<p>Jack,
Yes my other D had the same experience as many OSS have expressed here. She like AHDUKE considered transferring but didn’t . She did find her niche and a great group of friends who are mostly instate. She got involved in stv and some other groups and then did not want to come home. Just took time and the right mix.</p>
<p>UNC is a great University to explore. There are so many neat things on campus from the Planetarium, the union, the athletic events, cultural events, walking through the cemetary or just wondering what it must have been like for the students hundreds of years ago…Chapel Hill is also a great town for students. You will probably fall in LOVE if not before on Halloween when it hosts the absolutely best party around (the costume walk on Franklin). Then there will be the times UNC beats duke at anything and spontaneous parties downtown arise…and you will hear the roar of the crowd. </p>
<p>My advice to you oss, hang in there…get involved in a few groups…consider community service org like the campus Y, continue to smile and say hello to fellow students, watch t.v. in the community rooms instead of your rooms, study in the library some, start a study group in your calls etc. Maybe organize something in your dorm for other OSS to get yourself closer…from dinners together in the dining hall to cooking cookies in the kitchen. </p>
<p>Above all don’t rush to judge any University in the first few weeks…just too many changes going on for everyone…normalcy has not set in yet.</p>
<p>lol cloying…not creepy at all. Keep an eye out for her…and if you see her tell her to call home (no DON’T, she will kill me…lol!) Btw…Blue Vespa is a friend of hers I believe.</p>
<p>While I agree with Atlmom that to walk with someone else, or in a group, if you’re gonna be out late at night is generally a good idea, I still think Carrboro is relatively very safe. This incident occurred probably about a mile further out than anyone would be choosing to walk. Not exactly as though this happened in downtown Carrboro. In fact, it as the ensuing car chase that went through campus which would have presented the most danger to any students.</p>
<p>When you’ve grown up in the streets of Rio and wtinessed a woman getting a bullet in her head waiting for the light to change during rush-hour traffic at at your street corner… keeping a 360-degree view of anyone who is near you is automatic… I highly doubt my D would not recognize a dangerous situation/person immediately… Carrboro dangers will be kid’s play for her… Thank God for small mercies…</p>
<p>Back to the homesickness… here’s a suggestion for parents: Sign up for facebook and have your child accept you as a “friend”. You’ll see your kid making new friends everyday… even if she does call home a little teary after a bad day. I saw with my very own eyes a couple of messages on her “wall” from both boys and girls inviting her to come over or inviting themselves over “to chill” … They forget this when the call missing home, family, and longtime friends… absolutely normal. I’m no longer worried.
I’m even “friends” with her roommate now… LOL!</p>
<p>Folks, what’s the deal with coming down so hard on fraternities and sororities? Give it a rest—Certainly well under 1/5 of all students join, and it shouldn’t bother anyone how the girls dress or whether the guys are girl watching. Contrary to the way everyone talks, people who choose to get involved in the Greek scene are NOT a monolithic block. Each has his or her own story to tell. Some are really quite nice! In the interest of full disclosure, yes my children did “go Greek,” but despite that they are accomplished, thoughtful, and independent in spirit! Enough said!</p>
<p>Hmm, I am trying to decide which is offensive to you…someone naive like me observing all the girls were dressed in the same things (which i was enlightened that they tell them what to wear on each event) or the non drinking student (hats off to him) who observed alcohol in most of the fraternity houses. It is an option to SOME students as a way to find a way to fit in at a large University (as discussed in this thread) and as such was recommended to the students who are struggling at UNC. Many prospective students find the low percentage of greeks a very attractive trait of UNC. To each his own. I don’t consider either of the things said above negative, just observations. </p>
<p>As to my own observations last weekend in Chapel Hill, it was humorous to stumble upon but sad also. Humorous to see the boys reaction being so non chalante…but then I observed most of the girls were paired up with friends talking but some still walking alone ;^( </p>
<p>Which brings us full circle to the discussion at hand…finding your fit in Chapel Hill. For 15% OR so that is a way and they no doubt love it. For others who don’t take that route or CAN NOT take that route, they will continue to search for their niche in clubs, sports or service. I wish them all greek or nongreek a happy time at UNC.</p>
<p>My daughter is not joining a sorority, but she has been to one fraternity. She said is was really dirty inside. I guess they are waiting for the new freshman to clean it up. I like that all the girls dress up - my daughter would like that part of the sorority, but not all the time. The sororities and fraternities do a lot of good things, too. Everybody will find their place on campus it just takes a little time.</p>
<p>gosh tarheelmom…on these forums, people have a right to share their thoughts and opinions about pretty much anything they want, including sundresses or Greek organizations, without being accused of being unfair or improper…or being told to ‘give it a rest’. </p>
<p>As I have mentioned before, my husband was in a fraternity and 5 of the 6 groomsmen at our wedding were fraternity brothers. I worked in Admissions at his college, so I got to know these guys really well and they were, and are, great people. </p>
<p>BUT that doesn’t mean Greek life is perfect or for everyone. This is my ‘Greek’ husband’s take: Some people, especially those who have weak social skills, would be better served spending their college years outside a setting that tends to celebrate homogeny or group think because these type organizations can be a crutch. And those who like to do their own thing may find the structure suffocating, especially if they are ready to spread their wings a bit. He is absolutely right. Now when I say this I don’t mean people in Greek organizations are bad or that Greeks don’t do great things. But what is right for some is wrong for others.</p>
