Wow! GREAT place!

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill
1

<p>Just got back a couple of days ago from dropping off D... What a great place! Everyone is super friendly and helpful! Since we had never visited the campus, it was a huge relief and it confirmed my impression that Chapel Hill is a great match for my kid. </p>

<p>Her dorm is fantastic and her roommate is OOS from Miami so they are both going through beach-withdrawal together. We spent a heck of a lot of money buying stuff we couldn't take by plane (she opted for packing all her clothes and shoes!)... </p>

<p>Like I said in a previous thread, a car is a necessaity (but rent it in town, not the airport, and check that your credit card has collision insurance... these dropped the price from $600 to $150!), but do't expect easy parking. Also, learn the roads by day (even so, the street names, when available, are tiny and unlit, and partially hidden by trees... so don't attempt this at night, or you'll get completely lost). The bus system is free, but be ready for a lot of waiting in the heat!</p>

<p>D is going through the normal experience of feeling very much alone for the first time and having to figure our everything on her own... but that's part of the reason for leaving home... so there have been a couple of tearful calls (Thank God for Skype... it's free!). I'm sure she'll have found her niche in a couple of weeks... but I understand it is awfully lonely when you know no one. </p>

<p>So... I just wanted to thank you all for all your words of advice... especially ldmom and jack!</p>

<p>And to those of you at Chapel Hill, I don't think I have met so many wonderful people in one place before!</p>

2

<p>i feel the same way. i am an OOS student from charleston, sc and right now i feel lost as well. everyone from instate seems to know each other, and that makes it equally as frustrating :p</p>

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<p>ahduke99: I'm sure it will get better, and remember-- in-state students really want to meet other people, too; as others have said, get involved from the get-go-- with whatever interests you. I think that really does help get you out there, meeting like-minded folks. You must be going through "beach withdrawal" too (or, at least, stunningly-beautiful-historic-town-on-water withdrawal!).</p>

<p>RioMom: I'm glad your visit was a good one!</p>

4

<p>Did you attend the OOS Students Association meeting on the 19th? Have you been attending any of the Week of Wonder events?</p>

<p>Making new friends at UNC like any other school requires getting out, attending the events offered to meet new people and actively participating. There are many like yourself who are feeling their way through the first few days and looking for others to reach out to.</p>

<p>I seem to recall another post where you were concerned about making friends because you were OOS. Don't let that concern become a self fulfilling prophecy. Make the effort to meet new people, in-state or OOS. Numerous in-state students have said that they want to meet new people and don't want to repeat high school so don't be afraid to meet and join groups. Some adapt more easily than others but you ALL are going through the same thing. Get involved in intermurals, clubs and associations and more importantly, reach out to your classmates. My S met many of his best friends in class, not in the dorm.</p>

<p>The enrollment statistics show that this year the number of OOS first year students is at about 18.9 percent which is up from last year's approximately 16% so there are plenty of OOSers like yourself with no built in group of acquaintances.Give it some time, but it will also require effort on your part reach out and meet new people. Get out there and more importantly, have fun!!!</p>

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<p>riomom and ahduke - this too shall pass! My d went through it and her solution was to go out for women's crew where she found instant friends. This year, she has a tough schedule (17 hours with a lab and two recitations) but still signed up for a couple of club activities...including...of all things SWING dancing...lol! Sounds like a lot of fun!</p>

<p>There are always those kids who will stick with their h.s. cliques....this would have been true even if you had opted to stay home for college. But there are many 'locals' (wink to jack) who can't wait to hang with the out-of-staters. Look for them...they are there.</p>

<p>Also....check the Pit for clubs and activities, leave that dorm room door open, whip up a batch of queso and invite your neighbors for a snack (ldgirl's surefire method for meeting new people)...and most of all understand homesickness is NORMAL. At age 30 with one child and a husband, I was extremely homesick when we left Louisiana and returned to Houston. It happens to everyone and everyone gets through it. Soon life will be so busy with classes and the business of being a college student, there will be little time for missing home and loved ones.</p>

<p>Like eadad said....Get out there and have fun!!!</p>

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<p>OSSA link:</p>

<p><a href="http://www.unchost.org/ossa/index.php%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.unchost.org/ossa/index.php&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>My daughter has been going through the same thing. She is in-state and has a lot of guy friends from high school but not many girls from high school. She called Friday and we talked for over an hour. I would never be her 1st choice to talk to for over an hour on the phone, but she was feeling stressed out (I really enjoyed talking to her, but she did not want to get off the phone). She said she did not have any girls to hang out with and she didn't want to hang out with her guy friends all the time. She was needing some girl time and no one was there. Her roommate is from her high school, but doesn't want to go do anything. My daughter told me she couldn't stay in the room all the time-the walls were closing in on her. I can understand that feeling-when I was there for orientation and stayed in one of the dorms, I could not stay in the room for long. The space is too small. She decided Friday to try-out for an activity at UNC. Earlier in the week she was not sure if she would try out because she was not sure if she would have time. On Friday she said she was going to try out because she needed to get out and make friends. She said to me Friday, "I do not know anybody here, so I need to get out and meet people." She probably knows a lot of people now though, because she had a friend coming in for the weekend and she is not shy.</p>

