<p>After reading some of this thread, I asked my d. what I should say to her if I found out that she was at a high school party where there was lots of drinking and smoking.</p>
<p>She said I wouldn't have to. ;)</p>
<p>We are to heroin in Afghansistan...thats a stretch, considering we are occupying that country, so my Neighbor who smokes a joint once in awhile is contributing to the herioin production. </p>
<p>pot should be legal. Nuff said. Nothing we imbide for pleasure is safe, but a joint once in a while, a glass of wine- in moderation don't kill</p>
<p>Cigarettes, kill ALOT. Alcohol, depends on the user.</p>
<p>I am sure my D has been at parties with alcohol, I don't like it and neither does she. She cannot control friends of friends of friends, but she learned very quickly which were the parties she wanted to go to, which she avoided because of the drinking and the stupid way people act, much less the dangers involved.</p>
<p>citygirlsmom:</p>
<p>When your dd is at parties with alcohol (I assume she is in hs), where are the parents? Or are these parties held on beaches, parks, (other places than homes)?</p>
<p>Are you comfortable having your dd at parties where no adults are in the house?</p>
<p>kcirsch: << Please remember where these comments on underage drinking are coming from - parents who are most likely overinvolved in their child's life and thus spend time talking about their child on a forum. >></p>
<p>Are you a parent? or a student? </p>
<p>I don't like the suggestion that parents on CC are "over involved" with their kids' lives. I am following in the footsteps of somewhat older parents who have successfully raised law-abiding, successful children who are now adults. Those parents are my role models and they have convinced me that parents need to know what there kids are "up to" and where they are. </p>
<p>The "hands-off" attitude of other parents that I have known has resulted in much heartbreak as they are "shocked" by how their kids turned out.</p>
<p>kcirsch is a student at a Dallas prep school-</p>
<p>I don't think CC parents are overinvolved
we are "networking" with other parents ;)</p>
<p>this is what we do instead of setting up myspace blgs</p>
<p>My kids aren't big partiers
( Must skip a generation)
My oldest I always knew where she was- and my 15 year old is too young to go "out"</p>
<p>Overinvolved is an opinion, not a fact. If you seriously think you are raising a daughter who, when asked what she would say if you asked her about drinking, says "you don't have to", they are either
a) lying
or
b) lacking in the social department.</p>
<p>Not that I'm saying high schoolers have to drink to be cool - but if your daughter has never been to a party where there was alcohol, I just find that kind of sad. Has she ever even BEEN to a high school party?</p>
<p>Actually, I thought the opposite. She already knows quite clearly what I would say. And my question WASN'T about her drinking (read it again - I think you read what you wanted to read, rather than what I wrote - and then you misquoted me). After her first thought, she says my first comment would be 1) Don't get in a car with anyone who has been drinking - even one drink; 2) Call me if you need a ride home; 3) If I'm not home, call a taxi, and that I would gladly pay for it. She has me well pegged.</p>
<p>You, on the other hand, don't know me very well. ;)</p>
<p>i'm from new york city, so i might have a slightly different point of view with this all, but i have yet to meet a child yet who has not at least TRIED drinking and smoking. i have some friends who don't like it, but they made the decision from an informed platform. </p>
<p>i'm not here to tell you what your sons or daughters should or shouldn't be doing, but you really have to be kidding yourself to believe that they haven't looked into their options</p>
<p>all i can say is that it's going to be a lot harder to control your children once they're living out of the house, let alone in an environment such as a college campus, where underage drinking thrives. i guess there's always dry campuses?</p>
<p>Alright, misquoted, but it was more an example than a direct response to you. There are always exceptions to the rule - just like there will always be people responsible enough to drink underage but parents just don't understand.</p>
<p><<<< but if your daughter has never been to a party where there was alcohol, I just find that kind of sad. Has she ever even BEEN to a high school party? >>></p>
<p>My teens have not only been to hs parties but we have hosted many (see my post #35). They go to parties where the parents are there and there is no alcohol served. The parents at my kids' school are very protective when it comes to alcohol.</p>
<p>That said.... don't think that alcohol is "foreign" to my kids. We are French/Italians and in such families, it is not unusual to let kids have a small glass of wine with a pasta dinner or some champagne at a wedding or on new years eve. The thing is to not make alcohol "forbidden". We have no alcoholics ANYWHERE in our family.</p>
<p>I know I haven't gotten many posts that are in my favor, but i do appreciate all of the responses. </p>
<p>I've decided to really try and drop the smoking thing. It is incredibly addicting, and now I crave one whenever I smell it so I think it would be best for me to stop them all together. </p>
<p>I will probably continue to occasionally drink and attend parties, but I'm not going to sneak out anymore. </p>
<p>I think a lot of you parents are a little naieve when it comes to high school parties. Is there supervision? Hell no. There is a lot of beer and hards, and weed. Occasionly there will be harder drugs like coke. If it is outdoors, there are just a lot of drunk people mingling, if it is a house party, there might be some drinking games like beer pong, etc. The parties start late and end in the early hours of the morning. Lots of kids hook up, and the only things that break up these parties are the police and parents. </p>
<p>And by the way, most of the kids in my high school have attended at least one party like this.</p>
<p>first this:
[quote]
But this is where the problem is...parents don't understand that teenage drinking CAN be responsible. The less a parent seems to understand, the more the child wants to rebel. I am not asking to be condoned for my actions, but I think a lot of the parents on this board are jumping to extreme conclusions...something that a lot of parents do.