<p>As far as sundresses go…lol! It just an ususual thing for some of us from bigger cities to see…groups of girls running around in sundresses. I think it is quite charming personally…and how practical! It’s darned hot in Chapel Hill right now. My d says sorority girls are not the only ones wearing sundresses either…she just ordered a couple herself. :)</p>
<p>You are right about the sundresses, because my daughter said that most girls wear them to class - that is her take on it. I believe she wanted me to buy her some sundresses and it worked. Now it will probably turn cold. Do they still wear them when it gets cold? My daughter is use to wearing jeans, tshirts, and flipflops to class, but I do believe the sundresses will be cooler. She better be wearing those sundresses, too.</p>
<p>If she is anything like my S she’ll come home for Thanksgiving mad that she can’t wear her flipflops…seems to be the footware of choice most of the year in Chapel Hill. He gets off the plane wearing his Northface heavyweight fleece and flipflops…go figure…</p>
<p>yeah that is my one worry about going greek. i expect a bid tomorrow from delta upsilon .. and i am asking myself if i want to join or not. do i want to be confined to that one group for the rest of my time here? i mean, sure, i dont have any friends here outside of my roommate and suitemates, but being put into a group where i have to be friends with them and attend all their events is kinda of daunting to me. i actually found myself being pushed for time trying to make it from a rush event to a republicans club event for the debate. </p>
<p>i dont know. i want to defer it but then if things do start looking up, i may not want to join at all. i dunno. i’ve always wanted to lead, and signing my life over to an organization may be too much. i guess i have till 5pm sunday to decide.</p>
<p>That’s actually why my daughter was not interested in joining a sorority. She thought about it (and all the positives), but she really enjoys being around lots of different types of people, and has lots of interests. The one big drawback, she felt, was that you are obligated to attend every event and, obviously, be involved and active. I think it all seemed a bit restrictive (“suffocating,” as ldmom mentioned) to her. She doesn’t regret it and feels she made the right decision. Of course, she is also in-state, felt comfortable on campus (not “foreign” territory in any way), already knew students her year-- and older-- and did not seem to have any issues getting involved and meeting new people. </p>
<p>Obviously, there are positives and negatives. If you haven’t done so already, you might want to determine how easy it is to be involved in other areas of the campus – easily done, or will you always be feeling the time pinch? It may be easy enough to do both–not sure.</p>
<p>You are misinformed about confining yourself to a single group if you accept a bid from DU…my son spends time with his fraternity brothers but in no way do they dominate his time, interests, or circle of friends. His fraternity is just one of his circles of friends and ways he spends his time. In all honesty, his fraternity is far less demanding about required time than most (after the rush/pledge period is over) and aside from weekly chapter meetings and dinner meals at the house (you have to eat somewhere) it’s not a thing that eats up all or most of his time…he wouldn’t still be active as a senior if it did, that I assure you. As a senior he has at least four circles of friends that I know of; house mates and their friends, friends he made on a class trip over spring break sophomore year, fraternity brothers, his band mates and their friends and random friends that have bonded together since freshman year and also seems to be the group in the most flux at any given time. That was actually five groups and they are the ones that I hear the most about but there may be more.</p>
<p>In the first place, sororities in general are more time consuming and tend to become more inclusive, and some who join certain fraternities do so to develop that same type of “bonding.” UNC does not have the overpowering, socially dominating Greek scene that other Southern schools have which allows both Greeks and non-Greeks to socialize together and maintain friendships that have nothing to do with Greek affiliation.</p>
<p>I am so very sorry if my “give it a rest” about fraternities and sororities was taken in any way other than the way it was intended—as a lighthearted reminder that while the vast majority of kids don’t go this route, there are some perfectly nice people who do. What’s so great about college is that there are so many choices, and Greek life is just one of those choices. It’s not right for 85% of the campus, but don’t stereotype the 15% who decide it works for them. Of course we all have the right to post opinions, because that’s what this message board is about. Sometimes the posts, and the responses they generate, can lapse into uncivility, and I apologize for being the catalyst for this one doing just that. I in no way meant to imply that IdMom and Atlmom were offensive in the expression of their opinions.</p>
<p>Agree with tarheelmom that there are lots of really great students who do join; I think it’s a great way to meet people, maintain a bond-- over decades–and have fun. They do a lot of good, too-- most of them, anyway.</p>
<p>But, honestly, I don’t think any stereotyping occurred here and it has been reiterated frequently there are great people in fraternities and sororities. One of the many things I have found to be true here on CC: For some reason, discussion of Greek organizations always ends up putting people on the defensive. I hope we didn’t make you feel that way…I believe we were trying to be objective and I know truly there was no intent to offend anyone.</p>
<p>I think, in general, everything in life has an ‘up’ side and a ‘down’ side…not too much perfection out there. Greek organizations are no exception.</p>
</p>
Sounds like ldgirl’s kind of place.</p>