8

<p>I feel like I am just piling on but My os D who is a freshman has felt the void of friends and conversation. She loves her dorm room but was put into a single due to health issues....all of the rooms in her suite are singles but they are upper classman. </p>

<p>So I told her to ambulate, wander and get out there. She is somewhat of an introvert at first....not a cheerleader type. Her biggest obstacle last week was going to the dining hall alone. She only went 3 times out of 18 possible meals. When I discussed it with her (having checked the balance on her meal account) she said she is terrified of going alone. </p>

<p>Good news is This week is better than last and I hope will continue to improve. Her experience with instaters has so far been they are clinging to their friends (from home) at UNC bc they too are going through the fears of being away from home. I think it will work out in the end but sounds like many of our kids are feeling the pinch of leaving home....and thinking why did I choose this, I had it soooo good at home....? I personally think Chapel Hill is a great place for her to learn, grow and have fun. (if they could just clean the sidewalk downtown ;) )</p>

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<p>Atlmom... Wish your OOS D knew my OOS D! She went through the same horrifying experience of having to eat alone the first week and now has decided to take food and eat outside listening to her ipod. But she is waiting for the clubs "to start" so that she can get involved in things and meet more people. Her next-door neighbors (in-state) are best friends from high school and, although my D invited herself over to chat with them, they have never reciprocated.... so she feels funny about doing that again. Oh, well. I told her to get involved in the OOS group. Apparently they have some activities going on. At least she does have a roommate, also OOS, and sometimes they do things together.</p>

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<p>ok lets pm each ohter......lets maybe get them to meet for coffee in the pit or something.....you never know.</p>

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<p>Hah! I'm instate and there are about 100+ kids from my highschool here and I still don't want to go to the dining hall alone (I've only used up two meals since I got here) I should be better since I went to a boarding school the last two years but I think just walking around campus alone when you're not going to classes then having to sit at a table with no one else is just a very unpleasant prospect. Then again, I too am an introvert and haven't really made any new friends since I got here. I'm one of those weird kids who makes friends in classes rather than socially because that means we have similar interests. It doesn't help that all of my community activities have been outside in the heat when all I want to do after classes is cool off in AC.</p>

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<p>Good POint RLAJEN07 it has been SOOO hot these first few weeks, people don't feel like doing much in this kind of weather. Even walking must be a chore. You are also very good to point out not all instaters hang out with their hs friends....my D was excited for classes to start so like you she could find people who share her academic interests. Good luck to you!!</p>

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<p>Thank you Atlmom! I do enjoy meeting people in class but of my 6 classes I only have one that isn't in a giant lecture room so it's often hard to make new friends. I've heard people try to sit in different places everyday so they can make friends but I like to sit in the "Upside-down T zone" out of habit. (If you haven't heard of it, it's supposed to be the place where you get the most out of big lecture classes so if you sit in one of the first few rows or in the isle you're supposed to have a better understanding and interaction in your class) So I tend not to change my seat unless someone else sits in it.</p>

<p>As for the heat, it's pretty bad. I can't wait for fall and Winter (I'm a Yankee at heart and boy do I miss snow!) because a 15-20 minute walk to get to classes in 90+ weather just makes school seem almost like a punishment. I'd get a bike but so much of the campus is uphill that I don't think my legs could handle it.</p>

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<p>RLA, don't rule out the bike totally. My son got one at a shop on Rosemary I believe (maybe Franklin). Anyway he hadn't ridden since he received his driver's license--said he was a little wobbly at first, but really has enjoyed it. (you get a good breeze going downhill!). He has explored neighborhoods and parts of campus he wouldn't have done if he didn't have the bike.</p>

<p>From a North Carolinian, hang in there ---heat has been unusually bad (breaking all records)--fall is beautiful here with usually great weather.</p>

