<p>Our daughter did the "Chedva Decision". Better school for her...more money for us. But it really was a good decision and she is thriving there.</p>
<p>I used orjr's great line
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As someone said - you can't do a control group - so just make your decision and allow yourself to enjoy happiness without looking back
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without attribution- :eek:. Sorry. I'm attributing it to you now.</p>
<p>But I'd hold off on telling her you're re-thinking your position until you actually have financial aid offers in hand-- which you probably are.</p>
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The #1 chioce for her now is the "Environmental science and Policy" at Duke. As the parent, how could I deny her of that???
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<p>This is easy - in the words of Nancy Reagan, "Just say no". That is if you are paying out of pocket. If she gets a full ride - maybe.</p>
<p>If your daughter is so brilliant, dedicated, motivated etc - it is ridiculous to think she needs to go to Duke to succeed. She probably is the kind of person who can succeed anywhere. Duke needs her more than she needs Duke.</p>
<p>Why do all these highly gifted kids who strive for "diversity" in a school want to go to a school with a bunch of other kids who think just like they do? Isn't it like being around a bunch of clones all day?
Just something to think about.................</p>
<p>Why would you assume that everyone at Duke thinks the same? Isn't Duke looking for and choosing diverse candidates? (At least to some extent.)</p>
<p>Kind of the hallmark of highly gifted kids is that they DON'T all think alike.</p>
<p>This thread is going so well. I think there are some salient points that could be brought up as far as when, all else being equal, it makes more sense for the kid to choose the merit school. For example, many of the happy stories I have heard of merit school choices involve kids who have an area of focus they are sure they about, with research a big component on occasion. Would those of you know say that this is a good key indicator of a successful choice?</p>
<p>We don't have a control group. Those who make the decision either way and DON'T think it was correct rarely weigh in.</p>
<p>reply to #64. </p>
<p>It is about program design. Many other excellent Enviro sci programs and many excellent environ policy program out there. This one at Duke seems to offer excellent combination. beside, she has been nominated for a full ride at Duke.</p>
<p>I love my S. But, I know that my best gift to him will be that I am never financially dependent on him to support me. So, I look at my financial commitment to his post-HS endeavors as something determined by what I want: S to have a college education and that it be affordable to ME.</p>
<p>Second, my S was NM Finalist and could have attended a great number of public schools at no, or next to no, cost. Those scores to achieve Finalist were by HIS efforts. I was not about to dimininsh his achievements by saying "that's nice, but it really isn't much of an accomplishment since those schools aren't good enough for you."</p>
<p>Third, after HS it was time for S to experience the aspects of adult decision making that consider what something costs v. its value to that adult. By setting a maximum monetary commitment by me to S's higher education, S got to make this analysis. He chose private with very substantial merit over other privates with greater name recognition, but no merit money. The limit I placed on my commitment resulted in him truly having to make his decision about how much debt he was willing to take on.</p>
<p>Fourth, I am trying to take the last steps to force my S out of the nest so that he does not languish in a prolonged adolescence. He knows that my commitment is the amount of the cost not presently covered by the merit money (plus the yearly increase on that portion). His grades are his business, but if he loses merit money he has to figure out how to cover that money. And, what courses my S takes is only his business. That means that he isn't guilt tripped by any changes in his plans that he makes along the way.</p>
<p>OP-- if you fork out more money than you otherwise would to make the Duke environmental experience available to your D, what will happen if she changes her mind? Say she changes majors or drops out? Is that OK with you, or is there going to be a part of you that feels that she didn't live up to her end of what you thought was "the bargain?" </p>
<p>I think that making a child's college "dream come true" is very risky for all these reasons.</p>
<p>EDIT: I just read your post that OP's daughter was "nominated" for a full ride at Duke. If that is the case, and she gets it, what is the delimma?</p>
<p>
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...many of the happy stories I have heard of merit school choices involve kids who have an area of focus they are sure they about, with research a big component on occasion. Would those of you know say that this is a good key indicator of a successful choice?
