I’d love to hear about anyone’s experiences who has “gone to college” in their hometown, including living on-campus. This could be from a college student’s perspective or from the parent’s perspective. Benefits? Disadvantages? Did the student remain tethered to old friends and activities, or was the student able to fully engage in college life as if s/he had gone to college further away, like a fresh start?
Context: Although college is still quite a ways away, we suspect that our child would probably do best at a college that is within about a 3-hour drive from home. There aren’t many options based on where we reside, and some of the best options are in the city where we live, not too far from our house. At the same time, however, we value “the college experience” and appreciate others’ feedback on how likely it might be if one’s college is in one’s hometown.
MIZZOU had my major. It worked out great for me. I had a little connection to a few old town friends, but mostly hung with new ones I met at MU. I lived on campus, in a fraternity, all 4 years.
After looking up and down the east coast my S went to college about 20 minutes from home. It was the best fit college and also gave him the most merit money. He dormed on campus all four years.
Before he decided to attend we sat down to talk about his being so close to home. We (parents) promised not to “pop by” when we were in the area, we also agreed to not expect him to come home for birthdays and other smaller things and in return he (S) promised to not use being close to home as a crutch – no stopping by for dinner, to do laundry etc. Basically we all treated it as if he were hours away rather than minutes away. We all kept to our end of the bargain with very few (mutually agreed upon) exceptions.
A couple of times being close was handy (ex. when his computer died I dropped by an old laptop the could use while his was being fixed etc.) but he typically only came home on school holidays.
He saw his HS friends (who were all away at college) when he was home – maybe once or twice someone visited him on campus.
He became fully immersed in college life and had a great four years!!
A rather large percentage of college students go to college commuting from where they lived before college. However, this demographic appears to be underrepresented on these forums.
This is a great question! It depends on the student/parents, of course, but I can relay a positive experience. My parents worked at the large, Big 10 university in our hometown. In those days (not sure about today) there was a generous tuition discount for the children of faculty and staff. This, coupled with the fact that the school offered a world-class education and nearly every major under the sun, made it a no-brainer. I lived on campus for all four years—despite the fact that I could have walked from our house if I’d wanted to. I maintained friendships with a number of people from high school, but made plenty of new friends in clubs, organizations and classes. I could stop in and visit my parents on campus whenever I wanted, but never felt like we saw too much of each other. They never did the ‘dropping in’ . For the most part I do not recall visiting home unless we were on break. I ate in the dining hall and did laundry at my dorm—just like everyone else. I got to have a different experience at grad school (much smaller school…3+ hours from home). Don’t regret either or prefer one over the other. I’d say it’s very possible for this to be an ideal situation!
It’s back in the “olden days,” but I went to a highly respected LAC 10 minutes from my high school and from my home. My 1st year, I didn’t see my family until Thanksgiving, same as every other 1st year (there was no fall break). Once those boundaries between my college life and my family life were established, there were occasions when it was really nice to be close to home, particularly when an elderly relative was ill. So I think if both the parents and students are clear about expectations, it can be wonderful for students when the “right choice” school is close by.
I didn’t, but I’ve found it very interesting that D22 moved CMU down her list because “it wouldn’t even be like going away to college”, having spent so much time on campus.
We live in Chapel Hill, NC, home to UNC. My kids are not interested in going to UNC, but because it is the state flagship there are a lot of local kids who do go there. I think it works out fine. All the kids I know of who go there do live on campus or off campus and not with their parents.
My kid will be attending our flagship university located in our medium-size city. Luckily, it’s a great school and her major program is really nice and suits her needs because the driving reason for her choosing our local college is a chronic illness.
I’ve talked over the years with so many parents whose kids went to school here in town and didn’t commute from home and the majority of them say they hardly saw their children. They all have the full college experience.
Thank you all for the feedback. It seems as though the people who have done this have had positive experiences. Should we fall into this situation, we would definitely want to draw the boundaries as several posters recommended.
