Well S and fiancée will be attending a wedding in SC, near where fiancée is from so maybe they’ll consider those venues too. My mom is beyond being able to fly so would have to attend virtually if it’s not in HNL. She’s 93, so no telling whether she’ll still be in the picture regardless.
Hopefully at SC wedding S can also meet the folks whom fiancée was close to where she grew up. I am sure it’s an important part of her—her roots.
I consider a ‘true’ destination wedding as somewhere with no connections, and often like Hawaii or other destination that requires a fair amount of expense.
Many couple have the issue your DD has, and where they are made sense for them. Congrats to the happy couple.
DD/SIL had wedding where they are (the had a Cathedral wedding where DD belongs as a member) and we are about 100 miles away. Close family traveled in from OOS; many of their friends were local to the wedding. DH and I had just a short list of friends we could invite, and when we knew via RSVP who couldn’t attend, DD would invite more of their local friends (the constraint was the size of the church hall - and we had as many as it could hold plus she had a live 11 piece Jazz Band). The Jazz Band was the ‘splurge’ but was reasonable in cost.
We just were at a relative’s wedding - and we drove in, and also visited relatives and friends in somewhat nearby areas. 2500 miles total traveled and we were gone 9 days.
Have another family wedding next April, but that will be only about 6 hours drive from us in the next state.
I have a nephew getting married next year at The Mansion of Saratoga - they live in Brooklyn and the fiancée’s family and friends are from Long Island. Apparently everyone from that area will be able to take the train up. Groom’s parents and sister are in Chicagoland and Madison, groom’s mother’s brother and family are all in the SF Bay area, groom’s father’s sister (me) and husband are in San Diego, and our son is in Seattle.
Apparently Albany is the closest airport but that would be a connection for us. So I’m thinking we should fly into NY nonstop (Newark?) and drive up. We can try to time it to meet son coming in from Seattle. But it’s a long way off so no planning yet.
They were originally thinking about a destination wedding in the Caribbean (likely Curacao) with only the immediate family. I was in favor of that but only if I would be considered immediate. I suspect with no evidence that the plan changed in deference to the bride’s family.
Since her cancer diagnosis, my daughter rethought the far away destination wedding. She’d really like to celebrate with all of her friends who have been so helpful and not have the very small intimate wedding that they had been thinking of.
Her fiancé has had a harder time letting go of his dream location. It’s just not practical for family or friends. Not just our side but the grooms side also according to the kids.
This way the dog can be part of the wedding also. Daughter mentioned that the venue they looked at was dog friendly.
I have no idea if the grandparents will be able to travel as it is going to be a while. Daughter would like hair 
, although she is open to extensions.
Two of my nieces are also engaged and I wonder if their weddings will be before my kids. It will be interesting where they both decide to get married.
Re: extensions. Nowhere near you daughter’s situation, but here is some experience. Kid had chopped her hair much shorter than usual because she wanted to do the fall 2021 half Ironman… and she did! And then the proposal came, and the couple decided they wanted a summer 2022 wedding. Oops, not enough time to grow out hair. I was amazed how natural her extensions looked. She did go to a very pricey salon with excellent reviews. So it could work!
ETA: their “ring bearer” was a dog. So here is an idea! 
If they are planning a Vermont wedding…late winter and even early spring can be risky in terms of snow. And after the snow…well then there is mud season!
The venue I sent you has a great barn for receptions, but Im not sure there is heat when the weather is colder. The wedding we attended there was mid June. And the couple hit a lucky warm weather thing.
Arlington VT is nice. In addition to the venue I sent you, there are a number of B and Bs in town very closeby for folks. There are also some less costly chain hotels in a town nearby…some of the guests did that.
For a northern New England wedding, I think I would aim for hopefully warmer weather…and if not definitely an indoor venue with heat!
ETA…we were at a family wedding in New Hampshire in August. I was really doubtful but it was FABULOUS. I’ll send you the name if that also. It had the same “feel” as a vermont wedding. Guests were able to fly into Manchester NH, or Portland ME.
Thanks so much! I think it will end up being in May or October. But I’m not in charge, thankfully.
New Hampshire sounds like a great alternative. I have no idea where they are in their planning.
I have to say that the kids are very particular and I am so happy they are figuring this out.
Wedding was perfect in my view. Outside ceremony warm, rained hard while dancing in the barn, later dancing in the moonlight with clear skies. Happy D&SIL!
