<p>I like the term “first choice” better than dream. In the next couple of years that first choice school will come more into focus. I think it should be accomplished without debt.</p>
<p>To the OP…the best thing you can do is drop the “dream college” notion. Encourage your kiddo to develop a college application list that includes ALL colleges that are places where the student would be happy to attend if affordable.</p>
<p>If you have a line in terms of what you can pay, let your student know this, and of course they can apply to colleges that exceed that cost if you all are in agreement. But the student should know up front that if money isn’t forthcoming from those colleges to bring the cost down to what you can afford, then the student will need to decline ALL acceptances that don’t meet the financial criteria.</p>
<p>Use the Net Price Calculators on each college website to get an estimate of your net costs.</p>
<p>Just remember…if your child applies to a bunch of unaffordable " dream schools"…and you can’t afford the costs to attend…this could quickly turn into a nightmare.</p>
<p>Interesting, my kid had no dream school but we let her select her college and she choose the cheaper in state version. She still likes her choice.</p>
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In law school on a full scholarship and in a college with a full tuition scholarship?</p>
<p>This has never happened to our S, even with a close to 2400 SAT and a close to 40 on a standardized test. To be sure, he did receive quite generous need-based scholarships after our savings for higher education had been wiped out (and some dent to our retirement accounts as well.)</p>
<p>I guess I am the most reckless one here in the family finance department.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your advice. Thankfully my DD already has a ranking of 4 schools that she has already visited. She is actually bouncing back and forth between number 1 and number 2 which is a good thing… I have already had the conversation with her about $$$, but she also knows that she has to have backup plans in place if she is not accepted to #1 or #2 (which she has seen first hand with family friends). For all I know between now and then she may end up at #4. </p>
<p>@mcat - so are you saying you did whatever financially necessary for your child to go to their choice? 
I wouldn’t say it’s reckless.</p>
<p>I started a thread directly on this subject called am I being too stingy. I could send my d to a decent in state university, directional or not, I could send her to an oos college at a significant premium, or I could send her private. She is bright but her stats put her in the middle of the pack credential wise. The instate directional will be far less expensive. It is public but the right size…14k students, has great facilities, bright students (average sat reading and math over 1200…average act 26). She initially wanted out of state, public, football type college…which I could afford, but why should i?. She is 17 years old. How the heck could she know she would be happier at one school over the other? Without actually attending. The directional she will attend gets high marks from students we know who have gone there. They all love it. It has the climbing walls, the Greek life and decent academics. And best of all, over four years it will cost us 160k less. In the end …no contest. Once she gets her BA or BS, she can go anywhere she wants, do anything she wants without undergrad debt and without costing her parents an arm and a leg. She will have a degree, hopefully will have learned a few things, and I am convinced will be just as competitive in the market place no matter where she has gone to school.</p>
<p>MCAT, but he is the only child right. It’s like spending his inheritance up front. Not reckless. </p>
<p>He is indeed the only child. There was actually a conversation about this between our child and us that goes like this: “If you were not the only child, you would most likely go to an in-state public college.”</p>
<p>It is a pure luck that it happens he does not have any sibling. (But it was because we decided to immigrate to this country not only at an older age but also with very little money (only with the first year of COA in our pocket) and we were not financially viable to have a child for many years.)</p>
<p>Inheritance? What inheritance? If there is any, it has been long gone for his college and professional school educations - as well as his 10+ years of expensive EC activities prior to college.)</p>
<p>@flynnceo, I think it was texaspg (a CCer here) once (somewhat jokingly) posted that I was “crazy” to send our child to an expensive private, having been fully aware that it might be full pay for 4 years. (After our assets had gone down, the college showed us some mercy.)</p>
<p>Depends on the dream. Truly. Are you talking mortgaging the house to pay an additional 20K a year or are you talking letting your kid take out a reasonable amount of student loans to make up a small difference.</p>
<p>Our stance was that we weren’t taking out any parent loans and that we could really only afford our EFC. D only applied to schools that were in financial range. Her “dream” school was slightly over our budget and because it was by far the best fit, we allowed her to take out the subsidized federal loan to make-up the difference. I know it’s something people on CC like to scoff at but it was something we/she was willing to do for the opportunity of a small private LAC as opposed to one of our big, public universities. We all pick away at the loans when we can and we’ll help her with if post graduation. To us, it’s totally worth it. Then again, we are talking 3K a year, not 20K a year.</p>
<p>Something else to consider at high tuition schools. If your child changes majors and does not graduate when originally expected, the costs go way up. Many schools now are charging 1000 plus per credit hour, even after tuition discounts. That puts tremendous pressure on the student and the parent, which may mean the dream school becomes a nightmare. And your student may feel they have to stick with their original major, even if a bad fit. Less expensive tuition means breathing room to find what a student really wants. I really am not concerned if my daughters take an extra year or so to graduate. Let them enjoy college. They have all of their lives to confront the real world.</p>
<p>Sophomore year isn’t too early. We did a big college tour the summer after DS1’s freshman year. It was just when the time worked out. We did some smaller “tours” later but he found his “dream school” on that first trip. As he tells the story, he told me he REALLY wanted to go there and I replied “First get in and then find a way to pay for it.” He did. Without it, that school would have gone off the table no matter how much he “dreamed” about it. We told both of our kids that paying for school was a cooperative process. We had been pretty disciplined about college savings so we knew we would be contributing a lot but did not want to take out large loans in addition. DS1 found a great scholarship opportunity and worked his butt off to get it. Second son has decided he isn’t interested in the competition for scholarships; there’s enough competition for class rank and just getting in to college and a good program. He put his energy into grades and test prep and let the scholarships fall where they may. BUT he never had an expensive “dream” school. For his chosen field, the state flagship is actually an excellent choice and he is perfectly happy with that option. </p>