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</p>
<p>I'm late for a mtg, so let me brief: in my son's case, absolutely. He checked this aspect of the program out ahead of time. As a freshman, he is learning to do research with a prof. doing AI. As well, he is part of a group of students from many different majors interested in AI who are working up a series of workshops to be presented to the community as a whole (if the proposal is accepted).</p>
<p>Note this is NOT a powerhouse AI program or CS program. But he will get what he needs, and wants, and he will graduate with much money in the bank. Since he would like to work for himself, that was a big factor also.</p>
<p>
Seems to work that way quite often, doesn't it? I'd go with "significant indicator" since I am the self-appointed (and annointed) word-quibbler for today.IMO "a good key" seems to make it more of a "litmus paper"- like criteria for decision rather than one of many factors. (Did it turn purple? Yep. Take the merit school.) But to be fair, you did say "a" rather than "the", so ......nevermind. Move along. Nothing to see here. I'm just a quibblin' away..shaboom, shaboom. ;)</p>
<p>the truth about these choices is we will never know, we can only guess about choice B over A or C or D.... Were our choices better than the ones we DIDN'T make? Early on... with the first, that bugged me a bit.. Thank goodness my kids listened even when I didn't think they were...</p>
<p>Both kids before they made their choices had already decided they were going to have the best time possible for college. In their heads there wasn't a make it or break it school that was head and shoulders above all others. They didn't feel their 2nd through 5th choices were failure schools.. just other opportunities... </p>
<p>They had learned a couple things from dad...never want something so bad that you lose perspective and a good time is where YOU make it... Both so far have done just that.. have a great time while getting their education. So I still have a tidge of worry (natural parent hormones) about not choosing this over that, but for the most part, I don't think either will need theraphy because of their education decisions. They might because of me, but that could be for anything I've done to em....</p>
<p>It’s a good thing that there are hundreds of colleges, offering varying levels of financial support, to chose from. Because there is no one right answer. And what might be the right answer for your kid and your family might be the wrong answer for a different kid in a different family. Just because your family wants to say no doesn’t mean that another family shouldn’t decide to say yes – and both families should feel good about it.</p>
<p>I am confident, knowing my daughter, that she would have been fine at a place where we would have paid less money. She is exuberantly happy now, and that makes me happy. </p>
<p>To the OP: I’ve taught at two colleges, taken classes at three different colleges, and can say unequivocally that there were differences in terms of academic quality among these schools. You can find academic rigor in low-ranked schools. But you can also be bored to tears in a college class that is no more strenuous than a high school class (been there, done that). Do I think you should take out huge loans, endanger retirement savings, etc., for a prestige college – no, I don’t. But if you have the money, if spending it won’t put your family into a financial precarious situation, and if your daughter decides she really wants the more expensive program – then yes, sometimes you do get what you pay for.</p>
<p>Everyone faces different choices when it comes to costs versus value. My personal experience has certainly influenced my perspective. I was a semi-slacker during high school. Classes were pretty boring. I was smart enough that I could have easily excelled in all areas. I worked just enough to sort of learn the material. I didn't care much whether I got an A or a B. I never fell into the C category. When it came time for college, I went to an OOS big State U. I continued on a pretty much the same level as HS. Maybe I worked a little harder because I did get a somewhat higher percentage of A's. After a year and a half I transferred to another State U. The second one was much more selective and more demanding. I kept up pretty easily. Toward the end, I hardly worked at all. As expected, I got my Vietnam era draft notice 2 weeks after graduation. Years later, I went to grad school - another big State U. I was pretty much the best in each formal class - without trying very hard. I did develop some enthusiasm for my research, but that was over when I graduated. There is nothing worse than boredom in school. I know my love of learning and enthusiasm needed a more stimulating environment. College should be mostly about being challenged. The actual learning is secondary. When it came time to consider decisions for my D's education, I did not have too much trouble going the way, way more expensive route. I have no doubt that the costs are worth it. She is stimulated, pushed, challenged, on fire and sometimes worried. I expect this experience will affect her entire life.</p>
<p>"She is really passionated about this environmental thing and she started a recycling program at her HS. After classes in each and everyday, at most of school functions, she herself will gather everything from the collection boxes and sort out the things. This makes it impossible to get home by school bus. So DW will have to go pick her up everytime."</p>
<p>When your spouse picks your daughter up in a CAR because your daughter's recycling efforts cause her to miss the BUS, I would imagine the positive effects of your daughter's recycling endeavors are canceled out.</p>
<p>Undoubtably if you compare a private selective college with the low tiers, you're going to find that you get what you pay for. Beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder, it's how good you look compared to the competition. </p>
<p>I'll let S know that the quality of competition in his classes is not that rigorous, as he claws his way up the curve with all the other premeds and engineers at his public U. ;)</p>
<p>doubleplay, I believe your S is at a pretty solid, upper tier State U. Sounds like the right level for him and a more rigorous or more costly option may not have made sense. Along with a difference in students, there needs to be a difference in schools. It is the fit that matters and in my opinion the fit needs to include some clawing.</p>
<p>
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When your spouse picks your daughter up in a CAR because your daughter's recycling efforts cause her to miss the BUS, I would imagine the positive effects of your daughter's recycling endeavors are canceled out.
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LOL!! I guess that piece of info won't make it to the resume....</p>
<p>It can be fun to watch young people latch onto a cause. They can show great enthusiasm and the facts don't need to get into the way. Later on we lose a lot of our enthusiasm when we learn about shades of grey and also learn that things are often not what they seem to be.</p>
<p>
[quote]
It can be fun to watch young people latch onto a cause. They can show great enthusiasm and the facts don't need to get into the way. Later on we lose a lot of our enthusiasm when we learn about shades of grey and also learn that things are often not what they seem to be.
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</p>
<p>Ah, yes, the Ronald McDonald House pull-tab collectors.<br>
Print up signs, mail out fliers, collect a few thousand pull-tabs and earn a buck and a half for a good cause.</p>
<p>The fund raising projects aren't much fun to watch. I don't even like the idea of girl scout cookie sales, but enough or we will need to retreat to the parent's cafe.</p>