@deb922 THANK YOU for bumping the thread! I’m exactly in the situation you described (on Whidbey). Family members are asking where to stay; options are limited and very expensive unless distant; hotels are not returning inquiries regarding courtesy blocks, and now many home shares are requring 3-7 night stays. We originally thought AirBnB’s – but same family members need cancellation flexibility. Tough to find an AirBnB when we don’t know how many beds needed, or if they will come at all! Appreciate hearing a similar story at least.
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My new questions for today:
What is expected, tradition, or protocol for treating out-of-town family and guests who are flying to attend a wedding venue? These guests are typically spending a significant amount for airline tickets, lodging and food. Wedding events usually include a meal, but are there other meals or gatherings that the couple (or the parents if hosting) are expected to provide besides the wedding venue? The “rehearsal dinner” typically only covers the wedding party – not all the relatives and distant friends, which could be a significant number.
Related to the above, what is a recommended way to offer to those traveling, to forgo additional gifts? I’ve seen “Your presence is our present”. But other guests still want to gift, and appreciate a registry. If there is a registry, how is this best handled?
I assume all traveling guests typically pay for their own lodging. Correct? Is that also true for the wedding party? Or is it expected that the bride & groom (or parents if they are hosting), cover accommodations for the wedding party?
You will get a lot of opinions - but the most important point is what can your family/couple/situation afford and be willing to do !
I personally like the idea of not calling the night before a “rehearsal dinner” but more a meal after the rehearsal if there is one. At my sons we invited not everyone but most close family and some very close out of town people to a simple catered bbq type meal with a pie bar for dessert. It was sundress casual and SO much fun! The wedding had about 125 guests, the meal after rehearsal about 40.
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No such expectations (B/G paying for others’ lodging) as far as I’m aware. Our kids did pay for a couple of their international guests who otherwise would not have been able to afford to come. But everyone else, including the wedding party, paid out of their own pocket. We did house a couple of young women at our house for a couple of nights because they were not able to find anything suitable at the last minute.
ETA: in our case, B/G hosted two brewpub events the night before in different corners of town so the guests, a bunch of millennials, could pick one more convenient for them to attend.
We have a large family and sons wedding was a minimum of a 6 hour drive for all guests on our side ((about 75 people) Closest airport was over an hour away. Not easy travel but most made the trip and it was greatly appreciated. They all paid for there own lodging but we hosted the rehearsal dinner, then hosted “welcome drinks” immediately following rehearsal dinner, for all at a local bar. Entire wedding guest list was invited, great turn out for all who came on Friday. It was a blast and a great way to thank this who made the trip.
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For the most recent wedding, I was the MOB.
Friday I hosted a bridemaids’ luncheon for the bride’s side of the wedding party and special aunts.
The groom’s family invited all out-owners to the rehearsal dinner, but it was quite a ways from the wedding hotel. (We/bride’s parents paid for two buses).
We organized a 9:30-ish meet and greet in the hotel bar on Friday evening, post rehearsal dinner (to catch up with late arrivals). We did not pay for the bar, but no one seemed to mind.
Saturday: we hosted non-alcoholic refreshments, near the hotel bar, between the wedding and the cocktails/reception.
After the reception, at 10:00 pm - 1:00 am, we hosted an afterparty adjacent to the hotel bar. We provided pizza and refreshments, but not more alcohol as we had paid for a 5-hour bar.
Maybe this helps someone?
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My recent wedding was a destination wedding for nearly everyone in a high cost place (Carmel california during the high season). Most of our friends have pretty high incomes and we had paid decent amounts to attend their weddings— so we had a few room blocks (still expensive) and subsidized the bridal party rooms a bit (~15%).
Since everyone was traveling, we held a welcome party after our rehearsal dinner with appetizers, drinks, and desserts. It was nice to have the extra time to see all of our guests. We considered a brunch afterwards, but thought most guests would want to get up and out. My parents hosted a dinner the night following the reception for family and family friends.
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When our DD got married…we had a rehearsal dinner that the grooms family put on. It two nights before the wedding and anyone who was in town by that time was invited (really just the bridal party, immediate family members, and my sisters).
Then the night before the wedding, we hosted a welcome event just to see everyone. Appetizers and finger foods and desserts were served.
Then the wedding.
The morning after the wedding, anyone who was still there was invited to a farewell breakfast. Many people had to get on the road early so this was not a huge crowd.
