<p>I already have. My daughter doesn’t have the stats for PSU main campus, which is her dream school. But she might get into some oos state schools and she really wants that big school - cool campus - school spirit - college town atmosphere. i wish we could give it to her. But there is no way we can afford the OOS schools.</p>
<p>
It may not be “romantic” to talk about the indebtness issue between a couple. But they need to face this issue eventually. I wonder how soon a couple will start to discuss this? 4 to 5 months into the (committed) relationship? The debt will likely affect the quality of their lives in the next, say, 5 to 10 years after graduation.</p>
<p>If you live in the west coast, explore the Western Undergraduate Education program, which allows kids to go to out of state schools for 1.5 times in-state tuition. There are quite a few schools that participate in it, though it is a competitive program and your grades and test scores count. It is cheaper than out of state tuition. <a href=“Save On College Tuition | Western Undergraduate Exchange (WUE)”>http://www.wiche.edu/wue</a></p>
<p>Other regions of the country have similar agreements that can be explored. If all 4 years is too expensive, perhaps your child can do the National Student Exchange for ONE term or year, paying 1.5 times resident tuition. This was how my siblings got a taste of living away from home while attending our flagship U and commuting. It’s a compromise and allowed them to graduate debt-free.
<a href=“http://www.nse.org”>http://www.nse.org</a></p>
<p>There are options if you explore and are creative. Graduating with little or no debt gives the student and family a LOT more options than graduating with huge, crushing debt.</p>
<p>@sansserif: If your child wants the large school/D1 experience, have her look at Southern schools, such as Ole Miss and Mississippi State, University of North Florida or FIU, plus some Western schools such Wyoming, Montana State, South Dakota… Those have scholarship programs that would likely make them more affordable than Penn State in-state, with merit at modest SAT/ACT scores. Truman State is another one you might find affordable.</p>
<p>We are trying to stop our GrandD. I do not think that she will listen. She is at HS where everybody wnats to go to Ivy’s. We will not be responsible for her financially, but we know that she will regret it later because less finances will be available for her Grad. School. Cannot put our heads (including her Medical student ant) on somebody else’s shoulders. Well, it may change , she is only a HS sophomore. I realized how lucky we were when our D. simply said: “I will do fine anywhere” and she absolutely did at in-state public where she was on full tuition Merit (3 years later she still considers this UG to be the best match for herself), and we are paying for her Med. school, since her wise decision in regard to UG has saved us ton of money. When one choose to pusue “cheap” options, it does not mean at all that no research is needed. We have spent lots of time, multiple visits, D. stayed overnights, etc. before she was ready to make her decision about her UG. It is very important to find a true match, but it does not have to be expensive, unless family does not mind to pay.</p>
<p>@MYOS1634 - Her grades/scores are pretty bad. In fact, I was kind of surprised she’s been accepted at the four in-state schools she’s received acceptances at so far. In most cases, her GPA was below the 50% mark, and her math SAT was below the 25%. Her CR and W were between 50-75%, however. I think what may have made the difference is that she does go to a good high school, and she wrote a pretty good essay. However, she’s not interested in the south or midwest. We even suggested East Carolina, although frankly I’m happy she didn’t pursue it because I would be paying Penn State prices for a mediocre school. I’d rather pay in-state prices for mediocrity. lol </p>
<p>She would love to go to University of Vermont or Maine. (She loves New England and cold weather.) She can’t get in, and even if she could, they’re way too expensive. </p>
<p>@sansserif: If the school has rolling admissions, applying in September/October also makes a difference.
If she likes cold weather, what about some of the SUNYs? Their tuition, even OOS, is often similar to in-state PA.
