<p>I clicked on this topic because your situation sounds very similar to mine :-)</p>
<p>I “was” diagnosed with AS a long time ago, and my mother believes I have it because I tend to “perseverate” from time to time, and have few if any real friends, but I’ve never believed I had <em>that</em> per se because unlike those with AS who have a tendency to focus in on just one element of a situation, I look at the whole picture. I believe I have <em>something,</em> but not AS, because part of that “big picture” deals with how my family at home is actually more than not the main “culprit” in why I “throw fits” (I actually “threw one” just tonight). I’ve actually NEVER “fallen apart,” as my mother says, IN school, and I’ve come to believe that once the family factor is taken out, I’ll be fine, because I won’t have that nagging anxiety of coming home to worry about once I get accepted at a four-year dorm school (I’m currently finishing up a two-year Associate’s that has taken me FIVE to finish…but for a lot of CC students, it can take up to twenty-five and then some).</p>
<p>So I had an argument yet again with my mother and the rest of the family who are all insisting that I commute to a regional school rather than live away at a dorm or on off-campus housing. They’re even saying I should defer for a whole year and take a job in the interim (because I’ve never had a real “paying job” and have always concentrated on my studies), and THEN reapply (but still to a regional school) once I’ve had a taste of “the real world” – and not only that, but to apply to a more “career-oriented” program of study rather than Creative Writing at Emerson College, which I’m geared towards right now. I live in SE MA and really, Boston isn’t that far from where I live, but the interactive format of Emerson’s programs (they really encourage extracurricular activities, and even limit class time and/or integrate the clubs within the classes so that students can get involved) feels just so “right” for someone like me who IS into “the big picture” rather than a traditional Liberal Arts or English major degree. </p>
<p>1) I absolutely hate classical literature and can’t stand reading another Faulkner or Hemingway for a snooze-fest English course. My GPA is a 3.84 and I’ve been encouraged to apply to the more “prestigious” schools, but I’d rather have fun at Caroline’s Comedy Club than be a “Brown” noser at the Ivy Leagues. State schools don’t have enough variety and are really geared more towards the “get-your-paper-get-a-job-work-for-80-years-then-die” assembly line future – exactly what I DON’T want. 2) I don’t want to be an English teacher, EVER, or a professor (which is primarily what an English degree would offer), because all that grading and testing and turning to “the dark side” sounds rather routine and boring and way too structured and dull for me.</p>
<p>So actually, I probably have severe anxiety rather than AS because 1) AS/ASD have trouble understanding others’ expressions/emotions/intents, when I’m actually almost hypersensitive to others’ inward expressions (sounds like a contradictory term, I know), and I really can walk into a room of 50 people and sense almost immediately what at least 40 of them are feeling that very moment. 2) I do see “the big picture” of things, and it feels right now like my family is determined to let my past (how I’ve always been at home) determine my future, but I prefer to take a more expansive approach. So I probably have ADD as well because I’m exactly the opposite of AS/ASD in that I almost CAN’T focus on just one thing at a time. </p>
<p>My mother has said that I’m so “hyperfocused” on attending Emerson and so that’s a classic example right there; however, I liken it to the old adage of “having your heart set” on something and doing whatever you can to achieve a goal. Also, I’ve always been very bookish and intellectual and preferred to read or improve my knowledge rather than hang out with other kids; when I am in class, sometimes I just can’t resist talking about something I’ve read that pertains to the discussion somehow, but even though what I say often falls under the category of “no one cares” or “trivia,” “factoids,” etc., isn’t that just a sign of disciplined study habits rather than an obsessive puzzle freak? </p>
<p>I can’t stand slackers, and a LOT of my classmates CHOSE to either sleep late or ditch class for Dunkin’ Donuts and need “understanding” for why they should have a passing grade and just not study or do the work. I don’t fit well with school-to-work programs, and the bulk of enrollment is in the professional certificates or career options (healthcare, office, dental hygiene, business, elementary ed., etc.). I’m FINALLY getting ready to transfer to a school where I can be with other creative-minded individuals who love the pursuit of knowledge for its own sake, and/or aren’t too keen on classroom time but thrive on extracurriculars and clubs, who don’t like math, and who want a fast track and a kick start in a field doing SOMETHING they enjoy. I don’t think it’s that I have a problem, per se (although isn’t that the credo of the textbook “problem child,” i.e. Charlie Sheen?), it’s just been that neither my current school nor my current home life has really been a good fit. </p>
