Yes, I'm asking this. In college. So what? Please Help

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of California - Berkeley
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<p>100% of the people who read this will think this is immature, but if you read a few of my first posts you'll see I'm kinda desperate, haha. Especially since I saw that post about a guy who is going to graduate without a date, this doesn't seem all that far out. </p>

<p>If you read my first thread, you'll see there's this guy I have a mad crush on. I've been trying to talk to him a little more and he's been making some small talk during class, too. Most of the things he tells me are joke/cute things and I always laugh or smile at them (what? he's funny, and maybe he'll get a hint). My question is to all the guys out there. What makes you fall for a girl, especially here at Berkeley and in one of your classes? YES, I'm asking this on CC. I dunno, there are some guys here and maybe they can help out. Pleeeeease? I know the usual "just be yourself" answer, but any other tips? Do guys find it annoying when girls always smile at their jokes, even if they're kind of corny? He's so cute, though! I can't help it. Is it too obvious? Lol. OMG, another thing I know definitely works is supposedly subtly touching his arm or something. Hahaha, how the heck do I do that subtly? If you just think about it, that sounds creepy all by itself. All the help I can get, guys!! He's just the cutest kid ever :D</p>

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<p>Ask for his phone number if you haven’t done so already so y’all can have dinner together and go on some outings. I always believed the more time you spend with someone, falling for him/her just comes naturally.</p>

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<p>Obviously he’s not interested in you.
You seriously need to forget him and move on or it will drain you mentally.</p>

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<p>Aww why are you saying that, BearFacts?</p>

5

<p>^^ Whaat? Maybe my reading comprehension ability is low, but I don’t see anywhere that indicates the guy’s not interested.</p>

<p>The worst thing you can do is not doing anything; step up your approach every day. Unless he explicitly says ‘no’, he’s definitely got the interest.</p>

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<p>I am gonna tell you a couple things that are probably gonna get some lashing from the guys (I’m guessing a good 70% of this forum?)…but, hey, im allowed to give you a girls perspective.</p>

<p>(1) guys do not get subtle hints. You may be thinking you are being obvious as day with your signals, but unless you explicitly come out and say you like him or unless he tells you at some point, do not expect your relationship to progress further. Just come out and say it.</p>

<p>(2) this is Berkeley. Why dont you guys try to meet out of class in the name of studying for this class you have together? right after mention hhow you havent eaten for hours (obviously dont say this if youve just eaten a 6-course meal, but if its been a few hours, it cant hurt to exaggerate)…hopefully he then takes the initiative to say you guys should grab a bite.</p>

<p>(3) (this one’s probably gonna rile a lot of people up). I dont know if guys truly ever are friends with girls solely for being friends the way girls may see themselves as only friends with a guy (and nothing more whatsoever). Im dont think guys, for the majority, bother hanging out with you unless deep down they wouldnt at least mildly CONSIDER going out with (ie-he may never make a move, but if you suggested you guys go out, he may not shoot you down)…i dont think they can help this and are aware they are this way…again, just a personal opinion/observation.</p>

<p>(4) dont be an annoying giggly girl and laugh at everything he says (including the **** that makes you want to slap your forehead with a Doh)…but guys like to feel like they are the next Conan or whatever, so some laughing is always good-so keep doing that without laying it on too thick. on the other hand, see if you guys can also have some sort of convo of serious matter/substance to see if you have chemistry together beyond small talk/class too…</p>

<p>(5) no matter what guys claim, they do like girls to also play a little hard-to-get. this means once you guys do eventually exchange numbers, do not reply to every text instantly…keep him on the edge a little at least in the beginning stages so he does not assume you just go out with the first guy who seems available and actually asks you out. i cant stress this enough!</p>

<p>(6) less likely: maybe he is just shy (you may have to definitely make the first steps, but he should take the next ones in that case so there is a balance)…alternatively, perhaps he is gay (i think most girls have sufficient gaydar). its sad for us, but some of the guys with the best personalities, hygiene or style unfortunately also like guys…lol</p>

<p>good luck :slight_smile: i just had to respond to this thread because there are so rarely any of this type made by us…hope this helps or gives you a little more insight at any rate</p>

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<p>^ Great advice :)</p>

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<p>I am a mom who had a similar experience many years ago with a really cute guy . He turned out to be gay . There is nothing stupid about your question . Many adults still have questions about relationships ! Just watch Dr . Phil sometimes .</p>

