I kid you not. D moved in a day after her roommate. We walked into a room that looked like Pinterest had it coming out of both ends. To the point that the top of her bed and the inside of the dresser and nightstand were the only spots left for D’s stuff.
The first step was to remove roommate’s stuff from under D’s bed. (Roommate’s family had already moved D’s dresser under there, but D wanted it that way, so we left it.)
The second step was to try to reclaim D’s desk. “Momma” (how I will refer to roommate’s mother in the effort to keep these boards PG) got pissed because if we moved the desk, there was no place for her daughter’s TV. It was going downhill from there. We were so relieved when they left to get lunch. They said they were also going to try and find a TV stand.
Third step was to get an RA to come help as D was fighting back tears at that point. The RA pooh-poohed me at first. After coming upstairs, she called in reinforcement. (Plus, she just wanted the other RA to see it as it was truly unbelievable.) Roommate’s family had brought a van, an SUV and a car filled with stuff. The dad said it took them 15 trips with the carts to unload it all. I thought D had overpacked and we took 3. They had put artwork on both sides of the room, filled the bathroom with stuff to the point where they had to put the garbage can in D’s closet because there wasn’t enough floor space left in the bathroom! There were approximately 8 pieces of additional furniture in varying sizes throughout the room. I’m still not sure where the giant full length mirror was supposed to go that they dropped and cracked. The RAs declared the room both in violation of fire code and the room agreement. After the negotiations, D ended up laying claim to about 2/5 of the room, and we decided not to push it further. She does get a whole wall for her artwork, even though we had to move roommate’s desk and nightstand to D’s side of the room in order to give roommate enough space for all her stuff.
I know some day we will laugh at all this (who needs all that stuff?!) but today is not the day.
So please, regale me with your tales of other move ins gone bad. I can’t be the only one who has suffered through all this!
I think I was on the other end of that story when I was a freshman! You would not believe how much stuff I brought to college… including a separate wardrobe because all my clothes couldn’t possibly fit in half a closet! I can make fun of myself and my family now. But, at the time, it all seemed so reasonable to my parents and me. I guess I was their baby, leaving home for the first time, and they wanted to see me taken care of with every comfort they could provide… and they probably had no idea how small a dorm room can be! I was very insecure about leaving home, too, and anxiety about my stuff (I also was crazy about keeping the room locked whenever we weren’t in it-- and no one else did that at my rural college) took the psychological place of anxiety about my own physical and psychological well being.
Luckily, we had a private common room, too, so we had enough room to walk!
If you can try to see the similar anxiety probably driving those parents and kid, maybe you can “bond” with them a little even while gently asserting your daughter’s rights to space and shared control of the room. Good luck!
And yes, you will laugh someday, just as I laughed at myself when I told my husband and son the story.
Did I mention that there’s also about a half dozen throws? As for the furniture pieces, let me see if I can remember them all:
Giant ottoman that holds shoes and works as a step stool into the bed. (somewhat elevated, but not lofted)
Large futon
Console table under the window
Plexiglass rolling cart thing that I cannot figure out the purpose for. (It was surprisingly empty)
Hutch over the desk (which is why they needed D’s desk for the TV)
Small storage ottoman to step on to reach things on closet shelf
Storage cart that the fridge and microwave were put on (fridge and microwave included in room)
Skinny storage cart for next to the fridge and microwave (color coordinated Keurig went on this one)
Plastic drawer unit under the sink (D brought a similar one - they’d planned this)
Second one of the plastic drawer unit in the toilet/shower part of the bathroom.
Waste of space storage tower in the toilet/shower part of the bathroom to hold all roommate’s towels.
Hmmm… I guess that’s actually 11. And all of it coordinated, of course. Fancier bathroom sink stuff than in my house. (Which they’d spread out over both sides of the sink. So I had to move it all to one side so D could have a toothbrush holder, face wash and hand towel on her side.)
They also brought two shag rugs - one giant - that will get filthy (although there is a color coordinated stick vacuum thingie in roommate’s closet), despite us having bought a small rug for between the beds that roommate had approved a picture of before we even bought it.
I wish I could share pictures. According to a text from D, a few people enjoyed a laugh at the contrast between D’s part of the room and her roommate’s. So maybe she’s getting to laughing about it faster than me.
