<p>Cigarettes are bad for you. They smell and you smell when you smoke, or when you're with someone who smokes. I don't get why anyone would smoke cigarettes except if they think it makes them look cool or older. This is a fantasy. You look and are totally the same person whether or not that cigarette is hanging out of your mouth.
If you smoke a lot of pot it messes you up. The damage is not immediate; it's sneakier than that. Yeah, you won't die (unless you smoke that stuff that's dipped in embalming fluid. That's right. The stuff they used on corpses). This isn't meant to scare you. The worse part about smoking pot is it changes you over time. You lose your authenticity -- who you are. You don't get stressed anymore, you just smoke a joint. It's easier to mellow out than to do something. Pretty soon you turn into one boring kid. The truth is, a little stress isn't a bad thing. It helps you grow as a person.
Alcohol is legal but so very dangerous. I can't tell you how many kids I know that drink too much and end up doing things they regret, like having sex with people they barely know, or getting into cars and risking their lives and those of others on the road.
Yes, moderation is a very good thing, and kids will do what kids will do. But the tipping point is a lot closer than you think. When you start to feel really good -- read high or drunk -- you've already crossed the line.</p>
<p>Getting drunk is absolutely not "moderation".</p>
<p>It is physically dangerous and it is emotionally and mentally damaging. Especially for teenagers.</p>
<p>
[quote]
parents, you aren't going to be able to control your kids forever. If you act as if drinking in moderation is a grave offense, the second your kids move away, they may be tempted to over indulge.
[/quote]
baykin, I would like to ask you exactly what I asked lucifer when he made a similar comment:
[quote]
exactly what is meant by "giving him/her more freedom in HS" and a kid being "used to drinking/partying"? Are you saying that parents should look the other way when their kids come home intoxicated, not ask questions about where their kids are going and when they'll be back, not communicate that they don't want their kids to drink in HS? Should parents not impose negative consequences when their kids do drink? In other words, are parents supposed to enable this behavior?</p>
<p>What about when there are younger children at home? It seems to me that saying, "we will tolerate this degree of illegal behavior because we realize that teen drinking is inevitable and we want you to be experienced with partying when you go to college" sets up a situation in which kids will ask, "well, what else can I get away with?" I mean, if parents decide that drinking is okay at 16, why isn't it okay at 14? Or 12?
[/quote]
He never answered me. I'd still like to know the answers.</p>
<p>I got drunk exactly 3 times. I wouldn't exactly consider me to be prone to alcoholism when I get older. I have probably smoked 5 cigerettes in my entire life. Not really an addict when it comes to that either. </p>
<p>But this is where the problem is...parents don't understand that teenage drinking CAN be responsible. The less a parent seems to understand, the more the child wants to rebel. I am not asking to be condoned for my actions, but I think a lot of the parents on this board are jumping to extreme conclusions...something that a lot of parents do.
Including mine...which makes it impossible to talk to them about the situation, and therefore, makes our relationship much more strained.</p>
<p>BTW, nngmm, I am sorry to hear that. What was the posters name?</p>
<p>It is a fact, not an "extreme conclusion", that being drunk is physically dangerous and emotionally and mentally damaging to teenagers, and often to those they come into contact with when drunk.</p>
<p>There is no possible way for drunkenness to be "moderation" or "responsible". Drunkenness simply is not moderate or responsible.</p>
<p>This is a main reason why responsible parents oppose it.</p>
<p>There may be room for discussion about certain aspects of drinking, and why I am taking the approach I am taking. But IMO as a father there is no room for actually condoning or overlooking drunkenness or any other patently dangerous and irresponsible behaviors.</p>
<p>If that means my children feel that I am not open or approachable for discussion about drunkenness, so be it. When considering patently dangerous behaviors, I think it is far more important to take every possible and conceivable step to ensure my children's safety, and the safety of those they come into contact with, than it is to appear to be approachable for discussion.</p>
<p>blawned,</p>
<p>His user name on this forum was Lucifer11287. Do a search, and read his posts. Hopefully, it will have some impact on the choices you make in the future...</p>
<p>blawed, i can see where you're coming from, i mean... i'm only a few years older than you myself and i honestly know where you're coming from... however, if you were my kid, i still would tell you not to go... just because i've been through college recently and i don't think high school kids should be drinking. (nor smoking.)</p>
<p>What are your thoughts on students who party in high school? How have you dealt with your children on this issue?</p>
<p>My thoughts on children who break the law and our house rules?