My friends’ son thought this was the best part of living near home - going home on Sunday nights to do laundry, have some decent food, and watch the Packers with his dad. He usually brought his cousin too, as her parents lived about 2 hours away. Sometimes the cousin came alone too.
They all thought it was a great benefit.
Many of my friends at CU were from Boulder, but lived at the sorority house. It was great to have their parents nearby if we needed something ‘parental’ like a meal, a place to stay if the sorority house was closed a day before we could move back in, some info on a car repair place or a wedding venue. One sister was LDS and always went home for Sunday supper as it was not served at the house and she wasn’t allowed to spend money on Sundays.
There is no one right way to attend college.
Glad that going home weekends worked for your friend’s son but that was not the college experience my son wanted (or needed).
Each person including the OPs child should do what works best for him/her.
Agreed, lots of local kids at Carolina. On a related note, I’ll add that Duke, UNC Chapel Hill, and NC State are by far the most popular colleges for NCSSM grads (who attended high school in Durham, though many come from other parts of NC).
We did the same as happy1. The local college was not our student’s (or our) first choice simply because it was too close to home and we wanted her to experience getting away. Yet, in the end, the local college was the one that was the best academic and financial fit. It was/is not the best social fit.
We treat our student like she is 2000 miles away. It helps that she doesn’t have a car. We arrange weekly Facetime conversations and otherwise leave her alone unless she contacts us. About six weeks into the semester she got a little homesick and mentioned coming home for the weekend. We resisted the urge to bring her home and, instead, took her to lunch, bought her groceries and dropped her off again. It satiated her need to get away but kept the school bubble separate from the home bubble.
As far as seeing HS friends, most are away at college as well. Many did not come home over Thanksgiving but she hung out with the few that did.
I went to college back in the day at Wayne State and lived at home out of necessity and some friends /GF went to University of Michigan and Michigan State. I actually went to a CC my first year. I needed to work to pay for college. I visited my friends at those schools. Not an issue at all.
My son didn’t want to go to UIUC since he knew like everyone… Lol plus wanted to go away and ended up at Michigan.
My daughter went to 2 Lacs. One 2.5 hours away and one 1.5 hours away. She could of been 1,000 miles away. The nice thing was when the 1.5 hour away school had farmers markets she enjoyed us coming up once in awhile, doing that, going to lunch and in home to walk the dog. It’s was actually perfect. She also could take a bus home that took around 2 hours Ohare then we would pick her up. Also nice when she wanted to bring friends home that have never been to Chicago to see the city… It worked out great for everyone.
A lot depends on the college. If it is a “suitcase school” and the campus empties out on weekends, then it will nod be a positive. My granddaughter goes to Harvard even though she lives just a few towns away. The fact that she lives nearby makes absolutely no difference to her college experience. Her best college friends are scattered all over the country. If anything, being close to home is a plus.
I don’t get the whole bubble thing? I mean if my kids did want to go to UNC I would be happy for them to come home whenever they wanted to — do laundry, pet the cats, chat with mom & dad, whatever. We can easily walk to campus from our house. It would be really weird to say ‘no you can’t come home — you must stay on campus’. My D22 walks to campus all the time from our house now and goes to Franklin Street almost every day where she is frequently assumed to be a UNC student. To bar her from walking or catching the bus to and from campus and home would be weird after she’s been doing that for years.
Folks I know in town whose kids go to UNC don’t have rules about their kids coming home that I am aware of, but most of them seem to want to stay on campus anyway. They want to be with their friends and not their parents, y’know?
Our home will always be open to our kids whenever they want to be here. I think being in town might make my kid less likely to want to come home. I think they would feel reassured just to know it was close by if they needed anything.
We would never pop by unannounced. We don’t roll that way. That’s a pet peeve for us.
