live with the consequences should/when she needs us. Of course, regardless of where she chooses to attend, we will establish contact (prior to the first day of class) with a local health professional and notify the school's health service of her condition. My hope is that by having this umbrella...it will not rain.</p>

<p>We didn't put any restrictions on our kids, though neither really wanted to go to a distant part of the country.</p>

<p>Kid #1 is at our flagship state university, less than an hour away. He does not ordinarily home for weekends. However, he does take advantage of his proximity to home to use the same doctors and dentist year-round. It's one of the perks of going to a nearby school, and I don't think it makes him any less independent.</p>

<p>Kid #2 will be starting next fall at a college that is a six- to seven-hour drive from home, and she will not have a car. We are located in a major metropolitan area; the college is not. There is a charter bus that operates during each of the college's breaks, taking kids to and from our area at a very reasonable price. But if #2 ever needs to get home at any other time, it would be difficult, time-consuming, and expensive, involving multiple forms of transit and the making of lots of connections. I have to admit that I am a bit nervous about it.</p>

<p>I thought the original question was whether a parent should set a distance restriction of the choice of college. My answer is NO. At this point the young man or woman should make as many decisions about their life as possible. I told my S how much I would contribute to his college costs. If he wants to go to a school that makes it cost him more to come home, that's his decision.</p>

<p>07DAD - that's pretty cool! Besides, as I've said before, there are so many means of communication that a long distance can easily be overcome by iChat AV, skype, etc.</p>

<p>I guess I did muffle the actual question of whether we would restrict the distance...and the answer is no. But they have to be aware of the consequences that will arise from the increased distance from home. They can go whereever they get in, that they desire. One caveat, as I said before, they have to live (in sickness and in health) with their decision. When my freshman daughter last week called home in tears that she was ill and frightened (and alone since roommy was gone for the weekend) I simply had to remind her that as adult she has to take care of herself now. She needed to make an appointment and visit a doctor. She had to nurse herself back to health (which she did and now is a happy camper once again). Daughter number two, after listening to her sister's plight, stated simply "I think that I will find a school closer to home".
Kids have to be in touch with who they are and what they are ready for a this point in their lives. Of course, many people do have financial considerations as well.</p>

<p>My oppinion (student): it depends on who's paying for everything. </p>

<p>Parent: if this is the case, than it's none of the student's business where he/she goes to school to begin with if he/she doesn't have to pay for it. </p>

<p>Student: if this is the case, than it's none of the parents' business where their kid goes to school if they're choosing not to pay for it (unless the student is younger than 18 when they apply and the app needs the parent's signature.</p>

<p>I think parentofbear has the right idea. If you can afford it, going away for school will usually be better.</p>

<p>ASC-----I admire your thinking. </p>

<p>However, as a parent, even if I am contributing $$ I want my S to make his decisions and have to deal with what those decisions bring about. </p>

<p>Since there is a fixed amount of money from me, his choice to attend school where it costs more to travel to and from will mean he will have to budget differently and/or work more and/or visit less. </p>

<p>Also, I know that I do not want to have a say in where he attends school, even if I am paying for it. By next fall, high school is over and it is HIS life. Even in late HS, I'd tell him what I was willing to finance. If he wanted to do something different, it was up to him to pay for it. Sometimes he did what I was offering and sometimes he paid to do what he wanted.</p>

<p>I think the distance from home is often a "control" issue of the parents. My view is that a visit (or a call) from my S from college, now that he is a young adult, should reflect his interest in connecting, not any concern of mine that he does not "need" me anymore.</p>

<p>Here's my opinion, from a student's perspective: ABSOLUTELY NOT.</p>

<p>They can go anywhere they want, but if the drive from there to here is longer than 4 hours according to yahoo maps, then they MUST fly or take the train. If they have so much stuff that they will require a car, I will send one to pick it up. But they MAY NOT drive if they're more than 4 hours from home. And they MUST be in possession of my credit card at all times to be used ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES. And as I intend to teach them to be financially literate by age 12 (they'll handle credit cards way before college-I intend to live in NYC, even if I end up having kids) they will know very well what constitutes an emergency.</p>

<p>futurenyustudent--</p>

<p>LOL. Someday you will have kids who will do everything you tell them to, right? :D</p>