<p>@piroud321 - thanks for that info - we have a friend who has been directing their child on what majors to take because it pays the most when they graduate or definitely will be able to get a job. The first year was a bust and now into the 2nd year with a whole new major (40K a year school)- we will see how that goes…Anyway, it’s stories like these that my D is witnessing firsthand and actually has been a learning process for her. </p>
<p>No, I wouldn’t stop my child from going to a dream school, but I also wouldn’t change my budget to make it happen. I set a budget and we then worked on choices. If either had a dream school well outside that budget, it’s unlikely it would have happened. If the child really wants it, he/she will figure it out with scholarships, work, joining the military, sports scholarships, being an RA for free room and board. Neither of my kids wanted to put in the extra work to find those opportunities.</p>
<p>However, I don’t understand why these schools become dream schools to 16 and 17 year olds. They are just supposed to be forming their opinions. Jello, for you to mold. Focus on the great things about a different school you can afford, the atmosphere, the cost, the football team, the hot fudge sundaes once a week. Whatever it takes. Many have Harvard or Yale or Stanford as a dream school, but of course no amount of money can make that dream come true and those dreamers have to go to other schools. Why should tuition at any other school be different? You can’t go to XYZ school because it is too expensive, so pick another one.</p>
<p>A united front on financing college? Most definitely come up with a plan and that includes cost limits. As for “dream school” that’s a loaded term. It places a pretty big chunk of money on an emotional level, but cost is a pretty big factor for most of us. </p>
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<p>Undergrad students can only borrow ~$5500year ($27k total). If the colleges you’re considering are $40-50k/year, you need $35k-$45k/year. If your daughter gets no merit, are YOU willing to take out loans to make up the difference? If not, figure out what you can afford to spend per year and make sure she knows well in advance of application time. If you have other children, take them into account too. You don’t want to overspend on one and not have enough for younger siblings. Check the guaranteed merit threads punned to the top of the financial aid forum to see what scores she needs to get automatic scholarships. Good luck.</p>
<p>Depends on the "dream college:, the kid, the reasons for the school, the finances, and how I feel about it. If my son told me he wanted to go to some school for a reason that I felt was trivial (and I’ve heard some crazy reasons) and not worth the financial sacrifice, no I wouldn’t pay for it. </p>
<p>I didn’t stop my kids from going to whatever school they wanted but I only guaranteed I would pay up to state school COA (truly there was no way I could pay more than that without loans) and they would have to work out the rest with loans and work. We ran loan calculators, talked about possible future salaries and cost of living, etc., and they all decided to go to state schools. You have to know your comfort zone.</p>
<p>@flynnceo By the time application season rolls around none of the four may even be on her list! Kids change a lot at that age.</p>
<p>I echo those who urge you to nip the whole “dream school” nonsense in the bud. For every one kid who is motivated to really work hard by a “dream school,” there are probably 10 who don’t get in, can’t afford it, ignore other schools that would be a better fit, transfer after one or two semesters, and so forth.</p>
<p>I do think that it is a good thing that your D realizes that she can maximize her college options by doing the best she can in classes and on standardized tests, because those things will improve her chances of getting merit money and/or scholarships at a wider range of schools. It also increases her chances of getting into a school that will give her meaningful FA, depending on your income.</p>
<p>Hello I agree w posters here. I have been researching schools net price calculators lately at various oos schools for my D. Holy Moly what an awakening…a true reality check. We are debt free accept for the house and I would not wish debt on anyone…not my enemy and ESPECIALLY not my D. She will more than likely go to in state school as we can only contribute about $5 or $6k total per year. We follow the Dave Ramsey financial plan based on his book “The total money make over” . He has a chapter (chapter 5) on college cost. He states that college does not guarantee a job or success. I can’t remember all he said in that chapter but it is a good read. My D gets stressed out when I talk about college bc she knows that she has to get really good good grades and really good good test scores or else it is community college and/or no merit aid for her. She is a junior in hs. I recently talked to a group of college kids at my younger daughters after school care program. They are there to help w the kids working while going to the local community college. They told me that they argued w their parents too about college until the beginning of their senior year when they started researching colleges themselves and found out how expensive some were. They knew they could save $ by living at home and commuting to the com college. They said that it started making sense to them in their senior year. I have decided to back off talking so much about college w my D but will have her start making a list of 5 schools including in state schools that she’d like to apply to that are affordable in the summer 2015 b4 her senior year. Will show her how to run the calculators etc. I won’t stress her out by talking a college now but I will insist that she start regularly applying for scholarships. If we had the financial means…meaning having extreme wealth… to send her to her dream school w out it affecting our retirement then yes…I would have to have her go for it. To OP…reality hit me when i used the net price calculators. Rude awakening. oh…one more thing. If my daughter for some reason did go to her dream school and accrured a lot of debt that she is responsible for paying back and then meets her dream spouse before debt is paid off…yikes to the poor dream spouse. Not a good way to start a marriage …paying off huge debt. To me, it is up to my D to make the best of her life (with the best of our financial means) regardless of what college she goes to. </p>