<p>I like "if they have so much stuff that they will require a car, I will send one to pick it up". I "sent" one via each of my kids, and they drove it to their colleges 6 and 16 hours away. And they have their own credit and debit cards because they are financially literate. Oh, well, I certainly thought I knew all the answers too when I was futurenyustudents age.</p>
<p>The limits depend very much on the child, their emotional state and maturity should be taken into consideration. College should be a learning experience but not a trauma. After 9-11 there is added concern on the part of parents. Some feel they would like to get to thier children within a reasonable amount of time.</p>
<p>futurenyustudent-- My observation is that you feel that you (as the future parent) will need to be the one to anticipate and "pre-solve" a young adult's possible dilemmas. </p>
<p>One of the hardest part of being a parent is realizing that the young adult needs to be the one to deal with those situations. For instance, "too much stuff?" Well, my parents said if your trunks weigh more than allowed on the airplane, I had to pay the additional charge. SEE, they did not solve my problem, and the decision about how much to take was left to me, as was paying to take more than the weight allowance.</p>
<p>The parent's credit card "for emergencies?" At most, a parent might provide auto insurance to make repairs and AAA for assistance with mechanical problems! My S paid the insurance throughout high school and his gas. Anything else, the young adult needs to deal with it. Of course, this presents an additional problem if the parent has not required the child to work during high school. If the parent provides all the money for college (a VERY BAD idea), the young adult needs to have to take care of most "unexpected" costs from that money, just like you do in the adult world. That includes WALKING or taking PUBLIC Transportation if there is a car problem.</p>
<p>After high school, YOU are an adult. That means YOU need to deal with your decision on how far away from home you go to school.</p>
<p>FYI, my S has applied to Columbia and wanted to visit over Thanksgiving. He used his air miles for the ticket from DFW, found a friend's parents in NY where he could sleep on the couch, used public transportation to get around and paid for what he wanted to do with money he makes tutoring and/or washing dishes at a summer camp. You do not have to raise dependant adult children.</p>
<p>sunnie75-- welcome to CC.</p>
<p>My point is that the young adult, not the parent, needs to make the call about distance. For instance, a young adult who (due to the level of maturity or anything else) wants to be close to home will most likely let that be known by the schools to which he or she applies. Of course, that assumes the parent lets the decision where to apply be made by the young adult.</p>
<p>My premise is that as a young adult, he needs to make the decision where to attend college for the next four years of his life. The fears and concerns of the parent (whether 9-11 or anything elase) should not be a factor. Does a parent really want to saddle a young adult with these concerns, if the young adult does not have them on their own?</p>
<p>I seem to recall that statistically a person is more likely to be seriously injured within 2 miles of their home than any other place. And the bathroom is the most likely place to injure yourself. So where the young adult goes to school does not make it really more dangerous. Nor is traveling to and from the family home to college more dangerous than what you are exposed to where you live.</p>
<p>One observation about the 9-11 issue. I've been in places when there was a total meltdown of civil authority. St. Croix after a hurricane in approx. 1988 in Lima, Peru in the late 1980's. The reality is that neither the young adult, nor the parents, need to be out in the streets. Remember the pics of the bridges out of NYC after 9-11? When the "stuff" hits the fan, hunker down. </p>
<p>Assuming a parent keeps their son or daughter "close to home," what if the parents' city gets nueclear or bio damage, you want that son or daughter trying to come home? Humanity has lasted this long. Just because a parent now has a young adult that is starting to leave home to make his own life, that is not a reason to assume the end of the world is at hand.</p>
<p>Since I raised my daughter to be a "traveler" from day one, it makes no difference to me or to her how far away her college is, other than the obvious cost of travel. Neither of us would hesitate to hop on a plane to visit the other (if the funds are there) at a moment's notice. I think for those parents and students who have not been travelers over the years, there may be more of a "fear" in terms of the distance. They are simply not used to it. (Financial considerations aside, of course.)</p>
<p>^ i agree. My mom and I always traveled when i was young. every summer we went somewhere, that is of course until i became heavily involved in musical theatre and began doing plays over the summer that consumed my time. My mom has a preface of what going away to college would be like when i went away for 6 weeks to Syracuse U (im from New Orleans) in summer of 2005. she felt that i was safe up there and if i wanted to follow my dreams she thought that was the place for me. It just depends on who you are.</p>
<p>To say it is totally the student's call or the parent's call, is really simplifying things. Most families do not work that way. There should be a great deal of discussion with both sides giving views and input. Ultimately, if the parents' funds are what is paying for the college experience, it is going to have the final weight, and it is up to the parent to decide how to go on this deal and any others. </p>
<p>Also, it is fine to say that all problems from this moment hence are the student's, but that is not how it works, unless you are the very rare parent who totally cuts that cord. If the kid is in certain kinds of trouble, injured, ill, it is a rare parent that is not going to be on his way to him. Most of us have some idea of what kind of child we have and how independent he is and if it is a good/bad/indifferent thing to have him in a difficult to access location for college. There is a risk there, and the parent is the one who often has to realistically assess it. Personally, I would not, out of hand, reject a college my son suggests for location, distance reasons, but when going over the list, that is a factor that will come into play. I am not saying that I would outright refuse to let him go to a college he is set on for those reasons, but there would be ample discussion, and I sure hope he is reasonable. It is rare that such a college is a "one and only", and I would be concerned if my son saw it as such unless there were truly some outstanding reason for it to be so.</p>
