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It’s certainly the easiest time logistically … but I believe something like 1/2 of undergraduate degrees go to folks other than kids going 4-5 years right out of college … so it seems for a variety of reasons (money, desire, pursuing other dreams) LOTS of folks take a less direct path to their education.</p>
<p>Michie, I have been in your shoes. It is such a blow when the dreams you have for your precious child get derailed. Last Dec. my 31 year old son finally graduated with a teaching degree, but it was a very long road between 19 and 31! I believe the only reason he took school seriously enough to do well ( he has a learning disability ) is that he finally knew why he wanted to be in school. He had always been an athlete, so I suggested becoming a gym teacher. I remember like it was yesterday the expression on his face. Definitely a light bulb moment. So, even when he had to take classes he had no aptitude for, he pushed through it. I hope your son can find something he is good at and can earn him a living. Meanwhile, you have a lot of company. Good luck!</p>
<p>Tuition money is too precious, imo, whether it is going to a 4-year or CC, to spend unless a kid is motivated and has a specific plan in mind. That’s not to say a specific major, ultimate career goal, etc, but if a kid can’t look me in the eye and say,“I want to be learning right now, I’m committed to doing the work, college is where I want to be because its leading me on the path to my goals,” then I’m not willing to foot the bill, no matter how affordable.</p>
<p>I would say, “I love you, I support the exploration/growing up you still need to do, and you are welcome to live here while you do it. Now, let’s make a plan for how you are going to support yourself, including paying rent here or elsewhere, and moving toward independence. I don’t expect you to achieve that all immediately, but we are going to set up a plan with goals, timeframes, reasonable expectations, etc.”</p>
<p>In other words, you certainly don’t have to go to college to grow up and become a responsible adult, but you DO have to grow up and become a responsible adult, and that requires work and a plan.</p>
<p>Thank you all. Wonderful feed-back! What I realize,is…my son has to figure it out. My heart is in pieces, 'til I know he will be OK.</p>
<p>Have faith in the process of life, Michie. Your son is exactly where he should be right now, so that he can proceed on to where he is supposed to be in the future. He is healthy and alive - enjoy him. You have so much to be grateful for. Don’t surrender to your heart being in pieces over something as minor as this. Save that for the big stuff.</p>