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<p>i'm struggling guys. like many said, i am having a hell of a time making any friends. everyone i've talked to tell me "oh i'm here with half my high school .. it must suck to be here alone." the suit mates are best friends from a small town and while they are nice guys, they aren't really opening up to me. i, too, am tired of being alone. i am really considering transferring to somewhere else soon if things don't improve. i've gone out and been as proactive as i've ever been, and people just arent responding. i really dont like it here at all. i've joined some clubs and took an officers position representing my living area .. and so far nothing. it's hard to meet anyone when you know no one. even one friend would be a huge help in making others. i miss my life, i miss my friends, and now i understand why alot of my classmates went to clemson instead of schools with better academic reputations. it's a horrible feeling right now. and considering my classes are 300 people, i cant meet anyone there, either.</p>

<p>i feel like my only choice is going greek, and being a nondrinker, that scares me too. how else do i meet anyone, though? this is awful!</p>

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<p>See the pm I just sent you. Hang in there. I promise things will improve. For now just enjoy the scenery....attend events....and stay true to who you are. Don't cop out and drink just to fit in...I know you are too smart for that...after all you are an os at carolina!</p>

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<p>see my other post regarding going Greek. </p>

<p>PS you don't have to be a drinker to be Greek ...in some fraternities definitely yes but not all.</p>

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<p>To ahduke, rlajen, and others feeling lonely at this point:</p>

<p>My heart goes out to you! All of us parents can remember times in our own lives when we felt like "the outsider," and it is no fun! College is an adjustment for almost everyone if they are honest, and many people cling to their old high school friends for security in a new environment which makes it hard if you don't have those friends close by. However, like others on this board have said, most in-staters at UNC would tell you that they want to make new friends and branch out past their high school circle. It just takes a little time for them to get out of their comfort zone to do that, so just be patient at first. You have shown a lot of courage in going to an out-of-state school instead of just sticking to a safe choice closer to home, and that will serve you well in the years to come as you cope with many different situations. </p>

<p>Last year, there was a thread on the Parents Forum which was entitled "I want to go home." There were several pages of good suggestions and encouragement for making new friends in college, so it might be helpful to look that up. </p>

<p>A few more possibile suggestions:</p>

<p>-When joining organizations, sometimes the smaller ones are easier to break into...Also organizations involving some type of service would be a good way to get involved and feel good about yourself at the same time you are making friends.</p>

<p>-Sign up for study groups when offered. Go a little early to class and strike up conversations with those seated near you.</p>

<p>-Play on intramural sports teams</p>

<p>-Join an exercise group or go to work out at the gym at the same times each week so that you might become acquainted with the people there.</p>

<p>-Join a church or campus religious organization.</p>

<p>-Work on the Daily Tar Heel staff. Newspaper staffs are known for forging tight bonds.</p>

<p>-Keep your dorm room door open, make a point to talk to the people on your hall that you pass every day, and participate in dorm activities that appeal to you.</p>

<p>Finally know that you are not alone. They are many, many kids at UNC and every other school in the US feeling exactly as you do at this stage of the year and wondering "What am I doing here?" For most of them, and hopefully for you too, a little time, effort, and patience will make a big difference, and you will come to feel comfortable in your new environment. Life transitions are always hard, and they are hard for us parents who care about you, too! :-) Wishing you all the best--Keep us posted!</p>

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<p>I agree with sdg about the instate kids. They are adjusting too...and clinging to what little of home they have available to them which is their circle of h.s. friends. When they become more comfortable in their surroundings, they WILL make themselves more accessible to new friendships. </p>

<p>Example...Three in my d's tight little group of h.s. friends went to our state flagship clinging to each other. By the end of last fall semester, one friend had gone Greek and was doing her own thing...and the other two still were still joined at the hip. But by the beginning of this semester, all three are housing apart (one dorm, one apartment, one sorority) and rarely see each other. Each has found a group of new friends from other towns and states. It's a natural progression and it just takes a little time.</p>

<p>I also think it is good advice to look for small organizations where you won't get lost in a crowd. (If you like gardening and care about sustainability, you could always join ldgirl over at Carolina Coop! She just walked up and joined and they put her to work immediately.)</p>

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<p>Riop Mom and Atl Mom-- We really need to get or OOS girls together for pizza or something. D sounded fine on the phone the other day, but I know she would like to make some friends, She went to a magnet high school for gifted kids, so she is used to hanging out with uber geeks, and cheerfully considers herself one, too. She hasn't had a problem going to meals; she's the biggest bookwrm in our family and I'm sure she's sitting by herself, nose deep in a book. She is in Morrison, so most of her suitemates are upperclassmen. Somebody pm me and maybe I can get miss nose-in-book to meet somebody for dinner. Oh, and D is a non-drinker, so she really needs to find some suitable social outlets; her idea of a good time ia a LOTR marathon and a big bowl of popcorn. She would also love to find someone to play a card game called The Great Dalmutti--she would be glad to give lessons.</p>