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<p>I’ll put my 2 bat-cents later. But I just wanted to write for now…man, I came into this topic thinking you were gonna ask how to sit on a toilet or read a book or something.</p>

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<p>Haha fauxmaven, that’s the story of my life right now…</p>

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<p>W4C whole post is pretty much correct. I’m a guy and all of the points are great advice. Although for me, I sort of disagree with 5. I don’t want a girl to immediately want a relationship, but if she plays hard to get AND I am either not getting signals or am shy, then we get nowhere. Don’t send mixed signals. But I just can’t read girls’ minds. So if he is not giving an effort to at least hang out, then he either doesn’t like you or he is shy. That means you have to initiate a lot of things (and W4C gave some great advice on that). I feel like a guy would appreciate a girl telling them how they feel.</p>

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<p>@ waiting4college</p>

<p>Superb post, except the part about playing hard to get. most guys do not like it AT ALL. I have NEVER and will NEVER hear a guy say. There’s this girl in my class, she’s smart, fun to hang out with and sexy as hell…but she replied to my texts too fast. LMAO</p>

<p>I’m actually thinking of dropping this girl because she doesn’t reply to me often enough. I’m too busy of a guy for those games, and I would figure most berkeley students are the same. Everything else you said was spot on. The whole droppin hints thing is 1955 please stop it.</p>

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<p>If you’re a guy, you have to play hard to get. If you’re a girl, you just have to not be needy.</p>

<p>This means you respond to texts within a few minutes, but don’t send 10 texts for every 1 of his.</p>

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<p>i wish girls would do that with me…</p>

<p>sigh. haha.</p>

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<p>I also disagree with 5. I really hate it when girls play games like that and it shows signs of immaturity. Most likely I would completely lose all interest and drop her right then.</p>

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<p>Yeah. I’m talking to this girl now, and she literally takes three full days to respond to each text… But she always responds. Her consistency suggests she’s just playing hard to get, and knowing that makes me lose interest.</p>

<p>The point of hard to get isn’t to be playing a game, it’s to come off as busy, with a lot going on, and therefore a high value individual. That also demands a certain amount of inconsistency… There should be some immediate responses, but some delayed.</p>

<p>Last night, for instance, I finally responded to a text of hers (since she takes days, I have to take days too). She responded instantly–awesome–and I respond a minute later. No response since. Based on the past, she’ll send another comment on Tuesday evening. That’s not only lame, its ineffective.</p>

<p>@insertname
You mean you wish a girl would send 10 texts for every one of yours? No, you don’t. Trust me. It’s exhausting. I used to wish for that too, but I was wrong.</p>

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<p>no not that. that is annoying. this girl would do that to me in high school…holy crap, i was getting really annoyed lol.</p>

<p>i meant the laughing at your jokes and subtly touching your arm lol.</p>

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<p>^Yeah, that stuff is good. Touching should be purposeful, though, as if to emphasize a point during conversation.</p>

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<p>Agree with almost everything here, except that guys don’t want you to laugh at their jokes. I love it when girls laugh at my jokes, and makes me a little more comfortable with her. That doesn’t mean laugh at stuff that isnt funny. And if its only kinda funny, don’t burst out laughing, just give a little chuckle. Also, I agree with the fact that guys won’t really be friends with you unless they are at least kind of attracted to you. So, odds are, if you ask him to hang out he’ll be down.</p>

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<p>If you feel like you already have to find ways to “make” someone notice you, it’s going to inevitably fail somewhere down the line. You shouldn’t ever feel like you have to force something into existence. If it’s meant to be, then any sort of relationship shouldn’t be started under false or somewhat manipulative pretenses. Besides, you only said that you and him have exchanged small talk so I get the feeling that your “crush” is solely based on the fact that you think he’s hot. At this point, it’s not like you have anything to lose. If playing games is your thing, then go ahead and try to find ways to make him notice you, but personally I think that’s a huge waste of time unless you’re really lacking in certain departments (no offense).</p>

<p>By all means, ask him to kick it (even as friends) and get to know each other but then STOP WORRYING. Do you think he’s going to be sitting on his phone for 20 minutes trying to decide between putting a smiley face in a text or not? No, so you shouldn’t either. Girls care way too much before they’ve actually developed something and that certainly freaks people out.</p>

<p>The best advice I ever heard was none at all: JUST GO WITH IT.
[and stop caring so much]</p>

<p>-From a fellow female</p>

<p>Btw lmao @6. Def happens.</p>