It’s great that the RA had a solution - fire code violation! I love that and got your daughter off the hook for complaining.
My D2’s move in day was a mess. She was originally supposed to live with 3 teammates in a suite style room. The coach asked her to move to live with just one other teammate, but when we got to school the change hadn’t been made. So we waited and waited, and nothing happened. Finally my daughter moved in to her original room (each room was assigned) in the original suite. The kitchenette had an assigned cabinet for each room. That was the space she got, her room and a cabinet.
Every other inch of the suite had been taken by other other girls and their parents. They had racks for the bathrooms and chairs and twinkle lights and TVs with hulu sticks and game boxes and other junk and a rack for lacrosse sticks and paper towels and cleaning supplies and every other thing you can think of plus lots of stuff you can’t imagine ever needing. My daughter had clothes, a pad for her bed, and a blender.
My other daughter moved in first to her room because of a early start program (best $175 I ever spent, getting to move in early and go on a bike trip). She took much less than half the room although it was pretty evenly divided and their desks and wardrobes were built in, the beds lofted.
This is probably the BEST possible start to your daughter’s college career! She can be the roommate of “That girl” in conversation. No ugly silence when she meets new people… she can start with “Can I tell you about my first day?”
Oh man, so glad you called in reinforcements! None of this is remotely acceptable, and it sounds like you guys did a good job of reclaiming space but I’m fighting for your D to get that .5 back!
I think I love your D’s roommate. My DH gets made at me for having 10 pillows on the bed. Now I can tell him someone has 22!! And its probably a twin bed, yes? The mound must be huge!
@TheGreyKing - There is no sympathizing and bonding to be done with Momma. The way she treated D, my son and I (things she said and did - not just the filling of the room) will make it nearly impossible to overcome. My son, husband, and I are in agreement that it was for the best that my husband was not with us for move in. I might have had to post bail before driving home.
@twoinanddone - How did it end for your D? Did things work themselves out, or did she just suck it up. At one point we left to go get ice cream at McDonald’s because we just needed a break. D admitted things were really stressing her out in the room as it didn’t feel like her room.
My daughter got along fine with her freshman roommate this past year, but I did not know it was possible for an 18-year-old girl to own THAT many pairs of shoes!!
Wow! I was definitely entertained by your experience. I hope you all will eventually find the humor in this situation. I give all of you a thumbs up for patience and compromising skills. You all kept calm and exercised more restraint than most parents/students could muster. College life gives students more than just an academic education.
How friendly/unfriendly was the roommate herself? If the latter…and especially if she continues to encroach on your D’s space, might I suggest she start playing some bad background music…like Vanilla Ice, NKOTB, Spice Girls, BeeGees,
And announce if the roommate doesn’t move her stuff back to her side of the room within a set period(i.e. 24 hours), she forfeits it on account “storage fees” for keeping her stuff on your D’s side of the room.
I can also see how one RA I had would have reacted if she saw a roommate act like your D’s roommate. She’d be inclined to read the riot act against the offender/family by citing fire code regs and tell them to either keep it on her side of the room or it needs to be removed from the room and the family needs to make other arrangements for the extra stuff.
So your D’s roommate was channeling Imelda Marcos. Interesting…
My D2’s frosh roommate moved in 3 weeks early for a summer early start program. She had lofted her bed in front of the only window in the room and put her desk under it. Also took the one entire wall they were allowed to put artwork on it and completely covered it with her stuff.
I hope mom is a airplane ride away. Ds first year roommate’s mom was about 30 minute by car. She’s come visit several times a month. Hangout in dorm. Do her D’s laundry. D would come home from class and mom would be there waiting for her daughter.
Roomie also showed up early to rearrange. Roomie claimed half of the room and closet space which would have been fine, except there were three sharing the room.
We’re hoping roommate takes after her dad! He was there, too, and he seemed willing to do what the girls wanted. I know they live in a neighboring state, but I honestly have no idea how far away it is. But I’m sure it’s too close!
@intparent, well, at least your D knew exactly what kind of a person her roommate was, just by walking in the room.
@SuburbMom my story isn’t as humorous as yours, just that when I walked into my room sophomore year, my new roommate and her dad were already in the room, and the moment I walked in they burst out laughing. Turns out she had just unpacked all of her stuff into the dresser on the bottom because they figured no one could be as short as her; we were the same height, just under 5 feet.
