<p>Zagat, don't worry. I told him that at the time he submitted his application. It IS possible to understand that and to still feel ticked off by it at the same time. Hearing this person blithely and cluelessly announcing her son's college plans was a little tough to take. Forgive me for venting.</p>
<p>Thank's Carolyn, because while I understand the desire to be supportive, I really worry about the kid here. Shall we allow him to think Yale is uniquely shallow and other schools aren't? Let him move on to the school's that really appreciate his kind of talent? </p>
<p>It's very hard to work through the various kinds of anger that result from April 1. God am I glad I found this site before my first even attempts college applications. The realities are staggering. Not only who gets in where and the absurd reasons why, but then who gets adequate aid and how we deal with absurd EFCs and on and on.</p>
<p>On every board there is an extreme, the mom who can't believe every ivy rejected her child, the mom who didn't believe colleges would really expect them to meet their EFC, and the amazing thing is that you can see their point!</p>
<p>eckmcl;wmclw;</p>
<p>Andi, venting is just fine. However, the one thing I'm pretty sure of is that this mom is anything but clueless. She knew exactly what to do to get her kid where he wanted to go and she pulled it off. And to her credit, she acts clueless.</p>
<p>Interesting story, andi. Glad you shared it. Is there any possiblity that this other kid really did turn over a new leaf at his 5th year of high school after his prior dismal academic performance? I'd like to believe that could be a possibility.</p>
<p>Seriously, what is she supposed to say? "Yeah, I know, my son is an idiot--can you believe Yale took him?" For cryin' out loud, this is her child. </p>
<p>Definitely agree this is a moving on kind of situation.</p>
<p>Yes, you're absolutely right. I talked with her last year when she first decided upon this plan. I'm just annoyed that she pulled it off!!!!!!!! She was clueless because when she started boasting about her son she had no idea that my son might have actually been interested in that school too.</p>
<p>I smell a made for t.v. movie in the making.</p>
<p>I am relatively new to cc and we will not experience acceptances and rejections for another year. I have learned a great deal already, though. I thank all of you for sharing your knowledge, experience, joys, and sorrows. I have no special insights but I did see an email (making the rounds this week) and it had a few gems that reminded me of the issues many kids are facing. It is titled Words to Live By A Farmers Advice. Having grown up in the South and then lived in the Midwest for the past 20+ years, I was drawn to its quaintness and its eternal truths. Ill share a few of the many lines with you.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.</p>
<p>Every path has a few puddles.</p>
<p>Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>When my kids have to deal with the puddles (deep and muddy ones), teaching them to bounce may be the most important thing I help them do </p>
<p>thanks musicmomic. Good luck next year. I was hoping to be finished with the process on April 1st, but unfortunately it wasn't to be.</p>
<p>Andi,
I'm very sorry to hear about your son's less tha ideal circumstance in the college admissions process. Take heart, your son is still the brilliant and musically talented individual he was two weeks ago. None of that has changed at all. Since no one can change the outcome of Yale's admission decision or the other schools, I believe that's it's best to concentrate your efforts on the waitlisted institutions (Oberlin and Swat.. as I undedrstand), take the gap year or go to Scotland. </p>
<p>It wasn't so long ago (2 & 4 years) that my D and S went through the college admissions process. Although both of them have always been quite gifted as students, almost perfect SATs, National Merit Scholars, Governor School Scholars, etc., etc., both were team captains in a couple of varsity sports each, there were never any guarantees that they'd be accepted at the school of their choice. They both applied to some top schools (HYP...etc.), but also applied to the state university and other safeties as insurance. Why??? Because there are absolutely no guarantees at all. To make matters possibly worse from a college admissions standpoint, we're also Asian. </p>
<p>Is the college admissions process fair? In some respects, absolutely not. However, there are a number of reponses to your post that are very sound and provides a dose of reality for us all in the college admissions process. Regardless, your son is still the same person who has the keen intellect and talent. No one can take that away from him. Yes, you're frustrated, disappointed and even very angry possibly. You have every right to feel that way. But please don't get stuck there too long. Once you've vented, you really need to focus on matters that can really make a difference (and do so soon), i.e., addressing the waitlist with vigor, creativity and optimism. If you do this effectively, your outlook may be altered dramatically in 6-8 weeks from now when you may hear from these institutions. </p>
<p>I wish you and your son the best.</p>
<p>Andi, I know it sucks. Really. However, I do want to point out that that mother wasn't finished with the process on April 1st last year, either. Gee, if her kid can accomplish this, imagine how much hope there is for your wonderful son!</p>
<p>Yeah, thanks. I know I have to let go of this. Believe me I've been trying. I actually think it's this process of getting thru the waitling lists that is killing me. All the months of filling out applications and then waiting and waiting and now having to get more information submitted and possibly waiting until July to even know if he gets in. Between all the additional paper work and anxiety of wondering if he'll get off the list, and all the kids and parents asking about where he's going next year, it's impossible to stop thinking about it for a moment. When that women blabbed out like that to me I just lost it.</p>
<p>I have to admit, having gone through all of this for admissions before college is what has given me perspective. Living in a competitive environment, I have gone through admissions for K, middle school and high school. One of my children is off the charts in terms of test scores, grades and musical achievements. The other 2 are just very good students at the top of rheir classes. They are average athletes.</p>