That they don't respect their parents or themselves.
My job as a parent is to help my children determine and stick to appropriate behavior
controlled risk- like surfing or snowboarding in appropraite areas is ok
uncontrolled risk like smoking and drinking is not</p>
<p>fine...how would you all react if you knew your children went to parties where drinking and smoking occured, but they didn't take part in those activities?</p>
<p>The key for me would be:
1) whether responsible adults were there (ie. parents) and supervising
2)only people over 21 were drinking.<br>
In fact, I've taken my kids to parties where drinking among ADULTS occurred. My son has worked as a photographer at parties where drinks are served. To adults. </p>
<p>Oh, you mean unsupervised parties where kids are getting drunk and fooling around sexually and experimenting with drugs. Nope - too dangerous still.
If anything were to happen at a party where kids were drinking, my kid would be responsible. He/she, just by being there, would be responsible for whatever behavior may occur. That's how the police would see it.</p>
<p>Okay. I guess it really depends on how your parents are... my mom and dad weren't crazy in high school but they remember (clearly) how it is. They know me, and they know i'm not a wild child by any means. They wouldn't have a problem with me drinking a little (not a lot), but they would not want me to smoke at all.. not that I would want to (my mom smokes, from a young age it has just disgusted me). I have never gotten drunk, and never ever ever plan on smoking.. but frankly, if i were to condemn my friends for drinking a.) I would not be invited to parties and b.) my friends would feel like they would have to tiptoe around me and be very careful to even discuss things in my presence. I have been to very controlled parties where there has been some drinking, sometimes in the presence of parents, sometimes not (but the parents were always in the house and were fully aware of what was going on). No one that had alcohol drove home. They were not out of control, hundreds of people drinking from kegs and playing ridiculously loud music parties though.. I think that's just asking for the police to show up. I don't believe that people who drink are "bad" people at all. Drinking to the point of getting drunk is not my cup of tea (actually that would make me extremely nervous) and I think it needs to be handled a lot more carefully than most teenagers realize.
I would not have a party (or other kind of get together where drinking was involved) in my house because of liability issues other people have brought up.</p>
<p>1- if you smoke, many girls will have nothing to do with you romantically, most girls my Ds know, won't date or kiss a smoker- smokers smell gross and their mouths are disgusting, no matter how much they brush, and smokers don't even know they smell bad cause they can't smell themselves anymore, and ask ANY "smoker", they all started out with just that one cig every couple of weeks</p>
<p>2- If you are drunk, you can show bad judgement, and not even now it, so when you claim oh I would never get in the car with a drunk person, if you are drunk yourself, your own judgement is already impaired</p>
<p>3- Convince your parents you are responsible, and should be treated like an adult- well, you aren't an adult, and you are acting childish and vey immarture, even if you think smoking and drinking make you all grown up</p>
<p>So, think about EARNING your parents trust. It may be too late</p>
<p>SO, is this the conversation with your parents:</p>
<p>Mom and Dad, I have ONLY been drunk three times, and just dabbled with cigarettes, I promise on my heart that i will only get drunk 3 more times this semester and only smoke 5 more cigarettes</p>
<p>See how responsible I am</p>
<p>By the way, why do you smoke...please explain the attraction , cause frankly why not just like an ashtray or fireplace...why take that first drag?</p>
<p>I just don't get it, it looks ugly, it smells bad, it looks stupid and sorry, but to me, a pass judgement on smokers, I think they are dumb and have to find some way besides counting on their own personallity to be cool, a kind of crutch</p>
<p>I am concerned with the whole hs partying scene with alcohol. Are you going to parties in homes where the parents are gone? Where are they? </p>
<p>Our kids know that they aren't allowed to go to homes where the parents aren't there (and yes, I check) at any time. We have parties in our home (no alcohol) -- and I'm thrilled when parents call and ask if my h and I will be there. </p>
<p>We had a post-prom party recently and H & I stayed up until 3:30 am -- when the last group departed. We cooked them breakfast and spoiled them rotten -- but no booze.</p>
<p>I encourage parents who (like us) are against teen drinking to open their homes for alcohol free parties. Buy their fav CD's, crank up the stereo, rent a karaoke machine, rent/or make a dance floor, rent/buy a chocolate fountain, have plenty of fav snacks and drinks. If you have a pool table, too, so much the better. (It's cute to see the girls "cheer on" the boys playing pool - and vice versa.)</p>
<p>When the coldest weather disappears, we super heat the pool and the kids party in the day or night. We've had alcohol free teen parties in our home every year since 2001. We had annual pre-teen parties before that. I think if you start with pre-teen parties, the continued "no alcohol" tradition is more accepted to teenagers.</p>
<p>Low attendance has never been a problem. Kids BEG to be invited (and we encourage our kids not to be 'exclusive" -- but we do not let them re-invite anyone who has "misbehaved" at a previous party. Just knowing that misbehavior will prevent future invites is enough to keep nearly everyone "in line". So far, we've only had to "nix" 2 boys from being re-invited.)</p>
<p>BTW, I always take pictures at these parties and include them in our annual XMAS card/letter. That way, their parents can see what goes on at parties at our house.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I don't believe that people who drink are "bad" people at all.