[/quote]
Then this:
[quote]
Is there supervision? Hell no. There is a lot of beer and hards, and weed. Occasionly there will be harder drugs like coke. If it is outdoors, there are just a lot of drunk people mingling, if it is a house party, there might be some drinking games like beer pong, etc. The parties start late and end in the early hours of the morning. Lots of kids hook up, and the only things that break up these parties are the police and parents.
[/quote]
I find myself wondering about the "responsible" part ... also the "extreme conclusions" parents jump to about high school partying.</p>
<p>Then again, I'm just another "overinvolved" mom ...</p>
<p>I and many other parents here may be naive about what our children sometimes do or consider doing when they are away from us.</p>
<p>But we are not at all naive about what occurs at underage parties.</p>
<p>We know perfectly well what goes on. </p>
<p>That is why so many of us are so passionately and firmly against them.</p>
<p>you might want to read the Seattle rave party thread
or this article by some students at a local high school
rave party
I realize that raves weren't being discussed in general- but a similar lack of judgment seems to be present in 'high school' partying</p>
<p>blawned</p>
<p>I still haven't had anyone answer this: </p>
<p>At these parties that you are talking about -- are they in peoples' homes. Where are the parents?? Are they home but just stay in another part of the house and pretend that they don't know what is going on? Are they not home. When I was in HS, alcohol and hooking up parties were always at homes where the parents were "out of town". Is that still the deal today? </p>
<p>Again, NO my kids have never been to parties with alcohol. They have been to many parties but the parents are there and they are PRESENT. But, then again, I too, am just an "over involved parent" Thank God. (When I die, I won't have to hide my face when asked why I didn't care what my kids were up to.)</p>
<p>i know my Ds have both attended parties like blawned described...one girl showed up drunk (14 yo)...and proceeded to collapse on the floor...the mom was there and immediately called the parents to come get their little girl</p>
<p>So even with parents there, and no alcohol at the party, kids do find ways, showing up drunk or stoned, but having a parents their, it can be dealt with...at this one party, the some kids ignored the girl but the responsible ones got the mom, who checked the girls purse, made sure she was okay and called her parents. </p>
<p>I have known moms who have a party, and a drunk kid shows up, with their car. What do you do? You take away the keys, sober up the kid, quietly call the parents- </p>
<p>My Ds have boith told me about being at parties where kids have been drunk, even with parents there, the kids cover for each other</p>
<p>But at least having a parent watching, dealing with kids sneaking in beer, it can be curtailed ALOT</p>
<p>the party where my older daughter told me she had a wine cooler was an overnight with school friends and they were leaving on a school trip next morning.
The mom was there- but apparently ill and in her room- somebody apparently told 'boys' what was happening- they stopped over and brought alcohol, and the girl whose house it was, had difficulty getting them to leave.( she was a senior- and she didn't tell me right away- but when she returned from her trip- it was obvious that something was bothering her- so she spilled)</p>
<p>The parties i attended as a teen- were either out in the woods- of which few are left( thanks to microsoft)- or in someones house- no parents.
Many parties were held at homes of single parents, often single moms working nights- or of parents who were out of town, sometimes they would be held on weekends at a parents home who was spending the weekend with her boyfriend.
There was always a house available- but i don't remember ever being at a party actually with a parent home
It was a simpler time- kegs and some pot were about the extent of it- if it was outside we might have a campfire and roast hotdogs and marshmallows- if it was a big piece of property we might have had a few live bands.
But I did not allow my kids the same latitude i had.
I always knew where my older daughter( & she is 23) was- even when she comes back on breaks as a senior in college- i know where she is- i have the phone # of where she is & her cell # and i have a time of when she will be home.
Its not a control issue- it is a safety issue</p>
<p>Yeah the parties happen when parents are out of town. The ways a person can be responsible while attending these parties are not drinking or smoking, and finding someone to be the designated driver for the night. Although I do attend parties like this pretty often, I rarely drink more than is required to give me a slight buzz. The "parties" that a lot of parents on this board mention aren't parties at all. Those are more....social gatherings. Unless you are a complete loner, everyone has been to those, but a lot of kids have also attended real parties where there is no adult supervision whatsoever and the alcohol is abundant.</p>
<p>People's parents don't tend to go out of town that often around here so most of the houses we have parties at are houses where the parents are in another part of the house and aware of what's going on. Sometimes they come to say hi, make sure everything's fine. People usually end up sleeping over so the parents/housekeeper makes breakfast in the morning
A lot of houses around here have barns or other carriage houses on the property with pool tables, etc so we use those so nothing in the house will get damaged, stained, etc
Also, I tend to agree with those who say that some (or most) kids will go a little crazy in college if they have not had the experience of a party or whatever. I'm not saying this applies to everyone, but I know quite a few people with overbearing parents who feel they need to go behind their back to do things, and when their parents are not around/they go to college and they get their first taste of freedom, they go wild</p>
<p>TEENAGE GIRLS should NOT drink any alcohol whatsoever. Most young girls can hardly tolerate any alcohol, and the slightest bit gets them hammered. Your daughters, with two beers, will literally be putting on striptease shows and making out with other females. Strict parents are absolutely right in regard to YOUNG GIRLS, since their bodies are not built for handling alcohol and drugs.</p>
<p>In addition, young girls' judgment is incredibly skewed with alcohol. And let's not forget the health factor - a couple drinks may send a girl into a puking coma. That is why I agree with you parents who are stern with your daughters.</p>
<p>You can be more lax with your sons. Alcohol is an integral part of a young man's experience, and its effects will often be more appropriate. Not always, but more so.</p>