<p>I was absolutely berated by my younger brother tonight because he wants to go to college and be a PT, which is a “real job,” and “why should Mom waste $40K so you can ‘study’ Creative Writing?” The old what-are-you-going-to-do-with-it argument, and of course, because of how I do “fall apart” (but not in class, mind you), 'WHERE are you going to do it, and it had better be no more than 15 miles from home." I don’t care if you’re an AS with an AA or a grade-A AA A-hole with a BA in BS piled high and deep. When someone is in your face SHOUTING INCESSANTLY THAT YOU ARE AN EFFING FAILURE AND EVERYONE WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF YOU WERE IN LOCKUP OR DEAD, YOU FREAKING ■■■■■■■■ PSYCHO B–CH (as my brother shouted in my face tonight), that’s going to hurt, especially if someone else (my father – <em>his</em> father too) has already done it, did it for several years, and <em>still</em> does it without any regard for the person’s feelings. If I was really devoid of understanding for emotional capacity (as the “syndrome” is said to render one), I wouldn’t have been so hurt, and I would just repeat or echo his words to someone else in the same or similar situation. BTW, my brother’s not AS or ASD, he’s just an A-hole who I’d swear is popped up on 'roid rage and that’s why he’s been so successful at, of all things, the entirely non-competitive, cooperative, understanding sport of FOOTBALL. /sarcasm</p>
<p>AS/ASD are said to have problems with metaphors, figures of speech, and sarcasm and take everything literally, and obviously I don’t. Even in my term papers, my professors have remarked how they are greatly amused by my sense of irony and satire, a literary device that would apparently be all but lost on most AS/ASDs, from what I understand. They don’t see the big picture, so they fail to grasp such turns of phrase. I hate how my mother believes everything the shrinks have told her. It’s completely contrary, I believe, to how the “mother instinct” is supposed to operate, which is that no one but the mother knows her child best, and once the child is grown, he/she comes into a better awareness of his/her own identity. </p>
<p>For the record, my mother wanted to be a nurse when she initially enrolled in school, but has never been very assertive, and basically allowed her family to tell her what’s best for her, and so she became a teacher, met my idiotic, abusive father (whose own father was her boss at one point), and the rest is history. Now everyone in the family has reneged on what they, themselves have said all along, that they DID essentially pressure her to change her major or abort her dreams (when she probably should have aborted her initial fetus, or before that, put a total kibosh on walking down the aisle). In fact, I believe that since I am getting ready to leave the (cuckoo’s) nest, that in itself is a “problem,” because the whole lot of them are very Bates-like (“you don’t upset Mother!!!”) or more appropriately, Corleone-esque (“you don’t go against the family”), and themselves have habits and traits that are just overall really very sick. But whenever there is a change in the paradigm, things go wrong, and tempers flare, insults fly (a textbook Aspy would picture four-letter words with wings, but I don’t), and anyone who dares upset the apple cart (another expression!) is bound to get rotten tomatoes thrown in the face – and stuffed down the throat. Hm, sickly aversive to change, obsessed with sameness…could it be my whole family is AS/ASD/OCD/W T F (that last one’s not a clinical diagnosis, LOL…and neither is that one), and I’m the only one who’s “normal” or at least able to recognize that something IS very wrong?</p>
<p>A textbook Aspy might have trouble making comparisons (because of the whole big-picture thing), but I’ve never had trouble adapting the words of others to an existing situation. Case in point – “A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”</p>
<p>I’m just wild about Oscar. But no one seems to have any love for me. :-(</p>
<p>Not to play Oprah (and apologies for the extended rant), but MissPickwickian, I really do, I “literally” do…I <em>feel</em> your pain.</p>
<p>And I just want to let you know: Good luck. We’re all counting on you. :-)</p>
Don’t let others make it worse - that the SE teacher would say something like this just tells me that he/she is not interested in finding out why you are having these meltdowns. That’s not support, that’s just ignorant on his/her part. Come here, talk to us. We will talk to you. </p>