<p>Exactly, ellemenope! What will cause boundary problems in some families can be negotiated maturally in others. If it would be a problem for one’s family, then avoid the process. Others can deal on an equal and congenial plane. for them, this slippery slope handwringing will be unnecessary.</p>
<p>NSM-- no one is going to be with us forever. I still ask my 80 year old mom for advice in some instances. Quel co-dependence! ;)</p>
<ol>
<li><p>we proof read some of our D’s HS papers, and her college essays. Usually she preferred that I do the proofing and not her mom, even though mom was an english major and is a better copy editor, cause mom couldn’t resist adding substantive comment that D usually did not want 
We figured it was legit cause A. Its just proof reading and B. She wasnt getting adequate accommodations for ADHD</p></li>
<li><p>She is a shy kid, and is often more inclined to get help from parents than from formal public sources of help (human sources that is, she has no issues using wiki or whatever). We have therefore for years encouraged her to ask for help from people other than us, and count it a victory whenever she does. When she is in college, it will be important to us that she turn to the college writing center instead of us as part of her maturing process.</p></li>
<li><p>There is an issue here of unfair advantage, I think. What about the kid whose parents CANNOT help with proofing, or math for that matter? While D took AP govt, I made kitchen table conversation about political concepts, US history etc. There is a great deal that an educated parent can do that benefits their kid, that isnt considered cheating on any honor code.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>My suggested solution to that unfairness is a progressive income tax. Not all unfairness in life (even limiting it to the American class system) can be dealt with in the education system. OTOH the sense of those who do well that they have 100% earned it should be kept in check ;)</p>
<p>I wholeheartedly agree with Northstarmom. Asking someone to review your work is smart, but young people do need to find resources other than their parents.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, as a recent high school graduate, this doesn’t surprise me at all… I wrote my college application essays, had a friend and a teacher read through them, and asked them to explicitly answer questions such as “What do you learn about this applicant?”</p>
<p>My parents didn’t revise or edit my essays, but they did point out spelling mistakes -_-</p>
<p>However, many of my peers, who aimed for top tier schools, had their parents WRITE THE ENTIRE ESSAY FROM SCRATCH. It shocked me that they could do this and not feel guilty at all. One even had a friend, an English major, revise his essay completely. I read the before and after essays and the finalized paper looked like something that could be published in a magazine or newspaper.</p>
<p>Would it not be interesting to see the posts written by the proofreaders be subjected to the analysis and editing by their peers in this thread?</p>
<p>Editing by third parties seems to exist because of the inability of writers to catch their own mistakes. It does not, however, eliminate the risk of relying on a poorly qualified editor or proofreader.</p>
<p>
I called my mom about something important yesterday. I’m 45 years old and I still think she has the best advice.</p>
<p>
It’s very hard to catch your own mistakes, particularly when you’ve read something multiple times and know what it is supposed to say.</p>
<p>Holy cow! I really can’t believe some of the vitriol.</p>
<p>I was going to thank Garland and Pugdadkate for their posts - but it seems like I waited a bit too long and things have taken a life of their own. (I still do think that G and P summed it up very well way back then)</p>
<p>Get over it! College is about getting an EDUCATION. Help with that should be the goal - no matter where it comes from (family members may, indeed , be the best source available). Yes, if you’re a journalism major you should be able to proofread etc., but really, if you can’t you won’t last, and if you do it with “help” maybe it’s worth using to get your point across.</p>
<p>I’ll restate my earlier post - there’s a huge difference between helping and doing.</p>
<p>One of my son’s friends is a Jr in college… and he emails his papers and esays home to Mommy for editing/proofreading before he turns them in for grading. His sister is going to be a sophomore in HS this year, and the same thing goes on there. I can’t imagine.</p>
<p>I will gladly review or proofread something if one of my kids asks for a quick critique… but I honestly can’t remember the last time either of my teenagers asked for such assistance… maybe middle school?</p>
<p>Speedsolver:</p>
<p>The related topic of parents writing and/or extensively editing the college application essays is an important one. As a teacher and a parent at a competitive private HS, this is something that I’ve seen often. For this reason, I am somewhat surprised that the top schools place so much emphasis on essays. It just seems unfair to the students that don’t have the resources. It also seems unfair to the students who do have the resources but honorably insist on doing their own work!</p>
<p>That article was interesting but not surprising to me. I agree that the constant communication plays a role in independence, perhaps a negative one if the end goal is autonomy from parents. </p>
