<p>After a nice holiday. D is on the road back to school. We went up for parent's weekend in October, but this was her first trip home since August. There's plenty of communication between us (phone calls & AIM conversations). She's VERY happy at school, has great friends, is doing well in classes, is involved, and I <strong>am</strong> happy that she's happy, so why am I so much sadder this 2nd year and how do I pull myself out of this funk? I was doing really well last semester, but this is one is awful!</p>
<p>maysix, it's ok to miss your daugher and feel sad. Just think....she'll be home for the semester very soon!! Neither of our college kiddos came home for Thanksgiving. It was either too far or the student didn't have enough time off...or both. We'll see both at Christmas and we are excited about that....and we're getting ready now. To make myself feel better (not seeing either child), I have already begun to get my act together for December...getting gift lists, going through decorations, putting linens on the kids' beds, writing down foods so that when I go shopping in December I'll remember to get the things they both like (which we just don't buy when they aren't here), etc.</p>
<p>Start something new - join a new group, learn a new hobby, take a new class, get a new pet.</p>
<p>I went through this during the summer - my daughter stayed working at college between freshman and sophomore years. Fortunately, I just transferred into a new position. I also took a class. And I really ran through my Netflix queue. Keep busy!</p>
<p>You can bet I was chomping at the bit to see her at Parents' Weekend. I've already told my husband that when my son leaves for college we'll be getting another dog.</p>
<p>maysix,
I'm puzzled by the same thing. Taking sophomore S to the airport this morning was very sad for me. More so than it was last year. Maybe because this trip home was so nice: very comfortable, no conflict. Then I walked past his room when I got back home and saw that he had MADE HIS BED even though we had to leave pretty early to get to the airport (he never makes his bed) and I wept. I don't know why, exactly.</p>
<p>Not much help, am I? Just another melancholy mom.</p>
<p>~mafool</p>
<p>Chiming in to say that here, too, we feel sadder this year as our sophomore goes back. </p>
<p>I think it has to do, to some degree, with the fact that she is so much better adjusted this year - so much more herself - that the visit was pure pleasure. Last year went well in many ways, but there were plenty of stresses and rough patches, and her visits home tended to be marked by a lot of (utterly understandable) venting, and stress.</p>
<p>So ultimately it's all to the good. But boy do we miss her!</p>
<p>I had the same reaction when my son -- now a college senior -- was a sophomore.</p>
<p>I think it was because we communicated more during his freshman year simply because there was so much newness in his life and therefore more to talk about. By sophomore year, college had become routine, and even though he had no reluctance to talk to me, he simply didn't have as many novel things to say.</p>
<p>I find I communicate more with DS now that he is a sophomore. Last year he needed space to assert his independence. This year he is more of an adult, and easier to get along with in many ways. He has been away since August, didn't get to come home for Thanksgiving. Was originally flying home on 12/13 and just called to say his finals end earlier and could I move up his flight!
He is actually anxious to get home and relax in our boring little town for a while.<br>
I definitely have had to adjust a bit more this year, and take up some new activities that are less kid centered. Perhaps what the others are feeling is the same: the idea that this "kid" is now an adult who will visit but at least in our case where he is now is more like home than home.</p>
<p>Just dropped off a Sophmore at the airport here too. It is always hard when they go back! It feels so good to have the whole family together and to know where he is and that he is getting sleep and eating better, it just feels so good to have them home. When they leave it is like learning to let go all over again. :(</p>
<p>Same here, I'm glad you started this thread maysixxmom. I have been wondering why I feel down, when everything went so well. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.</p>
<p>I'm glad there are more feeling this way! I have found myself progressively sadder each time she goes back....I think the first year I was so worried about her coping (she's doing fine, loves her roommate, is in 2 extracurriculars, doing well in her classes, etc) that I wasn't feeling anything OTHER than worry! But now I am just sad, she does have a whole other life that I won't be part of anymore...</p>
<p>Your posts scare me! I am not a sophomore mom, but just a freshmen mom, and I am feeling quite sad today. And you are saying it is getting worse next year, not getting better?? </p>
<p>I was very fine when he started in the fall, and everythings seems moving fine (although I post some concerns a few weeks back). As BalletMom wrote, I also have some worries/concerns like what if something doesn't work, what if he continues to find negative things in his EC activity group (contrary to our wishes for him to continue), what if he regrets his decision to turn down offers from colleges near home (he expressed his wish for a shorter travel time to home this time), etc., but I am just sad today.<br>
I hope it doesn't get worse in January.</p>
<p>MozartMom-</p>
<p>I don't know that it is worse, but it does feel different, somehow. Maybe because I thought I was used to the drill...and my sadness caught me by surprise. This time it is less about him; he's fine, I know. I guess it's more about me, so it's more inward and melancholy.</p>
<p>WARNING: Complete downer post to follow</p>
<p>It's all I can do to keep from adding up the total number of days I have with her left. When she started college I knew I'd just have holidays and summers. Now the summers are largely gone, too. Last year was Spain, the next two years will be 10 week research jobs, then that last year - between UG and Med school- I'm still holding out some feeble hope. (I know it's delusional.)</p>
