2nd semester blues - normal?

<p>I think Wild Child believes go big or go home....</p>

<p>Go Big or go to Utah and live in the woods is more like it!</p>

<p>Yes, I was a Wild Child, but not even in the same league as THIS one. There's a lot more trouble to be gotten into nowadays!</p>

<p>I for one am hoping we're all still hanging out on these boards 10-20 years from now because I absolutely can't wait to find out what kind of an amazing adult Wild Child turns out to be.</p>

<p>At my D's school, they rush second semester and most of the kids seem to go through rush, whether or not they end up pledging anywhere. I think the rush process can be unbelievably stressful, even for those for whom it ends up well. Changes in friend dynamics, etc. Add that on top of choosing roommates for next year.... yes, lots of angst.</p>

<p>I think even at my son's school, where I have heard everything from "there isn't that big of a Greek scene and you're fine here if you aren't inclined to pledge" (spin when you tour the school etc) to " 'everyone" pledges and only the geeks aren't in a house' " (second semester freshman year opinion of WC), rush is a stressor. It all seems to sort itself out by sophomore year.</p>

<p>Rush certainly is a stressor; my d complained about the "roller coaster" effect. ("I didn't get called back to my first choice so I was really upset but then I really liked the one that I did get called back to, so that was really good and fun, but then I only had a bid to one I wasn't crazy about but now I really like them and I'm pledging . . .", all in the course of 1 week!) And now all the mandatory pledge activities, plus classes, plus winter & lots of snow where she is, plus everything else everyone else mentioned! Just writing it stresses me out; I can't imagine how she's living with it!</p>

<p>^^Aaah. She calls you because you are the calm presence in her life, the nonanxious presence...until you both hang up the phone, of course.</p>

<p>D is also having the blues, and with reason. Her dad is critically ill and every time I call she fears the worst. She also seems to have a room-mate problem: very sweet, bright kid, but highly depressive and fragile. Wants to room with D again next year. D doesn't want to hurt her, likes her a lot, but doesn't feel she can cope with this for another year, all the more so if...........
Any suggestions on how to deal with this?</p>

<p>2006 Census figures: for all 26-year-olds (born in 1980, more or less), a little more than half had attempted college, but only just over 25% had completed a bachelor's or higher degree. Half of those who attempt college don't graduate within 7-8 years of HS.</p>

<p>I don't suggest anyone "give up" on their child's college education, but there is a 50-50 chance that it isn't going to happen.</p>

<p>I'd suggest that every parent and student take a long hard look at the reality of what the student has experienced in the freshman year. Some will have to candidly admit, they'd be better off not spending more money and time on something that brings the student down, depresses them or makes them blue or stresses them. At 18-19 it is going to be difficult to change the habits and factors that make up why the first year college experience would not have been a positive one.</p>

<p>Lost that is very difficult all the way along - my prayers are with you all!</p>

<p>How often do you talk with her? Maybe more frequent "just chatting" phone calls would help her to not be so anxious than a once a week, so full of information phone call. Or how about designate a once a week or every two weeks phone call that will be the "dad update" call - I'm sorry I don't know your circumstances. What I'm trying to say, is it might be nice if some of the phone calls were just about her or just about positives. </p>

<p>As far as the roommate, sounds like your D needs someone to be compassionate for HER right now, not someone who is extremely needy themselves. I know this is always hard, but sometimes the few minutes/days of awkwardness when she tells the roommate rooming again is not her choice for next year, would be better than a whole year of misery. She needs to look forward to going back in the fall, not apprehensive...</p>

<p>Good luck to you all!</p>

<p>Thanks, abasket. I try to PM every day with a title that enables her at at glance that there is no bad news, and I phone her during the week-end.
I whole-heartedly agree with you on the roommate issue, but D seems to think she will be cold-shouldered by many for "abandoning Rm". I asked whether among the many, there weren't a few who would cnsider rooming with R rather than just commenting negatively on the situation, but got my least favourite "You don't understand" in return. No, I don't, but I do see that D feels incapable of dealing with any sort of agressive situation right now, and I am afraid that indeed she will have "a whole year of misery" next year.</p>

<p>"HUGS" Lost!!!!!</p>

<p>Lost -- brainstorming new angles for you to try regarding your D's roommate. If your D tells the roommate that she anticipates a rough year for herself emotionally and that HER DOCTOR (or her advisors) recommend she be in a position to lean on others next year. Tell the roommate she's a good person who needs better than that. The roomate might protest that she'd help more next year, but that's dependency not reality.</p>

<p>Ideally, if your D knows a group looking for one more person and could suggest this girl, others might find her strengths helpful. Strengths could be things your D takes for granted, such as quiet, nonsmoking, neat..but others would really prize. It sounds condescending and it is, but if your D can put the situation in terms of it being "better" for the roommate, it will save face and your D doesn't have to feel guilty. Actually it's true; it WILL be better for the roommate. If you can get your D to internalize that, she won't feel like she's lying to her roommate to suggest they part ways for this reason.</p>