I’ll provide an alternate view. We live 25 mins from our state flagship. The kids that we see struggle the most with the transition to college are those who attend the flagship and whose parents allow them to come home frequently. They have difficulty assimilating into the campus community because they don’t see it as “home”. Home is just up the road a bit. They tend to interact with others from their high school who also attend because they are comfortable and familiar rather than being forced into making new friends. They often spend prime college social time (weekends) in their family home instead of on campus. They usually get there, but the transition is rockier and takes longer.
Still, even when they settle in, they haven’t been forced out of their comfort zone as extensively as those students who go away and don’t have the option of coming home or keeping their high school social circle. In the students who venture further away we tend to see more independence.
I see the family value and convenience in going to college in one’s hometown. But to me it often appears to be at the expense of maximizing the personal growth that can come from being on one’s own, meeting new people in a place different from where they grew up. YMMV, of course.
I was just going to say something similar. My daughter has several school friends who live in the same town as the University they all attend. Her friends rarely go home but do occasionally. It works out well for them. However, I see on our parent board kids who go home a LOT initially and it’s not uncommon for them to having trouble assimilating. My daughter struggled a little freshman year and I think being forced to figure it out, instead of coming home when she was homesick, was very valuable for her. Sometimes we would get “I’m lonely and homesick and there is nothing to do tonight” phone calls followed up by a text an hour later when she was having a blast hanging out in someone’s room. Had she been closer she probably would have come home after those calls rather than putting herself out there and getting to know the people around her.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with going to school in your hometown for many kids, though maybe it depends on your kids personality and your relationship with them. With my daughter’s personality and how close we are with her, I think it would have been a bad choice for us. Even settling boundaries and expectations about visits I think we would have had her home more than was probably good for her. However, now that she’s settled, I certainly wish we were closer. There are times when I think just being able to take her out for dinner when she’s stressed would be beneficial for us all.
When I went to UIUC back in the day I was about 2 1/2 hours from home. My parents were told to discourage trips home, and to avoid visits, for about at least a month. This allows the kids time to get settled and forces them to put themselves out there a little bit. I see parents on our parent board who are rushing to campus the first weekend and I always feel bad for those kids.
That’s the time when kids are are struggling to find their place and they need to be there and be present to do that. Also, my daughter always feels a little homesick for a day or two after coming home so I think frequent visits would be disruptive for her. Though maybe being far away makes that worse since she knows she can’t come home again for awhile.
So, I guess my thoughts are it depends on the kid and the family dynamics. I do think it’s important for kids to find their way and parents to allow them to do that. If you have the type of kid who can likely do that relatively easily, it’s probably nothing to worry about at all. If you have a more dependent type (of if you are the type of parent who will have trouble letting them struggle even a little), it might be a struggle. If yours is in-between (like I suspect most are) than I think just having an understanding about how you all see things working would probably suffice.
It most certainly depends on the kid and the family. In our situation, our child wanted to leave home and go to a college 500+ miles away. She wanted to explore a new town, learn to live on her own, experience different weather, solve her own problems, etc. In the end, the local school offered a significant financial package along with other academic opportunities that the school 500+ miles away didn’t.
We had long conversations about how much money a social fit was worth. She chose the financial fit and we agreed to do what we could to help her feel like she was “going away” to college. To this day, she acknowledges the financial benefit but still wishes she would have gone to the other school.
To clarify, our home is always open to our kids. Their bedrooms are intact and we haven’t converted their rooms into gyms, offices, craft or guest rooms. In our situation we realized that her homesickness was about missing family members and not about sleeping in her childhood bed.
Colleges have family weekends, 6-8 weeks after school starts because it is just around the time that students start to feel homesick. They realize that bringing the family to visit the students is healthier for the student’s adjustment than it is for the students to go home.
. For the most part I do not recall visiting home unless we were on break. I ate in the dining hall and did laundry at my dorm—just like everyone else. I got to have a different experience at grad school (much smaller school…3+ hours from home). Don’t regret either or prefer one over the other. I’d say it’s very possible for this to be an ideal situation!