CUNY CSI has dorms and would be a decent, not too expensive school for kids in the B-C range and 480-540 score range. In New England, there’s Farmington, UMass Lowell… Not sure how affordable they’d be for you. Would your daughter like cold weather enough to try schools in MN, MT, or SD?</p>
<p>To get back to OP’s question: I don’t really understand. Either you can pay, or you can’t. If after running the NPC you realize you can’t pay for the dream school and no merit aid is forthcoming, then it’s not so much that you’re “stopping” your child from going, it’s lack of funds. If the child has done everything in her power to bring costs down and you’ll have to cut out the restaurants plus keep your old car, that’s one thing, and it can be done if you’re willing; but if it means you’ll be shortchanging another child, putting your house or retirement in jeopardy, or taking on PLUS loans in addition to your current expenses, no.</p>
<p>“Kids get it about parents not having the money.”</p>
<p>They get it if parents (1) get it and (2) explain it. I agree that they’re capable of getting it. But if you hide from reality yourself, or shield your child, they may not get it.</p>
<p>@MYOS1634 :
It’s usually not so black and white. But yes, I would say that if it means you have to raid your retirement/rainy day funds or taking out another mortgage or other loan then it’s not worth the tuition, but if means no more luxury car(s)/boat(s)/vacation home(s) or you know that the money would just come out of his/her inheritance, then feel free to pay up.</p>
<p>Purple Titan,
These are strictly your priorities and other family has completely reverse priority. One family decision is not the rule at all for another. Some people (as one example), may have been putting everything into retirement, not into any other savings, because it made sense taxwise. It does not mean that they rule out the withdrawals for non-retirement spending from this retirement fund, which they never thought of as strictly retirement funds. This is just one example. </p>
<p>When the school is really not affordable, a dream is just a dream. When a school is hardly affordable, dream may become a nightmere.</p>
<p>yes, i would. and did. we did this with our child that recently entered college. in sept of senior year we gave child the amount yearly that we would spend and also assured student that we would not co sign loans (so loans would be limited to 5500). student was allowed to apply to and got in to dream college, with a 15 K per year scholarship, great news, but that scholarship plus our promised contribution plus 5500 in loan still left 17500 for freshman year unaccounted for. there was just no way to make it work. even with some foolhardy (for us) approach like a home equity loan, student would still have had to make their way in an environment where others would be taking service trips and unpaid internships, but that would be unavailable for someone from our family (student work would have been year round to earn tuition).</p>
<p>Most of the time the dream of the 17 y o is actually a dream of peers. Very few of them are indepnedent thinkers and evem less have imagination to think about their future beyond UG. But those who actually do, should consider the cost of potential further education, so that they will not pay off their student loans all thru their own retirement. </p>
<p>For what its worth, I find, anecdotally I admit, it is the non-college educated parents who are more willing to go into debt themselves to send their kids to high tuition schools, as opposed to college educated parents, who are more likely to say to their kids that the public school are just fine. There are a large number of so-so colleges out there with high tuition. It makes no sense, imho, to send a kid there instead of to State Directional. The real problem comes up when your kid gets into a top rated or elite school. Do you spring for the cost if the merit or need based aid is not there? Is it worth spending 50K to 60K per year to send a kid to a top school? For most of us, that is a hell of a price tag. I suppose some are willing to sacrifice their life style so their kids can go to these schools. The way I see it, I have been working hard much of my life and I did not work so hard so that I could transfer much of my wealth to school administrators at the “top” schools, whatever they are. Individual decision I know, but I still have difficulty seeing how it could be worthwhile incurring that much expense . . unless of course it is not money you need.</p>
<p>If I can afford it no. If I cannot, I do not think graduating with 200K + in loans is an option.</p>
<p>With many parents I know, it can depend heavily on the school If kid gets accepted to HPYMSC, the parents would take the hit and make it work somehow. Some other private schools that cost as much but without the rankings, reputaion and recognition, they would not. </p>
<p>Obviously, every family has a different situation to work with, but in general if a well endowed university with a robust financial aid program decided that you were not eligible or eligible for little FA, leaving you struggling mightily, it usually means 1) your lifestyle may need to be adjusted to redistribute your income to different priorities; or 2) for historical reasons you have larger than usual debts; or 3) you have moved up to a significantly higher income level relatively recently. In all these scenarios, if they have good reasons for pursuing their dream school, I think it’s OK to ask the kid to max out the federal loans. They have a long way ahead of themselves. To invest part of their future income to their own education is reasonable. Since the monthly payment for this loan only would be relatively manageable, even when they can’t find employment or not fully employed in the short run, you could still help them cover it for a few months. Beyond that, it really depends on what the kid intends to do after graduation and whether a high pay job is in the picture (not a guarantee of course but a realistic possibility) and whether the said dream school would make the prospect more likely. A cosigned private loan of moderate amount may be considered in certain situations. I know some well educated and gainfully employed people carrying their student loans well into middle age but it’s not because they cannot pay them off but because they choose to pay the minimum and free up the money for investments and enjoyment. A reasonable amount of student loan won’t kill you. If it helps, buy a smaller house. </p>
<p>The answer for 99.5% of families is yes.</p>
<p>Mom and Dad need to figure out realistically how much they can spend per year per kid. For some, that will be $5k per year; for others that will be $25k per year; for others it will be $55k per year. Then figure out what a school will actually cost your kid. Which is sticker price minus financial aid (if you can get it at school X) minus merit aid (if you can get it at school X). Each college has about 40 different price levels; you have to figure out what price will apply to your specific kid at specific school X.</p>
<p>If your budget is $25k per year, maybe you can stretch a little bit for the ultra dreamiest of schools. But picking a $60k net price school is not going to work.</p>
<p>I worked with a HS senior who got into Emory/Duke (don’t want to be too specific), at nearly full pay. Her dream was to go to dental school and become an orthodontist. Parents said if she went to UF (which was basically free for her), they would use the $ saved for her for dental school. I pointed out how FL gives preference to in-state applicants (at least for med school). After a few hours of discussion, & some research, she was perfectly happy to attend the state flagship. Some teens are adaptable. So, if one has a dream of a professional school that will be costly, then it makes sense to attend the less expensive UG.</p>
<p>^ Did she get into Emory and Duke? Because they’re not in the same league so it wouldn’t be right to use them interchangeably. </p>