Really, it was our choice to host the welcome event and the brunch. I don’t think there is any obligation to do so.
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My daughter and BF are going to a wedding in the Dominican Republic. It is at an all inclusive resort and he is in the wedding. After they pay for the room, everything else (meals) should be included, but the room is almost $600/nt. The groom or his family is paying for the outfits needed for the guys (it is an Indian wedding and I think there are 3 or 4 ceremonies). Daughter has a list of outfits/colors she is to wear (as a guest).
They are trying to cut down on the price by sharing a room but so far no other guests want to do that.
It should be lovely and an experience, but expensive. And they are technically paying for their own meals as it is an all inclusive resort.
My other daughter has been in a few weddings. She’s always paid for her own dress and airfare (if necessary). The most expensive was in Vegas as she had to pay for the (IMO) expensive dress, airfare, hotel, and some meals. It was actually a small wedding but just didn’t work out to be cheap.
First daughter listed has turned down some invitations as they were just too expensive (Rhode Island in July, Annapolis on grad weekend). Relatives might be willing to pay more than friends can afford. She also went to one at the Disney Four Season but didn’t stay at the hotel because all the discount rooms were gone *and they were pretty high too) and it was too expensive.
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Years ago, we passed on attending the wedding of a friend in Vegas. We had young kids, and money was really tight. They both have parents who are well off (hers are wealthy), but they are pretty grounded people and I’m sure would have understood. But we didn’t have to explain - they never asked why we didn’t come.
MOG here, wedding held in our town at our church. We had secured a block of rooms and sent that info with invites; we paid for the MOB’s room and made her reservations, but everyone else paid for themselves.
Friday evening we had an very simple dinner at the church before the rehearsal,included only the bridal party and their partners, MOB and also a guest family that travelled literally around the planet to be at the wedding (so I felt like the least we could do was feed them).
Morning of the wedding everyone did their own thing. Reception was until 10 and I have no idea what everyone else did but I cleaned up until about midnight and until 2am at home.
Sunday morning we hosted brunch for every close friend/family were still around. This was really wonderful and I recommend it!
Otoh, S2 and GF are attending a wedding out west where the whole 4-day event is paid for by the bride and groom. Guests were not informed until AFTER a positive rsvp that their expenses would be paid (except for travel)
Wow, what a generous gesture!
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For D’s wedding we found a reasonably priced hotel close to the venue. I checked it out before-hand to be sure it would be fine. We did not reserve a block of rooms as there was no discounted rate and H and I would have been on the hook for any unbooked rooms in the block - but guests were advised to book a room at this hotel early and most everyone did. We ran shuttles from that hotel to/from the venue. Some of the kid’s friends got Airbnb’s together which was fine as well. There were a few rooms at the venue so immediate family and the small wedding party stayed there. Guests paid for their own hotels with the exception of my parents and my brother who we treated.
Groom’s parents hosted a rehearsal dinner for immediate family and out of town guests Friday night. Saturday guests were on their own during the day and the wedding started at 5:30. We paid for an after-party at a lovely bar at the venue (light snacks, wine & beer included) for the bride and groom and their friends. We also hosted a brunch at the hotel most people were staying at the day after the wedding. That was plenty of festivities for us!
For my son’s wedding in June, we are hosting a ‘night before the wedding’ dinner for family only. The bridal party won’t be there the night before. But most of the family is flying in from out of state so it seems appropriate to host a smaller, more intimate dinner the night before. (There won’t be a formal rehearsal. Is that even necessary except for five minutes of explanation of who walks when?)
I’ve booked a set of rooms for family at a nice hotel, upgraded rooms, close together. If they pay me back, okay. If not, okay too.
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I know that the number of people getting married inside a church has dropped off, but some still are doing so. D & her party appreciated running through things at the church beforehand. One bridesmaid is a doctor who was in her residency & could only get the day of the wedding off. She was able to follow along with the others, so it wasn’t necessary for everyone to be there … but it helped that some were.
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D1 and her fiance have signed the contract at a venue for their wedding which will be May 4, 2024. Let the planning begin!
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Congratulations
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Congrats 
!!
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S and fiancée are tentatively thinking of 11/3/2023–that’s coming up soon! Will have him visiting for a week Tuesday, when we may learn more.
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That’s exciting! Have they decided on location? Hawaii or east coast nearer to fiancee 's family?