[/quote]
Neither do I, sapphire! But I believe that underage drinkers are doing the wrong thing, for two reasons: 1.) underage drinking is illegal, and 2.) underage drinking is very often dangerous (the reason it's illegal, btw).</p>
<p>Parents don't want to keep their underage children away from alcohol in order to prolong their childhoods, deprive them of pleasure, or dictate their moral beliefs. Parents want to keep their children SAFE, from both the negative consequences of being drunk and the possibility of a school or police record on alcohol-related charges. A mature teen can recognize this.</p>
<p>blawned, you asked how parents feel about their child being present at parties where alcohol is served (I presume to minors) if their children abstain. I feel that my underage kids don't belong there. If I sent them off to such a party, I'd be morally responsible for whatever might happen there, since in fact I'd be condoning the drinking.</p>
<p>I very strongly feel that parents who knowingly permit underage drinking at parties in their homes are complete idiots. I know a few such people, and none of them could think their way out of a paper bag.</p>
<p>Here is a link to a timely article. It's in the St. Louis Post Dispatch, so I don't know how long the link will last. </p>
<p><<<< blawned, you asked how parents feel about their child being present at parties where alcohol is served (I presume to minors) if their children abstain. I feel that my underage kids don't belong there. If I sent them off to such a party, I'd be morally responsible for whatever might happen there, since in fact I'd be condoning the drinking. >>></p>
<p>The BIG problem with this scenario is that at such a party, there are no parents present. That usually means that the party is being held when the parents are out of town and probably don't even know that a party is being held at their house. Would I want my kids (even, if they abstain) to attend such a party? NOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!</p>
<p>Note to the OP:
Please remember where these comments on underage drinking are coming from - parents who are most likely overinvolved in their child's life and thus spend time talking about their child on a forum.</p>
<p>I will say this though - many things can be done in moderation, including drinking alcohol. Smoking cigarettes is not one of them. If you're going to smoke anything, pot is a much better choice (at least when it comes to your health, not so much the [unnecessary] law) - cigarettes yellow your teeth, cause emphesema (sp?) and cancer, contain highly addictive nicotine, increase blood pressure, lower overall physical ability, and tar your lungs. Smoking cigarettes is thankfully becoming frowned upon in mainstream America and is seen less "cool" than it used to be - I'm glad. While extensive research has not yet been done on the detriments of smoking pot, not a SINGLE person has died smoking pot; can you say the same about cigarettes?</p>
<p>I always like the statistics that say not a single person has died from smoking pot, because they are so easily disproven. </p>
<p>Marijuana is responsible for lots of car accidents from driving while stoned; more than a few cases of poisoning from adulterants to the marijuana (since said adulterants are completely unregulated and sellers can add anything they want); more than a few cases of thoat and mouth cancers. (Oh yes, it's true that marijuana is difficult to overdose on--unlike alcohol--but that doesn't make it safe.)</p>
<p>The other problem with marijuana is that, unless you grow your own, you are contributing to criminal groups, which may be selling marijuana for a wide variety of reasons, including fundraising for terrorist activities, to purchase "harder drugs" that disrupt governments world-wide (such as heroin from Afghanistan).</p>
<p>Personally, I'd love to see the US legalize, regulate, and tax marijuana, just as it handles alcohol and tobacco. Prohibition certainly doesn't seem to be working very well.</p>
<p><a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4498419.stm%5B/url%5D">http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4498419.stm</a>
<a href="http://www.nida.nih.gov/Infofacts/marijuana.html%5B/url%5D">http://www.nida.nih.gov/Infofacts/marijuana.html</a></p>