My dd’s wedding is less than a year away–11/11/23! She swears she’ll do the ceremony outside (they booked a catering hall overlooking the Hudson in Poughkeepsie, NY) but I am keeping my mouth shut about that! Not such a good bet for November in NY! But whatever, I am starting to get excited! She asked me if I would dance with her since she doesn’t have a dad. With pleasure, my babygirl! She has made the most incredible match and I am overjoyed!
@oldmom4896 this year, she would have been fine having an outdoor ceremony in the afternoon on Nov 11! Hoping the same for next year. I’m sure they will have a plan B.
Very exciting !
So excited for you!
Oh for sure, it’s a catering hall and they know how to do weddings! Smile and nod time for me, and I suspect for her fiance!
Can’t wait to hear more as it gets closer.
Niece and her DH just had a destination wedding to attend in Jamaica. She said she is getting ‘tired’ of all these wedding attendance costs – their own wedding was local or close to local w/o much travel for many, however the bridesmaids had a ‘destination’ event which was a cost for DD2 who was a bridesmaid - while DH and I drove from states away for the wedding, DDs both flew in. Since her wedding only had groom’s brother’s two kids there/invited, SIL stayed home with their kids while DD2’s BF could not come due to his job. However niece and her DH have two good incomes and got into a new home last year - so critical on the home with the interest rate rise this year. They would not have been able to afford what they got with the higher interest rates.
Is this the general wedding thread? Bumping it up for a question. 
I was thinking of the Whidbey Island transportation and lodging issues.
When my son got married, they picked a very small resort town with few lodging options. It was fortunately the off season but by the time the kids got around to looking at hotel options, most were either booked or very expensive. They didn’t really get a block of rooms but got rooms for themselves and her family.
I didn’t pick the venue but felt really responsible for finding lodging options that were not overly expensive for our side of the family. In the end, I found condos to rent but they were further away than I expected. Some of the family wouldn’t commit in a timely manner and some of the family was upset to be so far away from the venue.
Seeing as my kids did the planning themselves. How much are you invested in helping your relatives to find adequate and affordable lodging for the wedding? Especially when the family is far flung and not local.
I found that in the end, I was stressed. People were angry at my solution and I couldn’t win.
My other kid is getting married and this time I’ll let everyone find their own solution. 
My D & SIL had a lot of out of town friends, so she was really proactive about reserving room blocks. The wedding was in a major city, but not one with super high hotel prices. She chose two hotels at different price points. In addition, there were a number of other affordable options available should guests choose to stay elsewhere. I was glad that she thought about that as part of her planning. My cousin’s D also got married in a major city with reasonable hotel rates. Like my D, she got room blocks at a couple different hotels with different price points.
It would be a lot harder if the wedding was in a place with few/very expensive overnight options. I guess I would encourage the guests I knew to book early, but I wouldn’t do anything more than that, most likely. Years ago, we went to my cousin’s wedding on Cape Cod during high season. It was expensive to stay, but I guess we didn’t have to go if we couldn’t afford it.
Problematic is when airline issues delay people. DD was at a New Year’s Eve engagement party (the wedding will be very small, so this was the big shebang) and attendance was smaller because of missed/canceled flights.
I had heard nephew/future wife were having trouble getting a wedding block of rooms - but did get one at a new Home2 Suites by Hilton, reasonable room rate. The knot web site was not listed on their ‘save the date’ but did get the info from SIL. Wedding is the end of April. SIL said the wedding invitations have been printed, so I imagine they will get them out fairly soon (pre-printed envelopes from data base – fancy on the invitation names). Glad to get a ‘jump on it’ with knowing the wedding web site.
I reserved our room immediately, and encouraged DD1 to reserve her room ASAP, as one could cancel liberally. Usually the rooms do get snapped up fairly quickly. Kids are invited, so DD1 will come with her kids (son-in-law is still in his military service training).
When S1 got married, they chose a couple places with varying price points. Most of their friends were young and starting out, and wound up staying with other friends. We had sixteen folks at our house – with people all over the floors, sofas, etc. Do Not Recommend. Fortunately, it was also fun and relationships survived.
S2 and GF got engaged on New Year’s Eve! We won’t have these worries this time. Wedding will be in very remote western Ukraine at a small winery. I think we’ll have four people from our side making the trip. At some point they’d like to have a party in the US, but I don’t think that will be a big shindig, either. Would be a tough trip for his friends and cousins with young kids. There’s a neighborhood bar and grill that would fit the need nicely and would be affordable for them.
Our families and friends have opted for a large Airbnb, big enough for the grandmas and siblings and such.