Yet Another Infernal “Grade My Essay” Post

<p>Just wondering what you all would give my essay if you were grading it. I am aware that I had a couple of spelling errors, and that you impart knowledge upon someone instead of imparting them with it, (grrrrrr! I know this, and would have caught the mistake if I had had time to proofread!) but I don’t think it deserved the crappy grade it got. Thanks in advance to anyone who bothers to help me.</p>

<p>ESSAY PROMPT</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below:</p>

<p>Many persons believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement, they must forget the past, repress it, and relinquish it. But others have just the opposite view. They see old memories as a chance to reckon with the past and integrate past and present.</p>

<p>Adapted from Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, I've Known Rivers: Lives of Loss and Liberation</p>

<p>Assignment: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>I wrote:</p>

<p>..........Memory is one of mankind’s greatest assets. Without memory, we would be doomed to repeat our mistakes, and those of our forefathers in an endless cycle of intellectual and social stagnation.
..........In Native American tribes the elders were valued highly for their wisedom. It was believed that throughout the course of the gods would gradually impart them with knowledge; therefore, by the time they reached their twilight years, they would have gained wisedom from their memories. A particular African tribe likened memories to the shells they used for their barter system in this tribal saying: “Memories are like shells; the more you have the richer you are.”
..........Memories are also a valuable asset in the business world. When a person applies for a job, they will be asked if they have any experience in the area. Employers fear that without the valuable memories that come from job experience, prospective employees might not perform adequately. Seldom are the young and inexperienced hired over their older and wiser counterparts.
..........The phrase “without a proper knowledge of history, we are doomed to repeat our forefathers’ mistakes” is widely known. Without the benafit that comes from examining the mistakes of others, our society would not be able to move foreward. If the French had not been spurred on by the American Revolution, it is doubtful that they would ever have rebelled against the excesses and abuses of authority of their pre-war leaders.<br>
..........Memories are the forces that guide us through our lives. We draw upon memories to decide what to do at almost every moment of our lives. Our memories give us wisedom from which we can draw clarity and understanding of our world. Memories give us the experience to be successful in the workforce. Additionally, memories allow us to move foreward, as individuals and as a society, by allowing us to learn form the mistakes of others.</p>

<p>P.S. It took up almost the whole two pages, if that matters.</p>

<p>this is just my opinion but i really think the lengthy enough intro + 3 examples + lengthy enough conclusion is the ideal format for it.</p>

<p>oh wait yours is 3 examples... these messages don't indent so i couldnt tell</p>

<p>You're right, shoegal. That was difficult to read. I edited my post and represented the indentation with periods.</p>

<p>Trying to figure out how the inconsistent ETS readers score an above average essay has proven to be very difficult. I believe that this essay received a score of 8. To my eye it fits the criteria for a level 4 essay. Examples are competent but not well developed. Not enough analysis for a 5 or 6. Check out Shoegal2's superb essays for models of how to use and integrate three examples into a cohesive and insightful essay. You can find her examples on the Official Essay Thread.</p>

<p>I'd say 8 too.</p>

<p>haha i feel so flattered</p>

<p>is a score of 8 average?</p>

<p>Thanks, everyone. Are there any other opinions?</p>

<p>The suspense is killing me! What was your score?</p>