<p>My oldest, despite being the number one student at his middle school did not get into the top high school. Number two, a lesser student by far did. When I arrived to pick her up for her interview, a half hour late, the director of admissions was still talking to her. Turns out they both loved ceramics. They were talking about firing techniques.</p>
<p>That's when I got it.</p>
<p>Andi,
I do understand. I'm not suggesting that you stop thinking about it, just channel you and your son's energies and efforts into something that can lead to a positive outcome. Your recent experiences will give you the necessary motivation, drive, energy and commitment to potentially pull off some pretty amazing things. Now is a good time to start. It WILL work out. Just be patinet a little longer.</p>
<p>Thanks for telling all my secrets mom. It was actually my sister who's into ceramics!!!!</p>
<p>Andi
Ive been following your sons story; he sounds like a wonderful student and musician, and Im truly sorry hes having such an awful time with admissions. There but for the grace of God go many parents and students here. Then, to add insult to injury, what unfortunate timing to run into the glib mother of that recruited athlete. If I were in your shoes I might well have strangled her instead of merely venting on CC. No jury of your true peers would convict.</p>
<p>As a Yalie myself, I do think its a quality institution, but far from perfect. Under your circumstances, Id probably hate them too. But as understandably frustrated as you must feel, I fear any ongoing bitterness will hurt you and your son much more than it will hurt Yale. (They must be used to ithaving just rejected over 16,000 applicants, many of whom also had incredibly worthwhile claims for a spot in the class of 2009.) </p>
<p>Living well is the best revenge.</p>
<p>Andi~you obviously know how much my heart goes out to you and your son as a result of the unexpected and quite devastating result of his college admissions process. I said then and I will continue to say, what happened was wrong. </p>
<p>I think the points that some people are missing here are 1.) The simple fact that something happens regularly doesn't make it RIGHT. If people sat around and never questioned the status quo, change for the positive would never occur, 2.) "Highly selective" institutions should at least be up front about their practices and not try to falsely promote the image of being "first and foremost an academic institution". They should go ahead and admit that other factors come into play. As someone else pointed out, they are private schools and they are entitled to their choices. If I am reading correctly, andi is more upset about the hypocrisy than about the choices these schools make, and 3.) If a school does something stupid like turning down andi's son (or mine! <em>lol</em>), then it's O.K. to call them on that <em>lol</em>.</p>
<p>~berurah
p.s. Oh, and it's O.K. for andi to vent. It will not negatively affect her son, especially given the fact that they are both being so proactive in this post-application process.</p>
<p>Berurah, it seems cosmically wrong to me too that Andi's son is still struggling to find a place in the great school that he deserves. That said, I'm not sure precisely what Yale did wrong, given the following facts:</p>
<p>19,448 applied for admission to Yale's class of 2009.
1,880 were accepted; 1,000 waitlisted; and 16,568 rejected.</p>
<p>Yale's website states clearly that strong academics are not sufficient for admission (<a href="http://www.yale.edu/admit/faq/advice.html%5B/url%5D):%5Bquote%5D%C2%93We">http://www.yale.edu/admit/faq/advice.html):
[quote]
We</a> estimate that over three quarters of the students who apply for admission to Yale are qualified to do the work here. Between two and three hundred students in any year are so strong academically that their admission is scarcely ever in doubt. The great majority of students who are admitted, however, stand out from the rest because a lot of little things, when added up, tip the scale in their favor. The difference between a successful and an unsuccessful candidate at Yale is often painfully small.
[/quote]
If 3/4 of the applicants, or 14,586, were academically qualified, and Yale could admit or waitlist only 2,880 of these, then they still had to reject 11,706 well-qualified applicants. From everything I've heard about both Andi's and Berurah's sons, they would have been superb Yale students--but so would many, if not most, of the other 11,704 who were rejected. Think about that number--it's staggering. I believe a poster once suggested that schools should somehow expand their enrollments to accommodate all the genuinely terrific kids who want to go there, but in the real world that doesn't seem practical.</p>
<p>As a mother, I completely understand the frustration of parents who believe their children deserved admission more than others who got in. But "change for the positive" isn't so easy or obvious. For example, while it would certainly make the results more comprehensible, would it be better Yale emphasized academics more, and admitted only the students with the highest grades and test scores? As long as there are many more qualified applicants than there are places, then many parents' wonderful, deserving children will be turned down. I sympathize, truly--but I still say that living well, rather than dwelling on the perceived stupidity and hypocrisy of the system, is the best revenge.</p>
<p>Dear Andi,</p>
<p>A two pronged level of support is needed from friends, cyber and otherwise, in the context of your situation. One is helpful advice and insight...which might help you to help your son pull out a positive solution for his situation. This is moving on in a practical sense. </p>
<p>If the arbitrariness of the situation is more than you can take at any given time, I think it is fine to tell people you feel that way.
I am not sure there is anything any of us can say that will make the situation feel better. As such, the most useful thing we can say is "Complain to me." Once you have had your fill of that, and you will know when that is, then you will be ready to move on emotionally.</p>