<p>I’m the eldest of 4 kids (me, sister, brother, brother) and have always been considered the most independent, hands down. My parents never nagged me to study, rarely checked in with parents of friends I was spending the night with, let me choose my own courses and extracurriculars, etc. That’s not to say they weren’t supportive–on the contrary, they’re quite supportive, they just let me do my own thing. I believe it’s because for the most part I’ve always made good/responsible decisions, and when I don’t, I’m quick to own up to them and learn from them. Consequently, I believe I adjusted quite well to college when I started about 3 years ago.</p>
<p>My sister (1.5yr younger), on the other hand, has always been the one that “needed more parenting.” She’d need to be reminded about schoolwork and exams, my parents kept a close eye on her group of friends (much wilder than mine!), and it’s always seemed like decisions were much more of a team effort with her. She’s adjusted to college just fine (will be a junior this year; I’ll be a senior) albeit a little slower than her big sis. She and my mom talk literally every single day–to the tune of one of them calling me almost constantly to see if I know the other’s whereabouts in the event the latter can’t be reached. In my opinion it’s a little crazy, and my sister is definitely less independent than I am.</p>
<p>But I also wonder…is that harmful? Does one really need to be completely autonomous from parents in order to be a functioning adult? I don’t think so. I think that lots of independence with a phone call approximately once a week (and a long weekend at home every 6-8 weeks or so…only 120mi from home) works wonders for kids like me, and more constant communication works better for other kids. Looks like the author made that point pretty clearly in this article, which is why I overall agree with it!</p>
<p>LOL, it would be a big step forward if I ever had the *chance *to proof/edit…when your kid finishes the paper 5 minutes before it’s due, no time to “help.”</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with asking a parent to take a look at a college paper if they have the time. College was a long time ago for me, but I remember discussing various papers and assignments I was working on at length with my very brilliant parents, getting feedback, ideas, etc. Those were wonderful conversations which, with my dad now dead some 13 years, I cherish. And after college I ran my resume by them, getting some editing and feedback. I wasn’t incompetent – far from it – but I valued their experience and expertise. I have gone on to have quite an independent and successful life, despite all this shameless “coddling” by my parents.
Of course parents shouldn’t be doing the work for their children, but that applies to their time in K-12 as well as college. What’s wrong with taking a look at a paper and giving some feedback?</p>
<p>I’m not in a position to give any substantive commentary to my kids, but I can tell them that they’ve left out a word (in the case of D1) or that the story written for the lit magazine (by D2) might be so scary as to warrant a call from the school psychologist.</p>
<p>“I read the before and after essays and the finalized paper looked like something that could be published in a magazine or newspaper.”</p>
<p>If the quality of the essay doesn’t correspond to the teachers’ description of the student’s abilities, he may be in for a nasty surprise in April. A stellar essay from someone teachers call a mediocre writer will raise red flags, as well it should.</p>
<p>My S does not ask me for help on his writing assignments, but I did work with him on his college essay. His first draft was dry and impersonal, and he resisted my suggestion to make it more about him. When the GC suggested it, then he was willing to rewrite it. I had to goad him to do another rewrite to add some more details, and I ended up doing a heavier than I am proud of edit on it just because I wanted the whole process to be over with.</p>
<p>He writes well on his general assignments, but is not a creative writer (though he writes great poetry!). He was just very uncomfortable with the premise of his essay (he wanted to write about his interests, but chose to do it in an impersonal, academic fashion).</p>
<p>So it was my one and only transgression, and I don’t consider it a serious one. The essay is in his words and voice, and no one would mistake it for a professional, highly polished product. </p>
<p>If he wants any critiques when he’s in college I’d be happy to provide one, but I don’t expect him to ask.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yeah, I think our brains fill in the blanks since we know what we meant. To the person grading it, however, all they see is a word missing that turns a sentence talking about how enduring bullying made you a stronger person into a social Darwinist screed.</p>
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</p>
<p>Yes, but Judgment Day is coming. Are you ready?</p>
<p>i have my mom and grandma look it over for spelling errors i missed (ie: there their they’re or too to two that type of thing), but thats it. I don’t expect them to edit it for me.</p>
<p>You don’t need a parent to catch that. The trouble with asking parental help is, it is so easy to cross the boundary. If there wasn’t much to correct, no boundary need to be crossed and all is well. What if it’s a bad job and a little editing, just a miniscule one could improve greatly? Some will stop there, others may not. How would anyone know? Not too different from public officials not hiring family members.</p>
<p>D is a far better writer than I am. If I wrote her papers, her grades wound go DOWN</p>