<p>My parents only had two restrictions: </p>
<p>1) Must leave town
2) Pick some place within driving distance</p>
<p>Living in the Northeast this didn't exactly limit my options very much, but I thought they were both very reasonable guidelines. Moving out to get the experience of learning to be on my own, but not so far that is was excessively expensive to fly to come visit. Worked out perfectly.</p>
<p>Heh. Both my parents lived within 200 miles of NYC. Then I decided on NYU and mom moved to Montana, and now dad's looking to move to California. I like flying, though.</p>
<p>My parents said I can go wherever I get in. However, yesterday, my Dad was trying to convince me to go to SJSU (the only school within the area I applied). I was pretty angry, and just reminded him of the fact that he left CA to go to Arizona for college. That silenced him. But I guess if I were a parent I wouldn't want my kids to go far away, but I also wouldn't want to hold them back.</p>
<p>I think the decision probably works best if the parents are collaborative, not authoritarian. The parents may be paying but it's the student's experience. Even if the student is paying a lot of the expense--extremely rare to pay all--most parents have more major decision-making experience than most students...experience helps.</p>
<p>And I regret that actuarial tables say it's a dicey proposition as to whether or not I'll be around to watch FNYUS tell his college age kids what to do...I think I'd enjoy the laugh.</p>
<p>Agh. My parents hate the idea of me going to a college on the east coast, or for that matter, any college that isn't in California or the states bordering it. I think it is partly because of the cost, and also because it would be expensive when flying home and such. In addition, I'm one of the younger members of my graduating class, and my parents have this notion that I'm not as 'mature' as my classmates. Hmm. They did suggest a gap year because they think that I belong in the class of 09..</p>
<p>i would definitely say absolutely not. this is the first big decision your child will make on their own and i wouldn't even restrict them because of cost. i know i definitely can't afford college, but who can?! everyone has student loans coming out the wazoo. it's just how it works. but yeah, your child needs to make this decision for their future on their own. hopefully, you raised them to make a wise decision - but this one is theirs.</p>
<p>now, although my mom essentially brainwashed me my entire life into going to the college i will be attending in the fall, the decision was mine.</p>
<p>no surprise visits, mom!</p>
<p>kellyyo, with the current security measures in place in college dorms, I doubt your mom could truly surprise you by showing up at the door to your room. Chances are, she would have to call you on your cell phone so that you can let her into the building. This gives you five minutes or so to send your boyfriend/girlfriend on his/her way and hide whatever needs to be hidden. ;)</p>
<p>I think issue of the cost of plane tickets home is overblown. I can squeeze a <em>maximum</em> of four flights a year: to/from school, Thanksgiving, Winter Break, Spring break. Thanksgiving and Spring Break are both optional. Call it a thousand dollars, maybe a little more. Many colleges account for two round-trip tickets in the EFC. The difference the parents have to pay isn't exactly loose change but on the scale of the whole college expense, it's a dismayingly small increment.</p>
<p>TheDad--</p>
<p>I agree that many parents on this thread seem to mention the "cost" of flying home as a basis for imposing a distance restiction, i.e. telling their S/D where they cannot attend school. However, I can imagine that there are family circumstances where $1,000 a year is a real factor in affordability. </p>
<p>My point is that it ought to be left to the young adult student to "figure it out" if, when and how to get home within the parents' budget (yes that assumes the student isn't footing all of the college costs). I guarantee that if the student is paying all his or her own way, the student will figure those things out.</p>
<p>I remember riding the Greyhound home once when my funds were low. Most of the time, if you couldn't swing a flight you'd look on the bulletin board for people seeking passangers to ride home and share the gasoline. THOSE were great times had by all. </p>
<p>FYI, the shortest distance between Atlanta, GA and Dallas (which is 800 miles, as the crow flies) was NOT through New Orleans, but what the hey!!</p>
<p>07Dad, remember...most colleges build the cost of two plane tickets home into their EFC. And I'm not disputing that for some that extra $1,000, dismayingly small relative to other expenses as it is, could be the straw that broke the camel's back. But often it's just a convenient excuse grabbed to justify "I don't want my kids far away."</p>
<p>My parents are trying to get me to stay in-state for college, mainly because of cost. However, I know the experience of going somewhere else for school would be much more beneficial-much more like the real world where mom and dad aren't a 3 hour drive away and you can't pop home anytime you feel like it, or to have them do your laundry, like one of my college friends does. I want to feel the culture shock of being somewhere completely different. (I've lived in CO all my life and am looking to go to school in MN or IN). People who go farther away for school usually become more independent and mature because they have to learn how to do everything on their own.</p>
<p>Like lalaforte said that people who go farther "usually become more independent and mature", that sounds great.</p>
<p>Yet on the other hand, I think back and remember two years ago, when my cousin went to college about seven hours' drive away from home, and totally lost it, had a breakdown, and had to come back to stay with her parents for a few weeks before returning to school. Kind of makes me nervous about just walking away.</p>
<p>Sometimes the way to get them to live away is to have them live close.</p>
<p>My older son is in a garage band that wanted to stay together. I am happy that all of the members decided to live at different colleges away from home, but all are within a 40 minute drive to come home for Sunday practices.</p>
<p>I'd rather he not have this committment back home, but at least he's at college 6 nights out of 7.</p>
<p>Younger son has watched this go on, and says "Mom, I'm not going to come home like he does, but I want to be close so I CAN if I want to." For him it's about not feeling trapped, and having freedom and options. </p>
<p>They certainly aren't adventurous like so many kids on this board, but luckily we live in the mid-atlantic where they have plenty of options.</p>