<p>Every time I turn around I lose another few days - her room-mate's wedding this next summer will spend some of my precious days. I wasn't counting on that. :( </p>
<p>I'm like a greedy old miser that has lost the ability to protect his horde. And I'm down to my last bag of coins.</p>
<p>Edit: I need a pick-me-up. Has anyone heard anything bad about crack?</p>
<p>I understand exactly how all of you are feeling. We sent sophomore DS back to school yesterday and I spend the night before laying in bed, crying. Why? Because I knew that my time left with him was limited. Last year, it was fun and exciting to have him back home. Here he was, on a new adventure and it was great to talk to him and see how he was doing. This year is different. He has really grown as a person. He is more mature, independent and has made himself a "home" at school. He did not come last summer, chose to stay at school and take classes. He would like to stay again next summer and find employment and do research. Looking ahead, I know he will be home for Christmas this year and next and most likely will be home next year for Thanksgiving. But senior year he will be traveling for med school interviews and then med school starts and that is followed by residency (wherever that may be......) Well, you get the picture. It hit me the other night that he won't be home that much anymore.<br>
Like Cur, I want to be greedy and keep him with me. But I can't...... Cur, when you figure out the pick-me-up, let me know. I can use it too.</p>
<p>I think many of us suffer a version of the sophomore slump... Freshman year it's all so exciting and a bit unreal. I was very sad when D left in August for her sophomore year. "Lucky" for me, she got mono 5 weeks later, withdrew from school and has been home (mostly sleeping) ever since. She of course, can't wait to get back to Boston, her friends, her new life. Sigh. </p>
<p>Dang -- we all raised our children too well.</p>
<p>If you still have parents living, visit them frequently. It will make them happy and model <em>good child</em> behavior. I've just visited my Mom and realize how much she still likes to have me around. I understand it better now that I'm missing my son.</p>
<p>Senior mom here. Sophomore year was the worst. Freshman year we were still all adjusting at Thanksgiving and everything was still hard. Sophomore year peaked in terms of sadness. I still ached so much when she was gone. But the last two years have been easier. She went back Saturday and I am fine. Why? I don't know but I suspect it is because I now know that wherever she is, we'll remain close. Time has proven that. Also, because we passed the halfway point maybe. During the sophomore year, the end is still so far away but then you pass the halfway mark and you realize how quickly it is all going. For a pick-me-up try this -- it's far better to have a child far away who is happy and thriving than to have one who is home and ill or struggling in some way. My oldest is on his own now -- true he is half hour away but when he got his job and was really on his own I found myself elated and hoping that he would never ever feel the need to move back home. This is what all the work is for after all. That said, I'm on tenterhooks about where DD will end up next year geographically.</p>
<p>Two questions.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>It doesn't matter how far your S or D is, does it? I thought the distance is a factor for me, between the east and west coasts, but I guess not all of your are apart this far.</p></li>
<li><p>Probably a dumb question. During you S or D's stay, didn't you say something like 'Oh, I am glad he/she is leaving this weekend'? If not, perhaps I am the only bad mom here. I didn't want to get old problems back into my life, like his back-to-messy room, calling him at midnight to check when he is coming home etc. I am thinking three weeks in December/January might be too long for both him and me, although I am already waiting to see him in a few weeks.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>bethie - I have lunch at my mom's almost every week day.</p>
<p>curmie - Is it ok that you're my CC hero? Sometimes I think you're reading my mind. Counting the days here, too. Spring break is already gone for 2008, she wants to ski (for the first time) with friends. Summer 2008 will probably be research somewhere. I know she'll be here Christmas next month, but I also know how badly she'll miss her new "family". </p>
<p>Like I said, I'm very happy for her being so happy. But I'm also, selfishly, feeling left out (even though she shares information freely) and left behind. I guess it's natural, but I felt so incredibly sad this weekend. Our unusually gloomy weather did not help at all!</p>
<p>Thank you all for posting and helping me feel less crazy. You are gems for helping a relative stranger feel a little better. Bless you all.</p>
<p>MozartMom - D is about 3.5 hours from home. But she might as well be in another time zone as much as we see of her in person.</p>
<p>There is still one vulture in the nest but he is stretching his wings. The other two are making increasingly bigger swings away from it. I love my children dearly (almost fiercely!) and a different piece of my heart breaks each time one of them takes another step into adulthood. I would like to slow the process but the clock only seems to have a fast forward button.</p>
<p>So, I will be happy for them and take comfort in knowing H and I seem to have done right, so far, by these budding young adults. We will continue to be there for them. But we are also starting to think about the things that we will be able to do WITHOUT children. That's not so bad either. I almost remember that time when we could take off at the drop of a hat, with no real planning and DO something. A lot of times, I'm sure, it will still involve "children", but in a very different way.</p>
<p>Okay, I can talk the talk, but I'm not sure I can walk the walk. I'm still trying to figure out how to fill the daily void. I'm slowly reconnecting with old friends (who are also about to enter the empty nest stage). I'm trying to remember the things I liked to do BC. Okay, maybe some things are out as the knee is just toast these days. But I did have a life before children and I will again. Right? Uh, RIGHT!!</p>